Tuesday, May 29, 2007

working at it

Intermittent posts are not good. Regular posts from me indicate a certain amount of structure in my life. Routine is not something that is happening for me recently.

Of the holy trinity of weight loss (healthy eating, regular exercise and lots of water), I am usually able to accomplish 1 or 2 at a time but rarely 3. This past week has found me enjoying a larger than normal (and definitely good) amount of water in my routine. I guess it's partly the warmer temperatures but I've become very aware of how important the water is for me, for a lot of reasons. Two really obvious ones are my skin and my digestion. Both are improving dramatically since I've stopped borderline dehydrating myself.

Exercise has been a little better over the past week or so as well. I'm definitely walking more so that's good. Eating is a struggle though. Meals are okay, I'm doing well with my portion sizes for the most part. The snacks kill me though. On the weekend, I devoured an entire back of salt and vinegar kettle chips in an afternoon. Did I need them? no. Did I enjoy them? I wish I could say no but yes, I really did.

Of course, the remorse set it later...too much fat, too much salt, not enough good stuff in my diet that day.

I guess I'll blame it on my hormones because I think TOM actually started today, on time. I say "I think" because last month of was a bunch of false starts that gave me my period, off and on, for about 2 weeks. It feels more like a normal cycle this month so I'm going with it.

Since the weekend, I've been working on the eating too. Again, always, baby steps right? I'll master the three things yet. It's just going to take me a while.

Friday, May 18, 2007

beautiful people

Many thanks to all of you for your wonderful birthday wishes. I'd been away from my home computer for the past few days due to work. Today, I had time to catch my breath and read my email and your messages touched me very much. So again, thank you all.

This weekend is a long one here in Canada. Monday is Victoria. Smack in the middle of this weekend we will travel to Toronto and participate in an unveiling for LOG. It's the last "official" thing we have to do for him and it's a little bit sad.

Beyond that, there is not much to report. We had another successful event last night and even though I'm operating on about 3 hours sleep today, I don't feel bad.

For the record, I tried on "those" pants the other night. I pulled them and walked around and they felt okay. When I did the "sit test" on the end of the bed. I laughed and knew that there was no way I could sit through a dinner in them. Back into the closet they went. Next year! Without a doubt. Hell, we have another one of these fancy events in September, I'll be wearing them by then, comfortably, while sitting!!

Happy weekend everyone and again, thanks!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

on cake

So there was a gorgeous cheesecake to be had on my birthday. You can drool over it if you want:

icing on the cake

It weighed three pounds and was full of white chocolate, peanut butter and cream cheese. He actually made it with lower fat cream cheese and margarine instead of butter but goodness, it was decadent. I had a piece and a half on my birthday and a piece tonight. The rest of it went to the office, to friends, to some ladies my hunny knows. It's all gone. It was amazing but it was a birthday thing. It's over.

And now I'm 40. It's not as bad I once imagined it would be. Of course, the bad imagining happened in my teens. I'm a little more realistic about things now. I'm feeling good about the age thing and about myself. I had a little talk with myself and convinced myself that I'm not a bad person because I'm now 40 and still fat. By convetional standards, no matter how much weight I eventually lose, I'll likely still be considered fat. I'm not bothered by that. I just want to be healthy. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it.

One day at a time, I'm taking care of myself. Seriously. I mean it this time, I'm gonna do it!! Watch me!!!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

a couple of weeks

it's been a while since I've posted. it's for a lack of thinking about posting, rather it's been about a lack of time to collect my thoughts properly and write here.

I wish I could say that during my absence, I have magically lost 100 pounds have had to run out and get a whole new wardrobe. Alas, I haven't even stepped on a scale and I know that my pants aren't falling off of me so I can safely assume that the status quo remains.

Sadly, this means that my short term, more comfortable pants goal of March has not been met. If I'm honest, part of me is disappointed with myself and part of mine is so exhausted from work (it's been insanely busy since the beginning of March) and I don't care. I mean, I care. I'll care on Thursday night when I'm sitting at a fancy dinner in tight pants but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Mostly, I'm not beating myself up because it's my birthday tomorrow. Today is the last day of my 30's and so far I've been spending it in my jammies, playing with the camera my hunny bought me for my birthday. I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a white chocolate cheesecake in my near future too.

I've got other stuff to write about but it'll have to wait. The shower is calling my name and I want to get outside into the fresh air, with my new camera!