fatty fat, fat fat

yeah, I'm here.

I am still fat.

somedays, I feel fatter than others.

somedays, I make better food choices than on others.

recently, I've been avoiding any kind of regular contact with my scale. I avoid it because I suck.

ever since I had bronchitis, I've allowed myself to just do whatever the hell I feel like. partyly this happened because the anti-biotics I started taking in early april didn't really get out of my system until about a week ago. yeah, that's right, a week! I've been taking huge amounts of acidofolus and eating craploads of "biobest" yogurt to try and get the good bacteria that was blasted out my system, back. almost three months is too long for this kind of crap to go on.

but I digress. I feel really horrible. yesterday, I wore a pair of pants to work that were "snug" in the waist when I put them on. by the end of the day, I was incredibly uncomfortable, almost in pain if I'm honest. I couldn't wait to get home. I don't think I made it much further than the front door before I had those suckers off. man, that's a rotten feeling.

so, renewed efforts are required. admittedly, exercise is non-existent right now. for the last few weeks, I've had to do a fair bit more walking than I normally would. I've tried to convince myself that this extra walking is actually exercise but it's not, not really.

I'm not going to sit here and make some big proclamation about what I'm going to do about this. I know what I need to do, I just have "get motivated." for the past week or so, I've been toying with the idea of re-reading dr. phil's weight-loss book. I need some inspiration and I need to get my head sorted out. I can't gain back anymore weight, I really can't.

I don't want to have another day like yesterday. I don't want my pants to hurt me anymore and I really hate feeling badly about myself, well about my weight anyway. life's too fucking short to keep doing this over and over again. I really want to do it, lose the weight and be done with this.