bravery of being out of range

I keep my scale in the laundry room. The laundry room is in our basement and I deliberately put it down there, thinking that it should be close to where I work out. I hate tripping over the darned thing in the bathroom. By keeping it in the basement though, it's easier to avoid it. If I stay away from the scale, I won't actually know how "bad" I'm doing. Not that feeling my pants get tight (or get shorter -- how is that?? your tummy and bum get bigger and pull the length up in your pant legs - charming!!) shouldn't be enough of a smack in the noggin' for me. Somehow I think, I thought that things were going well if I just didn't step onto the scale. I could put on a brave face and pretend that I hadn't really gained back 1/2 of the weight I'd lost if I just avoided the laundry room.

This morning, disgusted with the huge white face / too tight pants situation that I'm finding myself in these days, I got brave (ha!) and timidly stepped on that scale. I was relieved (how sick this is) that I weighed the same now and I did the last time I weighed in. I shouldn't have been relieved, I should have been angry. I guess the anger came later, well, right now actually, as I'm typing this. I'm annoyed with myself, seriously.

Don't get me wrong, we've stuck to our guns about not eating anywhere that has a drive-thru but, we've eaten in restaurants or had take-out more times than I care to count over the past couple of weeks. That could be why my pants feel like they do, why my bra is cutting into me. Oh, also, there's the crap. It's fancy holiday type crap but crap nonetheless. Like, last night, we were out doing errands. We were both tired, cranky, air deprived (where DOES all the air go in the stores during the winter??) and soggy from the rain. Somehow, don't ask me how because it's honestly a bit of a blur, we convinced ourselves that a "treat" of some truffles would be "okay." We get home, I see the big box of chocolates and just shake my head. I opened it up, sniffed it (it smelled wonderful) and listened to my hunny make yummy noises while he ate one but I couldn't do it. Something in me just would not let my hands touch them, much less put them into my mouth, while I watched the Biggest Loser finale. I was so impressed by how well everyone did on the show (but don't get me started on how I feel about the "winner" because I couldn't stand the particular person who won it all), how good they all looked. I was a little jealous of how happy they all seemed and that made it impossible for me to eat a chocolate.

I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm really sick of how I have to keep writing about how sick I am about all of this. Tonight, I'm going to toss out the chocolate. I can't go on anymore with tight pants and a bloated looking face. It's not funny, I'm not happy and I just can't have it anymore.

cold

hey folks.

I'm still here, although five days is a long time to go without a post. I apologize. I've been sick with a cold. It bugged my ass for all of last week and by Friday, I had to give into it and go home.

I worked from 7:30 a.m. to about 12:30 p.m. on Friday. My head was literally spinning when I left the office. On the way home, I stopped off for a bowl (take out) of soup and that helped a lot. I slept most of the afternoon. I slept in on Saturday morning, had a lazy day both Saturday and Sunday and then slept all of yesterday morning. By mid-afternoon yesterday, I was feeling more human. Today, I'm back in the office and am feeling a smidgen on the fragile side. I'll survive though, I'm better than a few germs.

I have been posting a little more frequently over at my "regular" blog if you're at all interested (trust me, it's not that interesting but it is a little more frequent these days). Click here to read all about it!!

enough already!!

Desperate times call for reasonable measures.

On the weekend, I never did get out to shop. My hunny was sick and I stayed close to home, looking after him. Looking after him, sadly, involved both of us eating a lot of stuff that we did not need to eat.

Nevermind the shopping thing that I wrote about last week, I'm really not happy with the way I look right now. My face seems very very round and it makes me sad to see it when I look in the mirror. I don't want to feel sad, I want to be happy. I want to see positive changes, I want to shrink again, I tell ya!!

I think that one big thing I've been missing lately is support. When Bev had the weigh-better board up, I was there all the time and loved it. I really appreciated the help and motivation I received from the other ladies on the forum and I enjoyed helping others out when I could. I never did so well with my weight loss as I did back then.

Today, I went searching for a new forum. Nothing could ever replace weigh-better but I am taking Diet Talk for a test drive. The folks there seem very friendly and supportive and I think it's just what I need. I love reading blogs and all but I think that I need the format of a forum.

Also, my hunny and I have agreed to stop eating fast/junk food all together. We agreed to no longer eat in any place that has a drive-thru. This is a small step toward a more strict return to our low-fat, low-calorie plan after the holidays. I'm saying after the holidays because I'm being practical here. If we can at least, cut out the junk food, we will be miles ahead of where we are right now and the holiday damage won't be so severe. The exercise, I'll have to plan that out tomorrow. For today, we've got the short-term food plan and the long-term one, all mapped out and that's as much as I want to plan for today at least.

secret santa

Thanks to Alison, I have signed up to be a secret santa. It'll be soooo much fun, you should to it too (or not, no pressure -- I just think it's going to be fun!!)!!



I know that this has absolutely nothing to do with health or fitness but heck, it's almost the holidays and I'm eating clementine oranges like they're going out of style so what the heck!!

going back on my word

Many, many months ago, I made a deal with myself that I would not buy any new clothes until I was down another size. I made it through the summer months without losing any sizes or serious pounds and therefore didn't buy any new clothes. Eventually, I had to break down and buy new underwear but the other stuff, I just made due with.

It's become increasingly evident that I can't do this any longer. I have lots of nice casual/weekend stuff and still have several really dressy outfits (which were purchased for various work functions that I must attend from time to time). What I'm lacking though, is regular work clothes. I am afraid that I need (desperately) to go out this weekend and pick up some new things. I hate that the stuff I wear everyday to the office is getting worn looking and I'm tired of the same stuff all of the time. I also hate that I'm not going to be able to get into smaller sizes this time out. Hopefully, this sad, necessary shopping trip will inspire me to get back on track and stay there.

blank page

I opened a browser and logged into blogger 30 minutes ago. In that time, I've looked at my stats page, hung out on flickr, read some blogs, eaten lunch and drank 12 oz of water. I don't know whether I'm bored or just boring but I couldn't think of anything to write here.

It's sad too because of all the writing I do these days, the stuff I do here helps me the most. I need the help. I feel huge and unmotivated this week. I don't know why that is. Things at work are settling down finally, I had a great weekend (although I ate too much on Saturday), we're getting projects completed around the house and that makes me feel good. As far as fitness goes, I'm allowing it to slide down on my list of priorities. I know I'm doing it, that's the worst part. The funk is getting worse people and I don't know what to do about it. I wore a pair of pants to work yesterday that were uncomfortable. Instead of using this as a motivator to go home and eat a healthy dinner, I put on an old pair of really baggy jeans and went out for dinner, to a Chinese buffet no less. I need my ass kicked, hard. I keep trying to do it myself but I lose my balance and fall over. It's a sad picture.

So I won't give myself the usual pep talk about how tomorrow I'll do better and that the good choices I make each day usually out number the bad (that's true today so far anyway). I won't because I know what I need to do I just don't want to hear myself say it again right now. I'm sure that you don't want to read it again either. It is boring and I am bored. Huh, weird. I guess I knew it all along.

happy monday

howdy folks.

Today was a busy day at work. Tonight was busy at home as we rushed to put up our outside holiday lights before the snow flies. Of course, we get inside to discover that the forecast has changed and that there will be no snow tomorrow. The lights do look fabulous though. I'll try to get some decent snaps later in the week.

I wish I had lots of health and fitness stuff to report today but I don't. I have stuff I could write about but I'm tired and just want to crawl into bed. I did, however, update my house blog and my regular blog...just in case you're looking for some news. And, oh yeah...if you've read those and are still looking for more, go over to Zorb's page and congratulate the girl, she and her hunny are engaged to be married!