craving confession

It's Friday night and once again, I managed to get through another working week without too much stress and bother. It was busy, really busy. Not that I want to cause myself undue stress but I recently found out that a young man (his mother and my mother are good friends, I only know him to see him) was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer. Apparently, in this particular case, the largest contributor to it was stress. We all have way too much stress in our lives, this I know. I guess it's more important than ever to find a way to manage it. In the past, I have heard and read that stress causes serious problems in your body but this is way beyond anything I've heard before. This guy is 43 years old and he'll probably not see the end of the summer. It's sad.

Speaking of dealing with stress, traditionally, I've turned to food as a coping mechanism. Of course, I also turn to food when I'm celebrating or sad or tired. Tonight, after dinner, I sat on the sofa, while we watched TV, and all I could think of was Mars bars...and timbits. Sad isn't it? I have this huge, strong chocolate craving and it's really bugging my ass. I know that usually, cravings fade after a short while but it's going on 3 hours now and I can't stop thinking about chocolate. Of course, I won't give into it, mostly because we don't have any real chocolate in the house and I'd have to go. Still, I've entertained going out in the rain and finding a huge bag of Mars bars to dive into.

It's a sickness, I think. It feels like that right now anyway.

nothing much

I think I post here less often than I used to because I don't feel like I have a whole lot to say. Recently, I went back and looked over some of my old posts and I used to sound a lot more excited and I think, more interesting.

I need to work on my excitement factor. It needs to be increased, without a doubt.

The weather has been reasonable here lately. Nice, spring weather. This weekend, I think we'll get back out in the yard and do some cardio gardening / raking. I like that kind of a workout. Sometimes, I actually miss shovelling, sick huh?

My eating has been up and down this week. There was the cake the other day, I had lunch out yesterday and again, had dessert. It was a trio of truffles, can you blame me!!? It did come with fresh berries too so that's okay right? Fruit with chocolate cancels out the fat? No!? Oh well. TOM is knocking on the door so I blame it on hormones. I actually thought that it started several times over the past few days but it hasn't actually. I think it's just stress, messing with my cycle. That happens to me every once in a while.

So, as long as the hormones rage, I'm still in dangerous territory. We're barbecuing tonight though, turkey sausage and lots of peppers. We're going to make wraps with them. It should be good and not too calorically crazy. As I feel like I'm always saying, usually, these days, I'm making more good choices than bad and that's good. I just have to get to a point where there are almost no bad choices. And I need to be more exciting. Good and exciting, easy peasy, right?

a whole new week

Yesterday, I made a deliberate effort to spend more time going up and down the stairs at work. I work on the second floor of an old building and I usually try to minimize the number of trips I need to take up and down, mostly because I'm lazy but partly to better manage my time. Monday though, I thought, stop being lazy, do the stairs more often, you'll be happy you did.

Last night, I was really glad that I did. I did them a lot more than normal. I realized in the doing of them, how out of shape I truly am. Today, I didn't do them as many time as yesterday (partly because I was out of the office for 1/2 the day on a training course). Honestly though, had I been in the office all day, I'm not sure how I would have managed. I kind of hurt myself yesterday. The hurt is in a completely good way though, I can feel the extra effort in my thighs. I'll definitely continue this stair stuff again tomorrow. I can feel how good it is for me. Today I did get a bit of extra walking in, and that was good too. I am noticing though, that since my last bad-back episode, I'm a little tender at times in the sore spot and have to slow myself down a bit while I'm walking. It's not bad enough to make me stop though, just enough to remind me that it happened.

Eating continues to be pretty good. Yesterday was perfectly on plan. Today was not because we had birthday cake with my parents (but it was a coffee cake with not much icing). It's okay though, that's life, right? I cannot and will not hide from cake for the rest of my life. I may do a few extra flights of stairs tomorrow though!!

gah

First I thought I was sick and then I felt better...then I felt sick again this morning and now I feel better.

I won't get sick!!!

Yuck!

Other than the "am I sick or do I have allergies" thing and being busy at work, the rest of the week is going okay. How's by you?

I feel like in a bit of a boring routine and that's okay for me. It keeps me steady and on track. Unfortunately, it makes for really pathetic posts. I apologize.

I also apologize to myself for having some white chocolate and blood orange cheese cake at lunch today. It was tasty, I shared it, didn't finish it and almost never do this (it was an office luncheon out in a restaurant). My mantra lately seems to be "it could have been worse."

Hey, it could have been!

wednesday report

I should be posting more often, I know this. Posting really helps me keep my head together.

Due to some birthday festivities, the weekend really slid away from me. I completely forgot (really) to weigh-in on Saturday and I know that I ate too much. Overall though, recently, I feel like I'm making better choices all of the time. I can't remember the last time I indulged in sweets or treats at work. I've completely stopped evening snacking. This is good right?

Fortunately, I felt much better on the weekend (and since) than I had in a couple of weeks. The weather has been crap here so I haven't been getting out to walk like I'd hoped and I'm finding it really tough to get up early enough to exercise before work but, except for the previously mentioned weekend splurge I think my eating is getting better. This weekend, I think I'm going to try the "goal pants" on and see how that is going. That will show me for sure if my eating is really better or if I'm just fooling myself. We'll see.

what kind of fuckery is this?

forgive me folks, I've been MIA and listening to way too much Amy Winehouse!

Seriously though, last weekend, my long weekend, started out so full of promise and sunshine and rainbows. It ended up being full of heating pads, pills, movies, my sofa, snow flurries and the stomach flu.

That's right, I was sick, all weekend. I shouldn't say that, I was fine on Friday. Saturday though, I slept in too late, slept too hard, with the window open and my back did that thing it hasn't done since last September. It betrayed me and caused me walk completely crooked. The only place I went all weekend was to folks on Sunday for Easter lunch.

Finally, on Monday night, as my weekend was ending, I started to feel better and of course, as luck would have it, I woke up in the night with a stomach bug. The upside of this was a complete lack of appetite and a loss of anything I'd eaten in the previous couple of days. Gross huh??

I ended up being home from work on Tuesday, the next three days were spent scrambling at work. Fortunately, my appetite never did come back to normal until today so I didn't eat too much this week. I also didn't exercise much because until today, my back was still dicey.

Not impressed? Neither was I. Oh well, this weekend should be much better. We had pizza for dinner tonight but I didn't overeat. We literally have no food in the house (except for left-over pizza) so we have to stock up on healthy snacks tomorrow. I'm not expecting the weekend to be too problematic. We'll see what the scale has to say tomorrow. Overall, backache and flu aside, the week wasn't completely horrible. I'm hoping for a good weekend for me and for you too.

happy weekend kiddos!

half assed

actually, I'm fully assed right now. eventually, it would be nice to have half the ass I currently possess but for now, I'm not really half assed.

I had fully intended to start the month of April with a post, on the first day of the month, and then continue to post every day. Alas, it's now the 3rd already and here's my first post.

Due to the fact that I don't have anything inspiring or fun to write about, I didn't bother posting the past couple of days.

I can report that things have been boring. I've been sticking to the eating plan pretty much (I ate a little too much on the weekend - I can't seem to break that weekend snacking habit), exercise continues to be elusive. Most likely I've been avoiding it because TOM has kicked my ass. I've been sleeping late and running out the door in the mornings so I haven't been hitting the bike. Tonight, something I ate for dinner didn't agree with me so I've been a little upset about that and haven't felt like I could confidently ride a bike for long (sorry if that's TMI).

Oh well, tomorrow's another day and I'll see what it brings. Happily, the food thing (during the week anyway) has been less of a white-knuckle experience and it's feeling more like habit again. Thank goodness for small favours huh?