good intentions suck

Again, it's been over a week since I've put in an appearance here. I have excuses though, LOTS of them. Here's how my week went:

Wednesday, January 24 - went home from work midday, sick as a dog, fever, dizzy, achey. Not good!

Thursday, January 25 - still sick (just typed "stick" - wishful thinking huh?). stayed home and slept the day away.

Friday, January 26 - woke up still feeling like crap on toast but forced self to go to work anyway. realized that the motherboard on my home computer was pooched beyond repair.

Saturday, January 27 - after working all day Friday (and then doing errands after work), felt tremendously craptacular when I woke up. dragged ass out of bed and cleaned bathrooms and baked muffins (not at same time) in anticipation of a long-ago-made coffee date with a friend I had gone way too long without seeing. after a nice visit, I went back to bed, still feeling like hammered poop - computer still dead but my hunny was working on it.

Sunday, January 28 - still no computer but feeling better!! went outside into the cold morning air and shovelled snow.

Monday, January 29 - computer still wonky (well not the computer but the router). it's been too busy to post from work.

Tuesday, January 30 - got depressed watching "i eat 33000 calories a day" or something similarly titled that I'd DVR'd from TLC.

Today!!

I'm back kids!!

My machine at home is for the most part working well, I'm feeling better and have been really trying to control my portion size. What I'm eating isn't all that per se, it's just how much of it I eat is a little crazy at times. Watching that TLC program made me realize that even though I still have a really long way to go with my weight-loss, I can't imagine that I'd ever get to the point the four folks in that show were at. As big as I am and as much as I eat, I have never, in my life, gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to snack.

Watching it was good for me, no matter how difficult it was. It was like a slap in the face and I needed that. I hadn't bitch slapped myself in a while and it was good. I re-evaluated what I have been doing, what I haven't been doing, what I should be doing... I got back on the recumbent bike this week for the first time in goodness only knows how long. My only goal right now is not so much about numbers on the scale as it is about pants. I really want to feel comfortable in my pants again because right now, I'm just not. This is a reasonable, short-term goal I think. By the end of February, I'd like my "yuck these make me hurt" pants to feel a lot less hurty. Maybe by summer, I can squeeze my fat ass into a smaller size but for now, I'd settle for feeling better in the pants hanging in my closet right now.