I hope that you've all had as nice a weekend as I have had. We had talked about going out town yesterday (to see my brother's band play in Ottawa) but in the end we decided against it. The weather has just been too unpredictable lately. Staying home was a great idea though, I'm glad it worked out that way.
Today was a deliciously lazy day. I was up pretty early this morning but went back to bed for a lovely nap. It felt so good. I slept like a log for over an hour. I know that I'm still getting over that bug I had so I don't feel one little bit bad about it. Other than napping and doing a couple of loads of laundry, I basically did very little all day. We watched some tv, hung out in front of the computer and basically just vegged. It was a great day. I feel like I'm all recharged and ready for the week to come!
Sunday, February 08, 2004
Saturday, February 07, 2004
It's the weekend and so far, it's going rather nicely. I did my regular Saturday morning "official" weigh-in and I'm actually down a pound this week. To be totally honest, it shocked the hell out of me but I'm really pleased about it. Exercise was a mix of shovelling and riding my recumbent bike, eating was just on the border of being okay this week (meaning I was okay as far as calories go but some things were a little fattier than I usually like them to be). I was expecting that the February boredom, the tired feeling I had all week (which led to a smidgen of snackin') would show a gain but nope, I'm down. yay! This means I'm really really close to being back into virgin fat territory again and this totally makes me smile.
I'll apologize in advance for the rambling nature of this post but I've just had a lot of this stuff swirling around in my head lately and I felt like I needed to get it out and onto the page so to speak.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the pace at which I'm losing. I'm definitely moving at a slower rate than I was last year at this time. I've been telling myself (and I believe this, I don't think it's an excuse) that the slower I lose it, the better. Afterall, this isn't a "diet" this is real life. This is not something that we'll stop doing some day, it's forever. We've changed the way we feed our bodies, I'm a regular exerciser girl now and eventually, the good things I do for myself will show the results I want. Pretty much weekly, I'm surprised (and impressed) by things my body can do that used to practically kill me before:
1. I can now shop for more than 15 minutes at a time, I can now do several hours in the mall if I feel like it. The "before" me would be gagging for air on a bench after 30 minutes.
2. I can now run up and down the stairs at work, sometimes 2 or 3 times in a row if need be, sometimes carrying boxes full of printing. The "before" me would be panting and trying to figure out how to spread it out so I didn't have to do too many trips up and down at the same time.
3. Walking, walking, walking!! The "before" me had gotten to a point where routes were carefully plotted out in advance so that the shortest distance required would be walked.
These are simple things that everyone should be able to do easily. The bottom line though is that I couldn't do them easily. I'd let myself get to a point where my fitness level was absolute shit. Even though I'm still a fat girl (and if you didn't know me and saw me on the street you might not think it possible) but I'm in great shape underneath the fat suit. Probably better than I've been since high school. I know that in the past, when I weighed less than I do right now, I was not as healthy and strong as I am now. I hold my head high now and my body moves with grace. My body doesn't lumber along the way I notice that some fat women do. I work hard to remind myself of how far I've come, and try not to dwell too much on how far I've got to go still. I'll get there eventually. It's not going to happen overnight but, as I wrote at the beginning of 2004, if I can lose 70 pounds this year, like I did in 2003, I'll be really pleased with myself. If I don't quite make it to 70 this year, it'll be okay because I'll still have lost something (40? 50? 60?) and I definitely won't have gained any and, I'll be another whole year healthier than I was before.
I think a lot about something Dr. Phil says about how no matter what you do, the next year will come and go and you'll either get real about your fat or you'll be real fat. He was right. Last year I did something about my fat and now I have less of it. This year, I'm plugging away at it again and this time next year, I'll have even less of it that I'm hauling around.
Overall, I'm focusing on all the good things that we're doing for ourselves that we hadn't been doing before. One of my resolutions this year was to not let myself get bogged down on the bad stuff and focus on the good. It's totally working. I'm finding work more manageable, for sure. I've finally figured out how to leave all the toxic stuff and the stress at work. This has helped me so much, I sleep better at night (I'm not waking myself up because I'm grinding my teeth because I'm dreaming that someone is pulling them out!) and I'm in a better mood all the time (I think anyway -- you'd have to ask my hunny for confirmation!). I feel healthy and happy and strong more often than I feel whiney, tired and/or sick. The good days far outnumber the bad ones these days. The key too is that I don't dwell on bad days (bad work days, bad eating days, bad hair days...). I just pick myself up and start fresh the next day. It's all about perspective baby,attitude is everything!
I'll apologize in advance for the rambling nature of this post but I've just had a lot of this stuff swirling around in my head lately and I felt like I needed to get it out and onto the page so to speak.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the pace at which I'm losing. I'm definitely moving at a slower rate than I was last year at this time. I've been telling myself (and I believe this, I don't think it's an excuse) that the slower I lose it, the better. Afterall, this isn't a "diet" this is real life. This is not something that we'll stop doing some day, it's forever. We've changed the way we feed our bodies, I'm a regular exerciser girl now and eventually, the good things I do for myself will show the results I want. Pretty much weekly, I'm surprised (and impressed) by things my body can do that used to practically kill me before:
1. I can now shop for more than 15 minutes at a time, I can now do several hours in the mall if I feel like it. The "before" me would be gagging for air on a bench after 30 minutes.
2. I can now run up and down the stairs at work, sometimes 2 or 3 times in a row if need be, sometimes carrying boxes full of printing. The "before" me would be panting and trying to figure out how to spread it out so I didn't have to do too many trips up and down at the same time.
3. Walking, walking, walking!! The "before" me had gotten to a point where routes were carefully plotted out in advance so that the shortest distance required would be walked.
These are simple things that everyone should be able to do easily. The bottom line though is that I couldn't do them easily. I'd let myself get to a point where my fitness level was absolute shit. Even though I'm still a fat girl (and if you didn't know me and saw me on the street you might not think it possible) but I'm in great shape underneath the fat suit. Probably better than I've been since high school. I know that in the past, when I weighed less than I do right now, I was not as healthy and strong as I am now. I hold my head high now and my body moves with grace. My body doesn't lumber along the way I notice that some fat women do. I work hard to remind myself of how far I've come, and try not to dwell too much on how far I've got to go still. I'll get there eventually. It's not going to happen overnight but, as I wrote at the beginning of 2004, if I can lose 70 pounds this year, like I did in 2003, I'll be really pleased with myself. If I don't quite make it to 70 this year, it'll be okay because I'll still have lost something (40? 50? 60?) and I definitely won't have gained any and, I'll be another whole year healthier than I was before.
I think a lot about something Dr. Phil says about how no matter what you do, the next year will come and go and you'll either get real about your fat or you'll be real fat. He was right. Last year I did something about my fat and now I have less of it. This year, I'm plugging away at it again and this time next year, I'll have even less of it that I'm hauling around.
Overall, I'm focusing on all the good things that we're doing for ourselves that we hadn't been doing before. One of my resolutions this year was to not let myself get bogged down on the bad stuff and focus on the good. It's totally working. I'm finding work more manageable, for sure. I've finally figured out how to leave all the toxic stuff and the stress at work. This has helped me so much, I sleep better at night (I'm not waking myself up because I'm grinding my teeth because I'm dreaming that someone is pulling them out!) and I'm in a better mood all the time (I think anyway -- you'd have to ask my hunny for confirmation!). I feel healthy and happy and strong more often than I feel whiney, tired and/or sick. The good days far outnumber the bad ones these days. The key too is that I don't dwell on bad days (bad work days, bad eating days, bad hair days...). I just pick myself up and start fresh the next day. It's all about perspective baby,attitude is everything!
Friday, February 06, 2004
Just a quick post to check in before I head to work. Thursday went by in a bit of a blur and I didn't have a chance to post. Not quite sure how that happened, the whole week has been really busy actually. I guess it's just the aftermath of being out of commission for over a week with the flu.
Yesterday morning I actually got my butt back on my recumbent bike and did a 4.6 mile ride. By the end of it I was a bit of a hurtin' unit but in a good way. This morning though, I didn't get back on the bike. We had another snow fall overnight so I was outside shovelling at 5 a.m. We're supposed to get more snow today, oh joy, oh bliss.
Eating's been not too bad the past couple of days. I'm still feeling a little picky about what I eat as my stomach can flip flop on me at the weirdest times. I'm glad though that the raw fruit and veg I've been eating hasn't been too hard on me at all.
I'm really looking forward the weekend. I don't plan on doing too much of anything except some chores around the house. I've had the sniffles for the past couple of days and I totally don't want it to develop into a full-blown cold. I'm taking my vitamins and trying to get as much rest as possible. I'm sure that I won't let it kick my ass, not after last week anyway!! If it is actually nice out, I'd like to go for a long walk over the weekend. Of course, that will be contingent on the city actually plowing the sidewalks (which are a huge mess at the moment). Ah, winter in Southeastern Ontario, fun, fun, fun. I suppose it could be worse though, we could be south of lake, in Syracuse! Happy Friday all!
Yesterday morning I actually got my butt back on my recumbent bike and did a 4.6 mile ride. By the end of it I was a bit of a hurtin' unit but in a good way. This morning though, I didn't get back on the bike. We had another snow fall overnight so I was outside shovelling at 5 a.m. We're supposed to get more snow today, oh joy, oh bliss.
Eating's been not too bad the past couple of days. I'm still feeling a little picky about what I eat as my stomach can flip flop on me at the weirdest times. I'm glad though that the raw fruit and veg I've been eating hasn't been too hard on me at all.
I'm really looking forward the weekend. I don't plan on doing too much of anything except some chores around the house. I've had the sniffles for the past couple of days and I totally don't want it to develop into a full-blown cold. I'm taking my vitamins and trying to get as much rest as possible. I'm sure that I won't let it kick my ass, not after last week anyway!! If it is actually nice out, I'd like to go for a long walk over the weekend. Of course, that will be contingent on the city actually plowing the sidewalks (which are a huge mess at the moment). Ah, winter in Southeastern Ontario, fun, fun, fun. I suppose it could be worse though, we could be south of lake, in Syracuse! Happy Friday all!
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
shovel shovel shovel
We had a storm last night but it wasn't really as bad as they were calling for. We had a huge dump of heavy, wet, snow between about 3 to 6 p.m. last night. At about the mid-way point in the storm, we got home from work and cleaned up the driveway. Of course, it needed to be done again this morning and it was a huge mess. The wet snow had frozen in places and it was really disgusting work, cleaning out around the cars and getting the bottom of the drive cleared. So much for easing back into exercise with some cardio and no lifting huh? The cardio will have to wait for tomorrow.
Eating was on track yesterday and today everything is poifect so far. We're supposed to take our little old guy for groceries and then out to dinner tonight after work but I'm sure that I'll be able to find something to eat that will keep me on plan. Over the past couple of days, since I've been starting to feel better, I'm noticing that I'm hungry all the time. Now I'm guessing it's because of the toast and crackers that I ate last week (or that I didn't really eat much of anything at all?) but it's tough. I'm thinking about changing around the way I eat during the day. I generally just have soup, some raw veggies, fruit and a yogurt (for snacks and lunch). I'm thinking about introducing the odd sandwich here and there. I have found a really good fat free honey mustard that I like and some really low calorie luncheon meat (not to mention I'm a huge tuna fan). I feel like I need to shake things up a bit because I'm getting bored with what I eat during the day. I also know that if I'm going to increase the amount of strength training I'll be doing, I'll want the extra protein so it's a good trade off. I'm also hoping that it'll make this hungry-all-day-at-work feeling go away.
I know I'm just being a whiney baby, having been sick and stuff...I'm tired, I'm hungry, blah blah blah...I think that the winter is just getting to me and I'm looking for an excuse to eat because it's February and it's yucky outside. I'll get through this though. I have to. I really really want to get into my virgin fat territory by the end of this month. I know it's going to be really hard but if I stick to my guns (and avoid the cookie aisle at Costco) I'll be fine. /whiney baby rant
We had a storm last night but it wasn't really as bad as they were calling for. We had a huge dump of heavy, wet, snow between about 3 to 6 p.m. last night. At about the mid-way point in the storm, we got home from work and cleaned up the driveway. Of course, it needed to be done again this morning and it was a huge mess. The wet snow had frozen in places and it was really disgusting work, cleaning out around the cars and getting the bottom of the drive cleared. So much for easing back into exercise with some cardio and no lifting huh? The cardio will have to wait for tomorrow.
Eating was on track yesterday and today everything is poifect so far. We're supposed to take our little old guy for groceries and then out to dinner tonight after work but I'm sure that I'll be able to find something to eat that will keep me on plan. Over the past couple of days, since I've been starting to feel better, I'm noticing that I'm hungry all the time. Now I'm guessing it's because of the toast and crackers that I ate last week (or that I didn't really eat much of anything at all?) but it's tough. I'm thinking about changing around the way I eat during the day. I generally just have soup, some raw veggies, fruit and a yogurt (for snacks and lunch). I'm thinking about introducing the odd sandwich here and there. I have found a really good fat free honey mustard that I like and some really low calorie luncheon meat (not to mention I'm a huge tuna fan). I feel like I need to shake things up a bit because I'm getting bored with what I eat during the day. I also know that if I'm going to increase the amount of strength training I'll be doing, I'll want the extra protein so it's a good trade off. I'm also hoping that it'll make this hungry-all-day-at-work feeling go away.
I know I'm just being a whiney baby, having been sick and stuff...I'm tired, I'm hungry, blah blah blah...I think that the winter is just getting to me and I'm looking for an excuse to eat because it's February and it's yucky outside. I'll get through this though. I have to. I really really want to get into my virgin fat territory by the end of this month. I know it's going to be really hard but if I stick to my guns (and avoid the cookie aisle at Costco) I'll be fine. /whiney baby rant
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Stormy Tuesdays
Freezing rain is coming down right now and folks around the office are going into a mild version of freak-out mode. If you can't take the weather, don't live in Canada (or at least don't live out in the sticks or the suburbs and then cry because you have to drive home). Sheesh, it is February afterall!!
Weather aside, I'm feeling stronger today than I did yesterday. I almost feel like I shouldn't be posting here if I'm not working out. I am eating really well though. Yesterday was a good day, today's shaping up to be a good one too. I think it's easier to be on track when the thought of anything that is either cheesey or deep fried just makes you wanna vomit! Let's hope that feeling never goes away!!
I've been working slowly at getting back to my normal eating. I had a yogurt yesterday and it was okay. Today I'm having yogurt again and some raw food, carrots, apple and an orange. I also ate more protein yesterday than I ordinarily would have but I'm feeling like I need it right now. I've gotten better at listening to body over the past year and a bit so when I hear tell me to rest or to have an extra bit of chicken with dinner, I do it.
Oh, on the NSV front, check this out. Last night after dinner, we had a bunch of errands to do. We ended up at Costco. Now, even though I'm not working out right now, walking around Costco for an hour was at least some exercise. Anyway, we've only recently joined Costco and are still learning our way around the store. While we were there, I was feeling tired and a little vulnerable to suggestions of bad stuff. I really felt like I wanted to buy some of those yummy looking M&M cookies they had there. I mean, I was sick last week, I didn't eat much at all, I could justify it, right? Wrong! I couldn't. I walked by that, all the rows of chocolate bars, the microwave popcorn that smelled all buttery, the big ass pizza, everything. We did buy some gorgeous portabello mushrooms though and a new coffee maker (a programmable one at that!) but no M&M cookies. yay me! They sure don't make it easy for a girl to get through there in one piece.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to start back to my exercise but in a really modified way. I'm thinking of leaving the weights and stuff alone for a while and just doing some gentle cardio for a few days, until the weekend and get back to normal programming on Monday. Right now I'm just going to take it day by day and see how that goes!
Freezing rain is coming down right now and folks around the office are going into a mild version of freak-out mode. If you can't take the weather, don't live in Canada (or at least don't live out in the sticks or the suburbs and then cry because you have to drive home). Sheesh, it is February afterall!!
Weather aside, I'm feeling stronger today than I did yesterday. I almost feel like I shouldn't be posting here if I'm not working out. I am eating really well though. Yesterday was a good day, today's shaping up to be a good one too. I think it's easier to be on track when the thought of anything that is either cheesey or deep fried just makes you wanna vomit! Let's hope that feeling never goes away!!
I've been working slowly at getting back to my normal eating. I had a yogurt yesterday and it was okay. Today I'm having yogurt again and some raw food, carrots, apple and an orange. I also ate more protein yesterday than I ordinarily would have but I'm feeling like I need it right now. I've gotten better at listening to body over the past year and a bit so when I hear tell me to rest or to have an extra bit of chicken with dinner, I do it.
Oh, on the NSV front, check this out. Last night after dinner, we had a bunch of errands to do. We ended up at Costco. Now, even though I'm not working out right now, walking around Costco for an hour was at least some exercise. Anyway, we've only recently joined Costco and are still learning our way around the store. While we were there, I was feeling tired and a little vulnerable to suggestions of bad stuff. I really felt like I wanted to buy some of those yummy looking M&M cookies they had there. I mean, I was sick last week, I didn't eat much at all, I could justify it, right? Wrong! I couldn't. I walked by that, all the rows of chocolate bars, the microwave popcorn that smelled all buttery, the big ass pizza, everything. We did buy some gorgeous portabello mushrooms though and a new coffee maker (a programmable one at that!) but no M&M cookies. yay me! They sure don't make it easy for a girl to get through there in one piece.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to start back to my exercise but in a really modified way. I'm thinking of leaving the weights and stuff alone for a while and just doing some gentle cardio for a few days, until the weekend and get back to normal programming on Monday. Right now I'm just going to take it day by day and see how that goes!
Monday, February 02, 2004
Being sick has really thrown me for a loop. I actually got through all of yesterday and today has been good so far, without being sick again. I'm still feeling very weak and tired though. I know that this is because I basically ate nothing for almost a week. I mean, I ate toast and ginger ale and soup but I didn't really keep any of it for very long. When I got up this morning, I really wanted to exercise but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Physically, I feel very weak. Last night was the first proper meal I'd had in a while and (my hunny made us a delicious dinner of stir fried skinless chicken breast with snow peas and mushroom) I kept it down. I'm guessing that it is going to take a few days of proper eating to build my strength back up again.
Since I've been feeling better, I'm eating in a totally different way though. I haven't had any dairy, raw veg or fruit (because I've been advised against it, along with anything fatty) so I've been eating a lot of fat free or low fat carb stuff (clear soups, crackers, toast) with very lean protein and cooked veg only. I'm still having my cranberry juice but have been afraid of anything that is too acidic. Keeping my calories under control the past day or so has not been a problem at all.
As I said before, in a few days I should be back to normal. I just had no idea that it would take me so long to get back to feeling normal again. Usually when I'm sick, I just bounce right back. This thing really kicked my ass!
I missed it last week when I was sick but here is today's Progress Prompt:
What do you think about while you exercise?
Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm just riding my bike, I'm watching tv so I'm thinking about the tv show. If I'm doing other things, I'm generally concentrating on what I'm doing, making sure that I don't hurt myself!
Since I've been feeling better, I'm eating in a totally different way though. I haven't had any dairy, raw veg or fruit (because I've been advised against it, along with anything fatty) so I've been eating a lot of fat free or low fat carb stuff (clear soups, crackers, toast) with very lean protein and cooked veg only. I'm still having my cranberry juice but have been afraid of anything that is too acidic. Keeping my calories under control the past day or so has not been a problem at all.
As I said before, in a few days I should be back to normal. I just had no idea that it would take me so long to get back to feeling normal again. Usually when I'm sick, I just bounce right back. This thing really kicked my ass!
I missed it last week when I was sick but here is today's Progress Prompt:
What do you think about while you exercise?
Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm just riding my bike, I'm watching tv so I'm thinking about the tv show. If I'm doing other things, I'm generally concentrating on what I'm doing, making sure that I don't hurt myself!
Sunday, February 01, 2004
alive
Going back to work on Thursday proved to be a huge mistake. I think that staying in the office all day, I just really over-did it and was sick again on Friday. I actually went in to work for a couple of hours on Friday morning but ended up leaving before 10 a.m. and crashed out for the rest of the day. I was up again most of Friday night and felt really terrible for the best part of yesterday. We had errands to do with our little old guy though so I dragged myself out to give him a hand. We were only out for a couple of hours but I felt really terrible by the time we got home and spent the rest of the afternoon either in bed or in the washroom. Last night, however, I slept better than I have in days and I'm actually starting to feel "normal" again.
Hopefully, tomorrow or Tuesday, I'll be back to feeling 100% and I can get back to exercising again. I haven't exercised since last Monday but I've also not eaten much (and what I have eaten hasn't stayed with me for long) so the "upside" of this, if you could call it that, is that I've shown a loss this week. Last week, I'd been stuck and didn't lose anything but after this week, I've almost lost my Christmas weight gain and am within spitting distance of virgin fat again. I wish that I didn't have to get really sick to have that happen but at least I can see one good thing come out of it.
Going back to work on Thursday proved to be a huge mistake. I think that staying in the office all day, I just really over-did it and was sick again on Friday. I actually went in to work for a couple of hours on Friday morning but ended up leaving before 10 a.m. and crashed out for the rest of the day. I was up again most of Friday night and felt really terrible for the best part of yesterday. We had errands to do with our little old guy though so I dragged myself out to give him a hand. We were only out for a couple of hours but I felt really terrible by the time we got home and spent the rest of the afternoon either in bed or in the washroom. Last night, however, I slept better than I have in days and I'm actually starting to feel "normal" again.
Hopefully, tomorrow or Tuesday, I'll be back to feeling 100% and I can get back to exercising again. I haven't exercised since last Monday but I've also not eaten much (and what I have eaten hasn't stayed with me for long) so the "upside" of this, if you could call it that, is that I've shown a loss this week. Last week, I'd been stuck and didn't lose anything but after this week, I've almost lost my Christmas weight gain and am within spitting distance of virgin fat again. I wish that I didn't have to get really sick to have that happen but at least I can see one good thing come out of it.
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