in the shits

Apparently, October 10 was "World Mental Health" day. Who knew? I received an email at work (not just me, everyone in the organization got it) about Mental Health and work stress. I had to chuckle as I ticked symptoms off of their list of Emotional and Physical stress "signals." The last week of this month is also "Healthy Workplace" week. Yeah, the week before Halloween. That should be interesting. How can a place that is full of mini chocolate bars and rockets be healthy??

I'm still really behind at work. This morning, I forced myself to block out everything around me and try to get some financial paperwork sorted out. It's given me a huge headache and I've only just knocked a dent into it. I feel like I'm digging a hole on the beach and the sand keeps filling the hole back in no matter how fast I dig. I keep hoping that it'll get easier, and with luck it might after we get next week out of the way. I feel like I've been saying that for a long time now, next week it'll be better, next month... yanno? It's just a crazy pace. The work isn't stuff that I can't do, there is just so much of it now that I cannot keep up.

Last night, I took one of my little blue pills for the first time in a very long time. The doctor gave them to me to help me sleep (they are a super mild anti-depressant). It took me a long time to fall asleep last night (we didn't get home until about an hour before bedtime and I should really take it at least 2 hours before bed) and I still woke up at 3 a.m. When I woke up, I looked at the clock and just went back to sleep. This morning I felt a little groggy but the black circles are a little smaller today than yesterday. Tonight I plan to take my pill right after dinner and I'll try to get into bed really early. I'm just so tired and no matter what I do, I cannot get the kink in my neck to go away. Also, I haven't done any proper exercise this week yet. I cannot get into it and I know that I should because it'll make me feel so much better.

While I'm moaning, can I just say that a day with some sunshine it in would not be a bad thing right about now?? It's been grey and cold and dark and rainy here since Friday, that's almost a week now. It might have been yucky before that but right now, my mind only goes back to Friday...no, on Thursday I went to that funeral and it was sunny. It's gross and cold and I still haven't dug my winter stuff out so I'm making due with my "in between" clothes. This weekend, I hope to avoid going in to work and I can stay home, crank the stereo and get my summer stuff packed away and pull out the sweaters. Hopefully, listening to the Polyphonic Spree at high volume will shake some sunshine into my soul. Goodness knows I could use it.