I'm still here, really.
It feels like I go all gang-busters and post for a few days and then disappear without warning. Really, what's happened is that the past 4 weeks or so have just been overwhelming to a scary degree.
In the days post LOG passing away, my work was really busy. Like, not normal busy, the kind of busy where you start to feel like you are actually some kind of crazy machine. Like a mad robot from Futurama or something.
Our team was working toward a big event on September 30. I really had it in my head that once that was over, things would settle down a bit. Now, I knew that the rest of the fall season would be still be hectic but I figured I would at least have time to say, pee once in a while or go for an actual "away from my desk" type of lunch break. Optimistically, I even made two lunch dates for that first week of October. The first lunch date was okay, the second one, well my poor friend had to put up with me blubbing and being a bit of a wreck.
Alas, my new job seems to have the better of me right now. The worst part of it is that I really really love what I'm doing, we're just woefully understaffed at the moment. I've had to work a few weekend recently and have not been able to take any lieu time that I'm owed...so I just keep working and working and I can't get any rest. Even when I take a day off, I'm not sleeping well because I'm dreaming about work. The little blue pills aren't even helping.
Today though, I finally had an opportunity to talk (briefly) about this with my boss. She's fabulous but she's going through the same thing with her MIL that we just went through with our LOG so I haven't wanted to trouble her too much with things. Anyway, I've been crying a lot. I do this when I'm frustrated. It's one of things that I hate about myself: when I get frustrated, or mad, I cry. I feel like such an ass when it happens but I know that when it does happen, it's bad. Right now, I feel overtired, overworked, overwhelmed. I'd much rather be overjoyed and oversexed or over anything else but tired, worked and whelmed. I'd also rather not be overeating and, admittedly, I've been sporadically doing that. I hate a huge ass bag of ketchup chips on the weekend and numerous chocolate chip cookies.
Hopefully, I'll be able to talk to my boss at greater length later this week and sort out some kind of temporary solution to my problem. Well, it's not just my problem, it's our team's problem....it is now anyway, because that's how it is supposed to be when you're on a team, right?
/emotionally stupid rant
boy, typing all of that made me feel better. I know too, that if I'd had some time to properly grieve about LOG I'd have a better perspective on things but that really seems to creep up on me in a bad way from time to time too... yikes! I hope that everyone out in shrinking blog land is shrinking and being all healthy and good. I miss reading everyone's blogs and being inspired by all of your fabulousness. I'll be back soon, being fabulous and accomplished and rested! ...just watch this space!
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3 comments:
Sweetie, I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I wish I were closer so that I could help, but just know that I'm with you in spirit.
Wow, that just sounds... grueling; physically, mentally, emotionally, everything! I hope you do talk to your boss again. Maybe if you could bring in a temp or a work-study student to handle the more mundane stuff you and your team could start to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm also a crier. Every strong emotion I feel, particularly anger, frustration, being overwhelmed, comes straight out my eyes. I know your pain, but on the other hand, I figure that the feelings are going to physically manifest themselves one way or another. A good cry, hopefully in the ladies room and not a conference room full of people (done that!), can ward off something else like getting horribly sick or having your back go out from hanging onto all that stress.
Hang in there, Peg!
I hope you can get some real rest
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