Saturday, July 31, 2004

the morning after

My cold is almost gone and I actually slept through the whole night last night. I woke up this morning feeling sort of rested. After a week of feeling beaten up and completely exhausted, it was pretty cool to be getting back to normal. The big black circles I've had under my eyes are starting to fade away too, which is nice.

I didn't bother weighing myself this morning. My eating has been all over the place and I hadn't exercised since last weekend so there really wasn't much point. I'd probably just upset myself if I was up a pound or two and after what I'd put myself through the past few days, I didn't neat the aggro.

Fortunately, the LOG is going away on Thursday. He called his brother after we spoke to him yesterday morning. His brother thought it was a great idea and now they are both looking forward to it. It's not like we're planning to have a big party or anything but it'll be really nice to have the house to ourselves for a change. Today was good too. It rained really heavily all day long so we didn't go out. It felt terrific!! When we got up and started moving around, I wanted to do some cleaning up downstairs and my hunny was making breakfast and doing some other meal prep for dinner and I asked LOG if he was using the tv. He said that he wasn't so we popped our Simpsons 4th Season dvd into the machine and watched that while we puttered. In the afternoon while he had his nap, we vegged on the sofa and watched 3 episodes of six feet under that we had on tape. It's a really small thing I know but it made a huge difference in my state of mind.

I think that everything's going to be just fine. We just have to stop behaving so stupidly. I'm not sure what we were thinking but I'm glad that things seem to be getting sorted out. Better late than never huh??

Friday, July 30, 2004

weird shit

I'm finally starting to feel a little better.  My voice is pretty scratchy and I've had lingering sinus headaches so I'm taking a lot of ibuprofen right now but overall, I'm better.  Of course, this cold happened around the same time that TOM arrived, a week late, and it just made for double the fun.  Work's been pretty busy and everything has just been overwhelming me this week.

I think that the combination of feeling like crap, having work stuff hanging over my head and some stuff we've been dealing with, with the LOG, I'm sort of depressed.  Last night, I just broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.  It happened again this morning and it's kind of horrible.    Logically, I know exactly what's wrong and why I'm feeling the way I do.  Unfortunately, logic and emotions don't talk to one another so the tears kept coming.  I know that my hunny felt terrible for me and I was angry at myself for being upset.  Being upset with yourself for being upset is just really stupid but it's also upsetting so you cry harder.

Missing meals is something that I almost never do but this week, I've been missing a lot of meals.  Meal time comes around and the thought of food just makes me feel sick.  Eventually though, I get hungry and when this happens, I have been making bad choices.  Again, this is making me upset.  It's a vicious cycle.   If this had happened 2 weeks ago, I would have said that it was extreme PMS but it's not PMS, I'm just insane.

The at home with LOG stuff is really weird.  When he first moved in, everything was fine, we would eat meals together, hang out a little bit in the evenings but basically, we'd all go our own way.   Part of the hanging out was that we would watch "our shows" in the living room, with our beautiful home theatre system and if he didn't want to watch, he wouldn't.  Often when he would watch one of his shows (mostly the game show network) we'd take that as an opportunity to hang out on the computer, do some work around the house, or just watch tv in our room.  It's a tiny, two storey house though so you don't really get too far away from one another.  Since my birthday, when I got my new video card, we've been taping stuff upstairs and watching it in our bedroom, effectively keeping us upstairs and LOG downstairs.  It's inadvertently created a weird dynamic.  He'd never say it but he probably feels like we're ignoring him and we're starting to resent the fact that we don't feel comfortable using the whole house.  Of course, this is a completely self-imposed thing that we've done to ourselves and basically, it's sort of stupid.  

Last night after work, we went out to do errands and to pick up some stuff to have for dinner, salad and sandwich stuff.  I really really wanted to have the downstairs to ourselves but there is no way to ask LOG to fuck off upstairs so we can be alone.  Afterall, it was Canadian Idol night and he was going to be camped out in the living room until that was over.  All I wanted to do was put some music on, have something to eat and sit on my beautiful, comfy living room furniture with my hunny and chill out (afterall, I was having the week from hell).  My hunny had an idea, if we put Pulp Fiction on, there is no way in hell he'd stay downstairs.  So we put it on and guess what, he actually got into it.  This little old jewish guy who hates swear words and violence sat there and watched it.  I lost my appetite and started to cry.  It was stupid, I feel stupid writing about it but all I wanted was an evening in my own living room.  Not only could I not get that, I couldn't even eat.  Some of the problem was probably from low blood sugar too, it was nuts.

Part of what is upsetting me right now too, in addition to total exhaustion and stress, is that it's been announced that LOG's brother is visiting next week.    He's also bringing his son and daughter-in-law.  I booked the time so I could be selfish and do things that I wanted to do, needed to do, see some friends I've been neglecting and basically recharging my batteries.  Now, we have to clean the house (company clean, you know? because I barely know these people and I so don't need them judging me) and do a tonne of yard work.  Now this is stuff we were going to do anyway but now we're on a deadline and it's for folks we don't even like.   So fine, they're coming.  I say to my hunny, "what if your dad goes back to Toronto with them for a few days, we can have the house to ourselves for our anniversary (next weekend) and then we can go in to TO and get him on the weekend?"   He thinks this is a great idea, it'd give his dad a chance to see his cousin and some friends.  Fine.  We bring it up this morning and he says, "that's not really convenient for me."   I didn't say a word but I'm sure my jaw hit the ground.  Not convenient because it might interrupt some big Price is Right marathon?  not convenient because he has to scratch his butt next weekend and can only do it at home?? What did that mean??!!  He made a comment too that he didn't even really want them to visit.  Can you believe this??  So I ask him to call and cancel then, if he's not feeling up to it.  He says, "well I'd like to see my brother though."  It's beyond frustrating.   I'm cleaning my house and rearranging my vacation to accommodate people that we don't even want in the house!!!!  He offered to pay for us to stay in a hotel for a couple of days for our anniversary but we really just wanted to be in our house, alone for just a couple of days.  Going to a hotel is not the same.

On the way to work, I had a revelation.  My hunny made a comment about wanting to be able to sit in the living room in his underwear and watch the Simpsons and how he never does it anymore and couldn't do it in a hotel (because I was complaining about how I never listened to music in the shower anymore because I don't want to disturb the house anymore than I already do by working out early and couldn't do that in a hotel either).  We kind of looked at each other and asked each why we weren't doing these things.  LOG never asked us not to do them, we just stopped doing them because we wanted to make him feel comfortable and to be "considerate."  I realize now that by doing this, we've created this weird, tense, false environment in the house and that's why I've been so upset the past couple of days.  I can be phony baloney at work if I have to be but I'll be damned if I'm going to be phony baloney and hide in my room in my own house.  So, we're going to try to be ourselves, the unvarnished versions of ourselves and see how that goes.  

Hopefully it'll be okay.  Hopefully it'll make us feel better and make him feel better too.  If I could figure out a way to get LOG to start drinking soy milk and eating whole grain bread, maybe I can figure out a way for us to be ourselves and keep him happy too.   Whatever happens, I have to get my shit together again.  I need to start eating regular meals again and stop making bad choices when I do eat.  This cold will be good and gone soon and so will TOM and all should return to normal.   I hope so anyway, I really don't want to cry anymore.  At least not this week.  

Thursday, July 29, 2004


I'm getting sick of this rotten cold.   This is getting really boring and tired and old.  This morning, I felt marginally better than I had yesterday morning but my voice is almost gone and I'm coughing a lot.  Hopefully that means that it's on it way out.  I actually got to bed sort of early last night and I'm sure that is why I am not feeling completely beaten up.  Yesterday at work, I felt like crap all day long.  So far today, I just feel weak.

I didn't have an appetite this morning so I missed breakfast.  I actually felt really yucky.  Part of it may be that I ate too much for dinner last night.  I don't know.  I like eating small-ish meals, 3 or 4 times a day.  Since I've been sick though, I'm eating maybe 2 meals a day and one of them is ending up being kind of big.   I just want things to get back to normal and feel better and I'd like it happen soon.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

checking in

I wish I had lots to report right now, but I don't. 

I worked today and probably shouldn't have.  Really, I should have probably stayed home on Monday but I couldn't.  I am booked out next week for some more vacation (yeah, I know it probably seems like I've been off more than I'm working this summer but I wasn't able to take two weeks in a row so I've been spreading it out all over the place) and I have a crap load of stuff that needs to be sorted out before I go.  I would love to be home in bed sleeping and (hopefully) breathing but it's not happening.

Anyway, I did feel like eating this morning so I had breakfast.  I didn't workout but that's only because of that pesky breathing thing.  I'm sure that I'll be fine in a day or two but right now, all I wanna do is sleep.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

still ill

For the second day in a row, I missed my morning workout and breakfast.  I just had no appetite and couldn't breathe well enough to actually exercise.  My ears are plugged up too, which is really fun.

Last night, I was bone-tired by the time I got home from work.  Somehow, I had managed to drag myself through the entire workday.  I barely remember getting into bed last night.  We watched Jimmy Carter's speech (which I thought was brilliant by the way) and the next thing I remember was waking up this morning.  I don't think I moved an inch all night.

Today I'm moving very slowly.  I'm still really congested and tired but I'm getting through my work day. I'm really looking forward to feeling better.  Hopefully it'll happen soon. 

Monday, July 26, 2004

tuckered out

So, not only did I not workout this morning, I didn't eat breakfast.  Last night, I maybe slept 2 hours, in 20 minute increments.  I think that the cold medication I took yesterday, which was of a "night time" variety, worked the opposite on me and left me wide awake all night long.   The cold I have is more annoying than anything else, the feeling of exhaustion is just killing me though.  TOM is late, I've got a sore throat and I've had no sleep.  No fun.

When I finally went downstairs to have breakfast this morning, I couldn't face it.  I wasn't feeling sick but I wasn't hungry at all.  I didn't even want to make myself lunch but I did.  I just ate my lunch actually, even though I wasn't hungry.  I felt like I should have something good to eat, to help fight the cold and help me shuffle through the rest of the day.

Right now of course, I feel as if could put my head down and sleep for 12 to 14 hours.  The weirdest thing about last night is that when I did sleep, I had the weirdest dreams.  So weird that they'd wake me up and I'd feel even worse than I did before.   I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this passes quickly, I'm on vacation again next week and really don't want to be sick for that.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

quick update

This weekend went much much better than last weekend, I'm happy to report.  I had a couple of treats here and there but nothing too crazy or overly indulgent.

I weighed-in officially yesterday morning and I'm down a pound from 2 weeks ago.  To say that I'm really thrilled about that would be a huge understatement, trust me. 

Right now though, I'm going to cut this short so I can crawl into my bed.  I developed my hunny's cold last night and feel like slightly hammered crap right now.  Hopefully it won't get as bad as what he had but it doesn't feel great right now.  Fun, fun, fun huh??

Hope you all had a great weekend!!

Friday, July 23, 2004

the  fog is clearing

I think that my hunny is on the mend.  Staying home yesterday did him a world of good.  I'm pretty sure that this wicked humidity we've had recently made the cold 100 times worse.   Fortunately, the humidity broke mid-morning and there's a million dollar breeze blowing through my office window right now.  I wish I was at home so I could open all of the windows and blow the germs out.  I hope it's still this nice when I get home tonight, LOG wouldn't be able to do it if I called him at home and asked him to.  I hope it stays like this all weekend!!

There is a downside to this sudden change in the weather though.  When I went upstairs to get my lunch out of the fridge (I have to go outside to go upstairs if I use the front door) all I could smell was "chip truck."  You know what I'm talking about??  There is a chip truck located across the field from our building and it smelled disgusting and delicious all at the same time.  Fortunately, I wasn't tempted but boy, it smelled pretty good!

As expected, yesterday was another 100% on track eating day and today, despite being tempted by chips, is shaping up to be the same.  For the first time all week, I had a great night's sleep last night so I'm feeling better right now than I have all week.  Basically, I've been a sleep deprived cranky girl all week, it's not been pretty, I am but it's not!!

I'm not too sure what we're doing this weekend.  Probably not too much of anything if all goes well.   I'm not worried at all about my eating this weekend because I'll never repeat what happened last week, I expect super-vigilance all weekend long.  Here's hoping we all have fun, relaxing, on program weekends!!

Thursday, July 22, 2004

house of germs

There is a cold in our house.  It's so stinking hot outside that you can barely breathe but my hunny is sick as a dog with a summer cold.  You shouldn't be able to get colds in the summer, it's just wrong!!  He is feeling so rotten today, as a matter of fact, that he's home from work.  I haven't said anything to him because he feels so bad already, but I think I'm fighting it.  I've been coughing a little bit and have been kind of stuffed up.   I can't actually tell if it's a cold or just allergies.  Last night though, before bed, I felt sort of achey all over.  Not good.  I'm trying to drink even more water than I normally do right now because if the germs are in me, I want to flush them right out!

Other than the cold bug thing, today is going pretty well.  My eating is 100% on plan so far today and, as I know exactly what I'm cooking for dinner tonight, it'll continue to be on plan, all day.  Right now, I can tell that TOM's arrival could happen at any minute.  I'm not sure how that will affect my weigh-in this weekend, I'm trying not to think about it too much.  After last weekend's debacle, I'll be happy to just maintain this week!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004


Was it just me or was blogger behaving badly earlier today??  While I was on my lunch break at work, I tried to get in and post.  When I couldn't get into blogger, I tried to view this page and wasn't able to.  I could see other stuff but nothing blogger-related.   Now it all seems to be working just fine, strange huh??

My 100% on plan eating and exercising thing is still going strong.  The past two days have presented interesting challenges and I've impressed myself with how I've reacted to them.

My hunny has a cold.  He very rarely gets colds and reacts to them very badly when he does get them.  Every day, after he gets off work, he picks me up.   Now, LOG likes to take us out for dinner one night a week, usually Tuesday or Wednesday.  Last night, when my knight in shining Buick arrived, we discussed whether or not we go out last night and barbecue tonight, or vice versa.   Because the weather was agreeable (and because I really prefer to go out on Wednesday to break the week up) we decided to barbecue.  We were low on bananas and he was craving a bun for his burger so we went to Loblaws.  I'm a firm believer  in feeding a craving when you have it so it doesn't get out of hand, I also think that if a little treat will make you feel better when you're sick, you should have it.  That said, when we got to Loblaws, he went into full-blown "I'm sick therefore I need treats" mode.  I went along with it, I got my bananas and my fat-free honey mustard and he got potato salad, macaroni salad (very small containers only), hamburg buns, hot dog buns (egg with poppy seed -- did I mention that we almost never buy buns??), some other condiments that we were running low on so they don't count as treats and a bag of chili/lime tortilla chips.  Our barbecue consisted of lean beef burgers, grilled zucchini, and some hot dogs.  He and his dad had a great time making themselves gooey cheeseburgers (fat free cheese is all we have in the house, of course) with mayo'y salads and chips 'til their tummies were full.  I had one burger (no cheese) on a bun (because they were whole grain and incredibly fresh), a lot of grilled zucchini and a very tiny amount (probably less than a 1/4 cup) of each salad.   I had no chips, no cheese, nuttin'!!  I didn't feel deprived either, I really enjoyed my meal and was glad to see the two of them enjoying their dinner too.    In the past, I'd have gone along for the ride with them and over ate.  I know now that I don't have to overeat, or make bad choices, when someone else has a craving.  I can save it for when I have my own craving.

A similar thing happened tonight.  We went out for dinner and I had a huge salad that really filled me up.  They seemed full too but wanted to stop off at DQ on the way home for a cone.  I passed on the cone and, instead, had a skinny cow when I came home.  Now, I'm not trying to be a martyr or anything but I'm very happy with myself for the way I handled both of these situations.  It's taking me a long time but I'm getting into this listening to my body thing.  I learned a lot after my mini-binge on the weekend and I never want to have do another "detox" like I did on Monday and Tuesday.  Here it is, Wednesday already, I've had 3 days of perfectly clean eating and excellent workouts and I'm feeling the better for it.  I feel so good right now that you almost wouldn't know that TOM is just around the corner.  That's incredible!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

floating away
Holy smokes, I just realized that this is my 600th post.  That's kind of cool, isn't it??
What a difference a day makes.  I'm feeling much better today than I did yesterday.  I drank so much water all day yesterday though, that I was up and down running to the bathroom all night.  I think it was worth it though, I am sure that I flushed a lot of junk residue out of my system.
My eating yesterday (and so far today) was perfectly on plan, 100%.  I even ended the day with a few calories to spare.  I guess when you load up on that much extra water, you don't need to eat as much!!  Do you find that when you're eating healthy things and generally doing good stuff for your body, that you can "hear" what it's telling you more clearly?  It's been my experience that when I'm not being active, I don't eat as well.  When I don't eat great, I don't listen to my body's cues about what I really need or want in terms of feeding it and moving it.  Crap just dulls all of my senses.  No wonder I was able to get so fat in the first place!  Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing?
Last night we had an incredible stir fry with some smoke turkey.  When we barbecued on Sunday, my hunny smoked some turkey breast fillets before he cooked our dinner.  They were so fabulous and added a really nice smokey flavour to the stir fry (he'd also smoked off a bunch of portabellos and sweet peppers too, yum!).  I highly recommend trying it if you have access to a barbecue (we just use some of those hickory chips you can find near the barbecues in the hardware store).  Not sure what we're doing tonight but it'll probably be barbecue again, if the weather agrees.  It's really nice outside right now but, when I checked the humidex at 5:30 a.m., it was already 27 degrees.  That's just sick and wrong but it's one of the costs of living in such a pretty, waterfront community I guess!! 

Monday, July 19, 2004

I felt so gross last night.   As I lay in bed, my stomach felt hard and I had horrible heartburn.  I was suffering with terrible gas too.  It was not pretty at all and I'm glad that it seems to be passing.  All of the water I drank last night and this morning seems to have helped a lot.
Ordinarily, as you know, I weigh-in "officially" on Saturdays.  This week though, I didn't bother.  I couldn't face it.  I really don't want to step on the scales again until I've had a few good days under my belt again.  Today's going well so far (shut up, yeah I know it's only mid-day) but I expect that it will continue to stay this way. 
In all honesty, I have a carb hangover and it feel gross.  I know that was what was happening last night and it's why I don't have a lot of energy this morning.  Bad choices lead to feeling bad.  Period.  Good choices will make me feel better, on many different levels.
I expect that by this time tomorrow, I'll feel 100% better than I have felt over the past 18 hours or so.  I also promise to never give into PMS cravings like that again.  It'

Sunday, July 18, 2004

weekend wrap-up
It's been hot enough to fry eggs on the pavement here all weekend.  I've spent the better part of the weekend laying around like 3rd base, trying not to do too much.  Of course, I did do some stuff but not any more than was absolutely necessary.
Yesterday, I could tell it was going to be a scorcher when I got up so I went for an early morning walk before I got my day going.   I was only gone about a half-hour because even in the early part of the day it was stinking hot.  Yuck.  In the heat of the mid-day sun, we ventured out for groceries.  We had really let our supplies get down and we needed a lot of stuff, fresh stuff mostly.  It took us a couple of hours to go everywhere and do everything that needed picked up.  By the time we got home, we were both exhausted from the humidity.  I figured that while I was hot and grumpy, I might as well get some housework done (LOG was having a nap when we got in, so it was a perfect opportunity for me to clean the downstairs -- he is usually parked in front of the TV in the living room when I'm home so I don't get many chances to move all the furniture and vacuum properly anymore).  I ripped the downstairs apart, cleaned it and did 5 or 6 loads of laundry.  I was sweating like some kind of sweaty farm animal by the time it was done but I was glad to have tackled it nonetheless.
The rest of the day was spent lazing around, watching stuff I'd TiVo'd and trying to keep cool.  Today was much the same although I did get outside late this afternoon for an hour or so of gardening.  I'm counting that has my exercise for today because I didn't move my lazy ass in anything resembling proper exercise today.  The weeds just go nuts in this heat, it's incredible.  Everything is kind of wilted but the weeds are going strong.  It's pretty crazy but it's July and that's to be expected at this time of the year.
I wish I could say that my eating has been stellar all weekend.  It hasn't been though, I've eaten entirely too many crunchy / salty snack types of foods.  Even though they are of the "baked not fried" variety, I've still consumed too many of them.  I totally know that it's PMS kicking my ass this month.  I feel a little gross right now to tell the truth.  We had a really nice barbecue for dinner tonight (lots of grilled veggies and gorgeous shrimp/pineapple kabobs) but my stomach still feels bloated from all the salty crap I've ingested this weekend.  For the past couple of hours I've been drinking lots of water, trying to flush my system and get back to feeling normal again.  Damned hormones fucking with me like this.  Tomorrow it's totally back on program, 100%.  TOM should be arriving later this week and that will be end of this horror.  Last month was a piece of cake, I don't know why this month has been so hard.  I think it's a combination of having had some holidays (and therefore gotten a little lazy) and the heat draining out my resolve.  I seem to recall this happening last summer during a heat wave.  You'd think that I'd eat lots of fruit and drink lots of water to keep my fluids moving instead of pigging out on stuff that is going to make me retain water.   Oh well, what's happened has happened and tomorrow is a brand new day.  The way I'm feeling right now, I can't imagine that I'll be having any salty treats anytime soon.  The thought of them right now makes my stomach flip-flop.  Ugh. 
Hope your weekend was better than mine. 

Friday, July 16, 2004

back to basics
So last night, we went out for dinner.  My hunny had had an absolutely horrible (beyond rotten) day at work and was literally too drained to cook dinner.  He's a chef and does the majority of cooking at our house.  The stuff he had planned to use for dinner was beyond my culinary skills so his dad suggested that we go out for dinner.   We ended up at Red Lobster.   This is not a place we go very often because we find that it's a little expensive for what you get.  Last night though, we had $40 in gift certificates to put toward it and his dad really wanted to go so we did.  I was surprised that I enjoyed my meal as much as I did.  I had broiled shrimp and scallops, a salad and some rice.  Overall it wouldn't have been so bad but for those buns.  I don't know what they do to them but they are beyond good.  Anyway, I had two of the damned things but seeing how I was so good at avoiding anything deep fried or covered in cheese I didn't worry about it too much.  Balance is the key right??

Well, balance this.... I had more chocolate covered raisins last night.  I have no good reason for doing this.  I have excuses:  PMS, being tired, my foot is still sore, I was bored, I am currently kind of worried about our finances (just for July, we should be straight again next month), blah blah blah.  I'm really not looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.  I mean I will but I'm not looking forward to it like I was last weekend. 
I've noticed that some of the ladies from the weigh-better board have started to post their weigh-ins when there is "news" to report (I guess by news they mean good/happy weigh-ins).  I may start doing that too.  I'm not going to weigh myself every day but I will take a good weigh-in whenever it happens and not put myself through what I did last Friday night. 
Anyway, today is a new day and so far, my eating has been fine.  I worked out this morning (still sore toe and all) and will try to keep myself busy this weekend so as not to get off track.  Wish me luck, goodness knows I need it!!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

sore toes and soft cookies

Yesterday was weird. We moved our offices and I really messed my toe up. I wouldn't have thought that hurting my toe would be so painful but it is. When I woke up this morning I wasn't even sure if I would be able to exercise. As it turned out, I was able to do some of it in sandals. There was just no way that I could have put shoes and socks on, no way at all.

Last night, I guess because my foot was so sore and I was feeling sorry for myself or I was just feeling stupid and vulnerable, I ate a bunch of cookies. It was really weird. After dinner, we had a couple of errands to do for the LOG. One of them involved going to Loblaws. While we were there, my hunny (who has been fighting bad ice cream cravings for a few days now) decides to bite the bullet, buy some Ben & Jerry's and just fuck it. I always say that it's better to feed a craving and nip it in the bud rather than let it go and develop into some horrible binge. We go check out the ice cream and I'm reading labels and looking at low fat stuff and realizing that none of this is appealing to me. So, he's still craving "something" and we head to the candy aisle. Again, I'm reading labels and honestly don't want any of it...same thing happens in the cookie aisle and again in the chip aisle. We decide to go pay for our diet soda and fresh pineapple and leave.

On the way home, we decide to stop off at the Bulk Barn. Now, this particular store is no where near our way home so we're talking seriously out of our way to go there. He is able to find some stuff to feed his craving (honey buttered peanuts) and some cookies (an assortment of cookies which claim to have no trans fat in them). Anyway, when we get home. I ate a bunch of his cookies. I didn't want them, I wasn't hungry or anything but I had them anyway. I'm not beating myself up about it or anything, I just can't figure out how I went from feeling like nothing "bad" appealed to me to eating 3 really large cookies. Again, boredom and self pity probably had a lot to do with it.

So far today though, things are 100% on track and I feel pretty good. Now, if my toe would just stop throbbing, we'd be in business.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004


We moved offices today. Again. Hopefully this will be the last move for a while. I'm pretty tired right now because we were doing a lot of moving stuff around in very high humidity. My foot's killing me too because I managed to rip part of my toenail off while moving a big packing crate.

Oh well, tomorrow's another day. I'm pooped and am heading to bed. 'night all!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


The break has been really nice though. I really enjoyed having one week off, working a week and then having a four day weekend. It's breaking up my vacation time nicely and I'm finding that I'm enjoying the time more than if I just took two or three weeks off in a block. Tomorrow I'll go back to work for 2.5 weeks and then I'll have another break; I'm booked off the first week of August. Nice huh??

I feel full. I definitely ate too much today, or it feels like that anyway. Over the past couple of days, we've been running a weird schedule and the result was that we've eaten out 3 times over the past 2 days. Yesterday, I only ate one meal and today I ate two. When I sat down with fitday and figured it all out, I stayed perfectly within my calorie range but I feel kind of heavy right now. I guess it's because while the stuff I ate was "okay" it was a lot saltier and greasier than I would have eaten if we'd prepared our meals at home. I find that stuff in restaurants, when it's "light" or "low fat" is still not as low in fat or as "light" as we'd make it at home. Anyway, that eating out nonsense is over and done with for this week. We're back to work tomorrow and back into our normal routine.

One good thing that I've noticed over the past few days is that I can totally tell, more by how full I feel than by actual calculation, how I'm doing with food. I still count every calorie and record it all in fitday but I think I could actually not do that and still keep on track. This is a huge revelation that I've made. Now, I still like keeping track of everything in fitday as a way of staying accountable to myself but it's kind of nice to know that my stomach has finally caught up with my brain. Physically, as months and months go by, I'm able to eat less and less. I suppose this is sort of what it must feel like to have wls because my stomach as definitely shrunk, a lot, and I no longer want to overeat. Physically, if I try to do it (either intentionally or not), it is uncomfortable and I just don't enjoy it anymore. Wow, I may actually be developing a healthy, natural relationship with food. Yikes, how cool is that??

Monday, July 12, 2004

it's baaaaaaack!

My machine is back. For the past few days, I've been using my hunny's machine while he's been working on mine. He had to completely rebuild it but it's working really well right now. I have a bunch of stuff that I need to reinstall and we still can't see our network but at least we can both see the net and I can post from very own keyboard. Oh keyboard, you have no idea how much I missed you!!

I was off work today (and will be again tomorrow). I had a lovely day too. I slept in a little later than normal this morning but I did get my workout in. I did WATP for the first time in a long time and really enjoyed it. I forgot how much fun Leslie is!! I have no idea how my calorie consumption is as I haven't calculated it yet. Due to a weird set of circumstances, my eating was all messed up today and I really only had one meal. It was late this afternoon and I haven't figured it all out yet. I'm not too worried though. I almost never do stuff like this. I don't like it all. I hate getting super hungry to the point of having a headache. Getting that hungry can lead to overeating and I definitely want to avoid that. Tomorrow's routine should be a smidgen more normal so I shouldn't see a repeat of that again.

Once again, it's pretty late so I'm heading off to bed. I am loving the summer and enjoying spending time out in our yard but I'm sick to death of the mosquitoes. No matter what I do they are eating me alive. If you can believe it, I have bites all over my wrists and fingers right now. It's just gross and it can go away anytime now. I promise, I will not get upset!!

Sunday, July 11, 2004

hands up

Okay, so I gave in. I had me some chocolate today. Had to, couldn't not do it any longer. I broke down and I bought myself some chocolate covered raisins. They were out of this world delicious. Really fresh, sweet and juicy. I had a small quantity, it filled the craving, and I enjoyed it. I also worked part of my ass off today so I'm not feeling guilty about it at all.

Finally, today, after weeks of procrastinating (and opting to do work inside the house instead of outside), I did my transplanting. Hopefully the stuff I planted won't die on me. At this point, I don't even care. It's in the ground and we'll see how it goes. I lugged and slugged me some dirt today and it felt great to be using my developing muscles in a practical way. I'm tired tonight but it's a good tired, not an exhausted tired. I like the feeling actually.

Right now, it's ridiculously late so I'm going to cut this short. I really want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments and encouraging emails. I love that I can share stuff like the virgin fat and the short thing with others who actually get it. You all rock my world, really!!

Saturday, July 10, 2004

feeling f.i.n.e.

All afternoon yesterday, and most of last night, I drank water like a fiend. I tell ya, I was that frightened of weighing in this morning and I did not want to mess it up. No water is retaining on this body, I tell you what. We made a gorgeous caesar salad and thin crust veggie pizza at home last night. I probably ate too much, truth be told (cuz I loves me some pizza and salad) which is why I started in on the water after dinner.

I only got up twice in the night to pee. Considering how much water I drank, this isn't too bad. The second time, it was really close to when I normally wake up and I felt all nervous, like a kid on Christmas morning. I resisted weighing myself right then. About an hour later, after I'd been up and out of bed and moving around for 30 minutes or so, I pulled out the scale. Somehow, nerves and water I'm thinking, I weighed in one pound lower than I had done yesterday. Don't ask me how but I lost 5 pounds this week. I'm now into virgin fat territory people. It feel sooooo good!!

High on the super low weigh-in, I pulled my workout gear out and went downstairs to exercise. Somehow, I felt that not exercising (even though it was my break day) would fuck up my scale karma. I've been on such a roll recently, I didn't want to chance that. Anyway, I had a terrific session and felt just amazing afterwards. After breakfast though, I kept thinking, "mmmm...Seeing how I lost so much this week, I can go out and buy myself something chocolatey for a treat later." How screwed up is that??? The smart part of my brain went and got another bottle of water. The stupid part of my brain, I'd like to poke with the business end of a freshly sharpened pencil but I suspect that I'll need my whole brain later on.

The battle for chocolate won, temporarily anyway, I started doing some housework and got ready to go out with my hunny to do some errands. For a lark, I pulled out a pair of shorts I'd hung onto, that I've had for probably 10 years. I know that I haven't worn them since probably 1999. Last year I tried them on but they were too tight across the tummy to actually sit down in. Right now, as I type this, I'm wearing those same shorts. Not only that, I wore them out to do errands in too. Again, this feels soooo good!!

The chocolate craving is still in my head. We're going to have a nice barbecue for supper tonight so I'm hoping that will kill it. I think that the craving is just residue from all the sweets I was exposed to last week. Whatever it is, I'm hoping it passes soon, it's starting to annoy me!!

Friday, July 09, 2004

have I told you lately that I rock?

Probably not. Over the past couple of weeks I have been feeling good but the "rockin" feeling hasn't been there. Boy, the last couple of days it has been. How come, on occasion, self-deprivation feels so good?

Yesterday morning, while I was in the no-air-in-the-room meeting, someone brought in home made chocolate chip cookies. They smelled so good and there were two plates circulating around the room. One of the plates kept landing about 8 inches from where I was writing in my notebook and they smelled so good I could feel my mouth start to water. I was strong though, I didn't have any, even though they looked amazing and I know that the person who baked them doesn't have a bunch of cats hanging out in her kitchen and chocolate chip are my absolute favourite cookie.

Fast forward to this morning. Another meeting, this time the room has lovely large windows and a gorgeous breeze is blowing through the place. I walk in, water bottle in hand, and see a big spread of cookies, juice and soda. Why must it always be cookies?? Chocolate cookies with white chocolate chunks, macadamia nuts...regular chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin... Again, they smelled terrific and everyone around me was eating them. They were the large chewy variety as well. I stuck to my guns, sipped my water and didn't have any cookies.

Just as I was feeling really good about myself and was secretly high-fiving myself for not giving into temptation a cake comes into the room. Our Executive Director is celebrating a milestone birthday this weekend so they had a little humiliation ceremony for her. The cake looked gorgeous, white cake and gooey white cream icing, whole fresh strawberries perched upon icing roses, sliced strawberries in whipped cream in the middle of it...little pieces of chocolate sticking out all over the Talk about torture. As they were distributing pieces of this cake around the room, I got offered a piece TWICE. Both times I said no but holy crap, this is out of hand!!

So, while I've had cravings this week, and I've had sweets being shoved into my face for the past few days, I've not given in. Not once!! I've had totally clean eating, I've been 100% on plan all week (I've exercised every morning this week). I did break a promise to myself though and hopped on the scale this morning. I just had to. If I wasn't going to let myself eat cookies, at least I could give into a craving that wouldn't go straight to my hips. Anyway, I know it's not "official" (because I officially weigh-in on Saturdays) but I'm into virgin fat territory!!! According to the scale this morning, I lost 4 pounds this week. Hopefully I won't retain a crap load of water overnight tonight and screw up my official weigh-in. As I type this, I'm chugging water like nobody's business in attempt to avoid just this!! I'd so love to be able to be record what I saw today, tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me, I soooo want to see that again tomorrow!!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

this, I love!

Airlines Offering In-Flight Workouts
By DESMOND BUTLER, Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK - Imagine a cabin full of air passengers, floating high above the Eastern seaboard somewhere between New York and Miami, squeezing their glutes and flexing their pecs.
Well, at least that's what Song airlines envisions.

Starting later this month, for an $8 fee, Song will offer passengers an elastic band and a squeezable ball to use for exercise while sitting in their seat. A how-to manual, designed by star gym owner David Barton, will guide them through a workout.

The stated aim of the program is to convince bored and flaccid travelers to stretch and exercise en route.

But Song's new in-flight exercise regimen is also the latest escalation in a war among low-cost airlines seeking the hearts and minds of young urban professionals flying between New York and Florida.

Launched last year by parent company Delta Air Lines, Song is hoping to sweat it out with rival JetBlue, which recently matched an existing yoga program with Pilates to ease the tensions of contemporary American travel.

Song turned to Barton, 40, to design its exercise program. Heavily muscular and compact at 5-feet-4 and 175 pounds, Barton runs a chain of gyms that are considered among the trendiest and hippest in New York and Miami.

He said in-flight exercise comes naturally.

"Once on a long haul flight to London, I pulled out my band," he said of his first attempt to flex his pecs on board. "I thought people would be annoyed, but they were envious and curious."

With their ball and band, Barton said, passengers can work the whole body in their seats without irritating their neighbors.

"I often wish that the person sitting next to me would have something better to do than talk," he quipped.

Though the passengers have not yet tested the Song effort's appeal, Barton said the early return from flight attendants Barton has trained has been positive.

One admiring trainee gushed. "I did not think that I would get a burn from the short and relatively easy exercises we were doing the other day, but I was wrong," she wrote in an e-mail to Barton. "My bum is still burning."

For Song, the program is in keeping with its marketing approach. Song has steadily tried to one-up JetBlue, which has built a devoted customer base with wide leg room, customer service and in-flight entertainment.

From the get-go, Song executives decided the quickest route to brand loyalty traveled through the hearts of affluent urban women.

The point is not to create a "chick airline," said Tim Mapes, managing director of marketing. But his department believes that "women are so in tune with the needs of their children and spouse, by appealing to women we reach mass appeal."

Song conducted focus groups with "high income" women ages 35 to 45 and auditioned Delta flight attendants who might be "comfortable with self-expression." And they outfitted the attendants in uniforms by designer Kate Spade, instructed them on how to mix an apple martini (for customers) and told them to serve biscotti with the cappuccinos they offer passengers.

Now, thanks to fitness apostle Barton, Song's flight attendants have broadened their skill-set. And some Florida-bound New York passengers will have the opportunity to start sweating before they reach the sunshine.
it's not the heat, it's the humidity stupid

I noticed last summer that the hot weather doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Same thing is happening this year too. Often now, I have to pull on a sweater in an air conditioned room. It's sort of weird for me to be cold in the summer, after years of just dying from the heat. This morning I was in a meeting and I developed a horrible headache because of the weather. It was very stuffy in the room and no one had bothered to crack a window, or turn on the little a/c unit so the air just disappeared by the end of it. Only just now, 90 minutes, much water and my lunch later, is it starting to go away. Yuck-a-rama! Seriously, you could have cut the air with scissors, not good.

I'm happy to announce that this will be another boring post about how my eating is going really well (100% on plan!) and I've been exercising every morning this week. It's boring but it's working for me right now. The last couple of mornings, and I'm not sure if this is because of the weather or not, I've had a really hard time getting going in the mornings. This morning particularly, I just did want to get out of bed. I had to really kick my ass hard to drag it out of bed.

Monday and Tuesday next week, I've booked off for vacation. Today I've been busier than the proverbial one-armed-paper-hanger. The beginning of the week was not too bad but, I'm noticing in this job that everything ramps up at the end of the week. Shouldn't it be the opposite!!??? We're also moving offices again on Wednesday so I'll get to come back to chaos after my long weekend. I'm not going to think about it too much though. My plan is to pull a Scarlet O'Hara and (paraphrasing here) will think about it next week. So there!!

Right now, I'm just thinking about Saturday and my next weigh-in. I'd so love to be back into virgin fat territory but I'm trying to not get too excited about it. Have I mentioned that my rings are getting really loose?? I'm sure that has got to be a good sign and no, I haven't sneaked a peek at the scale since the weekend. I'm being a very good girl. Keep your fingers crossed for me folks, I'd LOVE to be into virgin fat this Saturday morning. If I make it, I'm sure you'll hear me whooping it up wherever you are!!

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

home and dry

We had a torrential downpour this morning. When I was making my breakfast this morning, I noticed a few drops on the concrete in front of the house but it wasn't really amounting to much. By the time I got out of the shower, it was raining cats and dogs. I wish I could stayed in but instead I went to the office and was basically at "work and soggy." Not a great way to start the day exactly but that happens sometimes.

Work's been busy today. Because of the short week last week, there seem to be a lot of meetings happening this week. It's hard to get much done at one's desk when your butt is in a conference room somewhere rather than in your very own chair.

I've noticed this week, that there seems to be a lot of bad shit happening out there in the blogosphere. Break ups, deaths, lost jobs. By comparison, getting wet on the way to work, or having to sit through meetings is totally insignficant. We've had a couple of deaths to deal with ourselves lately, as well as some serious health "situations" amongst close family members. At a time like this, rather than dwell on all the negative stuff that's happening around me, I'm going to take a moment to list the positive stuff instead:

1. I am head over heels in love with a wonderful, supportive man who I know is truly in love with me too.

2. We are both healthy and are working together to get healthier, every day.

3. We are both gainfully employed in jobs that we don't hate.

4. We live within close proximity of our family and have many good friends close by too.

5. Right now, at this moment, I am not without anything that I don't absolutely need (I'm not talking about amazon wish list items).

6. I'm happy.

7. I know and appreciate the value in being lucky enough to be happy, healthy and in love.

We all know in our heads that things can happen in the blink of an eye that can change our lives forever. It can be difficult though, in the busy day to day routine that is our lives, to realize how lucky we are and how tenuous it can be. I'm going to work really hard to not take any of this positive stuff for granted, to appreciate everything I've been given and not dwell on things that don't go my way. Life is far too short to allow the bad to overshadow the good things in this world.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

sunshine day

It's incredibly gorgeous here today. The humidity and oppressively heavy air cleared out over night. Today is just a perfect summer day. Hot in the sun, breezy and cool in the shade, lovely!! So lovely in fact, that I did not want to come back to work after lunch. My hunny ended up being off work today so he came down to the office for a picnic at lunchtime. We found a shady spot, on a bench under a tree.

Again, today has been a perfectly on plan day. I actually did not want to get out of bed this morning but I did (eventually) and had a nice workout before breakfast. The LOG is taking us out for dinner tonight (our weekly routine). I'm not sure where I'm going but I've gotten very good at tweaking menu items to suit my needs so I'm not at all worried about it. Once you eliminate all fried food options (and cheese), it's really not too difficult to stay on plan!

I know it's only Tuesday but so far the week is going really well. Last night, for some reason, I was having some bad cravings. Chips, chocolate, anything and everything. Of course, we didn't have any of these things in the house (thank goodness!!) so it wasn't a problem. It was a bit scary though, I haven't had a craving episode like that in a while. I have noticed though that I always feel better about my program when I'm working than when I'm not. It's all about that routine stuff I was talking about yesterday. When I'm working, even though my days are full and busy, it's easier to find time to exercise and plan my meals out carefully. Not sure why that it is but it is!

Monday, July 05, 2004

I don't mind at all

Some folks find routines boring. I actually used to be like that, I loved it when everything was topsy-turvy and kind of crazy. Nowadays, I loves me some routine!!

I'm back at work today and I'm not actually minding it. I realized this morning how much I am enjoying my new job. It's busy and it's challenging and I'm still learning but (so far - touch wood) it doesn't seem as insane as my old job. I'm liking the pace, I like where my new office is, I like eating my icy cold fat free yogurt at my desk. Today is a very good day so far.

This morning, I woke up exceptionally early. I think I was nervous that I'd oversleep or something so I started waking up, every 30 minutes or so, at 3:15 a.m. The aches and pains I had yesterday had disappeared and I had a really good workout this morning. It was a little sweatier than they've been just recently and it felt terrific. Last night after dinner, we took a walk in the heat and humidity. It actually did not kill me. If you can believe it, I enjoyed it. I'm noticing that I can walk faster and further nowadays and I am not as easily winded as I was last summer. Little things like that just amaze me.

Yesterday, my eating was very good. We only ate two meals yesterday, grilled veggies with egg substitute and tortillas for our big Sunday breakfast and a fabulous barbecue for dinner last night. You might think that a person could get sick of eating grilled gorgeous vegetables but so far, so good. I just heart grilled peppers and squash, yum yum!! I'm 100% on plan today so far. I expect that this week will go very well too, there's no reason why it shouldn't. I'm feeling strong and motivated and focused and just generally happy. As Martha would say, "it's a good thing."

Sunday, July 04, 2004

good mornin'

I was so stiff and sore this morning when I got up, I could hardly move across the room when I first stood up. I'm okay now, moving a little slow, but holy crap on a stick, that gardening stuff knocked me for a loop. I guess it goes without saying that we both slept like the dead last night. There's nothing like sweaty yard work and bug bites to send you into a dreamless slumber, is there?

So, even though I told myself that I wouldn't do it, I hopped on the scale this morning. I wanted to see if that extra pound was still hanging around. Guess what? It seems to have disappeared again. In a way, given all the stuff I did yesterday and, how little I actually ate, I'm not too surprised. Logically, I know that it's normal for your weight to fluctuate from day to day. Knowing this, I try not to step on the scale too often but sometimes I cannot resist. This week though, I'm going to put the scale away in the cupboard and not look at it again until Saturday morning.

Today I am planning on doing very little. I've just thrown my second and last load of laundry in (I did a bunch yesterday too) and the only thing I really want to do today is give myself a nice pedicure. My week off was really nice. It wasn't necessarily relaxing per se, but we did accomplish a lot around the house. I think it was worth the work during my little holiday. Now I know that for the rest of the summer, aside from regular maintenance type stuff, we will be able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labour.

mmmm....fruit, I think I'll go grab some breakfast. Happy Sunday everyone (and to all you yanks, Happy Independence Day!!)!!

Saturday, July 03, 2004

almost sleepy

My skin is literally crawling. Well, not exactly crawling but it's really itchy and I'm trying very hard not to scratch. I just got out of the shower and that seems to have helped. It was hotter than stink today (for my way too long and rambling rant about the weather, please click here). We put off doing the majority of our yard work until around 7 p.m. The yard looks terrific now and it had cooled down considerably but, the downside is that the mosquitoes ate me alive towards the end of it. For some reason, they just love me to bits. I am now proud owner of several bites on the backs of my legs and on my arms. Yay me!

In lieu of a proper workout, much working outside was done, as was much cleaning and moving of stuff inside. I certainly feel like I worked out even if I didn't!! I weighed in this morning and, not surprisingly, I was up a pound. Having popcorn for lunch on Wednesday, and a few meals out this week caught up with me. Early in the week, Tuesday I think, I'd hopped on the scale and was down a pound from Saturday. I think that gave me a sense of false confidence about what I could and couldn't do while I was off. Even when I stay within the upper limit of my caloric allowance, having fatty or salty meals can do this to me. I'm not too upset about it though, after all, I was on vacation and it could have been a whole lot worse. I'm sure I'll drop the pound by my next weigh-in, I'm not letting it get me down!

On that note, I'm heading off to bed. Hope everyone is enjoying their nice long summer weekend so far!!

Friday, July 02, 2004

Friday quickie

Today was a little weird. This morning, shortly after exercising, I was sitting at my computer when suddenly, it crapped out on me. Evil blue screen of death, really not good things happening...Turns out that the NTFS table has been corrupted on my main data drive. Fortunately, the data is still intact, we're in the process of getting some software to help us retrieve it from. What a pain in the bee-hind nonetheless.

While my hunny worked on fixing my machine (which is at the moment working like a dream, sans big data drive), I went out shopping with my mum. I guess everyone had today off too and the stores were packed. Fortunately, I was able to get everything I needed for the weekend as far as groceries go so there is no where we have to go for the next couple of days.

Our handy person comes tomorrow morning to help us finish up with the wiring. We could do it (actually, my hunny is a wiring whiz) but neither of us wants to go up and crawl around in the attic to snake the wires down. Anyway, with this fellow's help, it should only take the two of them a couple of hours to get everything done. At the end of it all, I will have lights in my closets, yay!! The spare room closet I'm not so excited about but our bedroom closet, this will be amazing. In the dark of the winter, I'll actually be able to find stuff in there. Whoop!!

At the moment, I'm feeling very full. We had a great (as in delicious) big dinner tonight. I ate too much but I ate too many veggies so it's not an overloaded / bad carb bloat or anything. Being stuffed with healthy foods feels so much better than being stuffed with junky stuff, doesn't it?

I still haven't gotten around to the gardening but I expect to get at it tomorrow sometime. Most likely, that will be my workout for the day, goodness knows I seem to use muscles gardening that I don't seem to hit working out!!

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Happy Canada Day!

It seems really odd that it's already July. June just flew by in a flash!! We didn't do anything particularly patriotic today (which is okay because Canadians are not really overly/outwardly patriotic folks by nature anyway). We did go out for breakfast though, with the LOG. I ate way more than I should have but we skipped lunch so it all balanced itself out in the end.

The reorganization project continued today. We got the computer desks moved around and it looks really great in our office. There are still lots of unsorted boxes of stuff on shelves behind us but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, finally. Now when I look at the shelves, about half of the stuff is neatly stowed away in plastic tote bins (of course, the other half of the stuff is in cardboard boxes or just piled up). Considering that when we moved into this house, we had two bedrooms full of boxes, to have it down to a couple of shelves worth is a huge feat for us. Our office job was a lot easier to get through that we'd thought it might. One of the biggest part of this job was taking all of our computers apart and labeling all the wires and cables. Now that we know exactly what everything is, it made putting everything back together so much easier (our computers are hooked up to the television in our bedroom so there was a lot of video and audio stuff happening).

It was kind of good that we had this indoors project to work on today because the weather was kind of crappy. It got really muggy and cloudy this afternoon. During dinner, we had a huge thunderstorm with heavy rain. Some areas are supposed to be getting hail but we seemed to have missed out on that (thankfully).

Tomorrow, weather permitting, I'll get into the garden and get a few things cleaned up and sorted out. After that, the weekend should be peaceful. Last week I pulled out a bunch of magazines to read this week, I've not touched them yet. I also picked up a copy of the Clinton book and haven't opened it. Oh well, hopefully I'll more time over the rest of the summer now that these big jobs are out of the way. As I've been saying all week, this busy stuff has helped to keep me out of the pantry and that's definitely a great thing!!