on weight loss porn

It occurred to me today that many of us who read weight loss journals, look for inspiration not only in the stories but in the photos that the intrepid "losers" post. It's sort of the "porn" part of this isn't it? Wanting to see those photos and cheer others on. I always hope to find someone who started out in similar shape that I'm in right now, because it helps me to see where I could end up. In my years of doing this, I've never posted progress photos. I think it's partly because I've never stayed 'down' long enough to feel good about posting them. I do think though that I will start taking them again. Now that I have a tripod for my camera, I can do it on my own. I'm not promising that when I take them, that I'll post them, but I might.

My eating continues to be pretty good although last night was a bit much. We were out doing errands after work and neither of us were feeling particularly sparkly. I suggested that on the way home, we stop off for that bowl of Pho I'd been thinking about all week. Unfortunately, we had to drive by our favourite Chinese buffet to get the Vietnamese place and the buffet won out. I will confess that I had a couple of deep friend battered shrimp but mostly, I ate veggies and chicken (I had a small amount of steamed rice with a gorgeous curry dish they had). I ate a large amount of broccoli which really filled me up. Also, I didn't have any dessert and I didn't snack at all when I got home. I felt good about the choices I made although I know that much of stuff we had was too fatty. Still, I keep focusing on better choices and I think I made the right ones (mostly) in the situation I was in.

a picture shows a thousand pounds

Over the weekend, the weather was insanely warm. Hot really, steamy. We were back in our pool, finally, after missing it all winter. I had my new camera out on the deck yesterday. I was taking some photos of the birds in the yard and just general stuff, like I do.

I got into the pool before my hunny did and was floating around on the raft thing we have when I noticed him taking the lens cover off the camera. Slightly horrified, I tried not to freak out when I realized he was taking photos of the backyard, the pool and me. A sudden, serious storm blew in and the photos were forgotten while we hustled about, covering the pool and putting stuff away. Last night, I took the photos off the camera and saw the few he took with me in them. It was shocking. I was shocked anyway. It was upsetting too. I mean, I know what I look like, I see myself in the mirror every day. Hell, we have mirrored closet doors in our bedroom so I see myself naked in the mirror every day too. Something about seeing a photograph is different though. I looked way bigger than I imagine that I am. Don't get me wrong, I know how big I am but those photos, laying down, on the water, in a swimsuit, pale and white from the winter, it was all a bit much.

Last night, I didn't sleep well. That was more about getting too much sun yesterday than the photos. In between not sleeping, I had some weird dreams and one of them was about my weight. I guess the photos got to me more than I realized. Hopefully, this is a good slap in the face for me and I'll be able to pull up my socks and get my shit together.