what?

Okay, where did the month go?

Well, I know that June was insanely busy at work so that explains my not being here up until around the 29th! Last week, we were booked off on a little mini-vacation (went to Montreal, had a fab time, you can read about it here). I've actually been posting pretty regularly over there because I'm doing some "sponsored blogging" and have been making a little bit of extra cash that way.

I've thought about everyone a lot and have been trying to get myself back on track over the past week or so. When work gets really busy, it's like I give myself permission to not care about stuff. I don't like that about myself and it's something that I'm working on.

It's been ridiculously hot here over the past few days which has contributed to a malaise which keeps me from exercising. I'm heading into the pool in a few minutes but that's not really exercise (not in our little pool anyway).

Overall, I feel kinda extra fat right now but I've been making pretty good food choices since we got back from Montreal so I know that I'll stop feeling that way soon. Always, with me, baby steps. It's boring to say but I keep saying it to myself and I know that by the time the fall rolls around, those pants will fit me better. In the meantime, I can honestly say that I still have not given in to the temptation which is that huge ass bag of Costco M&M's.

how are you doing?

a picture shows a thousand pounds

Over the weekend, the weather was insanely warm. Hot really, steamy. We were back in our pool, finally, after missing it all winter. I had my new camera out on the deck yesterday. I was taking some photos of the birds in the yard and just general stuff, like I do.

I got into the pool before my hunny did and was floating around on the raft thing we have when I noticed him taking the lens cover off the camera. Slightly horrified, I tried not to freak out when I realized he was taking photos of the backyard, the pool and me. A sudden, serious storm blew in and the photos were forgotten while we hustled about, covering the pool and putting stuff away. Last night, I took the photos off the camera and saw the few he took with me in them. It was shocking. I was shocked anyway. It was upsetting too. I mean, I know what I look like, I see myself in the mirror every day. Hell, we have mirrored closet doors in our bedroom so I see myself naked in the mirror every day too. Something about seeing a photograph is different though. I looked way bigger than I imagine that I am. Don't get me wrong, I know how big I am but those photos, laying down, on the water, in a swimsuit, pale and white from the winter, it was all a bit much.

Last night, I didn't sleep well. That was more about getting too much sun yesterday than the photos. In between not sleeping, I had some weird dreams and one of them was about my weight. I guess the photos got to me more than I realized. Hopefully, this is a good slap in the face for me and I'll be able to pull up my socks and get my shit together.