the adventures of shrinking girl

not a usual wednesday wrap-up

2010-10-06T16:43:00.003-04:00

The cold I referred to yesterday still haunts me. What's worse is that it hasn't actually developed into a full blown cold, it's just been there, in the background, bothering me whenever I get tired. It's mucking with my stomach too, I think, whatever this bug is.

Over the past 24 hours, I've probably eaten less food than I have in any other 24 period over the last month. Sadly, I have also been running to the loo and had a sinus headache for extra fun.

The smaller amount of food was intentional, the bathroom running was not. Can't really say what that was about. I feel rather strange right now, a little loopy if I'm honest, could be the sinus meds.

Whatever the case, my hubby and I talked a lot last night about our plans to move forward. This came on the heels of him having a doctor's appointment yesterday. In this appointment (which was with a specialist, not his GP), he was told that if he lost as little as 50 pounds (that probably sounds like a lot of weight but we both need to lose a significant amount more than that right now), he could get off almost all of meds. He's a type II diabetic and that means he could possibly be off all of his diabetic medication, his blood pressure stuff and possibly only be taking his cholesterol stuff. Eventually, he may be able to get off that as well.

This news was not surprising to me, I've seen this happen to folks on the Biggest Loser. I've told him that before but this is the first time he's heard it from a physician. It was great to hear this. We're both seriously working on our portion control. What we eat has rarely been the problem (pizza nights and chinese take aways aside), the portion thing has been. The trick I think is to bulk up on the veggies and cut back on the noodles or rice. The two of us have decided to cut pork out of our diets (we already don't eat beef). Our nightly dinner contains tofu at least twice a week, I'm sure we could make that happen more often.

almost a month later

2010-10-05T12:25:00.003-04:00

Yikes, last month I said I really wanted to post more often and then I totally dropped the ball.

I wish I could report that every day since the last time I posted was picture perfect and that I was sitting here an entire pants size smaller than I was on September 6 (the date of my last post) but I can't. The last month hasn't been a complete wash out but it didn't end up like I'd hoped it would.

There are lots of excuses I could give for it, work got busy, struggles with a head cold, yadda yadda yadda. The bottom line is that there were excellent days and others which would best be described as wash outs. Fortunately, the good days out numbered the bad days.

Exercise was sketchy, in consistent but still a huge improvement over previous months. Food choices at home and in the grocery store were much better than they had been. Sadly, we chose to ignore the healthy food a few times and order take outs (generally Chinese or pizza).

The big thing is that I refused to be completely discouraged by "bad" days. This thing will get easier and we'll plow through the temptations in the best way we can.

I did promise to talk about long and short terms goals and I still promise to do that. In the meantime, I was actually able to meet one of my short term goals and it surprised me. In 2007, I bought this really pretty pink top to wear to a wedding (with a black skirt). When we restarted things in late August/early September, I was thinking about that top and how nice it would be fit into it comfortably enough to work in. I had a particular work event in mind, that event happened on Saturday evening and I wore the pink top. It fit me much better than I thought it would (although it could still be a bit looser). Wearing that top, as small and silly as it might seem, felt really good. It reinforced and reminded me that we need to stick to our guns and lose this weight.

I want to fit into all of the nice clothes I have in my closet which are just too snug, I want my knees to continue to feel better and I want us to be a couple of active, healthy old people.

holiday monday

2010-09-06T15:36:00.002-04:00

I'll do an official wrap-up on Wednesday, like I like to do but I thought I should report in on this holiday Monday.

The first week went pretty well, all things considered. Some of the factors which made the first week a little tough on me were a full 5 days of mega-humid weather and me having my period. Two not-so-great things that don't go well together.

I took Friday off from work so I'd have a four-day weekend and was glad of it. I have spent the past few days puttering around the house, playing with the dogs and getting caught up on my housework. Being at home like this is usually pretty dangerous for me. The snacking devils call my name frequently when I'm home. Keeping busy cleaning helped me to keep the snacks at bay.

We did have some microwave popcorn during a movie on Sunday but overall, foodwise, I'm pretty happy with our efforts. I'm also thrilled with how just a little bit of regular exercise is making me feel. My right knee has improved significantly and I feel like I'm moving around a lot easier now. My husband has noticed it too. The knee thing was really getting bad. If I sat for any length of time, when I stood up, it was taking me a while to sort my knee out. Over the weekend, this was not the case. The flexibility in the knee is improved and the pain is almost completely gone. Not bad for one week huh??

I think that the baby steps thing is the key for me. I'm easing back into the exercise thing and am feeling almost immediate benefits. For me, I know if I tried to do too much too quickly, I'd hurt myself, get discouraged and fall off track. That's not going to happen this time!!

ups and downs

2010-09-02T12:41:00.003-04:00

So yesterday was day 3. We both found it a little harder to get through our bike rides on day 3 than it was on day 1 and 2. I rode exactly the same distance last night that I had done on Tuesday but it took me a lot more effort to get there. I know that it's good to work harder, this is not supposed to be easy.

A few months ago I started a new job. My old office was on the ground floor of a small building. Very rarely I would need to go up to the second floor so I got pretty lazy. The new job is a building I have worked in before. It's really old and cut up weirdly and we have lots of stairs. I mean LOTS of stairs. My office is on the third floor, the washrooms and kitchen are on the second floor so I'm up and down them several times a day.

When I first moved over to the new office, I was only there 2 weeks before I had a week of a vacation scheduled. After that break, I was in the office for about 3 weeks and then had another 2 week vacation booked. This week is the 3rd week since I've returned from my vacation and I am finally starting to feel a little better about running up and down the stairs. Now, I'm not actually running up and down them but every day, it gets a little bit easier to do them. Sad huh?? I am THAT out of shape, stairs are a struggle, or were. They are definitely not as tough as they had been and I'm looking forward to being able to do them faster and more frequently as time goes on.

So, right now, the focus continues to be on movement. The more I can move myself, the better!!

just like starting over

2010-09-01T12:22:00.003-04:00

Holy crap on a cracker, I cannot believe how long it has been since I've posted here!

Admittedly, my journey to a healthier me has taken lots of twists and turns over the past year. Lots of restarts, lots of derailing...

At the moment, I'm taking a kinder, gentler approach to things and both my husband and I are doing this together.

For the longest time, we've been complaining to each other about how far off track we both got. Neither of us has been thrilled with how we've been feeling, unfit and generally yucky. He's a type II diabetic and we're both overweight. This is not good for anyone.

Last week, he had what ended up being the flu but a few trips to the doctor and the diabetic clinic for some pretty extensive tests was a bit of a wake up call for both of us.

Over the weekend, we talked about it a lot and crafted a plan I think will work for us. It's pretty simple, we both eat very reasonable and healthy breakfasts and lunches - I eat breakfast at home and always take my lunch to work, he eats both meals at home because his work schedule permits that. Dinner and the evenings in general is where we get into trouble. Our food is not necessarily high in fat but our portions have been way too big. We also both are snack addicts in the evening while watching tv. Dangerous combo.

This week, we've been having smaller dinner portions and not been snacking in the evenings. So far (and it's only been two days) it's going very well. He is noticing a difference in his morning blood glucose reading already.

The other part of this is exercise. We have really not been doing anything remotely resembling intentional exercise. We have a perfectly good recumbent bike sitting in the basement which we hadn't used for ages. The second part of our deal is this: when we get home from work, I do my ride while he makes dinner (I don't like to ride on a full stomach). When dinner is over, he rides (which is what he should be doing as a diabetic so we've been told). Riding the bike and eating smaller meals is what helped me lose 75 pounds a few years ago and I know it'll work again. Already today, I'm looking forward to getting back on the bike when I get home tonight.

I think we are off to a great start and because we are doing it together, we can help keep each other on track. I have some short term and long term goals that I'll talk about later. The one I will mention is posting here more often. I realize I miss writing and do like to share my small victories and challenges as I do this.

If anyone is still out there reading this, I plan to be back for the long haul!!

wednesday wrap-up - week 7

2009-03-25T20:03:00.003-04:00

I was so looking forward to having an excellent report for you all. I had also thought that I'd be posting here every day. Alas, that's not the case!

The cold I had a couple of weeks ago is still around. It's a wacky bug which is now affected my head. I had a killer sinus headache on Monday. It was so bad that I actually had to leave work early. I went home and got into bed and felt much better after a couple of hours of sleep. Today, the headache came back though so I had to resort to taking some drugs because I didn't want to leave the office again today.

Fortunately, in between episodes with the cold, I've had some good days. On the weekend, we did a fair bit of walking (until I started to feel like crap on Sunday afternoon). We're trying to get into more of a routine to walk together, with the dogs, in the evenings. I realize when we are doing it, how out of shape I am but I'm determined to keep at it. Even if we just do a lap around the small block, I feel good about that. Eventually, we'll expand it and when I've conquered that, we'll expand it further. I'm taking my time with this so as not to discourage myself. Walking with the cold does make things more difficult while I'm doing it but afterward, my cold symptoms go away for a little while so that's pretty good.

Anyway, the wrap-up isn't really awesome this week but I'll do one anyway!

So, having said all of that, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending March 24

vitamins and water - back on track on both scores. The cold made me want to drink lots of water in an attempt to flush the crap out of my system
didn't post here as much as I'd wanted to
bought a buttload of gorgeous produce on the weekend and have been enjoying snacking on berries and apples and other good things
gave into a bad craving for potato chips while I was really sick but here I am, being honest about - bully for me huh?
feel good about my first attempts at a coordinated exercise plan. Now that the nice weather has returned to my part of the world, and all of the ice is melted, there is no long an excuse to avoid it so I'm getting out there and moving my considerably huge butt. Yay me!

deliberate

2009-03-20T12:11:00.002-04:00

Happy Spring folks. It's freezing cold here today even though it's officially spring. I shouldn't complain really. If we'd had a day like this 2 weeks ago, it would have felt balmy. Funny how quickly your body can adjust to a change in the temperature isn't it?

I wish that my body would adjust to other things as quickly. Today, I've deliberately made my meal portions smaller and my tummy is grumbly. In a few days, I'll have adjusted again to smaller portions but for today, in addition to being cold, I feel like I could eat a small horse. Well, a small horse sized clump of some kind of food I enjoy.

For now though, I'll grab another sweater and eat my carrots and be grateful for the sunshine.

Missing in inaction

2009-03-19T16:47:00.002-04:00

I feel as though I should explain my unplanned absence of the past few weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, it got bitterly cold around here. I’d been feeling like I was fighting a cold bug, a little run down, achy, you know how that goes. Everyone in my office had been sick but I had resolve. I would not get sick. The weekend arrived and rather than give into the bug, I kept busy and felt better. I mean, we got some things done around the house and I was able to sleep in and generally go at my own pace.

On the Sunday afternoon, again, it was way cold. Sunny but bitterly cold. I went out onto the deck with one of our dogs. I was wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt and a sweat shirt and leaned against our deck railing while Gracie did her thing. I straightened up, walked back into the house, sat on the couch and experienced massive pain in my back.

This has happened to me before, but not for a good long while. I think it was a combination of stress and the cold, more the bug than the actual temperature. I was laid up for 2 days at home. I crawled back into work on Wednesday and was feeling “okay” by the weekend but really had to limit how much time I spent either at a desk or on my feet. Last week, I started experiencing hip pain. I know it was caused by the funny way I had to walk when my back was messed up. That hip pain eventually migrated to the knee area and is now in my calf. It only really aches toward the end of the day and I am feeling much much better.

Last week, in an attempt to move my old bones and get the achy parts loosened up I did some walking. I wish I could say that I was on a regular exercise routine but I’m not. I also wish I could say that I compensated for the lack of activity by making consistently good food choices but I can’t say that either.

Chocolate has been consumed (not in mass quantities but in larger than I should have), chips have been consumed (although without dip – that counts for something, right?). I did buy some ice cream treats but managed to buy the sugar free mini-sized ones. Overall, it wasn’t a binge fest but it wasn’t great.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been doing much better. I’m feeling better too and that will help me too. It’s a little too easy to “treat” yourself when you’re laid up. That’s when I shouldn’t be doing it but, well…. you know…

I want to get totally back on track and to do that, I need to post here. It keeps me honest and focused.

not much

2009-02-27T12:10:00.001-05:00

I feel like I should have a post today but I don't have a lot to say. I've been online only hit and miss this week because my computer at home is needing a new processor and we won't be getting that sorted out until the weekend (maybe).

Off and on this week, I've felt like I'm getting a cold or flu. On Tuesday, I felt really lousy and took some cold meds and felt better. I'm having the same symptoms again right now. I've taken another dose of the cold meds but my head is pounding still and I feel a little dizzy.

I have a lot to do here at work this afternoon but I think I'll be hitting the bed as soon as I get home, instead of hitting the old exercise bike. Honestly, I'll be so glad when winter is over and all of these horrible germs are gone.

hope you all have a good weekend!

wednesday wrap-up - week 3

2009-02-25T20:24:00.003-05:00

I've spent the week on what feels like a food roller coaster. I've had my good moments (the ups) and some moments I've not been so proud of (the downs). Overall, I do know that when all is done and dusted, I've had more ups than downs but unfortunately, not enough to show any significant results. In the past, I'd have blamed the time of the year, the changing weather and general malaise that happens 'round here at this time of the year. Of course, all of those things come into play but ultimately, I should be stronger than that and I wasn't.

So, having said all of that, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending February 25

vitamins and water - back on track on both scores. I took those vitamins every day and have been chugging the water like it's going out of style. I do notice an improvement in my skin and I thank the H20 for that
due to computer issues at home and busy days at work, I've not posted as often as I would have liked to. Hopefully, by the weekend, my home computer will be back up and running
discussed the treats at work situation with my co-workers. We're throwing all of the crap out and everyone is going to make an effort to not bring stuff in. We always all complain about and yet some folks continue to bring it in. We'll see how it goes!

no remorse

2009-02-23T12:08:00.002-05:00

Friday night, before we went home, we stopped for groceries. My hunny had driven past the store on his way to pick me up and he commented that it was really busy there. As much as I would have liked to have put it off, I knew that if we didn't go on our way home, we may go home, order a pizza for dinner and that would start the weekend off on a bad foot.

The store was really busy but we got through it pretty quickly. We stocked up on lots of healthy snacks. Once again, almost no packaged food was in our buggy, just stuff from the outside aisles of the store.

Over the weekend, the nagging hunger pretty much stayed away. On Saturday night, because we'd not been out to dinner in over a week (which is very good for us!), we decided to go out for sushi. It's an all you can eat place but you order from the menu. We've been there before and really enjoy it. I had my favourite salad (with deliciously fresh avocados) and we ordered lots of sushi. It was super filling and very satisfying but I was still jonesing for chocolate after dinner.

On the way home, we stopped off at the drug store so I could get a chocolate bar. that's right, I broke down. It was so good. And I didn't eat the whole thing that night. I savoured every bite and enjoyed some of it yesterday too. I realize now that rather than make myself insane trying to feed a craving with something else, it's better for me to indulge in a small amount of the real thing, just once in a while. I think I'm good on the chocolate front for a while now. I'm glad that I waited as long as I did but I don't feel badly about finally giving in.

the hunger

2009-02-20T11:17:00.003-05:00

For some unknown reason, the past couple of days have been really challenging for me. On Wednesday and Thursday, I just felt hungry all day long. Even after eating my meals, I'd still feel hungry. The temptation to snack was intense. Fortunately, we don't have any junk in the house so the small amount of snacking I did do was on stuff which wasn't horrible. All the water and gum in the world wasn't helping, which is odd, because it usually does.

Today I don't have that nagging hungry feeling like I did yesterday. I keep trying to figure out what caused it. Perhaps the weather has something to do with it. It has suddenly become very cold here again after a few days of pretty moderate weather (for this time of the year in this part of the world anyway). Yesterday I felt sore and cold and it was damp all day. I wonder if just wanted to comfort myself with food. Whatever it was, I tried to fight it. I did eat a couple of extra portions of sugar free jello along the way but for the most part, I just tried to ignore it.

It's a good thing I did too because if the weather hadn't been sort of dicey, I would have been jumping in the car and heading to Tim Horton's for something chocolatey and cake-y or to the grocery store for something in the Ben & Jerry's family. Not good. Well, actually, really yummy but not at all what I need right now.

Hopefully, whatever it was is over for now and I won't be struggling to stay on track all weekend. I am looking forward to a time when this all becomes second nature again.

survey says

2009-02-19T06:34:00.002-05:00

Last night, we had a visit by some folks from Statistics Canada. They were doing a survey for our local public health unit to find out what folks in the community knew about their services.

The survey itself was brief but they left behind some literature about the health unit which was sort of interesting. I knew about a few of their programs but they have a couple which could help with weight loss that I was not aware of (they also left us a copy of the latest "Canada's Food Guide" which was nice). The two programs I thought were particularly cool were the "living well phone line" and "dial-a-dietitian."

It's sort of cool that they came to our door. You just never know when help is going to be offered to you - this was a very pleasant surprise.

wednesday wrap-up - week 2

2009-02-18T12:31:00.002-05:00

You may have wondered where I have been for the past almost a week. I was sick. As a dog. I had booked off some extra time for an extra-long, fun-filled weekend. All of my weekend plans were cancelled and I was sick for almost the whole time. Not fun. Bad food choices were made at time, at other times, I had no appetite at all. Overall, the week was a bit of a wash out

So, having said all of that, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending February 18

vitamins and water - I did drink a huge amount of water over the past week but the vitamins were hit and miss because of my not feeling good. This week should be a huge improvement. I also drank a lot of diet ginger ale which wasn't great
despite my good intentions, I did not post here at all over the weekend or during "the illness"
was able to avoid the many treats which keep coming into the office. I even avoided the wonderful smelling marble cake which was here on Thursday
no real, intentional exercise to speak of
did not weigh in but if I had, I don't think I'd have seen a change for the better

fill'er up

2009-02-12T12:33:00.002-05:00

This week, I've noticed that I fill up very quickly at meal time. It's pretty incredible and I'm not complaining one little bit. I imagine that part of it is all of the water I've been drinking, combined with the better quality food.

The best part of it is that the evening snack cravings are disappearing. I'm sure that the weekend (as always) will continue to be a struggle but at least I feel like I'm in control through the week.

Yesterday, I got a little walking in. It was raining pretty hard so I didn't do a whole lot (just 20 minutes) but I was glad I did it. It's a long weekend 'round here this weekend and the weather is supposed to be cold but nice. This week, a lot of the snow has melted so the streets and sidewalks are in much better shape than they were at the beginning of the month. The improved conditions should make walking easier - I'd like to walk outside every day over the weekend if the weather permits. I'd enjoy it and I think that the doggies would as well!

wednesday wrap-up - week 1

2009-02-11T12:08:00.003-05:00

This week was really the first full week I can report on. Overall, I have to say that I feel good about how things went. In the past, I've jumped into this with both feet and white knuckled things. I've overcontrolled my portions and that created a raging craving monster inside of me. This time, I'm not being as hard on myself. As I mentioned last week, I'm concerned more with content than portion size (they seem to go hand in hand though). I know that I've eaten far less food this week than I have in a long time. I also know that the food I did eat was of a higher quality (more nutritious, less crap-filled) and that I'm feeling better physically because of these better choices.

So, having said all of that, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending February 11

again with the small stuff - I took my vitamins every day over the past week and I drank a butt load of water. I did have some diet soda on the weekend but not nearly as much as I normally would
posted here, almost every day - I took one day off over the weekend - this journal keeps me accountable to myself and I like sharing what I struggle with, and what works, with you
continued to avoid treats while at work. yesterday, a wonderful coworker brought in some carrot cake. it looks and smells delicioius and it was very nice of her to bring it in but I feel good about having not indulged in even a small piece
once again, my exercise was mostly stuff involving the dogs and some walking. I feel like I need to create a solid exercise plan now that I'm feeling better about my eating
hopped on the scale this morning for the first time in a long while. I wasn't impressed but also wasn't shocked by what I saw. I know that the next time I hop on it, it'll be a smaller number

like water for chicken

2009-02-10T13:05:00.003-05:00

My poor hunny is a migraine sufferer. Recently, because of the crazy weather he's been suffering with them more frequently than normal. Yesterday he had one so when he picked me up from work he feeling better but beaten up. He'd gone home in the morning and slept for a little while.

We had a couple of errands to do and after we were finished them and were on our way home, the "what will we have for dinner" discussion started. Now, my hunny is a chef so he's looks after most of our meals. Sometimes when he's recovering from a headache he gets some odd cravings. Last night, it was chicken. He's not a fan of chicken for the most part (he eats it but you know...). It wasn't just chicken though, he kept talking about fried chicken. This was very strange. He is really not a fan of fried chicken. Anyway, he kept talking about it and talking about it and we ended up eventually in the drive thru of the local KFC. It wasn't the best thing in the world to have had for dinner but it did make him feel better. I had a bowl thing (so did he) and we shared some popcorn chicken. I did notice that I was full really quickly and didn't feel like snacking at all in the evening. I suppose that's a good thing huh? Usually "fast food" leaves me wanting more.

This morning, not intentionally, I have avoided coffee at work (and the yummy looking carrot cake someone brought in) and have been drinking a lot of water. Dinner was a bit salty last night so that may be why I've been wanting water. Less than stellar food choices aside, overall I feel better right now than I did two weeks ago so I think I'm on the right path.

I survived!

2009-02-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

I ate no chocolate this weekend.

I did not bake muffins (it would have been a silly thing to do for me - I think I would have eaten too many of them and they still wouldn't have been chocolate).

I did snack on my rice cake type snack items on Friday night and yesterday afternoon. We did order a pizza for a late lunch / early dinner on Saturday and I had salad with it. It was a fair compromise for having a little bit of greasy stuff. I did have some leftovers yesterday too but overall, it could have been much worse.

The weekend really was all about food. Me thinking about wanting something I really shouldn't have (or at least not have too much of or have too often) and then getting busy doing something else so I'd stop thinking about it. Distractions can work to help with cravings, I think.

While part of me wanted to stay home today and play with the dogs, the other (bigger) part of me is glad to be back at work and into my routine. Routine is the very best friend of a person who has food issues!!

ugh

2009-02-07T07:58:00.001-05:00

Woke up this morning feeling stiff and sore, again. Whatever this bug is that I have, it's getting rather boring.

I also woke up thinking about greasy breakfast foods and chocolate. Hormones anyone? Yeah, I'm fighting it. Maybe the compromise will be some sort of home baked thing. Mmm... maybe low fat carrot muffins?

braced

2009-02-06T12:47:00.002-05:00

All week this week, I've been dragging my butt around. I talked to a co-worker this morning and she's felt the same way. We both think that we've had a weird flu bug of sorts. Partly it could be that we've had extremely cold weather here this week but I don't think it's entirely down to the weather. Last night and this morning, I was having aches and pains in my joints and was really uncomfortable. It's not so bad now that I'm at work and have been moving around but I was feeling really crappy about it last night.

In fact, I felt so crappy about it that I really wanted to indulge in something "bad" to make myself feel better. Fortunately, we didn't have any bad stuff in the house. After work last night, we stopped off to do a quick shop at the grocery store. While we were there, we stuck to our list and bought mostly fresh ingredients so our meals will continue to be amazing, veggie filled events. I did pick up a couple of veggie frozen pizzas. I love pizza and figured that having a frozen pizza in the house will help when I get those cravings. They are less fatty than the one we like to order from our neighbourhood pizzeria not to mention they are much smaller. I wanted to buy a package of whole wheat crusts but they didn't have any so I opted for the frozen version, if you're wondering. The other thing I got for myself (trying to think ahead instead of reacting always) were a couple of bags of rice cake chip things. I know that I'm heading into a particularly hormonal time of the month and I may need something salty. They should help. I know I should try to avoid the sale entirely but that's not going to happen (not yet anyway) so I figure it's better to control the fat and the portion. Again, baby steps right.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't worried about the weekend but I'm trying to remain focused on the long term. Overall, I think my choices have been much better than they were last week. All I can do is keep improving that every week and know that I'll feel better for it in the long run.

What do you do to avoid those evening and weekend temptations?

on weight loss porn

2009-02-05T12:18:00.004-05:00

It occurred to me today that many of us who read weight loss journals, look for inspiration not only in the stories but in the photos that the intrepid "losers" post. It's sort of the "porn" part of this isn't it? Wanting to see those photos and cheer others on. I always hope to find someone who started out in similar shape that I'm in right now, because it helps me to see where I could end up. In my years of doing this, I've never posted progress photos. I think it's partly because I've never stayed 'down' long enough to feel good about posting them. I do think though that I will start taking them again. Now that I have a tripod for my camera, I can do it on my own. I'm not promising that when I take them, that I'll post them, but I might.

My eating continues to be pretty good although last night was a bit much. We were out doing errands after work and neither of us were feeling particularly sparkly. I suggested that on the way home, we stop off for that bowl of Pho I'd been thinking about all week. Unfortunately, we had to drive by our favourite Chinese buffet to get the Vietnamese place and the buffet won out. I will confess that I had a couple of deep friend battered shrimp but mostly, I ate veggies and chicken (I had a small amount of steamed rice with a gorgeous curry dish they had). I ate a large amount of broccoli which really filled me up. Also, I didn't have any dessert and I didn't snack at all when I got home. I felt good about the choices I made although I know that much of stuff we had was too fatty. Still, I keep focusing on better choices and I think I made the right ones (mostly) in the situation I was in.

wednesday wrap-up - re-start edition

2009-02-04T08:05:00.002-05:00

I wasn't sure that I was going to go back to the wednesday wrap-up but it's something that I like about my journal. Once a week, I can stand up and look back on what worked and what didn't. Now, I'm not officially looking back on an entire week, just a couple of days but I thought a little reflection is never a bad thing.

So, having said all of that, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending February 4

I've been taking my vitamins very regularly. I'm pretty sure that I took them every day in the last week
I've been attempting to drink less sugar free soda and more water when I'm at home. I don't think I've had any soda since Saturday which is a pretty big deal for me
totally avoided the black hole, err, table of treats in the kitchen at work. I noticed this morning that in addition to a couple of leftover muffins (2 days old now, they hold NO appeal), there was an open bar of chocolate, some jolly ranchers and half a box of chocolates from Christmas. If it were upto me, the stuff would all be in the bin but it's not, so I continue to walk past it all, several times a day
exercise has consisted of running with the dogs in the yard and the basement, chasing balls and frisbees around and a small amount of walking
for now, I'm staying away from the scale. It is too early for me to feel like I've lost anything. For the next few weeks, I think I'll use the good old pant-o-metre to measure

observation

2009-02-03T12:16:00.002-05:00

So yesterday, when I "restarted" things, I decided to worry less about how much I was eating and to focus on what I was putting into my mouth.

See, this comes from us being on a weird eating streak lately. You know how things can typically fall apart over the holiday season? You have the best of intentions but the fudge always looks better than the celery, right? Well once we got back into our post-holiday routine, we just never got straight again. Through the week it wasn't too bad (although I think we were eating out more often than was sensible some weeks) but the weekends were terrible. Junk. Chips and salty snacks, cookies, just bad stuff and too much of it.

Anyway, I realized yesterday that I eat too much of it because it's not satisfying so it takes more of it to feel it. Yesterday, eating no junk, consuming only non-junk food, I wasn't hungry. I didn't feel like I needed second helpings of anything because I was satisfied. As time goes along, I will reduce my portions I think but for now, I'm just happy to not be snacking on crap.

me 1, muffins 0

2009-02-02T17:19:00.001-05:00

suck it muffins!

I don't need you and I didn't have one of you so you didn't have me!! ha!!

Not having pho for dinner but Mark's making something with chicken and lots of veggies and it smells good.

we're off to a rockin' start!!

starting over

2009-02-02T13:27:00.003-05:00

So as much as I start and stop and start and stop with this, I'm restarting yet again but this time I'm not stopping. I will muddle through and post here for no one's benefit but my own. You may find it boring but it's going to be all about me and keeping track of what I'm doing for me. me! me! me!

So!

Day 1

- no "junk" has been consumed by this chickie so far today.
- have so far resisted the Tim Horton's muffins which someone brought in. they taunt me everytime I walk into the kitchen
- am chewing sugar free gum and thinking about a bowl of pho for dinner, must be getting sick because I only crave it when I'm not well
- so far, so good.

happy new year

2008-09-04T12:40:00.002-04:00

This first week in September always feels like January to me. I think it's because our sleepy campus wakes up after the summer and everything gets moving again.

I'm included in the things that get moving right now. The past week has been touch and go. I've definitely eaten "well" more often than not over the past week but not as well as I will next week. Each week that passes sees a definite improvement in the choices I'm making at meal time.

Partly because we're trying to be less impulsive with our meals and partly because we're pretty broke this month, we're trying to plan out our weekly meals. So far, we've not planned more than a couple of days in advance but that's a good start I think. A huge challenge to our clean eating regime is the weather. We've both been suffering with bad weather-related headaches and that throws the eating thing way off. On headache days, one of several things can happen: either we eat and are sick, or don't eat, or eventually eat but eat too much and eat not good things because we're treating ourselves after the headache.

Not ideal is it? It's also the reason for the not so good days for yours truly. However, despite that, I'm moving more, walking more and that feels good. I've not stepped on the scale but I feel like I'm not retaining water like I was so that's kind of nice. Baby steps, right? Like I said earlier, as long as I improve what I'm doing each week, that's what is most important.

looking forward

2008-08-27T08:21:00.000-04:00

Being back on track feels, well, weird I suppose. At the end of the day yesterday, logically, I felt great about what I’d consumed and the walk I’d taken at the end of the day (even if I wasn’t able to go as far as I’d hoped). Physically though, I’m feeling tired and beaten up. This morning particularly, I had a really tough time getting going.

This will shift, I know that. I’m still flushing toxins out of my system I think. I know that I’m drinking more fluids and as a result am peeing more. My skin is sort of wonky at the moment as some of the nasty stuff that’s been in system works its way out. In a few weeks, I’ll feel less bloated and my skin will improve.

I think that this shitty feeling is good though. It’s reminding me why I’m doing this. Crap meals and laying around have made me feel like a slug and I know for a fact that I’m way over that. If I eat better and move more, eventually, I’ll feel terrific. I’m looking forward to that!

new shoes & ice cream cones

2008-08-26T10:56:00.000-04:00

I can report that I’m definitely being more thoughtful in my food choices. I really think about each meal and what I’m consuming before I do it. Over the past week, I feel that I’ve done well overall on cutting back on my portions, on reducing the amount of salt and fat I’m ingesting and on increasing the amount of water I’m drinking.

I cannot say that I’ve been completely “good” last week, well over the weekend anyway. On the weekend, I had some chips, some dip, an ice cream cone and a couple of hot dogs. Honestly though, I did think about what I was doing – it was not mindless eating. I also tried to offset the extra calories with either a little more exercise or a by eating less later on. This isn’t ideal, I understand this, it is what it is though. It’s life for now. I keep talking to myself about small changes and I think that is what is going to work for me in the long run.

This week is going pretty well so far. I’ve realized that it’s time for me to buy some new shoes. I’ve been wearing flip flops and sandals all summer. This past week, I was doing some extra walking and realized that I really need a new pair of walking shoes. It’s been a long time since I have splurged on my feet and I want to invest in something that will be comfortable and make me want to keep walking. The dog park we go to has a large track and I’d really like to start walking that. We go there pretty much every night so it’s a good opportunity for me to get some serious walking in, rather than the meandering stuff I do when I’m playing with the dog.

So that may be this weekend’s project, get new shoes. If you all have any suggestions for a good walking shoe I’d love to hear them. I have a wide foot and am pretty heavy right now so I’ll need something that is pretty sturdy. I know that it’s not going to be easy, walking that track, because I’m really out of shape. At the moment, I’m so sick of being this out of shape that I’m actually excited about exercising regularly again. Feeling like a giant slug is not a good thing. I can actually remember how good it felt to get into the habit of exercising almost every day (like I did way back at the beginning of this whole thing) and I want to have that in my life again!

empty

2008-08-21T18:41:00.002-04:00

This week has been tough at times, at other times, not so much.

I do have a couple of things to report, good stuff I suppose, things that will help me out in the long run.

1. I cleaned out our treat cupboard. Now, the thing isn't a whole cupboard, it's more like a shelf. It also has all of our herbal teas, and crystal light and stuff. It was a mess, I threw out crusty old Werther's and cookie bits and it's now tidy, and free of starchy snacks. I will say this, recently, it's been storing digestive biscuits and licorice. Neither of these things are as bad as, let's say, delicious kit kat bars, but if you have enough of them, they aren't really smart either.

2. Fewer meals out this week. We've fallen into a bad spiral over the past month or so, of either eating out, ordering take out or making sandwiches. All of these things are not good and honestly, are pretty boring. We did grab a hot dog at Costco on Monday night because we hadn't eaten dinner and we wanted to get groceries (not on an empty stomach!). Had it with some fresca and it was good. Otherwise though, we've been preparing meals at home and have been eating all of the good produce we picked up at Costco when we shopped on a full tummy.

3. moving it. I've had, at times, crippling cramps this week but I've tried to keep moving. I didn't get walking as much as I'd have liked but I have definitely been outside, doing more than I normally would, despite the being doubled over (literally - it's very strange) with lovely TOM cramps.

it's not all about the scale

2008-08-19T09:08:00.002-04:00

...I think we've all known this for years but it's nice to see some data backint it up. For me particularly, I have a lot of weight to lose. When I get to my goal, I'll still be considered overweight by insurance chart standards but I know that I'll be healthier than I am at my present weight. Anyway, fyi:

Better to Be Fat and Fit Than Skinny and Unfit

By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: August 18, 2008

Often, a visit to the doctor’s office starts with a weigh-in. But is a person’s weight really a reliable indicator of overall health?

Increasingly, medical research is showing that it isn’t. Despite concerns about an obesity epidemic, there is growing evidence that our obsession about weight as a primary measure of health may be misguided.

Last week a report in The Archives of Internal Medicine compared weight and cardiovascular risk factors among a representative sample of more than 5,400 adults. The data suggest that half of overweight people and one-third of obese people are “metabolically healthy.” That means that despite their excess pounds, many overweight and obese adults have healthy levels of “good” cholesterol, blood pressure, blood glucose and other risks for heart disease.

At the same time, about one out of four slim people — those who fall into the “healthy” weight range — actually have at least two cardiovascular risk factors typically associated with obesity, the study showed.

To be sure, being overweight or obese is linked with numerous health problems, and even in the most recent research, obese people were more likely to have two or more cardiovascular risk factors than slim people. But researchers say it is the proportion of overweight and obese people who are metabolically healthy that is so surprising.

“We use ‘overweight’ almost indiscriminately sometimes,” said MaryFran Sowers, a co-author of the study and professor of epidemiology at the University of Michigan. “But there is lots of individual variation within that, and we need to be cognizant of that as we think about what our health messages should be.”

The data follow a report last fall from researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Cancer Institute showing that overweight people appear to have longer life expectancies than so-called normal weight adults.

But many people resist the notion that people who are overweight or obese can be healthy. Several prominent health researchers have criticized the findings from the C.D.C. researchers as misleading, noting that mortality statistics don’t reflect the poor quality of life and suffering obesity can cause. And on the Internet, various blog posters, including readers of the Times’s Well blog, have argued that the data are deceptive, masking the fact that far more overweight and obese people are at higher cardiovascular risk than thin people.

Part of the problem may be our skewed perception of what it means to be overweight. Typically, a person is judged to be of normal weight based on body mass index, or B.M.I., which measures weight relative to height. A normal B.M.I. ranges from 18.5 to 25. Once B.M.I. reaches 25, a person is viewed as overweight. Thirty or higher is considered obese.

“People get confused by the words and the mental image they get,” said Katherine Flegal, senior research scientist at the C.D.C.’s National Center for Health Statistics. “People may think, ‘How could it be that a person who is so huge wouldn’t have health problems?’ But people with B.M.I.’s of 25 are pretty unremarkable.”

Several studies from researchers at the Cooper Institute in Dallas have shown that fitness — determined by how a person performs on a treadmill — is a far better indicator of health than body mass index. In several studies, the researchers have shown that people who are fat but can still keep up on treadmill tests have much lower heart risk than people who are slim and unfit.

In December, a study in The Journal of the American Medical Association looked at death rates among 2,600 adults 60 and older over 12 years. Notably, death rates among the overweight, those with a B.M.I. of 25 to 30, were slightly lower than in normal weight adults. Death rates were highest among those with a B.M.I. of 35 or more.

But the most striking finding was that fitness level, regardless of body mass index, was the strongest predictor of mortality risk. Those with the lowest level of fitness, as measured on treadmill tests, were four times as likely to die during the 12-year study than those with the highest level of fitness. Even those who had just a minimal level of fitness had half the risk of dying compared with those who were least fit.

During the test, the treadmill moved at a brisk walking pace as the grade increased each minute. In the study, it didn’t take much to qualify as fit. For men, it meant staying on the treadmill at least 8 minutes; for women, 5.5 minutes. The people who fell below those levels, whether fat or thin, were at highest risk.

The results were adjusted to control for age, smoking and underlying heart problems and still showed that fitness, not weight, was most important in predicting mortality risk.

Stephen Blair, a co-author of the study and a professor at the Arnold School of Public Health at the University of South Carolina, said the lesson he took from the study was that instead of focusing only on weight loss, doctors should be talking to all patients about the value of physical activity, regardless of body size.

“Why is it such a stretch of the imagination,” he said, “to consider that someone overweight or obese might actually be healthy and fit?”

well@nytimes.com

holy crap

2008-08-18T11:01:00.001-04:00

Somehow, two months have passed (over two months actually) since I last updated. I wish I could say that I'd been a good, healthy-eating-exercise-doing shrinking gurl but alas, I was not.

I feel lousy too.

It's time for a change, for our entire household actually. We've just finished a two week vacation and we're both determined to get our collective shit together. The dog is going to be in on it too. Less treats for all, more walking, more biking. Generally, just a lot more of being kinder to ourselves.

I was at the funeral of my cousin on the weekend. She was 43 years old and had fought cancer for 14 years. I thought about how lucky I was to not have any major health issues at the age of 41 (although I'm fat - I think I can change that). I hate that it took a family tragedy to kick my ass again but I'll try to make something good come out of this horrible situation.

So yeah, in short, I'm back.

hot stuff

2008-06-09T12:18:00.002-04:00

We're experiencing our first real heat wave of the season as I type this.

On Friday, I was on a day off from work and we were out doing errands and I really felt gross. Moving around in the humid, dirty air, was not fun and really reinforced for me, how important it is to get into better shape this summer. When I am more fit, the heat doesn't bother me as much.

Over the weekend, I must say that heat wave and all, we were more active than we've been in a while. As tempting as it may have been to just sit in front of the television, eating popsicles and enjoying the air conditioning, we got stuff done. On Saturday, I spent four hours (yes FOUR hours!) sorting through clothes. It was finally hot enough to pack the sweaters away and get the summer things out. When I was done, I had 3 bags of stuff (some of it belongs to my hunny) for the Value Village donation bin and 5 bags of stuff for the trash (although I'm trying to find a quilter or textile artist who might want it - it's not good enough for donations but I don't want it to end up in a landfill).

I realized that some stuff I was hanging onto "until I lost weight" was just taking up valueable real estate in my closet and dresser. I kept a few things that I really love which are too small for me (I live in hope!) but for the most part, I realized that when I lose weight and need new stuff, I'll want to buy stuff so there was no sense hanging onto this stuff that someone else could use. Getting that done felt amazing. Having room in my dresser again is such a treat.

In addition to that, we took the puppy out to a park in the country we really like. We were up quite early yesterday and I felt like we owed it to him (and to us) to have some kind of outing that required physical activity. He really enjoyed being near the water and walking around in the park (on his leash) and meeting some other dogs. We enjoyed the walking and the gorgeous lake shore breezes and all felt better for having done it. Every Sunday that it's not raining, we're planning to repeat this activity. We won't necessarily visit the same park each week but it'll be good for all of us to be moving around on the weekends.

So yeah, that's it for me. I think I missed a wrap-up last week but things are going okay. I'll definitely have a wrap-up this week so stay tuned!!

Wednesday plus one wrap-up - week 14

2008-05-29T12:38:00.002-04:00

Wow, did you think I fell off of the planet?

I did not, I was very much still stuck on earth but just got very bad at posting. Since spring has sprung, I've been spending more time outside and less time in front of the computer.

During my time away, I wish I could say that I was an excellent healthy choice making, weight-dropping shrinking girl. I could say that I suppose but it would be a lie. We went through a 2 week period of really not caring much about our diets. I guess it was the weekend after my last post. It was my hunny's birthday and we just sort of went hog wild. The birthday continued with a weird chip-binge for a couple of weeks. I can't tell you how many chips I ate, it was shocking. Fortunately, I've since gone cold turkey on the chips and haven't touched one in a few weeks. I literally have no will power with chips. I'm okay with microwave popcorn (which I've had) or a handful of baked crackers but chips, I seriously can't stop.

For the past couple of weeks, we've dramatically reduced the number of meals we're eating out of the house. We are grilling dinner more and more often and we're creating some fabulous salads. Overall, I think we're doing well. The way we are tweaking ouy meal plan is making it very sustainable. That's important to me.

I think I'm back on track with the posting thing...I'm going to try anyway, in the meantime, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending May 28

continuing to take my vitamins every single day
water goal was not met this week. Due to cold temperatures in the office, drank more tea than water. Probably had more pop than water in the evenings due to fabulous sale priced Diet Coke
did not give into fresh baked chocolate chip cookie tempation at the office this week - I let the triatholon runner have my portion!
exercise has consisted of running with the puppy in the yard, chasing balls and frisbees around, some gardening and walks with puppy
continue to avoid the scale. I don't feel like I've gained but I don't think I've lost either, maitenance has been determined by the pant-o-metre

wednesday wrap-up - week 7

2008-04-09T18:52:00.002-04:00

Can I get a high-five? I made it through another week without a visit to the DQ. We did have some rather lovely, new, Breyers ice cream treats which are yummy and lower in calories than a DQ (MUCH lower) so that was a terrific subsititute!

Right now, I'm really jonesing for strawberries of the fresh local variety but I know that they are about 2.5 months away so I'm trying to control that and get a serious grip.

Anyway, I'm perking up a bit and the cold thing I've had for a couple of days seems to be going away so... I'll try to summarize my efforts this week... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending April 8

took my new "lady" vitamins every single day this week, even on the weekend
I think because of my cold, I drank way more water than I normally would (and normally I drink a lot). So yeah, water goals, not an issue - skin is looking good for it
work is a smallish source of temptation right now. I gave into cookies last week (as reported) and had a few "treats" there this week too. Fortunately, we're heading into a time when folks will be on the road more and I'll be there alone more so there will be less treats to be tempted by. bah
between work busy stuff and having a cold, I didn't post every working day but I've been consistent with Wednesdays the past few weeks so that's something
still not stepping on the scale but feeling okay about that. Pants aren't feeling horrible and tight at the moment
lots of time outside chasing the puppy and some lovely spring time walking was had this week

getting better

2008-04-07T19:11:00.003-04:00

One of the reasons that I decided to make a move last fall and apply for my current job was the pace of the old one. In order to keep up with things, I found myself going into the office up to 2 hours early each day, working through lunches and spending chunks of my Saturdays catching up. Of course, the Saturday catchup only happened on weekends when I wasn't already working, either on site or somewhere else between Ottawa and Toronto.

My current job has a much more sane work load and it's only busy (really really busy like I mentioned above) a couple of times during the year. This is one of the times of the year that it's busy. I don't mind having to do this once in a while because I know that it's not an all the time thing. Being away from the insanity for 3 months though, really made me "soft" so to speak. The longer hours I've worked the past week has thrown me for a small bit of a loop.

Looking back at it now, I realize how lucky I was to make that move. I truly like my job again. In my last role, I loved the work and my team but the pace was crazy. At the moment, I'm on a great team, doing work that is really interesting and I'm not exhausted all of the time. I really appreciate this because it is allowing me the time I need to take care of myself.

I'm glad that I kicked myself in the ass last fall and did this for myself. I feel like I have the time again (not maybe this week) to truly devote to taking better care of myself and my family and that is worth more than all of the money in the world.

wednesday wrap-up - week 6

2008-04-02T12:09:00.002-04:00

Gah! As I mentioned yesterday, it's a really slow process this go-round but I'm not letting little slip ups stop me completely. Happily, I can report that I did not give into my strong urge last night. I really wanted to drive to the DQ but am proud of myself for not doing it!

Let's take a look at what's been happening with me... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending April 1

bought actual "lady" vitamins on the weekend and began taking them again, immediately. The ones I had been taking didn't have as much calcium and iron and these ones do. I feel better for taking them and I'm just on day 5
Again, I rock the water. I could be a camel!
gave into a couple of stupid cravings: some ketchup chips on the weekend, a couple of too-good-to-be-ignored chocolate chip cookies at work yesterda
Was less than regular with posting on weekdays but I'm getting better
avoided the scale again this week
mostly puppy related exercise this week but I did get some walking in too

trying

2008-04-01T19:38:00.003-04:00

Over the past couple of days, I've been trying to be "good" and it's working for the most part. I'm hormonal as hell and would probably do something really illegal for a Georgia Mud Fudge Blizzard right now if the opportunity presented itself.

The end of last week and the weekend sort of fell away in a blur. We had puppy issues on Thursday, hunny illness on Friday and over the weekend. Admittedly, there was some mindless snacking in amongst the stress but not enough that I feel terrible about it.

I must say that having the puppy in the house has me moving much more than I had been doing prior to his arrival. Leash training continues and when that's done and he's all happy to be walking around on the leash, I plan to walk with him each morning before work. My hunny can do the evening shift or we can do that together but I'm really looking forward to getting outside and walking with our beautiful new dog. Another by-product of the new puppy is more meals at home so that we're actually here with him (because he's awesome) and that's always better for my calorie count.

Overall, I'm really happy at home, good busy at work and getting back into the groove with my food intake. The exercise thing I'm not worrying about too much because I've been running around with the dog and that just plain old feels good.

Question for you all though, have any of you signed up online with Jillian Michaels? I really love her on the Biggest Loser and was looking at her program but was wondering if any of you cool kids had tried it out yet. When I did the absolute best with my weight loss was when Bev still had the Weigh-better forum going so I'm always interested in hearing about new/newish online resources.

wednesday wrap-up - week 5

2008-03-26T12:40:00.003-04:00

Well I haven't been updating much over the past 2 weeks and I did miss two wrap-ups so I should try to get that sorted out now. There isn't much to report but I'll try my best!

Let's take a look at what's been happening with me... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending March 26

Ran out of vitamins and keep forgetting to get new ones or to take one from my hunny's jar so, no vitatmins this week
The water goal was easy. I continue to at least meet my daily water intake goals!
gave into a couple of stupid cravings: little tiny cute lindt chocolate easter eggs on Monday night, a bacon cheeseburger at Wendy's over the weekend (with a fresca)!
I got back into posting on work days again
avoided the scale again this week
was unfortunately, got some walking in and have been chasing after our new puppy so that's fun and movement

Tuesday Observation

2008-03-25T12:07:00.002-04:00

You know, when I eat less processed food and more whole foods, a couple of things happen which I need to constantly remind myself about:

1. I feel better and have more energy.

2. My meals are more satisfying and I have fewer crap cravings.

Simple really but incredibly, I forget about these two things very easily. I'm keeping them on little slips of paper and putting them in the kitchen and at my desk to remind myself.

This isn't a complex problem I have, I just need to keep that in mind.

unclicked

2008-03-24T12:26:00.002-04:00

Wow, being sick knocked me out badly. The symptoms were stuck with me for about 8 days. Last week I still felt weak and things sort of unraveled as far as my plan went. Because last week was a short week for me, I can't even remember much of it. I know that we deliberately avoided easter chocolate all of last week. We had one meal out that I recall but the rest of the week was meals at home and sort of sane.

Workouts took a back seat though, I just couldn't get myself going to do them. This week should be better. The eating thing is back to be 100% on plan. Our fridge is full of fresh fruit and veg (leftover from holiday weekend lunch which we hosted yesterday - a benefit of hosting holiday meals at your home is that you control the menu!) and I bought myself some low fat crunchy snacks (PMS is just around the corner and I will need something cruncy and a little salty).

The clicking was unclicked for a little over week but fortunately, it's snapped back into place and I'm over my flu, ready to go again!!

weakened

2008-03-14T07:58:00.000-04:00

Or rather, weekend. It's almost here and this week has been a bit of a washout. Today is the first day all week that I have felt close to normal. Getting sick during the week that the time changes is not a smart idea. I can't tell if I'm messed up from the stomach flu or from the time change.

Either way, I've not eaten much this week and what I have eaten has been starchy. Crackers, toast, bread, ginger ale, water. Last night though, I had a normal dinner. I felt a little whoozy afterward but didn't actually get sick so that's progress.

This morning I had a cup of coffee for the first time since Monday and that was delicious. I also feel less cloudy, which is also good.

So yeah, exercise was non-existent this week but I didn't eat much. Next week should be much much better.

shrinking interrupted

2008-03-12T12:29:00.003-04:00

sorry for the lack of posts.

the weekly wrap-up is on hiatus this week too.

I've been sick with a stomach bug since Monday night. The only light at the end of the tunnel is that I may actually lose some weight this week. Not holding my breath but am hoping to feel better and be back to posting again tomorrow.

/whine

snow more

2008-03-10T12:12:00.004-04:00

We need more snow around here like we need to have gigantic holes in the middle of our heads.

It snowed here for about 36 hours over the weekend. Part of that were actually ice pellets and freezing rain but the accumulations were crazy. Aside from shovelling here and there, not much exercise was done. Unless laundry counts. Walking on ice is a bit tricky, that must burn some calories.

Honestly, it’s stormed here every other weekend since Christmas. We end up hibernating in the house until the storm passes. Unfortunately, snacking is often done while waiting for the snow to stop.

As much as I love the break from work, weekends are just my downfall right now. It’s happening because I’m letting it happen, I know this. For whatever reason though, I can’t click it on the weekends like I can Monday to Friday.

sad ride

2008-03-07T12:18:00.001-05:00

This will be a good news / bad news post. Really, it's all good so I shouldn't complain but what the hell, it's my journal and I can whine if I want to.

Last night when we got home, even though I'd been feeling like someone was kicking me in the stomach and had been feeling that way all day, I decided to ride the bike. I put my track pants and tshirt on, grabbed up a load of laundry and went downstairs.

I threw the load into the machine, hopped onto the bike and Dr. Phil was on. I decided to limit the ride to 10 minutes and see how I did. It wasn't fantastic, I rode 2.26 miles and while that was a bit of a disappointment, I tried to focus on the fact that I did do 10 minutes on the bike which is better than nothing. It was particularly good considering how shitty I was feeling. Tonight, maybe I'll do 15 minutes. I keep telling myself that anything I do is better than not doing anything at all, I just don't believe myself some of the time.

few words

2008-03-06T12:29:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, due to the weather, I left work really early. Like, about 2 hours after I'd arrived. It worked out very well that I did because when I got home, I started to feel like hammered crap. I had a weather related headache in combination with TOM arriving.

I didn't exercise like I'd planned to but I didn't eat dinner either (due to feeling too shitty - you know I'm sick when I don't eat because I can usually always eat).

Today I'm back at work but not feeling 100%. I'm feeling a little weak and foggy, neither of these things are good but they are also not bad enough to keep me home.

Anyway, onwards and upwards right?

wednesday wrap-up - week 2

2008-03-05T07:53:00.004-05:00

Once again, it's storming here and once again, I feel shitty. My head is full of what feels like cold and again, last night, I didn't sleep well. We are currently experiencing a huge freezing rain / snow pellet storm. The snow pellets starting pounding our windows at 2 a.m. or so. I woke up every 15 minutes from then on. It's hard to sleep when it sounds like someone is throwing shovels of sand at the window.

Oh well, better days ahead, right?

Let's take a look at what's been happening with me... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending March 5

Once again, I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
I rock the water - this one I actually enjoyed - I met my daily water intake goal all week!
gave into a couple of stupid cravings: pizza on the weekend, as well as those crappy little easter eggs. TOM seems to be taking its' time arriving this month so I seem to be experiencing an extended PMS situation. Hopefully things will get rolling soon and that will be over for another month. All I could think of yesterday was chocolate!
I've continued to post here every work-day
avoided the scale again this week
was unfortunately, not consistent with my intentional exercise at home but did do a lot more walking than I normally do, this past week

moving it around

2008-03-04T12:09:00.002-05:00

I think that my exercise plan may require some adjustments. All day yesterday, possibily from lack of sleep, I felt really shitty. I could have sworn I was getting a cold. I could not stop coughing or blowing my nose. When I finally got home, I felt too ill to even think about exercising and ended up going to bed early.

Last night I had a great rest and feel much better today physically but am a little disappointed with myself about the whole exercise thing. Tonight, I plan to get back on the bike but the evenings are not as easy as I thought that they would be. I may have to start dragging myself out of bed earlier and squeeze in a ride before work. That worked for me before, we'll see.

Foodwise, eating has been okay. Last night I ate more broccoli than should be allowed (cuz I love it so!) and my breakfasts and lunches are still really excellent. Much fruit and raw veg. Water intake is awesome. Despite the cold thing yesterday and TOM being just around the corner, all's well really. I definitely feel better now than I did a couple of weeks ago and that's the main thing for me.

do it right

2008-03-03T12:44:00.002-05:00

Here is a little tip, from me to you: if you are going to treat yourself to a little bit of chocolate, make it worth the splurge. Over the weekend, I was having a hormal rave-up and I bought some of those little chocolate foil wrapped easter eggs. I figured that this would be a good, controlled treat. Unfortunately, I think that they were leftover from last year. They were a little waxy and entirely unsatisfying. Fortunately, I kept my cool and didn't run off and bake brownies or a double-batch of chocolate chip cookies but I could have.

Unfortunately, over the weekend, my ass never touched the recumbent bike. I felt really achey and full of the cold over the weekend. A couple of folks in my office had it bad last week and I felt like I may have picked up a lite-version of it. I still don't feel 100% today, I can't keep warm no matter how much tea I drink or how tightly I hug the rads.

My hunny felt like shit over the weekend too. He found out last week that he has a couple of kidney stones. This absolutely explains his bouts of feeling crappy recently. He was in a lot of discomfort over the weekend so we didn't go too far. We also didn't "crap out" on food like we could have. I mean, we did order pizza at one point over the weekend but there was leftovers for lunch yesterday and I had a slice today for my lunch. It's strange though, ordering a medium and having some leftover, that's real progress for us. I cooked dinner last night (normally my hunny prepares the lion's share of our meals - which is why we had pizza on saturday). I made a casserole with lots of veggies, tuna, some pasta and fat-free cheese. I was a little heavy handed with the black pepper but it turned out okay. Tonight we should be back to normal because I had a call about 90 minutes ago from a very happy camper who had just passed a stone.

So yeah, that was the weekend for me. Nothing exciting, nothing very great to report but nothing too horrible either. Considering how tough I find the weekends, I am pretty happy with this one. Next week will be even better I'm sure.

invigorated?

2008-02-29T12:33:00.003-05:00

This week, on top of the intentional, good stuff I've been doing for myself, I've had to do a lot of outside walking during my work days. I've had meetings here and there so I've had to bundle up and make my way through the frozen tundra (not really tundra but definitely frozen).

I should be embarassed to admit this but, I tell ya, recently, I've become so lazy and out of shape that I'd been very carefully planning these trips so as not to take one extra step than was absolutely necessary. Part of the reason for this strategy was that I have been feeling so slow and bulky and out of shape that it actually was difficult for me to make some of these treks.

This week has been marginally better. I had more treks out into the world. The more little trips I take, the better I feel. I noticed on Wednesday, that on my way back to the office (through a particularly icy patch) my hips were hurting me. This morning, I didn't have that happen. I think I actually felt good when I got back to my desk. My lungs had been filled with some frosty air, my cheeks were a little frost-bitten (again not really but they were really cold) and I felt good. The really kind of cool thing (for me anyway) about this morning was that this particular meeting was about as far away from my office as I would normally have to go, it was uphill, against the wind and it wasn't something that I absolutely had to attend.

Now, again, this all might sound a little silly to a fit person but for an unfit, typically lazy soul like myself, it was an accomplishment that I'm feeling pretty good about. I'm also planning to do my exercise thing when I get home tonight as well so, yeah, yay me. Big frosty walk and exercise. Not bad for a lump huh?

grumbly tummy

2008-02-28T12:13:00.002-05:00

I've been pretty busy this morning so I didn't realize that it was time for lunch until my stomach told me. I like days like this.

Whatever happened on Monday, the clicking thing is still working. Looking back on last night, I didn't even think about having a snack after dinner. This is odd but not, I guess. I didn't flop out on the sofa last night, like Monday night, I did some chores and some blogging and kept myself pretty busy. The snacking trigger for me, in the evenings, is completely related to boredom. It's so easy to do a little mindless nibbling when you're in a fog in front of the tube.

Anyway, whatever happened, it's still happening and I'm happy about that. As always, the weekend will prove to be the big challenge. I have to say, I'm enjoying this feeling of having more energy so much, I may be inspired to just keep my head together and not oink out all weekend. We'll see.

wednesday wrap-up - week 1

2008-02-27T18:38:00.003-05:00

Today was day 2 of my deliberate exercise program. Yesterday was one of our "off days." This week that's Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday (although I may do something on Saturday and Sunday). I rode just as long tonight but not quite as far. I put 3.51 miles on the old bike this afternoon.

Yesterday, with my hunny being sick, we ended up going for a bowl of soup after work. I ordered wisely I think. On the way home, I needed to pick up a few things at the store and treated myself to some PMS chocolate. It was good, I enjoyed every bite and it's done. Fear not the binge! It was controlled chocolate.

Even though I really didn't get my shit together properly until Monday (and normally I do this Wednesday to Wednesday) I'm doing a weekly wrap-up today. Let's take a look at my progress so far... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending February 27

I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend! At least I did something good for myself this week!!
once again, this one was not a problem - I met my daily water intake goal all week!
gave into a couple of stupid cravings: some ketchup chips on the weekend and some cadbury mini rabbit caramilk things last night (PMS is starting)
so far, have posted here each week day this week (so far)
kept my ass OFF the scale all week!
got my butt back on the bike this week. Miles rode this week: 7.10

clicked

2008-02-26T12:16:00.003-05:00

Something in my head clicked yesterday morning. I wrote about the exercise plan and that was just part of it. For the first time in a really really long time, I feel good about getting healthier.

Last night, as soon as I got home, I put on some track pants and an old t-shirt and went downstairs to ride the recumbent bike while my hunny made dinner. I honestly can't tell you how long it's been since my butt's been on that bike but it's been a while.

I turned the tv on (Oprah had Valerie BertandErnie on) and decided that I'd ride for 15 minutes or 3 miles, whichever came first. That may seem like not a lot but it was my first day back and I really didn't want to hurt myself. I chose the 20 minute program on my bike and started peddalling. I could really feel it in my thighs and behind my knees but I kept going. When I got to 3 miles, I thought, well hell, I am going to keep going until my 15 minutes are up. When I got to 15 minutes I was more than ready to stop and I'd rode 3.59 miles.

After dinner, my hunny went for a ride. He was feeling really crappy last night (and this morning I think he has the flu - he's home from work) but he rode for 10 minutes while I did a bunch of little chores upstairs. I was shocked actually, at how energized that little ride made me. Normally, after dinner, I'd flake out in front of the tv and leave whatever it was I did until the weekend. If this keeps up, I may have no chores to do all weekend!!

As far as eating goes, I've now stopped journalling. That really helped me out but I don't think I need it for now. My basic rule of thumb, and it feels like it's working, is this: as low fat as possible, lots of raw veggies and fruit and water. I've decided to avoid junk food as much as I can but, if I really need something (like a bad hormonal craving), I'm just going to give in and have a small (SMALL) amount of it. This is not a diet I'm on, seriously, I'm just trying to have a healthier life. In the long run, if I meet that one-size-smaller goal, that'll be good but ultimately, I want to have more energy and just feel better.

I think if I post here more often that'll help me. The posts will likely be boring but that's okay. It's my blog and I can be boring if I want to!!

plan the work

2008-02-25T07:14:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I have devised a simple exercise plan to get us started this week. Up until now, it's been hit and miss with no routine at all to speak of.

Over the weekend, while I scrubbed and scoured the upstairs, my hunny sorted out the basement and got our exercise area set up again in the basement. We're both feeling rather large and sluggish at the moment but I think my plan will help us not feel so much like that. We're going to get our butts back on that recumbent bike and supplement it with some mat exercises. I'll ride the bike while he cooks dinner, he'll ride the bike while I clean up. I figure that if we do this every other day for a week or so, that will gently get us back into the groove of things. The floor exercises (crunches and stretching, etc.) we can do on the off days.

This should get us feeling limber enough that when the ice finally melts, we can get into a walking routine. I feel good about this plan and doing it together means that we'll drag each other along, even on the days when we may not want to do it.

bok choy joy

2008-02-20T11:22:00.003-05:00

We had a really veggie heavy stir fry for dinner last night and it did me a world of good. Today is the first day in about two weeks that I am actually feeling normal.

All day yesterday, I was in terrible pain and ran a bit of a fever. Whatever I had is now gone and I feel so much better. Terrible as it sounds, when I feel normal, it's easier to stick to my guns and eat well than it is when I'm sick. When I'm sick, I should want to eat well and feel better but I don't. I'm a dummy, I know.

I've deliberately avoided weighing myself for a few weeks now and I think I'm going to stay away from the scale for a little longer. I did have a small NSV though. Last fall, I bought this cute black blazer on eBay. I wore it once before the holidays but wasn't able to button it up. Well, I shouldn't say that I couldn't, I could but it looked dreaful, gaped and tight. This morning I put it on and was able to button it up without it looking terrible.

Not bad huh? it's a start. My first short-term goal is to be one size smaller by the time the nice weather arrives. I'd love to buy some new spring / summer pants and capris in a smaller size. This would also mean that stuff I have packed away would fit me much better than it did last summer. I think that this is a reasonable goal and again, should keep me off the scales.

crap

2008-02-19T12:05:00.004-05:00

At the moment, I am at my desk, eating my healthy sammich which is on bran bread and munching on carrot sticks. Over the weekend (we had a long weekend here - I'm just back to work today), we didn't eat so "well." I could have, easily. The healthy stuff is in the house, I just chose to ignore it.

Last week, I came down with a weird cold / flu thing. I felt really shitty and did very little in terms in activity. Over the weekend, we made some crap food choices and both of us felt horrible yesterday. Why is it that when you're sick, you can rationalize the bad choices? Well, maybe not everyone does this but I know that we both did it over the weekend and I really wish we hadn't.

Yesterday wasn't so bad, probably because we both felt crappy but honestly, Saturday was a terrible day. We had chips and take out food and brownies. Not smart at all.

I think I'm going to bookmark this post on my desktop at home and make myself read it everytime I start to rationalize a bad food choice to myself. Nothing is worth feeling as lousy as I do right now. I know that only part of it can be blamed on my cold, I take responsibility for the rest of it.

kicked

2008-02-05T17:26:00.000-05:00

All day today I have felt like a wet dish rag. TOM started today and I feel really crappy, more crappy than last month. Last month though, TOM started on the same day as my new job and the excitement of the new job may have masked things. At the moment, my ass is feeling well and truly kicked.

Right now, I'm operating on way too much ibuprofen. Well, if it was too much I would probably feel better and be asleep so I'm guessing I'm operating on not quite enough but it might be working better soon.

I had forgotten that I was hormonal (yes, it can happen) over the weekend. I had a wicked craving for chocolate all last week and I indulged (just a little) on the weekend. On Thursday evening, I went to the bulk store and bought a small number of little chocolate hearts which were full of caramel, a small number of hershey kisses and a couple of pieces of crispy crunch (the mini kind). I had a few pieces of each, each day of the weekend (I had a long weekend - was off on Friday) and they seemed to satisfy my craving without creating a binge.

One thing that we did this weekend that I wanted to share, was to make pizza at home. I love ordering a pizza on a Friday evening. It's bad though, even when we order the mulit-grain crust, mango, whatever pizza, it's still a lot of fat. When we got groceries on Thursday evening, I picked up a package of these huge pitas. There were 5 in the bag for $1.99 and they made the most awesome, super thing crust, medium sized pizzas. We used salsa for the sauce and fat free cheese and tonnes of veggies and only a little bit of meat. It was delicious and we're definitely going to do that again. It was a huge savings on calories and fat and it was also a bargain.

I know that the best thing I can do is to not deprive myself. We're trying really hard to be creative and modify stuff we like to eat. Fortunately, so far, we're making some progress on that score. I know I'm always saying but it's true, baby steps will get me there a lot faster than giant old leaps that make me fall down!

hits and misses

2008-02-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

So the journalling was hit and miss last week. It was good while I was working but not so good over the weekend. I guess that the lack of routine, and the less frequent visits to the computer, both conspired against me.

Exercise over the weekend was pretty good. Not anything structured but good nonetheless. We had a massive snow storm over the weekend so there was much shoveling to do, both on Friday and Saturday. I know that I have said this before but I totally don't hate to shovel. There is something about the lifting and twisting and throwing, in the crisp clean, ice cold air, that is invigorating. If there was a machine which could recreate that particular kind of exercise, I'd be a happy kid.

logging

2008-01-25T19:04:00.000-05:00

My logging of foods continues. It's a help. I feel a little more controlled about things right now.

Yesterday was a really good exercise day. I managed to work two semi-longish (for me anyway), brisk walks in arctic like winds. I felt really good by the end of the day (I managed to work the walking around my breaks at work). We went out for dinner last night and I know that I ate a little more than I needed to but I didn't feel terrible about it because afterall, I walked around in the freezing cold.

The weekends are my down fall and I'll see how this weekend goes. I have a few little projects planned which should keep me busy. I really just need to resist the temptation to bake some cookies or brownies. On my list this weekend, really close to the top (after get some rest) is to start back on my recumbent bike.

It's on folks, I feel good about the small progress I've made this week.

what works

2008-01-23T12:12:00.001-05:00

Journalling my food works for me. When I say "works" I really mean, keeps me on track. If I'm actually inputting it into fitday, I have think about it and add it up. Thinking about the calories can be a slap in the face. I can lollygag around and think I'm being straight with myself but it's hard to do (for me) if I'm not writing it down.

Just a few moments ago, I input my breakfast and my lunch, and my activities, into fitday. I don't remember when I last did that but I know I'll be updating it later today (for dinner) and again tomorrow. I need to do it and I will.

grape tomato

2008-01-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

Someone, a lovely coworker, left 5 caramel kisses on my desk yesterday. They were still on my desk this morning and I ate them while I had a coffee.

they were really delicious and I thought, hey, these are a good subsitute for a whole caramilk bar.

15 minutes later, all I could think about was a giant caramilk so, that theory doesn't hold up.

Right now, I'm having my lunch break and am eating some grape tomatoes. these are yummy in their own way but they are not as much fun as caramel kisses.

wandering

2008-01-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

It's week 2 of my new job. I realize that I did not post at all during week 1. Week 1 was busy and a couple of days last week, I didn't take a proper break (and that's normally when I make the time to write here). So far, so good. I love the building and the people and the work is not bad either. There is a period of adjustment happening at the moment, of me to all three of these things. It'll take me a few more weeks to get my head around everything I'm sure.

There is actually a fitness benefit to this job. In my old job, I was up and down stairs a lot but if I didn't want to, I could easily avoid having to walk much outside of the building. I was in the central office so eventually, most folks/stuff would come to where I was. I'm in an, um, "outpost" I suppose is a good word. It's a small building, set apart from the central administrative buildings, so there is actual outside in the fresh air walking required. It's good. I'm wicked out of shape right now so this is very good for me.

I still haven't gotten into a routine at home yet but I'm working on that this week. As always, I struggle with weekend eating. Weekdays are fine, I've avoided baked goods and candy (that is sitting right on the table in the kitchen) at work for 6 days so far. I drink my water and chew my gum (sugarless minty stuff that really makes you not want to eat anything cuz it's creating the same senstation as brushing one's teeth) and avoid chocolate.

So that's where I am, 2 weeks into our new year. Plugging away, trying to make small changes that I can stick with, hoping for the best.

very good news

2008-01-07T19:53:00.000-05:00

I saw this story from BBC NEWS and it's very good news for those folks who think that it's too late to start. It's never too late to start feeling good!!

Healthy living 'can add 14 years'

Taking exercise, drinking moderately, eating sufficient fruit and vegetables and not smoking can add as much as 14 years to your life, a study has found.

Research involving 20,000 people over a decade found those who failed on all criteria were four times more likely to have died than those who succeeded.

The findings held true regardless of how overweight or poor they were.

The Public Library of Science Medicine study suggests many could increase their lifespan through simple changes.

The research was carried out by the University of Cambridge and the Medical Research Council in the English county of Norfolk between 1993 and 2006.

Participants were aged between 45 and 79. They were socially mixed although overwhelmingly white, and as far as they were aware at the time, did not have cancer or any heart problems.

Taking off the years

A point was awarded for each of the following: not currently smoking, consuming between one and 14 units of alcohol per week (the equivalent of between half a glass and seven glasses of wine), eating five servings of fruit and vegetables each day and not being inactive.

This last category was defined as either having a sedentary occupation and taking half an hour of exercise a day, or simply having a non-sedentary job like a nurse or plumber.

Not only did the team find that those with four points were significantly less likely to have died over the period than those with none, they also found that a 60-year-old person with a score of zero had the same risk of dying as a 74-year-old with the full four points.

"We've know that individually, measures such as not smoking and exercising can have an impact upon longevity, but this is the first time we have looked at them altogether," said Professor Kay-Tee Khaw, who led the research.

"And we also found that social class and BMI - body mass index - really did not have a role to play.

"It means a large proportion of the population really could feel health benefits through moderate changes."

Everyone gains

It was in the reduction of deaths attributed to cardiovascular disease where the findings were most pronounced, with those scoring zero five times more likely to succumb than those scoring four.

But there was also a relationship between score and cancer deaths.

While the main analysis excluded people with known disease, the researchers found that those with serious conditions fared better the higher they scored than those who scored lower.

Health campaigners welcomed the study.

"This is good news and shows that by living a healthy life, people can reduce their risk of dying from heart and circulatory disease," said Judy O'Sullivan of the British Heart Foundation.

"By not smoking, drinking alcohol in moderation, taking regular physical activity and eating a diet rich in fruit and vegetables, people can improve their chances of living longer."

A Department of Health spokesperson said: "Everyone has responsibility for their own health, which was highlighted last year when we kickstarted the Small Change, Big Difference initiative to show people that there are simple changes they can make in their lives that will have a direct impact on their health."

© BBC MMVIII

happy new years eve morning

2007-12-31T06:13:00.000-05:00

Hello old friends.

It's been quite a little while since I've posted but I am still here. Still plodding along, having "good" days and "bad" days. While I'm not making any "resolutions" for 2008, I do have some goals I am setting for myself.

The holidays have been lovely and yes, I have eaten way too much, just as many of you probably have. The new year is going to be exciting for me. Next Monday, I begin a new job. I've been looking forward to this for a long time and am certain that 2008 is going to be a much better year for me than 2007 was.

In my old job, I was over worked, stressed out, and generally not very happy. I expect that the new job will be busy but I know that the workload is more manageable and the team I'm joining is amazing. With work sorted out, I expect that I'll be able to focus on the rest of the my life. I feel that I have neglected many things over the past 18 months.

One of the goals I have set for myself is to post here more regularly, even when I feel that I don't have much to say, at least twice a week. I'll write more about my goals later this week for now, I just wanted to wish everyone a very happy new year and to say that I'm back!

3 down 1 to go

2007-10-28T21:17:00.000-04:00

I've got one day left of my 3 day weekend.

We've been very restrained this weekend. Ordinarily, I think I'd be doing a lot more snacking while I'm home. Home is a dangerous place for me. When I am outside of the house, I can be as good as gold. I make good choices, I control my portions.

Absent minded eating, or eating because I'm bored, is something that is easy to do while I'm home. Fortunately, this weekend, I've found myself being somewhat restrained.

Activity has improved too this weekend. I've been getting projects done around the house that have been put off for far too long. We got out and did some errands and took a drive and a bit of a walk earlier today. This is really the first weekend that I've felt I've been able to enjoy the beauty of fall.

My hope is that I'm back on the right track again. It's a small amount of progress for me but it's progress nonetheless.

Southern Hungary

2007-10-24T16:34:00.000-04:00

Do you watch the simpsons?

Remember the episode where Homer had his jaw wired shut? he wrote a note to Mr Burns which read, "so hungry." Mr Burns replied (I'm paraphrasing), "why yes, this music is from Southern Hungary. Good ear!"

Well, I'm south Hungary today. I don't know whether it's because I went back to work today instead of staying in bed an extra day or because I'm really being careful about my food intake. Right now though, my stomach thinks my throat's been cut. Really.

Last night, I watched the first 2 Biggest Loser episodes (I'd DVR'd them but not watched them yet) and boy, nothing kills a craving for a snack like watching that!!

Well, I guess we need to figure out which combination of turkey & veg we're having for dinner tonight.

toodles.

darn dirty cold

2007-10-23T12:59:00.000-04:00

I've been fighting a cold (I think - I wasn't sure if was a cold or allergies) for a couple of weeks now. Work's been nutty busy and I haven't been taking care of myself as well as I probably should have.

Having said that, I'm home today, sick with a cold. I didn't sleep at all last night but I managed to get a little this morning.

The upside of this cold is that I either don't feel like eating or I'm on the soup. Thank goodness for small favours huh?

From the New York Times website

2007-10-17T12:09:00.000-04:00

We actually do this all the time!

October 17, 2007
The Minimalist
Serving Pasta? Forget What You Learned
By MARK BITTMAN

LET me propose that you start cooking pasta in a way that might make you the laughingstock of your foodie friends: make more sauce, and serve it on top of less pasta. Do exactly what you’ve learned not to do.

Instead of a pound of pasta for two to four people, make a half, or even a third of a pound. Instead of a cup or two of sauce, make it four cups, or more. Turn the proportions around.

What do you wind up with? Pasta more or less overwhelmed by sauce, which you can view as a cardinal sin or as a moist, flavorful one-dish meal of vegetables with the distinctive, lovable chewiness of pasta. (There is, of course, a tradition of this kind of pasta dish in Italy, but it falls more under the category of minestre, which is closer to soup.) It’s also an easy way to significantly increase your intake of vegetables without adding too many refined carbohydrates, and may, if you’ve abandoned it, get you back into pasta again.

Obviously this won’t work with every sauce — you don’t want to pull this trick with creamy or cheesy ones, or those based on meat — but it works with just about every vegetable you can think of, and with many fish preparations as well.

To understand why this may get you branded as a heretic, think back to the 1970s, when Americans needed even more help cooking than we do now.

Thanks to Marcella Hazan, Giuliano Bugialli and others, we discovered how to cook Italian food at home. And for the first time, many of us were venturing to Italy in search not only of Renaissance art and medieval villages but of the incredible cuisine.

What we found was exactly what Ms. Hazan had been telling us: Americans, even Italian-Americans, drowned their pasta. We poured on ladlefuls of thick tomato sauce and tossed two or three quarter-pound meatballs on top for good measure. We made the pasta itself irrelevant.

We also learned we overcooked it, undersalted the water and often used the wrong shape. But as much as I owe Ms. Hazan and her peers, for the first 20 years that I cooked pasta, I always felt as if I was about to be arrested for violating some canonical law.

In the old country, the sauce was used to barely moisten and flavor the pasta. There are a couple of possible explanations for this. One is that Italians were neat. “For centuries, most people ate pasta with their hands,” said Kevin Wells, who translated and annotated the 1570 cookbook “Opera dell’arte del cucinare” by Bartolomeo Scappi. Little or no sauce, he said, was “a matter of decorum.”

Another is that there were not always other options. “Poor people dressed pasta with little or nothing,” said Andrea Graziosi, a University of Naples professor. “The legend says they used to hang a herring, and each member of the family would rub his or her slices of bread on it to get flavor.”

When some of those Italians immigrated to the United States they found a continent that was producing food like no continent before. And, said Mr. Graziosi, “they overused what they found both because they felt richer and could not use what they had at home.”

“The consequences are the incredible distortions — to the Italian eye — of Italian-American cuisine,” he said. You want meat sauce, with meat on top? You’ve got it, in spades.

As the years went by, though, a kind of “if it’s Italian, it must be good” mentality developed here, and home cooks began enjoying pasta with a minimum of sauce. (We also began undercooking it, just to show that we could take al dente one ridiculous step further.)

But today, barely moistened pasta often doesn’t make sense. Even setting aside the extreme recommendations of the Atkins diet, it’s widely agreed that highly refined grains — a group that includes the semolina flour from which the best-tasting dry pasta is made — do us little nutritional good. From the point of view of the body, there’s little difference between pasta and white bread (and, for that matter, biscotti); neither has much in the way of protein, vitamins, micronutrients or fiber, and all are digested quickly and may ultimately be stored as fat.

I am not suggesting that we return to oversauced baked ziti with sausages, mozzarella-laden lasagna or spaghetti under three handball-size meatballs. Rather, I’m recommending that we exploit our astonishing supply of vegetables (still evident at this time of year), augmented if you like with a bit of meat for seasoning.

There are recipes here, but many people won’t need them. The other day, I arrived at a friend’s house in time to cook lunch. We had chickpeas, broccoli rabe and garden tomatoes. I parboiled the broccoli rabe, just until it became bright green; I then chopped and sautéed it in olive oil with garlic, dried chili flakes and a couple of cups of chickpeas. I added two or three chopped tomatoes. Meanwhile, I half-cooked about a third of a box of farfalle (undoubtedly a more legitimate cook would tell me I was using the “wrong” shape) in the water I had used for the greens.

When the tomatoes broke down and the broccoli rabe was tender, I dumped in the drained pasta, after saving some cooking water. I added a little of the liquid and simmered the mixture until the pasta was done. I garnished it with basil and a little more olive oil. Although it was not soupy, we used spoons because the broth was so good. Total working time was about half an hour, and a better one-dish lunch I could not imagine.

I’ve been playing with this style of pasta for months: a load of briefly sautéed spinach with garlic, raisins, pine nuts and a bit of stock; well-roasted mixed vegetables, mashed or puréed, with lots of olive oil; braised endive and onion; bok choy with black beans and soy sauce (with fresh Chinese egg noodles, naturally). The list is long.

Give it a shot. There is no downside — except maybe a bit of mockery from the pasta police (who I’m sure will arrive, in my case, later this morning).

aftermath

2007-10-15T18:08:00.000-04:00

I've had weeks and weeks and weeks of non-stop, crazy work schedules. I just survived a weekend of pizza and mini-chocolate bars. I don't feel great. This week I will attempt to get myself sorted out and back on track.

ugh.

diabetes and heart disease

2007-08-22T12:11:00.000-04:00

Reading this, I'm really happy that my hunny (who was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in July 2006) has a doctor who is watching his blood pressure and cholesterol levels as closely (if not more so) as his sugar.

August 20, 2007
Six Killers | Diabetes
Looking Past Blood Sugar to Survive With Diabetes
By GINA KOLATA

Dave Smith found out he had Type 2 diabetes by accident, after a urine test.

“Whoa, look at the sugar in here,” his doctor told him. Mr. Smith’s blood sugar level was sky high and glucose was spilling into his urine.

That was about nine years ago, and from then on Mr. Smith, like so many with diabetes, became fixated on his blood sugar. His doctor warned him to control it or the consequences could be dire — he could end up blind or lose a leg. His kidneys could fail.

Mr. Smith, a 43-year-old pastor in Fairmont, Minn., tried hard. When dieting did not work, he began counting carbohydrates, taking pills to lower his blood sugar and pricking his finger several times a day to measure his sugar levels. They remained high, so he agreed to add insulin to his already complicated regimen. Blood sugar was always on his mind.

But in focusing entirely on blood sugar, Mr. Smith ended up neglecting the most important treatment for saving lives — lowering the cholesterol level. That protects against heart disease, which eventually kills nearly everyone with diabetes.

He also was missing a second treatment that protects diabetes patients from heart attacks — controlling blood pressure. Mr. Smith assumed everything would be taken care of if he could just lower his blood sugar level.

Blood sugar control is important in diabetes, specialists say. It can help prevent dreaded complications like blindness, amputations and kidney failure. But controlling blood sugar is not enough.

Nearly 73,000 Americans die from diabetes annually, more than from any disease except heart disease, cancer, stroke and pulmonary disease.

Yet, largely because of a misunderstanding of the proper treatment, most patients are not doing even close to what they should to protect themselves. In fact, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, just 7 percent are getting all the treatments they need.

“That, to me, is mind-boggling,” said Dr. Michael Brownlee, director of the JDRF International Center for Diabetic Complications Research at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. “It makes me ask, What is going on? I can only conclude that people are not aware of their risks and what could be done about them.”

In part, the fault for the missed opportunities to prevent complications and deaths lies with the medical system. Most people who have diabetes are treated by primary care doctors who had just a few hours of instruction on diabetes, while they were in medical school. Then the doctors typically spend just 10 minutes with diabetes patients, far too little for such a complex disease, specialists say.

In part it is the fault of proliferating advertisements for diabetes drugs that emphasize blood sugar control, which is difficult and expensive and has not been proven to save lives.

And in part it is the fault of public health campaigns that give the impression that diabetes is a matter of an out-of-control diet and sedentary lifestyle and the most important way to deal with it is to lose weight.

Most diabetes patients try hard but are unable to control their disease in this way, and most of the time it progresses as years go by, no matter what patients do.

Mr. Smith, like 90 percent of diabetes patients, has Type 2 diabetes, the form that usually arises in adulthood when the insulin-secreting cells of the pancreas cannot keep up with the body’s demand for the hormone. The other form of diabetes, Type 1, is far less common and usually arises in childhood or adolescence when insulin-secreting pancreas cells die.

And, like many diabetes patients, Mr. Smith ended up paying the price for his misconceptions about diabetes. Last year, he had a life-threatening heart attack.

The Heart Disease

Just after returning from church last October, Mr. Smith had a discomforting sensation. Deciding to focus on something else, he went to a local newspaper office where he was weekend editor. But the strange feeling persisted and intensified.

“I felt a pain in my chest,” Mr. Smith recalled. “It wasn’t sharp — it was more of a kind of pressure, a feeling like something is contracting.”

The pain spread, to his neck, along his shoulder, down to his biceps. Mr. Smith, alone and frightened, looked up heart attack symptoms on the American Heart Association’s Web site. They were exactly what he was experiencing.

An hour later, Mr. Smith was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., in the throes of a major heart attack, transported by helicopter while his wife and two young sons frantically drove two and a half hours to be with him. A main artery to his heart was 90 percent blocked. If he had waited to seek help or if his local hospital and doctor had not acted quickly and sent him to the Mayo Clinic, he probably would have died.

Mr. Smith thought his biggest risk from diabetes was blindness or amputations. He never thought about heart disease and had no idea how important it was to control cholesterol levels and blood pressure. He said his doctor had not advised him to take a cholesterol-lowering or blood pressure drug and he did not think he needed them.

Most people with diabetes are equally unaware of the danger that heart disease poses for them.

A recent survey by the American Diabetes Association conducted by RoperASW found that only 18 percent of people with diabetes believed that they were at increased risk for cardiovascular disease.

Yet, said Dr. David Nathan, director of the Diabetes Center at Massachusetts General Hospital, “when you think about it, it’s not the diabetes that kills you, it’s the diabetes causing cardiovascular disease that kills you.”

Dr. Brownlee said he was stunned by the results of the diabetes association poll. “If you are one of those 82 percent who don’t think you are at increased risk,” he said, “finding out that you are and that you can decrease that risk substantially could literally change your life.”

The science is clear on the huge benefits for people with diabetes of lowering cholesterol and controlling blood pressure. After multiple studies, costing hundreds of millions of dollars and involving tens of thousands of subjects, national guidelines were rewritten to reflect the new data, and professional organizations issued recommendations for diabetes care.

With cholesterol, the guidelines say that levels of LDL cholesterol, the form that increases heart disease risk, should be below 100 milligrams per deciliter and, if possible, 70 to 80. Yet, Dr. Brownlee said, diabetes patients with LDL cholesterol levels of 100 to 139 often are told that their levels — ideal for a healthy person without diabetes — are terrific.

“Many practicing doctors just don’t know that an LDL cholesterol number that is normal for someone without diabetes is not normal for someone with diabetes,” he said.

Mr. Smith found all that out too late. The heart attack, he said, “really blindsided me.”

He also did not know the other measures proven to prevent complications in diabetes. He was correct that high blood sugar is dangerous. It can damage the small blood vessels in the eyes, leading to blindness; the nerves in the feet, leading to amputations; and the kidneys, leading to kidney failure.

But no matter how carefully patients try to control their blood sugar, they can never get it perfect — no drugs can substitute for the body’s normal sugar regulation. So while controlling blood sugar can be important, other measures also are needed to prevent blindness, amputations, kidney failure and stroke. Mr. Smith was doing none of them.

He also made the common assumption that Type 2 diabetes is simply a consequence of being fat. And that losing weight will help cure it.

Obesity does increase the risk of developing diabetes, but the disease involves more than being obese. Only 5 percent to 10 percent of obese people have diabetes, and many with diabetes are not obese. To a large extent, Type 2 diabetes is genetically determined — if one identical twin has it, the other has an 80 percent chance of having it too. In many cases, weight loss can help, but, as Mr. Smith has learned, most who lose weight are not cured of the disease. He lost 40 pounds but still has diabetes.

“Everybody in the act of losing weight will have a pretty dramatic improvement pretty quickly,” said Dr. C. Ronald Kahn, a diabetes researcher and professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. Blood sugar levels drop precipitously and the disease seems to be under control. But that is because the metabolic process of weight loss lessens diabetes. Once weight is lost, he added, and people stabilize at a lower weight, their diabetes may remain.

When it comes to weight loss, Dr. Kahn said, “there is a range of susceptibilities in how people react.”

Complex Regimens

Before he left the hospital, Mr. Smith’s doctors told him about his new diabetes regimen: a statin to drive his cholesterol level very low, two drugs to lower his blood pressure, an aspirin, insulin and two drugs to reduce his blood sugar levels. That new list of drugs was what he should have been taking all along.

Mr. Smith is taking them now, terrified that his heart disease will progress.

“I’ll never be out of the woods,” he said. “I’ve got to face that.”

Diabetes researchers say stories like Mr. Smith’s are all too familiar.

The statistics are grim: A quarter to a third of all heart attack patients have diabetes, even though diabetes patients constitute just 9.3 percent of the population. Another 25 percent of heart attack patients are verging on diabetes with abnormally high blood sugar levels.

Most worrisome are diabetes patients who already have symptoms of heart disease, like chest pains or a previous heart attack. “That is a terrible situation,” said Dr. James Cleeman, coordinator of the National Cholesterol Education Program at the National Institutes of Health. Those patients, Dr. Cleeman said, are set up for a fatal heart attack and should be stringently controlling their cholesterol and blood pressure.

And it is not just that many diabetes patients are overweight, as people with Type 1 diabetes, who often are thin, also have a high risk of heart disease. There is something about diabetes itself, researchers say, that leads to high levels of LDL cholesterol and a form of LDL cholesterol particles that is particularly dangerous. Diabetes also leads to increased levels of triglycerides, which are fats in the blood that increase heart disease risk, and in diabetes is linked to high blood pressure.

Being obese or overweight, in contrast, are “weak contributors to heart attack risk,” Dr. Nathan said.

Type 2 diabetes “does not exist in isolation,” Dr. Nathan said. “Underlying diabetes are all these cardiovascular risk factors.”

Somehow, though, it has taken quite a while for the alarm bells to go off.

One reason might be that it was heart disease researchers, not diabetes researchers, who conducted the seminal studies.

The key to saving lives is to reduce levels of LDL cholesterol to below 100 and also control other risk factors like blood pressure and smoking. The cholesterol reduction alone can reduce the very high risk of heart attacks and death from cardiovascular disease in people with diabetes by 30 percent to 40 percent, Dr. Cleeman said. And clinical trials have found that LDL levels of 70 to 80 are even better for people with diabetes who already have overt heart disease.

Studies of blood sugar control have been more problematic than those of cholesterol lowering.

In Type 2 diabetes, the most ambitious effort was a huge study in Britain. It found that rigorous blood sugar control could lower the risk of complications that involved damage to small blood vessels, a list that includes blindness, nerve damage and kidney damage. But there was no effect on the overall death rate. There was a small decrease in the number of heart attacks but it was not statistically significant, meaning it could have occurred by chance.

The National Institutes of Health is trying again, with a larger study of blood sugar control that includes enough patients to detect more subtle effects on the heart attack rate if they exist. For now, though, the answer simply is not known.

In Type 1 diabetes, a large federal study did find evidence that rigorous blood sugar control could reduce heart disease risk. But the effect emerged 12 years after the study ended and most of the patients, in those years, had not been able to sustain the blood sugar control that they had had during the study. Did the short period of rigorous control exert a delayed effect on heart disease or was the effect caused by some other factor during the study or afterward, some asked? While most think it was caused by blood sugar control, it is impossible to know for sure.

The result, notes Dr. John Buse, president-elect for science and medicine at the American Diabetes Association, is that for people with Type 1 and, especially, for those with Type 2 diabetes, there are still questions about whether and to what extent blood sugar control protects against heart disease and saves lives.

That leaves cholesterol lowering, for patients with Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, as the most effective and easiest way by far to reduce the risk of heart disease and the only treatment proven to save lives. But doctors say achieving the recommended cholesterol levels usually means taking a statin. Some patients resist, wary of intense drug company marketing to patients and afraid of side effects like muscle or liver damage which, although extremely rare, have frightened many away from the drugs, Dr. Brownlee and other diabetes specialists said. (Dr. Brownlee said he had no financial ties to statin makers.)

Others point to drug company advertising itself.

Statin advertising, said Dr. Irl B. Hirsch, a professor of medicine and director of the diabetes clinic at the University of Washington, is all about heart disease, and the advertisements do not mention diabetes. The diabetes advertisements are all about blood sugar. Dr. Hirsch has seen few that put the two together.

Yet lowering cholesterol with statins, Dr. Hirsch and others said, is much simpler than anything else diabetes patients are asked to do. And, he added, the drugs are among the best studied and the safest on the market. (Dr. Hirsch said he had no financial ties to statin makers.)

Dr. Hirsch has a message for diabetes patients: If he had to rate the different regimens for a typical middle-age person with Type 2 diabetes, the first priority would be to take a statin and lower the LDL cholesterol level.

Dr. Brownlee agreed, but added that the two other measures to protect against heart disease, blood pressure control and taking an aspirin to prevent blood clots, should not be neglected.

“Right now, without waiting for lots of exciting things that are almost in the pipeline or in the pipeline, starting tomorrow, if everyone did these things — taking a statin, taking a blood pressure medication, and maybe taking an aspirin — you would reduce the heart attack rate by half.”

The Burnout

Even when patients do take the right steps to control diabetes, the grueling process can simply wear them down.

Virgil Umbarger learned that he had Type 2 diabetes when he was 39 and had a medical exam for a life insurance policy.

That was 25 years ago, and the start of a journey that diabetes specialists say ends up fundamentally changing a person’s world. Unlike Mr. Smith, who has just awakened to the danger he is in, Mr. Umbarger, a funeral director in Yakima, Wash., has lived with diabetes and its increasingly complex regimen for decades. And, as happens with most diabetes patients eventually, he feels he is reaching a point where he just cannot continue to do all that he should to protect his health.

In a sense, Mr. Umbarger said, he was not completely surprised when he learned he had diabetes, because it runs in his family. But he never thought it would happen to him. At 6 feet tall and 195 pounds, he was not heavy.

Still, Mr. Umbarger’s first thought was to lose weight. “I starved myself,” he said, and lost 15 pounds. But he still had diabetes and the pounds crept back on.

Dr. Buse said his patients knew how important it was to diet and exercise, but most could not do it enough to make a difference, and some were also thwarted by medications to control blood sugar that make patients gain weight.

In the end, Mr. Umbarger decided to seek care from a diabetes specialist. He chose Dr. Hirsch, even though it meant driving nearly three hours each way for an office visit. There was no one nearby with that kind of expertise, Mr. Umbarger said.

On his first visit, Dr. Hirsch gave him a fistful of prescriptions, including a statin, blood pressure medications and one for the drug Mr. Umbarger dreaded — insulin. He also told Mr. Umbarger to have regular checks for eye, nerve and kidney damage. And he has to watch what he eats and count carbohydrates.

Dr. Hirsch and other diabetes specialists say they are well aware of how daunting the program can be.

“Many come here once or twice and walk away saying, ‘I don’t want to do this,’ ” Dr. Hirsch said.

Not Mr. Umbarger. For years, he tried to do all that was required. He can cope with the medications and the long drives to see Dr. Hirsch. The problem for him, as for most diabetes patients eventually, is the blood sugar monitoring. He is supposed to prick his finger six or more times a day to measure his glucose levels and adjust his insulin dose accordingly.

Every time he checks his blood sugar is like getting a report card — was he eating too many carbohydrates? Did he get the insulin dose right?

“I don’t want to look,” he said.

“Pricking your finger, seeing that number day after day, it wears on you,” Mr. Umbarger said. “It’s like a ball and chain.” He confesses that he has only been checking his blood sugar once or twice a day, guessing at many of his insulin doses. His blood sugar levels have been rising and guilt hangs over him.

Meanwhile, no matter what they do, most people with Type 2 diabetes get worse as the years go by. Patients make less and less insulin and their cells become less and less able to use the insulin they do produce.

“That is why it is not uncommon to start initially with diet therapy, then after a few years we need to add a drug that improves insulin sensitivity,” Dr. Kahn said. “Then when that drug isn’t enough, we add a second drug that improves insulin sensitivity by a different mechanism. Then we add a drug that stimulates that pancreas to make more insulin.”

Then, he added, patients with Type 2 diabetes may need insulin itself, but when that happens they have to take even more than a person with Type 1 diabetes — two or even three times as much — because their cells no longer respond adequately to the hormone.

While it is not easy to re-energize burned-out patients, Dr. Hirsch said, at the very least, doctors and patients should know what is important.

“We already have the miracle pills” — statins and blood pressure medications, he said. And they are available for pennies a day, as generics.

“We need patient education and physician training that this stuff is out there and this is what we should be focusing on to make a difference in lives.”

a step in the right direction, I guess

2007-08-21T18:05:00.000-04:00

Yes, Deep-Fried Oreos, but Not in Trans Fats
By MONICA DAVEY

INDIANAPOLIS, Aug. 17 — The deep-fried Combo Plate may be a little more healthful this year at the Great Indiana State Fair. So say the fair’s leaders, who, taking a step rarely seen in the realm of corn dogs and fried pickles, have banned oils with trans fats from all the fryers that line the grounds here.

The change is only the latest in a string of bans on artificial trans fats. Tied to health problems including heart disease, they have been banished by national restaurant chains, snack brands and New York City, which forbids restaurants to use them in food preparation.

But this is perhaps the most unlikely locale yet: the nation’s classic summer fair, long seen as one final safe haven from the health police.

Along the steamy thoroughfare here, where only sensitive palates can distinguish among the various cuts of potato (curly fries, ribbon fries and the old standby, French), fairgoers seemed pleased with the switch. The food tasted the same, they said happily. And if this meant they could indulge without guilt or have one more helping, so much the better.

“This is a slice of heaven,” said Ryan Howell, 31, as he cradled his Combo Plate, which, for the record, consists of one battered Snickers bar, two battered Oreos and a battered Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup — all deep-fried in oil that is trans-fat free, thank goodness.

“This was an issue we wanted to tackle,” said Cindy Hoye, executive director of the fair, which spent the winter months testing various oils and, despite the fears of some concessionaires about possible changes to taste or costs or tradition, concluded that trans-fat-free oils created what Ms. Hoye called a better product.

National fair officials say Indiana and at least one other fair, the Western Washington, have led the way on a health issue that is only now creating a buzz in the fair industry. During a national convention of fair officials in Las Vegas this November, Indiana representatives are to offer a workshop, “Going Trans-Fat Free,” which, the convention program promises, will answer the question “What is all the craze about?”

Some concessionaires here said trans-fat-free oils seemed to leave “less of a varnish buildup” on their French fry baskets and corn dog equipment. But Chris Coffman, who helps his brother, Sam, operate a stand that sells the fried-dough snack called elephant ears, was none too pleased with the new ways.

The oil they are now using has to be changed more often, Mr. Coffman said (although some other concessionaires said their new oils in fact required less changing). And he worried, briefly, that the ban might also apply to the margarine that the Coffmans use to make cinnamon sugar stick to their doughy confections; it does not, fair officials ruled.

And that, Mr. Coffman said, is the silly part of the whole ban: it will barely skim the surface of fair food’s inherently — and proudly — unhealthful nature, he said.

“It’s craziness,” said Mr. Coffman, 45, who says he eats fair food every day but who appears surprisingly trim. “They’re using this for a marketing ploy. It’s a way to convince people that they can eat more — that somehow all of this is safe now and you can eat all you want — when we all know that’s not true.”

The calorie count? The state fair does not require vendors to provide those numbers, and no one here would venture any guesses. But figures from the Web site Calorie King.com suggest that a Combo Plate, for instance, comes to well over 700 calories. That is more than a third of the entire daily caloric intake recommended by the Department of Agriculture for a 30-year-old woman who is 5-foot-6 and 130 pounds and who exercises less than 30 minutes a day.

Ms. Hoye, the fair’s executive director, pointed out some healthful (if, judging from the customer lines, less popular) offerings of salads and tomato juice here. But she was quick to acknowledge that trans-fat-free oils will not turn standard state fair cuisine into health food.

“When you are having fair food, you are having fun,” she said. “You’re probably still going to use some calories out here. Look, we can’t control what goes in an Oreo, but we can say what goes in our fryers out here.”

Jeremy Orme, who runs Fried Creations, the home of the Combo Plate, introduced a new item at this year’s fair: deep-fried Pepsi. He rolls out his Pepsi-based dough, dips it in a batter made with Pepsi and deep-fries it for 90 seconds. His oil, made of soybeans, is trans-fat free as required, and on the front of his booth he has posted a local newspaper’s account about the fair’s trans-fat ban.

But inside the booth, where the air is dense with oil, workers chuckle about the whole concept. And Mr. Orme himself rarely eats what he cooks here.

“I stay away from fried foods,” he said.

present

2007-08-20T20:16:00.000-04:00

I'm still here, sort of.

The muddling on continues without a lot of posting. Over the summer I have not yet lost an ounce. I haven't gained anything either so it's not as bad as it could be.

A more serious effort is being made this week. Eating is getting better. Even when I'm "being bad" these days, I cannot eat anywhere close to what I once could.

that can't be bad I suppose.

i hate hormones

2007-07-23T16:20:00.001-04:00

There are times when my hormones make me crazy.

Over the weekend, particularly on Saturday morning when a combination of PMS and allergies was driving me insane, I know I was a raging bitch. I'm not normally like this so I know that the allergies had a huge part to play in it.

We snacked on fresh fruit all weekend even though, in the back of my head, someone was screaming for chocolate. I made a banana bread, figuring that the sweet bread would curb that chocolate craving. It did not (although it was delicious - is delicious, we actually still have some left and I made it on Saturday).

All day today, chocolate. I want it but I know that I don't need it.

I'm at home right now, without easy access to the delicious brown stuff. I do have cocoa, and chocolate chips and could bake something but that smacks of effort.

I'll try not to bite my nails or scream. I'll ride this out but I am hating my hormones, hating PMS and am not particularly fond of whoever it was that discovered chocolate candy.

cut the crap

2007-07-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

Snack stuff we bought for the weekend:

1. Tomatoes, 2 kinds (plum and grape)
2. Grapes
3. Blueberries
4. Baby Carrots
5. Watermelon
6. Raspberries

Things we didn't buy:

1. Licorice
2. Chips
3. Members of the Ice Cream Family
4. Anything with chocolate on it or in it

I have been really struggling with my food choices recently and I don't like the way I feel right now. My hunny is feeling the same way.

There really is no excuse for how we've been eating just lately, or how much exercise we have not been doing. Unfortunately, we've been able to come up with just about a million excuses for being little piggies and indulging ourselves. I try to make more good than bad choices but seriously, it's not enough.

The house has been purged of crap. We are truly supporting each other in this from this moment forward.

The fight on fat is on!

what?

2007-07-10T16:34:00.000-04:00

Okay, where did the month go?

Well, I know that June was insanely busy at work so that explains my not being here up until around the 29th! Last week, we were booked off on a little mini-vacation (went to Montreal, had a fab time, you can read about it here). I've actually been posting pretty regularly over there because I'm doing some "sponsored blogging" and have been making a little bit of extra cash that way.

I've thought about everyone a lot and have been trying to get myself back on track over the past week or so. When work gets really busy, it's like I give myself permission to not care about stuff. I don't like that about myself and it's something that I'm working on.

It's been ridiculously hot here over the past few days which has contributed to a malaise which keeps me from exercising. I'm heading into the pool in a few minutes but that's not really exercise (not in our little pool anyway).

Overall, I feel kinda extra fat right now but I've been making pretty good food choices since we got back from Montreal so I know that I'll stop feeling that way soon. Always, with me, baby steps. It's boring to say but I keep saying it to myself and I know that by the time the fall rolls around, those pants will fit me better. In the meantime, I can honestly say that I still have not given in to the temptation which is that huge ass bag of Costco M&M's.

how are you doing?

mind over m&ms

2007-06-11T19:14:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to report that the eating while hungry thing continued over the weekend. It even worked today. It's a nice feeling and I'm enjoying the control.

Yesterday afternoon though, for some unknown to me reason, I starting jonesing for M&M peanut candies. Not just a little bag, I wanted that jumbo sized party bag from Costco. The one that costs $10. I kept thinking about driving out there (it's no where close to my home) and having them to eat while we watched the Sopranos finale.

Fortunately, I was able to talk myself out it and when I knew that the store was closed, I knew I'd won. It wasn't easy but I did it. I still can't figure out why I wanted them. Could be hormonal I guess, or nothing at all. It did pass though, thank goodness. Curse you yellow bag of candy goodness!!

the fewer thoughts, the better

2007-06-08T18:17:00.001-04:00

I've been off from work for the past few days. I worked Monday and Tuesday and booked the rest of the week off. Part of the reason for this was because we had tickets to a concert which was happening out of town. That was on Wednesday, the past couple of days, I've been just hanging out at home, puttering a bit and doing very little else.

Honestly, a good chunk of yesterday was spent sleeping because we got home in the middle of the night after the show. Today was also kind of lazy (although my hunny went back to work today) for me.

I've noticed that since I've been off from work this week, I've thought a lot less about what I am eating and when I am eating. The first two days of the break, I actually ate very little, only one meal yesterday any only really two on Wednesday. Now, yesterday's meal was very large and it happened in the late afternoon but still, it was definitely less than I would normally consume. Normally, when I'm out of my work routine, it seems like I eat constantly. The past couple of days though, I've not really thought about eating and have only done so when I'm hungry.

Cool huh?

I know that normal sized folks probably do this all the time, eat when hungry and not at other times. For me, a fat girl, this is something I'd love to do on a regular basis, listen to my whole body and not just my head. I'm hoping that this has been the start of something new and cool for me. It may not last for long or it may be the start of a new habit. I'm hoping for the habit thing because it actually feels pretty good right now.

a picture shows a thousand pounds

2007-06-04T12:33:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, the weather was insanely warm. Hot really, steamy. We were back in our pool, finally, after missing it all winter. I had my new camera out on the deck yesterday. I was taking some photos of the birds in the yard and just general stuff, like I do.

I got into the pool before my hunny did and was floating around on the raft thing we have when I noticed him taking the lens cover off the camera. Slightly horrified, I tried not to freak out when I realized he was taking photos of the backyard, the pool and me. A sudden, serious storm blew in and the photos were forgotten while we hustled about, covering the pool and putting stuff away. Last night, I took the photos off the camera and saw the few he took with me in them. It was shocking. I was shocked anyway. It was upsetting too. I mean, I know what I look like, I see myself in the mirror every day. Hell, we have mirrored closet doors in our bedroom so I see myself naked in the mirror every day too. Something about seeing a photograph is different though. I looked way bigger than I imagine that I am. Don't get me wrong, I know how big I am but those photos, laying down, on the water, in a swimsuit, pale and white from the winter, it was all a bit much.

Last night, I didn't sleep well. That was more about getting too much sun yesterday than the photos. In between not sleeping, I had some weird dreams and one of them was about my weight. I guess the photos got to me more than I realized. Hopefully, this is a good slap in the face for me and I'll be able to pull up my socks and get my shit together.

working at it

2007-05-29T17:33:00.000-04:00

Intermittent posts are not good. Regular posts from me indicate a certain amount of structure in my life. Routine is not something that is happening for me recently.

Of the holy trinity of weight loss (healthy eating, regular exercise and lots of water), I am usually able to accomplish 1 or 2 at a time but rarely 3. This past week has found me enjoying a larger than normal (and definitely good) amount of water in my routine. I guess it's partly the warmer temperatures but I've become very aware of how important the water is for me, for a lot of reasons. Two really obvious ones are my skin and my digestion. Both are improving dramatically since I've stopped borderline dehydrating myself.

Exercise has been a little better over the past week or so as well. I'm definitely walking more so that's good. Eating is a struggle though. Meals are okay, I'm doing well with my portion sizes for the most part. The snacks kill me though. On the weekend, I devoured an entire back of salt and vinegar kettle chips in an afternoon. Did I need them? no. Did I enjoy them? I wish I could say no but yes, I really did.

Of course, the remorse set it later...too much fat, too much salt, not enough good stuff in my diet that day.

I guess I'll blame it on my hormones because I think TOM actually started today, on time. I say "I think" because last month of was a bunch of false starts that gave me my period, off and on, for about 2 weeks. It feels more like a normal cycle this month so I'm going with it.

Since the weekend, I've been working on the eating too. Again, always, baby steps right? I'll master the three things yet. It's just going to take me a while.

beautiful people

2007-05-18T19:32:00.001-04:00

Many thanks to all of you for your wonderful birthday wishes. I'd been away from my home computer for the past few days due to work. Today, I had time to catch my breath and read my email and your messages touched me very much. So again, thank you all.

This weekend is a long one here in Canada. Monday is Victoria. Smack in the middle of this weekend we will travel to Toronto and participate in an unveiling for LOG. It's the last "official" thing we have to do for him and it's a little bit sad.

Beyond that, there is not much to report. We had another successful event last night and even though I'm operating on about 3 hours sleep today, I don't feel bad.

For the record, I tried on "those" pants the other night. I pulled them and walked around and they felt okay. When I did the "sit test" on the end of the bed. I laughed and knew that there was no way I could sit through a dinner in them. Back into the closet they went. Next year! Without a doubt. Hell, we have another one of these fancy events in September, I'll be wearing them by then, comfortably, while sitting!!

Happy weekend everyone and again, thanks!

on cake

2007-05-15T18:42:00.000-04:00

So there was a gorgeous cheesecake to be had on my birthday. You can drool over it if you want:

It weighed three pounds and was full of white chocolate, peanut butter and cream cheese. He actually made it with lower fat cream cheese and margarine instead of butter but goodness, it was decadent. I had a piece and a half on my birthday and a piece tonight. The rest of it went to the office, to friends, to some ladies my hunny knows. It's all gone. It was amazing but it was a birthday thing. It's over.

And now I'm 40. It's not as bad I once imagined it would be. Of course, the bad imagining happened in my teens. I'm a little more realistic about things now. I'm feeling good about the age thing and about myself. I had a little talk with myself and convinced myself that I'm not a bad person because I'm now 40 and still fat. By convetional standards, no matter how much weight I eventually lose, I'll likely still be considered fat. I'm not bothered by that. I just want to be healthy. I've said it before and I'll keep saying it.

One day at a time, I'm taking care of myself. Seriously. I mean it this time, I'm gonna do it!! Watch me!!!

a couple of weeks

2007-05-12T12:59:00.000-04:00

it's been a while since I've posted. it's for a lack of thinking about posting, rather it's been about a lack of time to collect my thoughts properly and write here.

I wish I could say that during my absence, I have magically lost 100 pounds have had to run out and get a whole new wardrobe. Alas, I haven't even stepped on a scale and I know that my pants aren't falling off of me so I can safely assume that the status quo remains.

Sadly, this means that my short term, more comfortable pants goal of March has not been met. If I'm honest, part of me is disappointed with myself and part of mine is so exhausted from work (it's been insanely busy since the beginning of March) and I don't care. I mean, I care. I'll care on Thursday night when I'm sitting at a fancy dinner in tight pants but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Mostly, I'm not beating myself up because it's my birthday tomorrow. Today is the last day of my 30's and so far I've been spending it in my jammies, playing with the camera my hunny bought me for my birthday. I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a white chocolate cheesecake in my near future too.

I've got other stuff to write about but it'll have to wait. The shower is calling my name and I want to get outside into the fresh air, with my new camera!

craving confession

2007-04-27T20:52:00.000-04:00

It's Friday night and once again, I managed to get through another working week without too much stress and bother. It was busy, really busy. Not that I want to cause myself undue stress but I recently found out that a young man (his mother and my mother are good friends, I only know him to see him) was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer. Apparently, in this particular case, the largest contributor to it was stress. We all have way too much stress in our lives, this I know. I guess it's more important than ever to find a way to manage it. In the past, I have heard and read that stress causes serious problems in your body but this is way beyond anything I've heard before. This guy is 43 years old and he'll probably not see the end of the summer. It's sad.

Speaking of dealing with stress, traditionally, I've turned to food as a coping mechanism. Of course, I also turn to food when I'm celebrating or sad or tired. Tonight, after dinner, I sat on the sofa, while we watched TV, and all I could think of was Mars bars...and timbits. Sad isn't it? I have this huge, strong chocolate craving and it's really bugging my ass. I know that usually, cravings fade after a short while but it's going on 3 hours now and I can't stop thinking about chocolate. Of course, I won't give into it, mostly because we don't have any real chocolate in the house and I'd have to go. Still, I've entertained going out in the rain and finding a huge bag of Mars bars to dive into.

It's a sickness, I think. It feels like that right now anyway.

nothing much

2007-04-26T17:04:00.000-04:00

I think I post here less often than I used to because I don't feel like I have a whole lot to say. Recently, I went back and looked over some of my old posts and I used to sound a lot more excited and I think, more interesting.

I need to work on my excitement factor. It needs to be increased, without a doubt.

The weather has been reasonable here lately. Nice, spring weather. This weekend, I think we'll get back out in the yard and do some cardio gardening / raking. I like that kind of a workout. Sometimes, I actually miss shovelling, sick huh?

My eating has been up and down this week. There was the cake the other day, I had lunch out yesterday and again, had dessert. It was a trio of truffles, can you blame me!!? It did come with fresh berries too so that's okay right? Fruit with chocolate cancels out the fat? No!? Oh well. TOM is knocking on the door so I blame it on hormones. I actually thought that it started several times over the past few days but it hasn't actually. I think it's just stress, messing with my cycle. That happens to me every once in a while.

So, as long as the hormones rage, I'm still in dangerous territory. We're barbecuing tonight though, turkey sausage and lots of peppers. We're going to make wraps with them. It should be good and not too calorically crazy. As I feel like I'm always saying, usually, these days, I'm making more good choices than bad and that's good. I just have to get to a point where there are almost no bad choices. And I need to be more exciting. Good and exciting, easy peasy, right?

a whole new week

2007-04-24T20:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I made a deliberate effort to spend more time going up and down the stairs at work. I work on the second floor of an old building and I usually try to minimize the number of trips I need to take up and down, mostly because I'm lazy but partly to better manage my time. Monday though, I thought, stop being lazy, do the stairs more often, you'll be happy you did.

Last night, I was really glad that I did. I did them a lot more than normal. I realized in the doing of them, how out of shape I truly am. Today, I didn't do them as many time as yesterday (partly because I was out of the office for 1/2 the day on a training course). Honestly though, had I been in the office all day, I'm not sure how I would have managed. I kind of hurt myself yesterday. The hurt is in a completely good way though, I can feel the extra effort in my thighs. I'll definitely continue this stair stuff again tomorrow. I can feel how good it is for me. Today I did get a bit of extra walking in, and that was good too. I am noticing though, that since my last bad-back episode, I'm a little tender at times in the sore spot and have to slow myself down a bit while I'm walking. It's not bad enough to make me stop though, just enough to remind me that it happened.

Eating continues to be pretty good. Yesterday was perfectly on plan. Today was not because we had birthday cake with my parents (but it was a coffee cake with not much icing). It's okay though, that's life, right? I cannot and will not hide from cake for the rest of my life. I may do a few extra flights of stairs tomorrow though!!

gah

2007-04-19T19:42:00.000-04:00

First I thought I was sick and then I felt better...then I felt sick again this morning and now I feel better.

I won't get sick!!!

Yuck!

Other than the "am I sick or do I have allergies" thing and being busy at work, the rest of the week is going okay. How's by you?

I feel like in a bit of a boring routine and that's okay for me. It keeps me steady and on track. Unfortunately, it makes for really pathetic posts. I apologize.

I also apologize to myself for having some white chocolate and blood orange cheese cake at lunch today. It was tasty, I shared it, didn't finish it and almost never do this (it was an office luncheon out in a restaurant). My mantra lately seems to be "it could have been worse."

Hey, it could have been!

wednesday report

2007-04-18T13:09:00.001-04:00

I should be posting more often, I know this. Posting really helps me keep my head together.

Due to some birthday festivities, the weekend really slid away from me. I completely forgot (really) to weigh-in on Saturday and I know that I ate too much. Overall though, recently, I feel like I'm making better choices all of the time. I can't remember the last time I indulged in sweets or treats at work. I've completely stopped evening snacking. This is good right?

Fortunately, I felt much better on the weekend (and since) than I had in a couple of weeks. The weather has been crap here so I haven't been getting out to walk like I'd hoped and I'm finding it really tough to get up early enough to exercise before work but, except for the previously mentioned weekend splurge I think my eating is getting better. This weekend, I think I'm going to try the "goal pants" on and see how that is going. That will show me for sure if my eating is really better or if I'm just fooling myself. We'll see.

what kind of fuckery is this?

2007-04-13T19:38:00.000-04:00

forgive me folks, I've been MIA and listening to way too much Amy Winehouse!

Seriously though, last weekend, my long weekend, started out so full of promise and sunshine and rainbows. It ended up being full of heating pads, pills, movies, my sofa, snow flurries and the stomach flu.

That's right, I was sick, all weekend. I shouldn't say that, I was fine on Friday. Saturday though, I slept in too late, slept too hard, with the window open and my back did that thing it hasn't done since last September. It betrayed me and caused me walk completely crooked. The only place I went all weekend was to folks on Sunday for Easter lunch.

Finally, on Monday night, as my weekend was ending, I started to feel better and of course, as luck would have it, I woke up in the night with a stomach bug. The upside of this was a complete lack of appetite and a loss of anything I'd eaten in the previous couple of days. Gross huh??

I ended up being home from work on Tuesday, the next three days were spent scrambling at work. Fortunately, my appetite never did come back to normal until today so I didn't eat too much this week. I also didn't exercise much because until today, my back was still dicey.

Not impressed? Neither was I. Oh well, this weekend should be much better. We had pizza for dinner tonight but I didn't overeat. We literally have no food in the house (except for left-over pizza) so we have to stock up on healthy snacks tomorrow. I'm not expecting the weekend to be too problematic. We'll see what the scale has to say tomorrow. Overall, backache and flu aside, the week wasn't completely horrible. I'm hoping for a good weekend for me and for you too.

happy weekend kiddos!

half assed

2007-04-03T18:40:00.000-04:00

actually, I'm fully assed right now. eventually, it would be nice to have half the ass I currently possess but for now, I'm not really half assed.

I had fully intended to start the month of April with a post, on the first day of the month, and then continue to post every day. Alas, it's now the 3rd already and here's my first post.

Due to the fact that I don't have anything inspiring or fun to write about, I didn't bother posting the past couple of days.

I can report that things have been boring. I've been sticking to the eating plan pretty much (I ate a little too much on the weekend - I can't seem to break that weekend snacking habit), exercise continues to be elusive. Most likely I've been avoiding it because TOM has kicked my ass. I've been sleeping late and running out the door in the mornings so I haven't been hitting the bike. Tonight, something I ate for dinner didn't agree with me so I've been a little upset about that and haven't felt like I could confidently ride a bike for long (sorry if that's TMI).

Oh well, tomorrow's another day and I'll see what it brings. Happily, the food thing (during the week anyway) has been less of a white-knuckle experience and it's feeling more like habit again. Thank goodness for small favours huh?

blah

2007-03-31T12:21:00.000-04:00

TOM finally arrived this morning and I feel completely blah. I have no energy at all (although I've been slowly puttering around the house all morning) and cannot get warm. My feet are cold, my hands are cold, no fun.

I stepped on the scale this morning and again, for the second week in a row, no movement. No up (good) and no down. I'm not surprised entirely but honestly, I'm a little disappointed.

Exercise is something I need to focus more on. The little bits of walking here and there that I'm doing isn't enough and I realize this. I have a recumbent bike, DVDs, weights, bands, a mat....I need to get my rear end moving and I know it. I will definitely get myself into a proper exercise routine. Most likely, I won't start back at it today but I'm going to start moving again tomorrow!

weak end

2007-03-30T16:37:00.000-04:00

I'm really happy that Friday has arrived. The week flew by for me but I'm way more tired than I probably should be. TOM still hasn't arrived, although I've been feeling yucky for a day or so now. I'm hoping it starts soon because I feel a little bloated.

Overall, the working week went much better for me this week than it did last. The only slip up in the grand plan was last night. My hunny had an injured arm he was resting and we were running late so we had pizza for dinner. Now, we didn't have one of this really meat laden, cheesey specials delivered to us (although my mouth is watering a little bit thinking about that idea), we had a frozen pizza. Well, it wasn't frozen, we heated it up (ba-dum-bum!) and I enjoyed it but it wasn't as "calorie friendly" a meal as it could have been.

I'm not sure what the weigh-in will show tomorrow. I definitely feel good about resisting the urge to give into foil-wrapped chocolate mini-eggs this week. Particularly the way my hormones have been raging. I'm hoping that I'll show a loss. Bloated and crampy as I feel though, I am not getting my hopes up.

confident

2007-03-28T19:00:00.000-04:00

I had another great, on-plan day today. This makes me happy.

TOM is going to start soon, I can tell. This makes me feel slightly crampy and uncomfortable.

Given though, that I've been eating a crap-free diet for a few days now, I'm sure that will help TOM be more manageable. It's been kind of hard on me the past few cycles. I suggest to myself that it's because I'm getting older and will probably be crashing into menopause in the not too distant future. Of course, this is bullshit. I mean, I am getting older and I think about menopause now and then. Too much salt and caffeine is more likely to be the cause of my monthly woes.

Tonight, for dinner, we had a lovely veggie & tofu curry with rice. It was delicious and filling and for about 10 seconds after dinner, I had a craving for those foil wrapped chocolate easter eggs. Fortunately, that craving passed and I forgot all about it until I just typed about it. Nice.

Fortunately, we go to bed pretty early so I shouldn't be tempted by anything too bad for the rest of the evening. I feel like I'm still taking baby steps but so far this week, I haven't stumbled and banged my head on the coffee table. It's a start, right?

on course

2007-03-27T16:37:00.000-04:00

so far, so good.

today my eating has been 100%, totally on track so far.

tonight we are dining at home so I suspect that I should able to finish the day as it started.

I actually got outside for a little walk today. The weather has turned suddenly gorgeous so it felt particularly good to get out and into the fresh air.

that's really it. on track, staying the course, being a good girl.

with luck and a little determination, by the weekend, I'll be a slightly smaller girl!

not quite a drumroll moment

2007-03-26T16:23:00.000-04:00

...I maintained this week.

I wasn't entirely surprised by this, I wasn't entirely sad. Maintaining a loss is good. I didn't gain back my two pounds. I should have done more in terms of intentional exercise and I should have made more consistent food choices.

I did not do these things and as a result, I did not lose any weight this week.

Over the weekend, I ate too much to compensate. Not smart, I know. But there you go. Blame it on PMS.

By the way, those little mini easter eggs should be outlawed.

sucker

2007-03-23T20:14:00.000-04:00

I've always been a sucker for songs with hand claps and lots of "ba dum ba dum" stuff in them. That really has nothing to do with anything but I thought I'd share.

What a week!!

I managed to survive. Actually, I did more than survive. I didn't feel too overwhelmed despite the pace. Since Tuesday, we have executed three events. Only once, at the last one of this week, this afternoon, did I feel overwhelmed. Unfortunately, this was caused by a technical glitch that could have been prevented if I'd brought my own laptop to it instead of using someone else's. Fortunately, it was one of those things that only the folks who are working at the event notice and none of the guests were aware that it had happened.

The first few days of the week I was not sleeping well. The lack of sleep made me more determined to eat during the day because I knew that I needed proper fuel and not sugar or crap, if I was going to get through it all and accomplish what I needed to do. Now, having said that, we did have one dinner out (the buffet on Monday) and I had a lovely, albeit large, lunch on Wednesday (I wasn't supposed to eat at the event but they needed folks to fill a table because a number of guests did not arrive and we had a fully set table sitting empty!). I also had a Dairy Queen blizzard. Most of the time though, I was pretty good. Definitely much better than I have been over the past several weeks. I also spent a lot of time on my feet and did a fair amount of walking, outside in the fresh air. It didn't kill me do this either. Weird huh??

All of these events meant that I had to dress up a little more than I normally do. For two of the three days, this meant wearing dress pants that are definitely too snug around the waist. I'm okay with wearing uncomfortable clothes right now though because they will definitely help me stay on track. So yesterday, when I pulled the one pair out of the closet and slipped them on, I was happy when I didn't have as much of a struggle as I normally do, sliding them over my hips. They aren't loose by any definition but they definitely felt better so I must be heading in the right direction.

Tomorrow I'll weigh in again and I'll see if the chinese / dairy queen hurt me. Right now, I know that I'm in the middle of PMS because my hands feel really swollen and I'm tired and crabby. If I don't show a loss tomorrow, I'll blame it on hormones, if I do show a loss, you'll be the first to hear about it!!

screw you bacon

2007-03-20T12:07:00.000-04:00

The other day, I was reading about Denise's pledge to chew her food better. As I read that I realized that I don't chew my food nearly as well as I should and have made a conscious effort to do better. I don't always remember to count but I'm definitely chewing more!!

So this morning, I was working at a breakfast event. It was a buffet meal and they were serving bacon, sausage, eggs (scrambled), eggs benedict, waffles, home fries, etc. All things I love (well I would have avoided the eggs benedict because you know that that hollandaise is from a packet and I live with a French chef who can make the real deal anytime I decide that I'd like to increase my cholesterol that much!). Anyway folks, I chose to have fresh fruit, fat free yogurt and a bran muffin. Aren't I a good girl??

Last night was another story. We are still sticking to our "one meal out a week" thing but last night, we ended up at the Chinese buffet. I did start with a salad and did not have dessert but I know I ate way too much. When we got there, I was starving and I way more than I should have. I know I did because I felt uncomfortable for the rest of the evening.

Today will be much better, it is already actually. I had the good breakfast, I'm currently eating (and chewing carefully) my packed lunch and dinner will be prepared and eaten at home tonight. Control is important for me right now. Really important. I want those pants to be comfortable again!!

almost spring

2007-03-19T12:05:00.000-04:00

I cannot wait for spring to officially arrive. I'm jonsing for fresh, local produce in a big way. Ice-free sidewalks are also high on my list of things that I can't wait for!

On Saturday afternoon, I ended up taking some tylenol and retreating to the bedroom to watch some tv. I put in a Family Guy DVD and I think I fell asleep about 10 minutes into an episode. I dozed in and out of about 3 after that so I think I slept for over an hour. When I finally sat up in bed, my headache was gone and my appetite had returned. The appetite was hit and miss all weekend, which again, is very odd for me. Yesterday, I didn't eat lunch. Strange.

It wasn't really until after dinner last night that I felt hungry (figures huh??). It was the first time in several days where I'd actually had pangs of hunger. While I was doing our taxes yesterday (and sorting through a mound of un-filed papers) I found $10 in amongst the Canadian Tire money. After dinner, all I could think about was taking that $10 to the DQ and having a blizzard. I was able to talk myself out of it but not before I had talked myself into making some brownies. See, a while ago, I bought a box of brownie mix at Costco. The giant box had 4 pouches of mix. The last pouch was in the pantry, calling my name. Eventually, I gave in and made the damned brownies. At least there are no more pouches in the cupboard and I will not make the mistake of buying them, they are too good, if you know what I mean. For pete's sake, they are made with Ghirardelli chocolate. Anyway, I didn't have ice cream but I did have a couple of brownies last night. I'm not proud of it but at least I didn't spend any money.

Today so far I've eaten almost entirely raw food. Lots of veggies, much fruit. If I keep this up and chuck the brownies tonight, I should be able to show another loss this week. Here's hoping, anyway.

top o' the late morning to you all

2007-03-17T11:10:00.000-04:00

A couple of days ago, in between the heaps of crusty leftover snow, we had actual green grass poking out and teasing us. It seemed like spring had almost sprung. Today however, we woke up to a marshmallow world and the green is covered in a blanket of white.

It's a good thing that I like shoveling snow huh?

The past few days have literally flown by because of household illness (not mine) and work busy stuff. I work on a team of events planners and we have 6 events scheduled for the next two weeks. Ordinarily, we don't have this many things happening all at once so it's been hectic.

My hunny had a touch of that nasty stomach bug that is going around. Our local hospital has had an outbreak of it too so it's literally everywhere. I was lucky enough to avoid it all week. This morning though, I feel like I may have a touch of what he had. Last night, for the first time in I don't know how long, I didn't eat dinner. I had an appetite but the idea of actually preparing and eating something made me feel nauseous. At the time I just chalked it up to being overtired (we were out of almost everything so we went out right after work on a 2-hour, four store shopping marathon). Just before bed, I toasted an english muffin and proceeded to sleep for 10 hours. I never sleep this long. We went to bed shortly after 9 p.m. and I slept until around 7:30 a.m.!! This morning I've been a little achy and cold and have had a bit of dodgy tummy too. I may go lay down for a bit if I don't feel better soon.

This morning, I decided to weigh-in. I did last Saturday too and I think that will be my new weigh-in day. It worked for me before, Saturday weigh-ins, because knowing I would weigh-in on Saturday made me avoid the "hey, it's Friday night - let's have a treat" thing. I'm happy to report that I'm down 2 whole pounds this week.

I feel really good about this and my short-term goal right now is to lose 15-20 pounds by mid-May. I don't think that this is unreasonable considering how much I have to lose overall. I have many reasons for wanting to lose weight, most of them are related to general health and longevity. In addition to these reasons, I really want to wear smaller clothes...to feel better in the clothes I have, to be able to find clothes easier. Also, toward the end of May, there is an event I'm working at and I'd really like to be able to comfortably wear these gorgeous pants to it. I wore them to the same event last year and I remember being really uncomfortable throughout dinner. They were just too tight and I remember when I bought them, they were actually loose on me. They are black, crepe-y, flowy pants with lovely lining and they look like a gorgeous long skirt instead of pants. I know that I can do this and I will!!

I think that this is a great carrot to dangle in front of myself and, as I already said, it's realistic. I'm feeling inspired by the 2 pounds. It's a small step but it's something I feel good about. I haven't felt good about much weight-loss related in a while so I'm taking what I can get. We also stocked the kitchen with tonnes of fresh fruit and veg last night. We've got whole grains galore and other good stuff so that should make things easier.

The snow may have dampened my spring spirit for a couple of days but I'm feeling good about myself again and that's way more important than the weather!!

all fall down

2007-03-10T10:23:00.000-05:00

It is not easy to fall with grace. I know of what I speak because I fell in our driveway the other morning, with no grace at all. I tripped over my boot laces (well, the laces from one boot became tangled on the hook of another boot) and the next thing I knew, I was on my knees in the snow. At first, I was concerned that I'd "knee'd" my pants. Fortunately, I did not do this. When I got into the car, shaken but not stirred, I realized that I had cut the shit out of my hand and wrist. See, the snow is starting to slowly melt around here during the day (well on sunny days anyway). The temperatures are so cold right now though that what remains on the ground is really crunchy, crystal-y, sharp, shards of ice. My hand and wrist were sliced by ice.

For the rest of that day (Thursday), I was really stiff and sore. I was pissed too because my knee had started to feel better, I'd actually worked out a couple of mornings this week, and I all I could think about was how I'd now re-injured myself. Fortunately, this seems not to be the case. When I got up yesterday, I was a little stiff but much much much better. Today I feel almost 100%. The cold is almost gone, TOM has passed and I think my injuries are almost all mended.

It's a weird feeling, normal, after a few weeks of feeling like crap. Oh, injuries and illness aside, I seem to be doing pretty well with my eating. I know that I'm definitely not eating as much as I was a few weeks ago. My portion size had dramatically reduced and I'm not feeling hungry. In fact, I'm feeling really hungry at meals and then I don't seem to need nearly as much food as I once did, to feel satisfied. I'm really hoping that this is something which will stick with me because portion control has always been a challenge for me. Even when eating healthy food, I know that I just plain old eat too much.

Of course, the big test is the weekend, right? So far so good today. Hopefully, the rest of the weekend will be as good as last week. I'd love to see a drop on the scale sometime soon!

much better, thanks for asking!

2007-03-06T17:30:00.000-05:00

my weekend was really nice.

actually, saturday and sunday were pretty uneventful but yesterday was awesome. for most of the weekend, I felt like totally hammered crap. tom was incredibly gross and painful and I was still having yucky cold symptoms which were interfering with my ability to get a decent night's rest.

sunday night, probably because of the huge amount of TOM related pain killers I'd ingested during the day, I slept like the a log. yesterday, I got up when my hunny got up (4:30 a.m.) got my laundry done early, baked some gorgeous banana muffins, watched some movies, cleaned up one of the drives on my computer, prepped dinner (my hunny is a chef so I almost never cook dinner - I did last night though because I'd been off). I never left the house and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was very relaxing and I felt better yesterday than I had in a week.

today was back to work and by mid-afternoon my cold was starting annoy me again. I could feel my head starting to fill up, mid-meeting. nice huh?? I'm planning an early to bed night tonight. I realize that I need a lot more rest right now, while I'm recovering from this bug, than I normally do. happily, the cold is still making me want to eat less. my appetite is significantly decreased and I'm not unhappy about that. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to keep this eating less thing up when I'm all better.

in other good news, Taylore's back and she's sick with the cold so pop by and say hello and send her lots of feel good soon vibes.

never on a sunday

2007-03-04T08:58:00.000-05:00

I don't usually have a chance to write here on a Sunday but I'm taking time this morning. It's not really that I have anything exciting or strange to report. Rather, it's that I have a big mug of coffee at my side and I'm taking time for myself this weekend.

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I took some time to sort through my blog roll list and catch up a little on who's still writing. I was a little surprised at the number of folks who have stopped journaling. I guess it gets hard to keep writing if you feel like you're just saying the same stuff over and over again, I know that this is an easy trap to fall into, I do it myself.

My feeling though, is that if I keep writing, even not regularly, it's good for me. I'll see where I'm doing "okay" and "not so well" and hopefully I'll see patterns emerge and try to work around them.

Being sick this week has been good for me in a way. With the increased mucous production my body has been doing, my appetite has decreased. This almost never happens to me. Twice over the past few days, I've not been able to finish my meal. This is good, I think. Eating less, for me, is always good.

Rather than focus on good or bad, I'm trying to keep my mind on being healthy. If I keep my mind on eating healthy stuff, good fuel for my body, nutritious stuff that will help battle the cold and make me strong, I think that's good. I've been trying to do that for the past couple of weeks and it's going okay.

The other day, Wednesday I think, I stayed home from work (I hadn't slept at all the night before and could almost not breathe). At some point during that day, my foot started to hurt. It was a muscle ache, like I'd stretched something in an odd way, or slept on it in a weird angle. By Friday night, it was really killing me. Once I would be up and moving around, it was okay but if I sat down for any length of time, it would stiffen up and I had a hard time putting weight on it. It really didn't help that I was working at an event on Friday night and stood on a concrete floor, in my winter boots, for 2.5 hours. Anyway, it kind of kicked my plan for a Saturday winter hike in the nuts. Today though, I'm feeling much better. Not quite 100% normal but definitely improved. I might try to get outside for a walk around the neighborhood and see how that feels. Honestly, between my knee the other week (which is fine now!) and now this foot thing, I feel like I'm falling apart.

Tomorrow, I've booked a day off for myself. I don't really have anything planned, just hanging around the house, getting a few things done, maybe read a book, just have a day for me. Goodness knows, between the cold, TOM and the foot thing, an extra day off will do me a world a good right now.