Wednesday, June 30, 2004

lovely day

Happy Hump Day folks!!

We accomplished soooo much today that I feel like dancing around the house. Our bedroom looks terrific. Ever since LOG moved in, we've had these extra pieces of furniture kicking around the upstairs hallway and our bedroom. They didn't go to goodwill because we weren't entirely sure that we weren't going to use them, we just couldn't figure out what we'd use them for. One of the items was a semi-ugly black cabinet that LOG brought with him, the other was a computer desk that my folks gave us (it's actually nice but we weren't sure where to put it). Anyway, at long last, we found a use for the black cabinet, the computer desk is out of the way and our bedroom is totally clean and tidy and it almost looks like it belongs to two grown-ups and not two teenagers who have inherited tonnes of crap from their parents. We also fixed our two wonky dressers and the room looks just fabulous!!

Now that the bedroom is sorted out, we'll spend tomorrow morning re-arranging computer desk and finishing up our big clean up. I've still got some boxes to sort through in our office but the biggest part of it will be done and our handy man is coming on Saturday morning to help complete the wiring part of it. Getting organized feels so good, I'm always kind of disgusted with myself for putting it off for so long when we finally get around to finishing a project.

Last night, after dinner, actually sort of right before bed, we took a nice stroll around the neighbourhood. The weather has been just gorgeous all week and it was so nice to get out and do a good, steady walk, without being fried by the sun or bitten by bugs. This is a terrific time of the year!! This morning I slept in a little bit but I stuck to my same-old routine. I worked out and had breakfast right after. My workout was terrific and I felt great afterwards. The moving of furniture and heavy cleaning followed and right now, I feel really strong and healthy.

For a treat (and because we've been dying to see it, we saw Fahrenheit/911 this afternoon. I wrote a bit about that experience on my regular blog if you're interested. It was the first time in a long time that I'd been to one of the new movie theatres (when we saw Super Size me a couple of weeks ago, that didn't count because it was in an arthouse place that had old/comfy seats). I'd been a little nervous about going to the mega-plex because the last time I'd been in one (in 1999), my ass did not fit comfortably into the seat (what with those stupid cup holder things and all). I was really happy to discover that my still huge ass fit into the seat pretty well. I could actually put a drink into the cupholder while seated. It's silly, but it was very cool for me!! Seeing how we had worked through lunch, I decided that I was going to have unbuttered popcorn and a diet coke for lunch. Not the healthiest of choices I know but it was really yummy and I counted every calorie. I just calculated what I ate today and I came in under my daily allowance for today. I may just treat myself to some strawberries later on (we got some more locals yesterday and they are divine!).

Overall, I'm really pleased with myself and how well I've been coping with the time off this week. Last Friday, I was a little nervous about facing a whole week without a routine. As we all know, lack of routine can spell chaos for those of us on this journey. I also wanted to say thank you to all of you lovely folks who have been leaving me such encouraging comments and sending sweet emails my way. The support and encouragement that I've been receiving means more to me than you'll ever know!

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

so far so good

After all of the stressful months of transition and being overloaded at the office, it feels weird to have a few days off. Not too weird but a little odd all the same.

Yesterday I worked very hard around the house, physically mind you, my brain was not exactly strained. It felt good to get it all done but today I really vegged. We had stayed up way past our bedtime last night, watching the election coverage. It was kind of difficult to get going this morning but I managed to get up at my normal time. I had a good workout and breakfast but basically spent the early part of the day just puttering around, not doing much of anything really.

Later in the morning, we took LOG for a hair cut and then he wanted to go for lunch. I didn't really want to go out for lunch (I like to plan my meals out well in advance and this was sort of sprung on me) but it was okay anyway. After lunch, we did errands for a few hours and by the time we got home, we were both pooped. I just calculated my calories for the day and I actually went over by about 75. They weren't "bad" calories though so I'm not too worried. All the walking around I did this afternoon while we were out more than made up for the extra calories.

Anyway, I just read the following article and, while it's not surprising, it was kind of nice to see something I've known for years (from first hand experience) in black and white:

File this article under "Well, duuuuh!!"

Dieting Makes Little Girls Fatter, Study Finds
Tue Jun 29, 3:44 PM ET

- Girls who are starting to get too fat at 5 are often experienced dieters by the age of 9 -- but put on extra fat instead of taking it off, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.

They said their study shows that children and their parents are well aware when they weigh too much, but they do not know the best ways to slim down.

Jennifer Shunk and Leann Birch of Pennsylvania State University studied 153 girls living in central Pennsylvania. Those who weighed too much tried to diet, but ended up putting on more weight, they wrote in their report, published in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association.

The unhappier the girls were with their weight, the more they tried to diet, but they failed. This supports other research that shows "youths' attempts at weight control may promote weight gain," Shunk and Birch wrote.

At age 5, 32 of the girls were considered at risk of being overweight by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention standards.

They were checked again at ages 7 and 9. At 7, girls at risk for overweight were eating significantly more than those not at risk, the researchers wrote.

For the study they were asked about foods they ate and answered questions such as, "Do you try to only eat a little bit on purpose so that you won't get fat?"

The girls were left in a room with toys and snacks and told to play or eat while the researchers left the room. The researchers watched to see what the children ate.

The heavier girls tended to munch snacks even if they were not hungry.

The researchers said their study supports other research that shows when people try to diet by simply eating too little, they eventually set themselves up for binges.

Mothers may also help this along by forbidding the girls to eat snacks, they said.

"Even during the preschool period, before any evidence for the emergence of dietary restraint, maternal feeding practices that restrict children's access to palatable foods can promote children's overeating," they wrote.

Middle-class families, especially, try to restrict snacks because they do not want overweight children, they added.

"However, rather than promoting moderation, these feeding practices can promote disregulated overeating in children."

Instead, parents should themselves demonstrate healthy patterns of eating and exercise, the researchers advised.

Monday, June 28, 2004

happy monday

You know, I could have slept in this morning, if I'd really wanted to. I didn't want to though so I didn't. Over the weekend, we slept in pretty late on both Saturday and Sunday (until almost 8 a.m. both days) and it seemed to throw me off a bit.

Over the weekend, I will admit that we didn't really pay much attention to what it was that we were eating. We decided that we were going to take a couple of days "off" from what we'd been doing. We didn't pigout on crap but we weren't that careful either. In the end, it didn't add up to us actually eating much more as far as calories go than we normally would have. What did happen is that we had 2 much larger meals over the weekend than we normally would eat. I enjoyed the meals but I know that they were too big. Afterwards, I didn't feel fantastic, I felt a little weighed down actually. I have really gotten into eating smaller, more frequent meals over the past 5 weeks.

Today, I got back into my normal routine and feel the better for it. I don't want to get off track while I am home this week. Once I get off my routine, it's over for me. Instead of laying in bed all morning, I got up at my regular time, worked out and had breakfast. I did a bunch of housework today that needed doing. It felt good to get some things sorted out (yes, I'm still throwing stuff out if you can believe it!!) and to stay out of the kitchen.

At the moment, our bedroom is clutter free and actually organized. It's about half-way to being totally clean too. The computer room is becoming a little less cluttered with each week that goes by. It's not perfect but I'm not sure it ever will be. By the end of this week, I'll be happy if we can say that we've removed another 10 boxes of "stuff." We sure don't need all the stuff we have and unless I have a very strong, emotional attachment to something, I'm not keeping it. I see no reason to hang onto things anymore just for the sake of keeping them. Clean Sweep fever is rubbing off on me I guess.

Tomorrow I'm seeing my mum. We're going to do some errands together so that will be nice. Right now, I'm going to check in on the election results and see how that's going. It's been way too close to call up until today, should make for interesting television tonight!!

Sunday, June 27, 2004


As you can tell by the time, it is well and truly past my bedtime.

We had a great day, took a quick trip to Ottawa, did lots of walking. It was an enjoyable day that I'll write more about tomorrow...for now, I feel good (although I'm a little tired) and am looking forward to my week off.

hope you all had a great weekend too. 'night!!

Saturday, June 26, 2004

happy happy happy

I feel terrific this morning. I had a great night's sleep, I'm on holidays now for a whole week and I had a fabulous weigh-in this morning. I'm down 2 pounds again this week. That's 15 pounds in the past 5 weeks. I'm not just 2 pounds away from virgin fat and that feels amazing!

I'm still not sure what we're doing this weekend. We ended up not going to the drive-in last night. Today we're trying to decide if we're going to do yardwork or take a quick trip to Ottawa or just veg around the backyard or do errands in town...choices, choices, choices!!

A proper workout is not planned for today but I do plan to get some walking in, whether it's here or in Ottawa. It's just way too nice to stay inside for long!!

Friday, June 25, 2004

finally friday

This week seemed to fly by and drag on, both at the same time. I guess the draggy part came from not feeling so great for a few days. Today I felt much better though and managed to get a proper workout in this morning.

At lunchtime, my friend and I walked across campus to take a tour of a new building. It was actually kind of cold out today so the walk was quite refreshing. It felt great to get out of the office in the middle of the day and stretch my legs!!

Eating has been really good today and this week is ending up having been perfectly on plan again. I'm still very happy about that! I'm not getting cocky but I'm not too worried about this weekend. I've managed to keep things on track for the past few weekends, mostly by keeping busy. I'm sure I'll have no problem keeping busy again this weekend. I also have all of next week booked off and I'm looking forward to it. We don't have anything planned really but the break will do me good.

Right now, we're debating about whether or not we want to go the drive-in. It's not something we normally do but Shrek 2 and The Terminal are playing in a double feature so we may take advantage before mosquito season starts. If we don't do it tonight, maybe we'll try tomorrow. We'll see. Right now, we don't have to make a plan, we're on holidays!!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

blah blah blah

That wet noodle feeling is still hanging on. I can't even count how many ibuprofen I have had to take over the past four days. My period arriving late has made it much more difficult than it normally is. I'm not complaining though, at least I'm not curled up at home with a heating pad. With the help of the drugs, I am able to function at least. It makes me very thankful that my period is not like this every month, when I was younger it was horrible. I guess I'm just not used to feeling so weak and fragile, it's really kicking my butt.

I had a great visit with my doctor yesterday afternoon. As I expected, she was quite pleased with the progress I have made over the past four weeks. We chatted about what I'm doing and what works for me as well as radical treatments that some folks try to lose weight and how dangerous things were. She and I discussed at length, the elusive magic pill/shot/whatever, weight loss methods that so many of us spend so much time and money trying to find. There is no magic solution though and we all know this. She and I agree that the only thing that will work in the long-term (and that is a healthy method) is to do the eat less, move more thing. It's not rocket science, is it? It's also not easy or sexy or fun (although I am enjoying myself recently so maybe it is a little bit fun).

This morning I didn't work out at all because I was feeling so weak and yucky. My eating has been absolutely perfectly on plan all week though. Every good eating I day have just makes me feel so happy. I know it's dorky when you consider all of the years in my life where I just ate without thinking about it at all. The happy feeling is keeping my motivated right now so I'm not going to make fun of myself too badly for feeling so good!!

Right now, as I type this, there is a big strawberry social happening on the lawn outside the door to my office. I don't usually go because I like to have more for lunch than strawberry shortcake (and I have my own strawberries anyway). The "entertainment" is absolutely horrible. I have had to close up all the doors and windows. Some woman, who I am certain is a lovely person with many skills and abilities, is singing out there and it's beyond terrible. Truly. ~shiver~

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

lump day

Today should be called "lump day" instead of "hump day" I think. I feel more like a lump than I do a hump so far today. My period arrived with a vengeance today. It was a few days late arriving this month. I started spotting on the weekend but things never really got going until about mid-morning today. Last night though, my cramps were so bad that I actually woke up at around 1:30 a.m. and had to take some ibuprofen. I'm glad that it's arrived though, I didn't want this to drag on into next week.

Speaking of next week, I have the whole week off. I have a tonne of vacation yet to take and I'm not sure exactly when that will happen. Next week I'm actually only using 2 vacation days. I have some lieu time coming and we get Thursday and Friday off too. My original plan was to do absolutely nothing all week but I suspect that we'll end up getting into a bunch of projects around the house. Hopefully though, we'll be able to plan a couple of "do nothing" days.

This morning I had a chat with my barbecue buddy about yesterday afternoon. I asked her if she felt weird about not eating and wondered if she had skipped the barbecue just because of me. She said that she was really happy with herself for not pigging out and that she couldn't have done it if I hadn't been doing it as well. Turns out that she went home and had a great, yummy, healthy supper too.

Because I was feeling like a big wet noodle this morning (still am actually), my workout was not up to par. If I'm feeling better later on I may try to get more cardio in but, if that doesn't happen, I'm not too worried about it. My eating has been really good all day and I go back to see my doctor this afternoon for my monthly check in with her. I'm feeling really good about things overall and I think she'll be happy to hear about my progress over the past four weeks. I know that I sure am!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I survived

Our office had it's annual barbecue this afternoon. In all the years I've worked in this department, I've never been able to attend. It's held at our VP's cottage on the St. Lawrence (a beautiful spot) and everyone brings stuff (desserts, salads, appetizers, munchies, etc.). My friend at work and I decided to go together, I took veggie burgers, she took pickles. We started hearing all of these horror stories about how the food was never ready to eat until after 3 p.m. I was actually not looking forward to the food aspect of the afternoon because I eat pretty much on a schedule and I was pretty sure that almost all of the food at the party would not be stuff that I could eat and stay on plan (and this was not an occasion that I felt worthy of going off plan for).

Anyway, we decided that we'd stop off at Wendy's for salads on the way (did I mention that it was pouring rain at 11:30 a.m. when we departed?). It turned out that this was a great idea because there was literally nothing there that I would have felt comfortable eating. Everything seemed very fatty, even the salads were either really mayo-y or quite oily looking. Detached as I was from the food, it was interesting to watch my colleagues in action. I know that a couple of years ago I would have behaved the exact same way: munching on chips and cheezies and bread with spinach dip for a couple of hours until the meal happened. Oh, and save room for dessert. There seemed to be one of everything. I can honestly say that I wasn't tempted by any of the food. I guess not knowing what was in anything made it completely unappealing to me. Since I've had this change of lifestyle, I've noticed that I get very antsy about eating anything if I don't know how it's prepared (btw, I ask a lot of questions at restaurants). It's definitely a good thing in a way, because neither my friend nor I were groaning about how much our stomach's hurt because ate too much. We really enjoyed walking around by the water and visiting with some of our coworkers who we don't see every day. I admit that I wasn't really looking forward to it but I actually enjoyed myself. It was a nice break in the week.

The other nice thing about not pigging out at the party was being able to come home and have a great dinner with my family. Last night, we barbecued and had grilled a bunch of extra chicken breasts. Tonight we made chicken caesar salads with fat free dressing and they were terrific. After dinner, we went grocery shopping (seems like we do that a lot lately!!) and we're all stocked up again until probably the weekend. We're spending more money on groceries recently but we're also eating out a lot less. I totally don't mind the cost when I know that we're all eating so much better, heck, we even have LOG eating fat free cheese, organic whole grain cereal, soy milk and whole wheat bread (this from a man who would eat white bread with kraft cheese slices and wash it down with whole milk -- pretty amazing huh??).

Monday, June 21, 2004

berry good actually

Where oh where did my weekend go?? I cannot believe how quickly it flew by or how much stuff we got done. It was pretty remarkable looking back at it. Part of me was wishing that we had actually spent some time in our backyard, enjoying the lovely weather this weekend and the other part of me wishes that I had gotten my weeding done. It feels sort of odd to be so busy on the weekends these days. It's good but it's odd.

Yesterday afternoon, after a stop at goodwill, we went to see my folks. We took the LOG with us. My folks live about 1/2 way between our house and the most amazing strawberry farm for miles and miles so we left LOG at their place and went out to get some berries. Now I eat a lot of strawberries and really like the big berries you get in April and May (from the US). Those berries taste like ass compared to the ones we got yesterday. Holy poopie they were good. All the way from the farm to my folks place, we were popping berries in our mouths. My fingers and my tongue were stained bright red but they were so good. I had more berries for breakfast and just finished more with my lunch just now. We bought enough that we should be able to freeze some for smoothies (but if we actually eat them all, we'll just go get some more). I forgot how much I love fresh picked strawberries, there's truly nothing like them!! We didn't actually pick them ourselves (we just bought them from the road side stand) but they had just been picked that afternoon.

So far today is going really well. I'm still waiting for my period to actually start so I'm a little draggy today. I did have a good workout this morning though so that's helping me feel a little more human today. Tomorrow it'll be four weeks since our "restart" and I'm just over the moon about how well we've both been doing. We're both taking next week off from work, if we can get through next week on plan, I am sure we'll be able to get through anything!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

I survived!!

I did it, once again, I got through an entire weekend and stayed on plan. That's four weekends in a row and I'm really pleased about it.

Staying on plan wasn't as hard I was afraid it would be. We were literally too busy all weekend to goof off and blow it. Even with the popcorn and licorice yesterday, I kept my calories under control and my activity level quite high. Today I took a break from "proper" exercise and we continued with our reorganization project. Proper exercise would actually have been less work than what I ended up doing but I feel great about what we accomplished today.

We emptied over 25 boxes of "stuff." We're not done yet but the worst of it is behind us. I have 4 small boxes left, from the ones we pulled out yesterday and today. They are mostly papers and a lot of it will either go to the recycle centre or end up on eBay (a lot of what I have in these boxes are collectible posters, post cards and promotional stuff for somewhat obscure music stuff). We threw out a tonne of my hunny's old clothes. He had a huge tshirt collection and he kept the really sentimental ones (and the ones that are in good shape and that he'll be able to fit into again soon). Some of them went to goodwill (we actually took 2 carloads of stuff there this weekend) and some to the trash. We have 14 bags of garbage in our backyard right now. It's sort of crazy. What we did keep (and we're talking over 25 boxes and a whole closet full of stuff) has been condensed into 8 plastic tote bins. In total, somehow I have accumulated 6 totes full of holiday ornaments (please don't ask me how). I know that I will be able to go through that stuff again and really get rid of a lot. It's shocking and a little disgusting to see how much crap we still have left in the storage room, considering how many trips we have made to the recycle centre, goodwill and the dump over the past 2 years. Oh well, at the rate we're going, we may not have to bother purchasing that 2nd shed. How crazy is that!?

Saturday, June 19, 2004

having a happy weekend

Despite the fact that we didn't get to go to Ottawa this weekend, I'm having fun at home.

Last night, after dinner, we went out and did a few errands. It was kind of nice to go later in the evening because the traffic was almost nothing and the stores were not crowded at all. After we were finished what we were doing, I had a craving for something, not anything in particular mind you, just something. We ended up at A&W. I realized that I wanted a big frosty diet root beer, in the glass mug. It was so good, I really enjoyed it. It's always best served in the frosty mug. While were there, the smell of the grease from the food did nothing for me. I just enjoyed my drink and we headed for home.

Part of the reason for the errands was due to a big reorganization project we're working on here at home. The past couple of weekends, when I've woken on Saturday morning, I've started to sort out a small corner of our upstairs. Last Saturday I sorted out our bedroom closet, the week before, I went through a pile of junk in our computer room / office. The office is quite cluttered, it's actually a storage room with a bunch of machines in it. As we don't have a basement in our house, we've been planning to purchase a second shed and use it for stuff that we would normally store in a basement. We have a garden shed but it's in the middle of our yard and it freezes up over the winter. The one we are going to purchase is a vinyl one. We'll put it close to the house and it'll be accessible all winter long.

Anyway, before we can do that, we need to go through piles of boxes that are literally crammed into the shelves. Over the past couple of years, I've sorted through many of the boxes and we've either thrown out or given to goodwill, tonnes of stuff we no longer have a use for. The stuff that remains is the stuff that is tough to go through. Because we plan to keep some of it, I wanted to store it properly so we bought a bunch of those plastic tote bins and I now have a huge pile of boxes in my bedroom that need sorting out. I was shocked that this huge pile of boxes filled only 2 shelves. It's a big job though and one I'm glad to finally be attacking.

We've been doing a fair bit of walking the past couple of days and I'm pretty impressed with how it's not wearing me out. My ankles haven't been swelling (as long as I wear my doc marten sandals) and my legs aren't tiring like they used to. We even went downtown this afternoon, did some walking and took in a movie (Super Size Me -- if you haven't seen it, please do, it's very good!!). As part of my planned Saturday treat, I had a few pieces of red licorice and a little bit of unbuttered popcorn. To be honest, once the movie started, I really lost my appetite anyway!! btw, why does the movie popcorn always smell way better than it tastes??

I'm really happy with my food choices (treats and all) so far this weekend and even though my period is starting and I'm not feeling 100%, my energy level is great and I haven't been craving chocolate too badly. Oh, one more thing, my weigh-in went really well this morning. Now, I didn't expect to really see any change on the scale at all (even though my clothes do feel different) because of not exercising on those days my back was wonky and PMS and all, but I lost 1.5 pounds this week. I'm really thrilled about that. 4.5 pound 'til virgin fat again!!!!

Friday, June 18, 2004

happy friday folks!

This week, it feels like Friday took a long time to get here. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who wish the week away and live for Saturday and Sunday. I try to enjoy each day as it comes. This morning though, I woke up, completely disoriented and thinking it was Saturday. Eventually, I figured it out and all was sort of fine. It was a weird way to start the day.

This morning I had a good workout, almost completely back to normal levels of effort after my back trouble. As far as my eating goes, I realized today that I've been "white knuckling" things a lot less lately. Except for the nanaimo bar incident, I've remained completely on track now for almost 4 weeks. I feel much better physically and emotionally and I have noticed that my clothes are getting baggy (baggier) again.

From January to September 2003, the first large chunk of time that I spent on plan, I realize that I did white knuckle things. I was frightened to snack, weekends totally terrified me, and I didn't want talk to folks "in real life" much about my weight loss program. I didn't want too many people to know what I was doing because if I fucked it all up, I didn't want to do it with an audience (or at least a huge audience). When you have as much weight to lose as I do, from the get-go it's going to be a long haul from start to goal and, given my past attempts, I didn't want or need any more pressure than I was already putting on myself.

From September to May, I basically did maintenance. I gained back a few pounds over Christmas but was able to keep the biggest chunk of my weight off. It was easy to do because I hadn't made a big deal about this to many people. To those who I knew were also trying to get fit, who seemed to be in a similar situation, we'd all say, "well at least I'm not gaining it all back!" After my birthday last month though, I was sick of maintaining. I reminded myself of how good it felt to see the numbers moving in a slow but steady downward progression on the scale. I recalled how exciting (and potentially embarrassing) is was to have pants literally fall off of your body. I wanted to feel those things again and now, almost 4 weeks later, I am.

The white knuckle stuff is gone because I'm not afraid of food anymore. I know what stuff to avoid and what is good for me. My thinking is different this time too. I'm listening more to my body. When it's hungry, I feed it, when it's not (like when I get a boredom related craving for crap), I don't give into it. I know that I don't deserve to have chemicals that will shorten my life floating around inside of me anymore. My body needs good stuff, healthy food and consistent exercise. Giving my body both of those things is not so much of a struggle anymore. I'm happy to do it for myself, for my family.

I've been writing in this journal for over 18 months now. During that time I know that a lot of what I write is redundant (Trish mentioned the same thing about her journal yesterday). Every time that I write here it's to share what's working and what's not but I apologize if it's not always zippy and fun. It's just my routine. Routines can be boring but they don't have to be. I'm thinking of the repetition more like it's positive reinforcement and less that it's the same old same old. Positive reinforcement is better than same old same old any day!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

because you asked

Now, maybe these are Canadian creations, here is a picture of a Nanaimo Bar. They are crumbly and chocolatey on the bottom, have custard in the middle and melted chocolate on the top. Much like revenge, they are best served cold:

this is a nanaimo bar

Did that make you wanna lick your monitor?

Today is going well so far. My back is pretty close to being back to normal. I worked out this morning but again, didn't do quite as long as I normally would. It felt good though, it always does, especially when I have missed a couple of days.

We had a really nice dinner out last night. As luck would have it, I was able to find a yummy salad and a grilled chicken breast for myself. It was delicious and it was very nice to not have to do dishes for 2 evenings in a row.

After dinner, we went out and did some errands. We now have groceries for the best part of the weekend I think. We have our meals planned at least through Saturday. The whole planning thing is really helping me get through the weekends the past few weeks. I'd be sunk without it. It's funny how your weekly routine can keep you on track Monday to Friday but, once the weekend hits, it's a huge struggle to keep it together. It is for me anyway, or rather was. It is getting easier.

This may sound strange but this morning, for no apparent reason, I got to thinking about how long it had been since I'd had french fries. French Fries and ketchup was something I used to indulge in all the time, a major craving and source of comfort. Since I've been back on program, I have been trying different snack foods. One I can highly recommend (although I hate the company that makes them so that's something I struggle with) are spudz sticks, ketchup flavour. They totally fill any french fry craving I might have and are really low in fat. You just have to love it when you can feed a craving and not totally blow it for the day!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004


Every time I have my periodic spell of back trouble, I think to myself that I'll never taking feeling normal for granted again. Of course, this lasts for the first few days following said spell and then it ends. Today though, normal feels fucking fantastic! I'm not totally 100% better but I'm 100% than I was yesterday. Last night we went out for dinner (yeah, I know that I said we'd cut back and trust me, we have, but last night we were both completely burned out and too tired to cook) and I realized that I was walking upright and was not experiencing completely debilitating pain in my left leg from the wonky way I was walking anymore.

When I woke up this morning, I felt sort of tender but not terrible. I even exercised this morning. It wasn't a full blown totally awesome workout but I did some stretching and rode 2.25 miles on my recumbent bike and felt the better for it. At work, I can actually sit comfortably in my chair and, except for a moment this morning when I forgot I was recovering and attempted to run down the stairs, I've not experienced any major pain so far.

Yesterday was really difficult for me, physically and emotionally. I even went over my normal calorie limit last night at dinner. In case I hadn't mentioned it, I'm in the throes of pms right now. At dinner last night, for the first time in 3 weeks, I had dessert. I ate a Nanaimo bar and it was absolutely fabulous. I felt as if I'd died and gone to heaven. Of course, the 300+ calorie splurge put me 200 calories over what I should have been but I don't really care. It tasted good and I really enjoyed it and that's it. No guilt, no bullshit, no slippery slide off the program. One chocolately treat was all I had and I enjoyed every second of it.

Today, things are completely back on track. LOG wants to go out for dinner tonight (he didn't go with us last night). I'm not sure where we're going. I'm not fussy, anywhere I can get a salad and a chicken breast is just fine with me. Fortunately, the craving for chocolate seems to have passed and I won't be having to worry about Nanaimo bars today!!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

stiff and sore

Today I'm still feeling under the weather but I'm definitely better than yesterday. By the time I got home from work last night I felt as if I'd been hit by a truck, literally. This morning when I woke up, I could actually walk upright, although I still have a slight limp. As today as gone along, I'm getting kind of tired and am moving more slowly than I was first thing this morning.

Last night we got to bed kind of late (around 10) because we were watching the finale of WB Superstar. I didn't have any trouble falling asleep but I know that I dreamed a lot last night. When I got home from work last night, I found out that a friend of ours took his own life on Saturday. I feel absolutely sick and broken hearted for his wife. We don't know any of the details and I'm not sure that they will be having a funeral. It sounds like there will be a big party in his honour in July. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through right now. So basically, that's been on my mind all morning.

When I finally got out of bed this morning, I knew that there was no way I'd be able to workout. I did do some stretching but that was about it. If I feel better tomorrow I'm going to attempt to ease back into it. Eating has been pretty good the past few days. This morning though, for some reason, I really needed something salty so I had a few soda crackers. Not the best thing to be munching on but not the worst either. Trust me, the way I'm feeling right now, between my back bothering me and the sad news playing through my head, I could be plowing through a lot more than just soda crackers. Thank goodness for small favours huh??

Monday, June 14, 2004

blah and boring

I am boring, I feel blah. My back is still bothering me so I did not workout today. I did suffer through an entire day at work and can't figure out if that was a good idea or not. My eating was good today, as it has been for the past couple of weeks but I feel really blah because of all the ibuprofen I've been taking recently.

Just reading my email now, I found out that the show were planning to go to Ottawa to see (Jonathan Richman) has been cancelled due to "tragic personal circumstances." I hope that everything will be okay for Jonathan, he's so sweet and wonderful. We were planning to stay over too and make a weekend of it but we're not going now.

Anyway, I can hear the heating pad calling my name so I better go see it. Hope you all had more productive days than I just did.

Sunday, June 13, 2004


My back is still bothering me. I spent the best part of the day on my back, on a heating pad. I have watched a lot of television today and read more than a couple of magazines.

I did manage to crawl around and get 2 loads of laundry done and went out for a quick errand with my hunny this afternoon. I wasn't able to move very quickly and about 1/2 way through it, I was wishing I had stayed home.

Right now, I'm heading back to the heating pad and will hopefully be recovered by tomorrow. Yuck!

Saturday, June 12, 2004

slow moving saturday

Today started out great. I got up early, did some exercise, started to clean out our bedroom closet (it was a disaster area). When I was going to bed last night, I felt a twinge in my back, where I usually feel it, on the odd occasion that I have trouble with it. It was still there when I woke up this morning but I kept moving, thinking it would work itself out.

It didn't. I've been hobbling around all afternoon. We went out to do some errands this afternoon and it was incredibly painful. When I got home, I got right on the heating pad. When we were out, I treated myself to season 1 of Sex in the City (because, if you can believe it, I'd never seen an entire episode but was dying to). It's so good and it totally made me feel better. My back's a little looser now but I'm still walking crooked. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. It doesn't ordinarily last longer than a couple of days. It hasn't happened in months so I'm not complaining too loudly. I'm really just glad that I got my closet done and finished 3 loads of laundry before the worst of it set in. I still have 2 more loads to do tomorrow but I know that my hunny will help me out with them, he's really wonderful when I'm not feeling well. Heck, he's pretty wonderful all of the time. I'm really lucky!!

Oh, btw, we both weighed in this morning and we're both down another 2 pounds each this week. Yay us!! 6 more pounds to virgin fat territory!!

Friday, June 11, 2004

Yay!!'s baaaaaack!!

Thank you Bev, you're wonderful!! The Weigh Better Board is back up and running. If you haven't already done so, get over there and re-register. If you weren't a member before and are looking for an amazing, supportive, informative, women-only chat space to talk about all things related to healthy weight-loss and fitness, don't walk, RUN there. I would be totally lost without it and missed it terribly this week when it was down.

This week has been really good for me. I've managed to workout each morning before work and my eating has remained on plan. I knew that I could do it but I'm not going to beat myself up for the relapse I suffered from September to May. Recently, I've been chatting with some of my coworkers about the stuff we've been dealing with in the office. Everyone was super stressed and they all dealt with it in different ways. I did notice at our last large group meeting that many folks have put on some weight over the winter. Not just regular winter weight, stress eating weight. There is a noticeable difference. I guess I really noticed it because I really pay attention to stuff like that now. At my highest weight, I never really noticed when other people gained weight. I deliberately ignored it because I didn't want them to notice how much I had gained I guess. Fortunately, for me anyway, the worst is behind me now and the stress is easing up in a big way. This is one of the biggest factors that helped me to pull my head out of my ass and get back on track.

The weekend is almost here again and with it comes the eternal struggle: me vs boredom induced snacking. What I did last weekend (and it worked for me - although I would never do this during the week) was skipping a meal each day. By missing a meal (either breakfast or lunch), I could chose to splurge on a bigger meal or allow myself some extra snacking (on healthy stuff only) and I'd have a cushion for the extra calories. Hopefully, eventually, I won't need to that and I'll be able to use that moderation thing that I have got going on during the week. In the meantime, I'll get through the weekends anyway that I can and so far, this is something that I can do.

Having said that, we're going out to dinner tonight. I'm not sure where but I'm getting pretty good at tweaking restaurant food to meet my needs so I'm not freaking too much about it. Instead, I'll just order carefully and enjoy the evening out, wherever we end up!

Thursday, June 10, 2004

better and better

Just as I was leaving work last night, we had a huge thunder storm and I got soaked through to the skin on my way to the car. The storm really cleared the air though. The sun is shining today, there's a cool breeze in the air and the humidity is gone. I'm so happy about that, you have no idea. Two days of oppressive heat and humidity left me feeling physically beaten. My brain knows that eventually my body will adjust to it, but the first few times it happens is just killer and my body tries to rebel.

I had a fabulous sleep last night and woke up feeling really rested this morning. My workout was much better than yesterday's and overall, I feel good.

Last night, after work, we had a bunch of errands to do. Even though I was soaked, I didn't want to put it off any longer. By the time we were heading to the last stop on our list, it was almost 6 p.m. and we were both starving. The idea of going home, putting everything away and making a proper dinner was not appealing to either of us so we picked up a thin crust pizza at the store (the fresh kind that you cook yourself -- not the frozen kind). We had veggie pizza and salad for dinner and it was delicious. It's been weeks since we've had pizza and I really enjoyed it, I also didn't eat nearly as much as I normally would. The cheese may have had something to do with it. I haven't been eating much cheese recently and I now see that I can't have nearly as much as I used to.

NSV Report

Last night when we were as Costco, I bought 2 pairs of shoes. Now, when we were in there, my feet were kind of swollen from the humidity so the shoes were a tad on the snug side. Today though, I'm wearing one of the pairs I bought (they're just little cotton sneaker / mules, very cute and really cheap $11.99 each) and they're a little on the big side. The NSV comes from the fact that they are not a wide shoe. For the past several years I've been buying wide shoes only because, if you can believe it, even my feet were fat. I have noticed recently that many of my shoes are loose and now, I can actually buy regular width shoes. Pretty cool huh??

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

waking up was easy

This morning I got up early. Not hugely early but a little earlier than I have been getting up recently. Unfortunately, once I got out of bed, I was not moving quickly. I had a really good night's sleep last night. Again I noticed that I'm having really bizarre dreams again. Lately I've been having a lot of weird dreams and I'm not sure why and I can't really remember any of them. We finally broke down and turned the A/C on last night so I think that's why I slept so well. It's suddenly turned stinking hot here, not that nice and warm in the daytime with lots of sun and cool at night for sleeping weather we were having. It's so humid that it actually smells outside. Right now, it's not as bad as it has been because we had a little rain earlier but it's still gross.

The heat is why I've been dragging my butt I think. Last night my feet were quite swollen by the time I got home and I know it's from the humidity. It always seems to take me a few days to adjust when the weather gets like this and, until I adjust, I turn into the human equivalent of a wet dish rag.

When I woke up this morning, the first thing through my head was "" and the second thought was "must...sleep...more..." I did get up but I spent over 30 minutes trying to convince myself that today should be a break day. Afterall, it was going to be hot again so why bother. Fortunately, I didn't listen to my lazy ass inner fat-chick and I went downstairs and exercised. At the time, I wasn't happy to be doing it but right now, I'm pretty pleased with myself. No matter how much hotter it gets together, at least I'll have had my workout out of the way (yay!).

Winning a big fight with your lazy ass inner fat-chick is a good way to start the day, for me anyway....How's your day going?

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

ever so slightly...dragging my butt

I've been really tired today. I kept waking up through the night on Sunday. This was probably caused by going to bed a little too late Sunday and then last night, we got to bed late too. This morning I did not want to get up. Ordinarily I have no problem jumping out of bed and getting into my workout gear but this morning it was a total drag. I could have slept for Canada today I tell ya.

Finally I got my butt downstairs and made a half assed attempt at my workout. I did an okay job but not anything to write home about if you know what I mean. I'm still feeling really tired right now so I'm planning on going to bed early (ie soon).

My eating was completely on plan today despite the fact that the tiredness was messing with my head. It would have been really easy for me to have eaten a bunch of chocolate today, given how I was feeling. Now that I think about it, I have had no caffeine in my system for days now. A few months ago I gave up coffee but I have still been allowing myself to have the odd diet coke every now and then. I haven't even had a DC in days so maybe that's part of it. Anyway, I'm tired of thinking about why I'm so tired so I'm just going to hit the sack and worry about it tomorrow.

Monday, June 07, 2004

week two bites the dust

Today was the last day of my second week of staying totally on plan. Two whole weeks, doing the right stuff, eating the good food. I feel great.

I know that recently, this journal has turned into one big session of me patting myself on the back. I apologize for that but only a little tiny bit. I'm pretty proud of myself for towing the train wreck that my weight-loss effort had become out of the ditch and back onto the track. Last fall, I got stressed out and lazy and it became way easier for me to maintain what I had lost than to carry on with what I had started. Lazy as I was, I'm still pretty impressed that I didn't gain back every ounce of what I'd lost.

On the weekend, I weighed in again. I was down a couple of pounds from last Saturday. This puts me just 8 pounds away from virgin fat territory. I have my monthly doctor's appointment on June 22 and I'd hoped to be into virgin fat by then but I'm not going to be bummed if I don't make it. I'm so happy about what I've lost over the past 2 weeks that I won't let not making that particular mini-goal get me down. In fact, upon reflection, I see that the goal was not totally reasonable anyway.

Yesterday, when we were out running errands, we had to stop at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a few things for the LOG. When we were in the check out line, I picked up an Aero caramel bar. First of all, can I say that the regular Aero is one of my favorite ways to eat chocolate? Secondly, I have actually experienced the sensation of having my mouth water while watching the commercials for the new one with caramel (cuz I loves me some caramel). When I picked it up, the first thing I noticed is that it's small. I read the nutritional information and it said that it had 210 calories. Not too bad for such a sweet, rich treat right? Well, get this, 31% of the calories come from TRANS FATS!! It made me feel sick and I tossed it back on the shelf. I mean, I wasn't going to buy one right then, but I was thinking about planning for a treat day sometime down the road. I can't imagine ever wanting to try one again. ~shiver~

Nothing like knowing what's in the food you're eating to put you off it huh??

Sunday, June 06, 2004

2 in a row or, how much do I rawk?!

I actually rawk a fair little bit if you're asking. I'm so happy to report that I have managed to stay completely on plan through two entire weekends now. I wouldn't say that it was easy but this weekend was definitely easier than last weekend was. Here's hoping that next weekend is easier still!

The most important thing for me is to keep busy over the weekend. I find that if I can keep myself occupied, I'm not thinking about snacking. In lieu of proper workouts this weekend, I did some walking outside both days. It's been an absolutely gorgeous weekend here. This afternoon we actually went walking downtown. We haven't done that in ages and it was a nice treat, or it felt like a treat anyway.

I picked up a cool little book today, from the bargain table at Indigo. It's called "Nine 2 Five Yoga" and it's stretching and exercises that you can do at your desk throughout the work day. It's just a little paperback book but it's got full colour photos that demonstrate all of the exercises. The book was published in 2004 so I'm not sure why it was on the discount table but I'm not complaining. I'm planning to take it to work and try some of the stuff this week.

Tonight, right now as I type this, I feel really happy and healthy. The more days that pass by, that I'm able to stay on program, the better I feel, both mentally and physically. My stress levels seem to be getting back to normal and I definitely feel more rested than I have in months. It's coming up on 2 weeks of being totally back on track 100% and so far, it's all good!!

Saturday, June 05, 2004


I am now half way through my second on plan weekend. We kept really busy all day today so extra weekend snacking was not a problem. I'm feeling like I'm in control, really in control.

This morning I was up pretty early and started puttering around in our office. We still had a pile of our own junk that we needed to sort through so I did that while my hunny did some upgrades to one of our computers. We also did some shopping this afternoon. We got a new monitor for our secondary machine and a new all in one printer / scanner / fax. We got a terrific deal on both of them. Right now I'm sitting in a neat and tidy office and both computers are running very well.

Anyway, it's been a very long day, even for a day off, so I'm heading off to bed. Hope you're all having a great weekend too!!

Friday, June 04, 2004


The week went by very quickly for me. I almost can't believe that it's Friday again. I'm not complaining though, just a little surprised. Work was a "good" kind of busy for the first time in ages. It feels as if I'm finally starting to figure out what it is exactly that I'm supposed to be doing. Shocking huh??

Tonight I'm feeling very very good. We went out for dinner tonight (to a new Chinese buffet!) and I stayed on plan. I had a great meal of mostly veggies and chicken. Overall I think I did just great. I'm starting my second on plan weekend right now. I am confident that I will stay totally on program again this weekend. I was able to get through last weekend in fine shape and I expect that this weekend will be the same.

Tomorrow morning is my official weigh-in, our official weigh-in actually as my hunny and I are doing this together. Something has definitely clicked with us this time because we're not allowing each other to give into any weak moments. I'm actually excited about checking the scale. When things weren't going so well, I'd be hopping on it every day. Since the restart, I don't feel the need to get on the scale every day, I can tell how I'm doing without it!

Thursday, June 03, 2004


Last night after dinner, we had a bunch of errands to do. It was a bit of a mad rush because we didn't leave the house until 6:45 and I wanted to be home for dah Idol at 8. When we were at the gas station, I watched these two guys in the next lane. One was pumping gas (it was self-serve) and the other was standing beside him, inhaling a chocolate bar while he listened to the pumping guy talk. The guy was in his early 20's and was a little husky but not fat. Now, I'm not quite sure which kind of bar he had, maybe one of those chunky areo bars, maybe something chewy like a wunderbar. Either way, watching him eat it was a revelation to me. It didn't appear like he was even tasting it, he was just shoving it into his mouth and it made me think about all of the times in the past I had done the same thing. Absent minded consumption is what gets many of us fat. It sure got me fat. I mean, some of the time I ate because of emotional reasons but some of the time I ate purely out of boredom. Seeing the way this guy was eating really turned me off chocolate bars, I can't really explain why, it was a weird thing. I guess it just made me happy that I am back into thinking about what I eat before I shove it into my face.

This morning when I was working out I watched Dr. Phil (on tape - from yesterday). Wednesday's show was about anti-aging and it was pretty interesting. Of course they had the typical person who was overly concerned about getting older but they also talked a lot about things you can do to increase longevity and slow the aging process. All of the stuff that they talked about is stuff that we're all trying to do in our weight-loss journeys. Of course, for me, I've said all along that in addition to losing pounds, my long term goal is to be a really fit old lady. It was quite nice to hear confirmation that we're all on the right path!

I've also noticed something pretty cool over the past couple of days that's happened with my leg / foot. Over the past month or so, I've had the odd pain in my knee. My left knee mostly and I noticed it would start to cause me pain if I moved side to side. I also have a spur on my heel that gives me problems if I wear cheap shoes. Anyway, over the past week, I don't remember my knee or leg bothering me. I was also experiencing some mild discomfort in the knee when I would stand up or sit down, that's gone as well. At first I wasn't sure if was a weather thing or a weight thing. Now that I have a noticeable lack of aches and pains right now AND it's raining out so, it's not hard to figure it out now is it?

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

hump day

Where did Wednesday go? Where has the week gone actually?? It's flying by for me. At work, I'm starting to get into my new job. It's quite different and, at the same time, similar to my old job. It's an odd situation actually. There are still a few projects that I'm finishing up and I'm taking on new stuff, little by little, each day. It's definitely not as stressful as it had been and I'm noticing that I'm sleeping much better at night.

The good sleep thing could be a result of the return to better habits though. I think it's just a combination of all the shit settling down. Things are sorting themselves out at work, stuff at home as calmed down now that the LOG is settled in, we're actually finding time for ourselves these days. Generally, life is more peaceful and I find it easier to be kind to myself when stuff is like this. It's much easier to cope, for sure.

Eating wise, my eating has been terrific the past few days. Totally, 100% on plan. I'm super happy about that and intend to keep at it. Workouts are still going good and I've been managing to squeeze in more walking this week, during the day. A friend and I took a nice walk on break this morning. She wanted a tea and I grabbed a diet soda. It was a nice break from all the water I've been sipping. Thank you by the way for all the helpful suggestions. Yesterday I really over did it. Today I drank more water than I had done on Monday but wasn't running to the loo like I had been yesterday. I also have a small pot of herbal tea when I first get into work in the morning and I've read that if what you're drinking is not caffeinated, you can count it toward your water intake.

Anyway, it's well past my bedtime (we were up watching Canadian Idol -- yeah it's true, I'm an addict, watched the whole horrible mess last year too). 'night all!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


I'm not sure why I'm surprised but I feel so much better right now than I did last Tuesday, it's amazing. Something has just clicked for me this week. It feels like I'm putting more into and therefore getting more out of my workouts this week. My water bloat seems to have disappeared and my clothes are back to feeling the way that they did last summer.

Overall, I'm just happy right now. I'm pleased with myself, with my hunny and I'm proud of us. Rather than allow ourselves to wallow in crap, we've pulled our collective heads out of our ample asses and are working it again. I'd actually forgotten how good being on plan felt. I'm also very happy that I didn't spend my birthday cash on clothes 2 weeks ago when I first received it. I'm hanging onto it until I'm one size smaller. At this rate, it shouldn't take me too much longer to get there!!

The only slack area that I'd had over the past few days was the water department. I know that I'd not been drinking anywhere near enough recently. I just didn't feel like it. Not sure why but no matter what I did, I didn't drink enough (or what I felt was enough anyway). Today though, I've been pounding the water back and feel like I may have overdone it. After the 3rd trip to the loo in 90 minutes, I realized that I was being a little overzealous in my water consumption. I've decided to take it easy this afternoon (as I'm sure I've had more than enough for today).

How much is the right amount of water? Does anyone out there know? I've read so many different things that I can't make head nor tail of it. Help?!?