all apologies

I'm sorry that I haven't posted this week. I cannot believe that it is Thursday already. I've been home sick from work all week. With the possible exception of the time I had measles (in my ears) when I was 11 months old, I have spent the past 3 days being sicker than I ever been in my entire life. I'm guessing it was gastroenteritis or something just like it. Without going into too much details, I'll say that it was nasty and horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I know that I was fighting something last week, I just had no idea that when it finally hit me it would be so gross.

When I woke up on Monday morning, I felt a little wonky but I worked out, ate some breakfast and headed upstairs to get ready for work. By the time I had reached the top of the stairs, I'd felt like I was hit by a bus. It was really crazy how quickly it came on. I spent the next 3 days living on ginger ale, dry toast and chicken soup. Last night was the first night all week that I slept soundly through the whole night and I feel much better this morning. I do still feel a little weak and tired though so I don't think I'll be exercising today, in fact, I may take the rest of this week off and just try to recharge my batteries.

I wish I had something thrilling or exciting to report this weekend. Bottom line is that I don't. For a week now, I've not felt good. I know it's just some sort of stupid bug because many of my coworkers are complaining about it too. Last weekend, my back was bothering me. Since then, I have experienced a sore throat, watery eyes, runny nose, lots of sneezing, aches in my joints and muscles and an occasionally upset stomach. For the past day or so, I've either been freezing cold or uncomfortably warm. Overall, it's been an unpleasant week.

Today was probably the best day I've had in a week. Other than the hot vs. cold thing, I actually got some stuff done. I've done 7 loads of laundry today and we've been working on some projects around the house that have been needing attention for a while. The weather has been dreadfully cold here over the past several days. Today it was super sunny and I would have loved to have gone for a long walk but I couldn't bring myself to do it after 2 days of not being able to get comfortably warm.

My weekly goal is to exercise 5 days out of 7. Usually, I exercise Monday to Friday. This week, I missed Wednesday and I took the weekend off. Considering how shitty I felt, I'm not too upset about only exercising 4 days last week. I still haven't sat down and figured my food out either. I wish I cared about it but I really don't. I know that I'm off my routine but I have been keeping my water intake up and getting my vitamins in so I'm not worried.

Ordinarily, I do track everything in Fitday so I know exactly what I'm eating, how it all breaks down as far as fat, protein and carb goes. I've been doing it long enough now (just over a year) to know how things are adding up. I know that a couple of days over the past week I've gone over in my calories but I've also felt like crap with this bug. That's an excuse I know. I also know that beating myself up for a few extra calories when I'm sick is just stupid so I won't do it. Life has ups and downs and when I'm feeling good, it's easy for me to stay on my routine, stick to my plan, get in super good workouts and eat healthy stuff. When I'm sick though it's easy to let my guard down a bit and run my calories up more than I normally would.

I guess the long and the short of it is that being sick sucks. I'm hoping to get to bed early tonight and be recharged for another good week this week.

tgif

I ended up taking a 1/2 day vacation yesterday. I took the afternoon off and didn't do much of anything. Well, I shoveled the driveway, again. We had wicked snow squalls yesterday and when I got home at noon, the driveway was full again. Oh well, it's good for me. I like doing the exercise outside, in the sunshine and fresh air. I felt pretty good afterwards, it had helped to clear my head. I'm also taking this afternoon off. I have a few things I'd like to do and I just feel like I need the rest after feeling so crappy all week.

The feeling crappy thing has thrown me off track slightly. I know that I'm not going overboard with the calories but I haven't been tracking what I'm eating. That's one of the things I think I'll do this afternoon, calculate my consumption over the past couple of days. I'm still feeling really tired and a little run down and I'm glad that I'm taking this time off for myself. I really feel like I need it.

better

I'm feeling much better today than I did yesterday, although still not 100%. I'm not sure what kind of bug I've picked up but it's good at hanging on. Tuesday night, I slept like the dead but last night I was up every hour or so. Part of that, I think, was due to the snow. It was snowing when we went to bed last night and I didn't want to sleep too late this morning because I knew that there would be shovelling to do.

When I got up at 4:50 a.m., the driveway looked full. I pulled on my workout gear and an extra fleece and trudged outside. It wasn't as bad as it had been but there was a huge drift along the south side of the driveway that took a while to get through. It took about 40 minutes to get everything cleaned up so I didn't bother with a "proper" workout this morning. I think that the cold air cleared my head a bit because I was blowing my nose for about 10 minutes after I came in, I'm still coughing though and my throat is a little tender. I'm looking forward to this weekend so I can just veg out and rest up.

Anyway, I'm going to head back to work today and see how that goes. If I keep the tea flowing, it shouldn't be too bad!

Home Sick is not the same as Homesick

Ugh!

I'm feeling like poo today and I'm not at work. It's unlikely (although not entirely impossible) that I'll be working out today. I got up at my normal time and just stayed in bed. I watched a movie on cable (Enough with Jennifer Lopez -- I don't like her but I really like Billy Campbell and, in the end, I actually enjoyed it! I mean, the plot was pretty thin but I liked the little girl and when you're sick, it's nice to watch a little bit of brain-dead drama and it was really nice to hear an Aimee Mann song in the middle of it all, hope she got a good chunk of change for that).

Right now, I'm thinking I'm going to crawl back into bed and watch me some Jerry Springer until I fall asleep, sleep's what I'm needing right now!

out of my head (but not in a good way)

I'm feeling really wonky today. There were a couple of times today that I actually felt a little light-headed, not woozy but sort of like I was outside my body looking around. It was odd. I didn't get much sleep last night. I went from being freezing cold to being sweaty and hot, off and on, all night long. I woke up about every 45 minutes and felt totally sore and achey when I finally dragged myself out of bed.

Feeling gross or not, I did a bunch of stretching and got onto my recumbent bike. All the way down the stairs, I kept telling myself that I was too sick to do it, felt too crummy to do it...Then, when I was on the bike I told myself that I'd only do a couple of minutes...Well, maybe a few more...and then, before I knew it, the interval training program I was doing, was done. I must admit that my aches definitely subsided a bit although the sore throat, runny nose/eyes thing was still happening.

Eating was okay today. Because I was feeling kind crummy by the time I finished work (I actually managed to get through the whole day) we decided to grab a quick bite out on the way home. It was my idea and I was glad that we did it. We went to this new Chinese Buffet place and it was really nice. I just felt like lots of stir fried veggies, and some curried chicken. It was really yummy and I feel nicely full right now and I didn't go nuts. The best part of it all was that we could come home and not have do dishes. Neither of us could really face the hassle of cooking and/or cleaning tonight.

I'm still feeling like hammered shit so I'm going to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and hope that I feel better in the morning. This out of head feeling is not as fun as it might sound!

Sorta Back To Normal

Wow, today I'm feeling so much better than I have in a few days. When I woke this morning I felt practically normal and was able to do a better workout than I had done yesterday. My back felt much better but I was careful not to twist too much in the wrong direction and hurt myself again. By the end of the day, I was starting to stiffen up and I was really glad to go home by the time 4:30 rolled around.

The better workout made me feel better all day and my eating was totally perfect. I actually have a few calories to spare and kept things particularly low in fat today. On the weekend when we were in the grocery store, I paused for a moment by the Skinny Sticks and later on, by the Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches. I seriously thought about getting some of both, just to have on hand. I decided against it because even though they are lower in fat than the regular one, I know that I'd eat too many of them. They are both really super processed and I'm trying to avoid processed stuff and I have a feeling that I'd like those Skinny Cow things so much that I would end up eating 1/2 the container. If I'm going to eat that much of something that is lower in calories, I'd rather wait and have a really good, small, ice cream cone, somewhere on the outside. I think that I'd enjoy it way more if I did.

It seems like the Progress Prompt folks are back in business now so here is this week's edition:

Some people are doing New Year's resolutions and others are setting up goals. What is the difference between a resolution and a goal?

My resolution for 2003 and for 2004 has been to follow my fitness goals. I think that really though, they are the same thing.

As January 1st came around this year, what were your thoughts and feelings about your weight loss journey?

As you know, I took a couple of weeks "off" at the end of 2003. By the time January rolled around, I was ready to get back on track. The break I took at the end of the year made me realize that I don't want to take another break like that. I didn't like how crappy I felt after getting away from the healthy eating I'd been doing and the regular exercise. It's no longer a choice, whether or not I eat well or exercise, I have to do it. If I don't, my body let's me know!

Were you successful with your resolutions/goals from last year? Will you be using the same resolutions/goals from last year or will you be doing something different this year? What are they?

I think I was pretty successful last year and I've written about my goals and resolutions several times over the past few weeks right here. I know that I will do at least as well in 2004 as I did in 2003!

Sunny Sunday

It snowed a bunch here last night but it was sunny and very mild all day today. I'm feeling better today than I did yesterday although still not 100%. I did manage to move my butt a bit although I took care not to re-injure myself (I even did a very small amount of shovelling this afternoon). My back is still tender and I'm really tired tonight. I'll keep this short as I'm heading off to bed. 'night!!

Sore Saturday

Last night, before I went to bed, I felt a slight twinge of a sore throat coming on. Seeing how practically everyone around me over the past couple of weeks, this didn't strike me as odd. We were both really tired last night though so, immediately after South Park, we went to sleep. This was 10 p.m. We slept in until almost 8 a.m. This is extremely unusual for us but I figured that I must have needed it or I wouldn't have slept so late. When I got up and moving around, I felt really stiff and sore and I just chalked it up to spending too much time in bed, in a sound sleep. As the morning moved along, my back stiffened up more until I had that pinching thing at the top of my left hip. This pinching back / hip thing happens once in a while and it's usually caused by either too much sleep (in one shot) or too much stress. This time, it was definitely the too much sleeping thing. On a positive note, my throat is not sore. I'm thinking that the cold must have gone into my back when I was sleeping too much!

I dragged my ass into the shower, made a half-assed attempt at vacuuming the upstairs of the house and managed to drag the vacuum downstairs. That was as far as I got with my chores. Oh, actually, I also made the bed, big whoop huh? Huge mountains of laundry were piled up on the bathroom floor but there was no way I was going to be able to get them down to the kitchen (where my washer and dryer are). I went out and did some errands. Driving wasn't too bad and as long as I walked really slowly, I could get where I needed to go. Fortunately, shortly after I got home, my hunny got home from work and he helped me get the wash downstairs. I spent the best part of the afternoon riding the heating pad and then, this evening, I did some laundry whilst crawling around downstairs. I'm actually feeling a lot better right now and I'm hoping that a little more time on the heating pad before bed and a good night's sleep (although not too long) should straighten me up.

Needless to say, I didn't exercise today. Saturday tends to be my break day anyway so I'm not too bothered by that. I have no idea how many calories I consumed today but I only had one proper meal. The rest of my daily consumption was snacky stuff here and there. It shouldn't add up too badly so, again, I'm not bothered. The only thing I'm bothered about is feeling better tomorrow. I really don't want to not exercise tomorrow, I want to feel stronger and be able to walk in an upright position. *fingers crossed*

Happy Friday

Today was great. The temperatures have finally gotten sorted out and the windchill is only -16. Quite a change from -36, let me tell you!!!

Again, I hard time getting up this morning but once I did, everything was good. I worked out before I left for the office. The drama at the office had subsided a fair bit and my eating was (once again), 100% on plan. I was even in a position this evening where I could have had cheesecake for dinner and I didn't, I had melon! How much do I rock?? Well, as it happens, quite a little bit, thank you very much!!

Anyway, this is a just a quickie post cuz I'm off to bed. This cold weather has really knocked the snot out of me and I'm pooped tonight. My goal for the weekend is to keep busy and stay out of trouble. Wish me luck!!

Today was weird. There was some minor drama in the office at the beginning of the day that sort of set an odd tone for the rest of the day. Add that to really fucking cold temperatures and it just made for some overall weirdness in my day. It was the kind of weirdness that, in the past, might have thrown me off track but, you know, it's going to take a whole lot more than some office drama and chilly weather to slip me up!!

Even though all I really wanted to do this morning was pull the covers over my head and not face the minus 31 degree windchill, I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and worked out. I was actually relieved to see a bare driveway when I woke up. We had heard all about a big storm that Toronto was getting when we went to bed last night. I half expected to see that it had made it's way to us through the night. I had a really good ride on my recumbent bike and did a lot of stretching to try to work out the cold induced kinks I was feeling.

Eating was super fabulous today. We actually had dinner at home tonight (yay!!) and my hunny made us a delicious meal. We had pork loin, zucchini and tomato over some whole wheat penne. Very nice. Oh, it had a lot of garlic in it too, yum! We've been running the roads after work all week so it was really a treat to get home at a decent time and have a meal before 6 p.m.

The busy week is catching up with me though and I'm really pooped. Our copy of Curb Your Enthusiasm Season One arrived on Tuesday and I think we might just crawl into bed and watch a couple of episodes before sleep...if I can make it that long. I'm really looking forward to seeing "Beloved Aunt" again. I almost peed my pants the first time I saw it! On that note, I'm heading to bed...Stay warm and sleep well ladies!

Wonderful Wednesday

It was brrrrrr...cold all day here today but I still had a terrific day. I happily got back into my normal exercise routine this morning. The shovelling was a nice change but I really missed my interval training on my recumbent bike. My arms were pretty tired when I was working them this morning but I know that's just from all the shovelling! It's starting to snow again so I may be back to the driveway again tomorrow morning but I'm hoping that it won't add up to much!!

Eating was awesome today. Another perfectly on-plan day. We had dinner out again tonight and I had a really nice salad with a chicken wrap so my calories were in line. I also went back to see my doctor today and all's well there. When I told her how I'd gained a few pounds over the holidays she said, "well I would have figured that there was something wrong with you if you'd not at least gained a couple of pounds, I mean, it was the holidays!" She's very realistic and understanding. I'm so lucky to have her! She was really happy to hear that I didn't need the anti-depressants to help me sleep anymore. Overall it was a great visit, I really enjoy going to see her. Having her in my corner makes a lot of this so much easier.

I just went to check out the Weigh-In Wednesday but it seems to be down. Hope everything's okay with Carla. If she posts them later, I'll put mine up. In the meantime, yay for 10 wonderful, on plan days!!!!

Day 9 was another success. We got more snow through the night last night so I did my "hoser" workout again today. The bottom of the yard was really filled in by the plow so it took me over 45 minutes to get it all done. Tonight, I'm really feeling the effort of the past few days in my arms.

Eating was good today, although we had to eat dinner much later than we normally care to. We had to do grocery shopping for our little old guy and then go see my folks in the west end (to help them out with the new computer we got them). We stopped off at a Chinese buffet for dinner on the way home and despite being really really hungry, I was so good. I had mostly veggies and stir fried meat, avoided the deep fried stuff and didn't get tempted at all by dessert. When it was all done and counted, I still came in with calories to spare. I'm totally pooped right now though, it's been a really long day, so I'm heading off to bed...'night all!!

Day 8 was great!

Just as I had suspected, I shoveled some more when I got home tonight. I did an additional 40 minutes after work. That's a total of 80 minutes shovelling!! That's a lot of moving my butt!! I feel great though. The fresh air really has me pumped up and I love it!! Foodwise, my eating was perfectly, 100% on plan. I actually came out with some calories to spare so overall, I'm thrilled about it.

I had hoped to get a bigger chunk of Dr. Phil's book read than I actually did so I think I'm gonna go curl up with that for a while. Hope you all had a terrific Monday too!!

Happy Monday all!

When I hopped out of bed this morning, I was all fired up to work out...I didn't technically "work out" though. What I actually did was shovel the driveway again. 40 minutes of shovelling. It had warmed up a lot so there was much sweat and effort involved. I felt absolutely terrific after doing it. There is something so wonderful about being outside at 5:15 a.m., alone on the street, shovelling while the snow falls. It was super peaceful and pretty. I don't even mind too much that by the time I had eaten breakfast, showered and gotten my butt back downstairs, the driveway and sidewalks were covered again. I'll get to shovel it all over again when we got home from work tonight!

So far, today is going really well. The fresh air blast this morning has left me in a fabulous mood. I know I keep saying it but I'm feeling so strong and healthy these days, it's a little surreal for me.

Anyway, I'm a little late on this one, but here is yesterday's Progress Prompt:

In 2003, what was the best thing about your weight loss program? In 2003, what was the worst thing about your weight loss program?

The best thing about my weight-loss program was that it worked. For the first time in my entire life I actually lost some weight and I kept it off, all year. That totally rocked!! The worst thing about 2003 was that I got side tracked in the fall by some stuff that was going on at work and I stalled. The upside of that was that I learned how to do maintenance. I didn't gain any weight until the holidays (of course). I actually maintained my weight loss for almost 3 months. In 2003 I learned how to lose the weight and get healthier. In 2004 I'm not letting anything sidetrack me. I know now how to avoid it happening again.

Week One: a total success

Day 7 was successful....Or rather I was successful on Day 7! That's right sports fans, I stayed on program, 100% on plan for seven glorious days. The best part of it is how I feel. I am totally sounding like a broken record but I feel fabulous. I think it totally helped that my hunny was around this weekend. He usually works on Saturday but we had the whole weekend together and we got a tonne of stuff done around the house. We actually only ate 2 meals a day each day this weekend so I stayed well within my calorie range. I forgot to mention earlier that I had weighed in yesterday. I'm happy to report that I had a loss this week and that I lost about 1/3 of my Christmas gain. I'm not too far away from virgin fat territory again!!

We slept in a bit this morning but I still got up and exercised. When I first started, it was pretty cold in the living room and I was a little stiff and sore (from sleeping too soundly I think) but once I got moving I felt great. It snowed pretty much all day here and we didn't plan to go out at all but we ended up doing a couple of errands for our parents this afternoon. When we left the house we didn't have much snow in our driveway. Arriving home we saw that the wind had blown it around and filled in the driveway pretty good. Rather than put it off until tomorrow morning, we grabbed the shovels and got the thing cleared in about 20 minutes. I'm constantly amazed at how much easier shovelling is this year. Last winter, I'd be huffing and puffing a lot and have to take several breaks. Now, tonight, the snow wasn't super heavy but there was enough of it and I didn't feel overwhelmed at any time. The only times I needed to stop where to adjust my hat. I wouldn't have thought that my head could shrink but my hat is definitely swimming on me this year. Part of it could be down to cutting my hair too. Anyway, I feel rested and invigorated after the weekend and I'm so proud of myself for sticking to my guns all weekend!

Weekend Warriors Unite!!

Day 6 and everything's fabulous!! So far the weekend is going really well. My hunny was home today so we were busy all morning, running the roads, doing errands and what not. We ended up having breakfast out yesterday. I had an excellent meal that was really good, calorie-wise. Because we had breakfast kind of late, we didn't have lunch but I found that the meal was enough to satisfy me for most of the day. At one point in the afternoon I had a banana and that carried me through until 7:30 when we had dinner. I generally take Saturday as a break day from my regular workout day and yesterday was no exception. We did have a nice walk though. It was cold out (really really cold) but we were bundled up and the sun was shining so it was really invigorating to be outside.

So, eating was great, totally on plan. Got some exercise even though it was break day and I feel great. Our internet connection has been wonky today (hence the lateness of this post) but our ISP tells me that it's just down to the cold. I'm feeling really strong, healthy and happy today. I have this goofy smile on my face and I cannot remember the last time I felt so good. Oh, by the way, I've stopped taking the mild anti-depressants I began back in November. My doctor told me to just take them when I had trouble sleeping, when I felt I needed one. I didn't take one last night and I had no problem at all sleeping, in fact, I had a great sleep. I'm working at getting any unnecessary chemicals out of my system so this is a big step for me. I'm not sure that I'll be able to stop taking them entirely but I'm going to try. Now that I'm not letting myself get all bent out of shape over my job, I shouldn't need them anymore. Here's hoping anyway!! Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

You can count if you want to...

I totally kick ass! Five days baby, five days of totally on program. Five days of excellent workouts. Five days of not feeling deprived...Actually feeling healthy and strong when others around me fall at my feet and cough, sneeze and wheeze. I am back on track and feeling fabulous. Truth be told, if I were an actual, good person, I'd feel a little guilty about how good I feel when most of the folks I work with have been sick this week. Of course, not being an actual, good person, I think to myself, "they should exercise, eat right, take their vitamins and drink water instead of lattes all day." To say this out loud would seem mean or smug or something. Let's face it, saying it out loud is also setting me up for some huge fucking karmic smack in the back of the head that would make me sick all weekend but, that's not happening. I'll just quietly type it here, smile and carry on.

I'm particularly proud of the way I was able to up my water intake this week. Also, I didn't snack after dinner at all this week. Not even when I had calories left over. I'm just really happy to be back on track. I'm feeling really limber and strong. The resistance bands I got for Christmas are wonderful. It's been nice to have different stuff to do when I'm exercising. Everything's just gone really well all week. I weigh in tomorrow morning and am sure I'll see a loss. My goal for January is to undo the damage that I did in December. I'd love to be into virgin fat territory by the end of this month. The way I'm feeling now, I know that I'll be there!

The weekend is here and I know that it'll present it's challenges but I'm ready for it. Luckily, my hunny is home this weekend (he usually works Saturdays but he's off tomorrow) so that should help. If we keep busy enough with errands tomorrow (and my Dr. Phil book readin') I should get through it okay. I can do it, I know it!

Day four, four, count 'em! Perfectly on program again today, worked out, the whole bit. Wow, I see that Trish has kicked ass for four days too. Everyone seems to be totally back into the swing of things after the holidays. How excellent are we all? Why, very, as it happens!!

So, tonight after work, we went out on a produce run. Last night, we were out for dinner with the little old guy and stopped off at the "trendy expensive" grocery store that is near his place after we'd dropped him off. The produce was for poopie. The organic section was all full but the rest of the produce section was really picked over. What was left, looked horrible. We found some okay looking zucchini and baby bok choy but the rest of it was truly terrible. I suspect that it's partly because of the weather (we figured that maybe one of their produce trucks had been frozen or something) but mostly I think it's because the University students are back and they're stocking up on stuff. I noticed, from a distance, that two-thirds of the bakery section was empty. Totally empty. I had not seen the shelves that bare since the Ice Storm in 1998. We didn't have any power for a week so it was a little crazy around here. Yikes.

Tonight we went to our tried and true discount grocery place and stocked up on all kinds of fun and yummy things for the next few days. I was getting low on cereal (I'm a Special K girl) and grabbed another box tonight. It had a free pedometer in the box. Kellogg's is doing a promotion right now and they're giving a bunch of them away. I'm wearing it right now. I put the groceries and the laundry away (and hung some stuff up to dry) and used 245 steps. It's very cool, and free, so you gotta love that!

As always, I'm concerned about this weekend. A lack of structure can sometimes spell doom for me. I'm going to work very hard to not let that happen this weekend. I have a bunch of stuff that I'd like to do around the house this weekend, I also want to get through Dr. Phil's book. I have noticed that I have no desire, whatsoever, to snack while reading his book. Thank goodness for small favours huh? It's supposed to be bitterly cold this weekend so I suspect that we'll be hibernating. Oh well, I will worry about the weekend when it gets here. Right now we're stocked up, totally on healthy stuff that's good to eat so it shouldn't be too much of a problem *fingers crossed* In the meantime, I'm just basking in the glory of four days, yay me!!

So, day three was great. Again, I was perfectly on plan. How seriously am I rocking!?? I know, it's just 3 days but boy, it feels sooo good. I've actually had calories to spare over the past three days and, today, I got my designated water intake in before I left the office tonight. I can't tell you how many times I ran to the ladies today but, hey, I'm all watered up!! It sort of helped that our office was five million degrees today for some reason. Yesterday I struggled with water because I was freezing and drinking cold water just didn't do anything for me. Today though, those old rads were banging and clanging and it was a sauna in our little cubicle village.

I'm so happy that Carla brought the Weigh-in Wednesday back this week, I missed her and the WiW.

Did you decide to start fresh again in 2004? Are you as excited now as you were a year ago? Where are you now compared to where you were a year ago? What have you learned during the year? If you kept chugging all along, what has helped you through the holidays?

I did start fresh again on January 5. I didn't intend to take a break over the holidays, it just sort of happened that way. I really admire those folks who were able to keep it together during the holidays (or the ones who re-started January 1 -- once I decided that I was on a break I figured that I'd go straight through until the weekend was over). Compared to where I started, I'm doing great. I exercised at least 5 days a week for the best part of 2003 and I'm very proud of that. My eating wasn't always the best, particularly in the last part of the year when (as I wrote about yesterday) I shit going on that was beyond my control. In 2003, I learned how to eat healthy and not feel deprived. I also learned how to actually enjoy exercise and pushing my body. I never thought that you could actually like exercise. That statement isn't entirely true actually, I know many folks who love exercise but I always just thought that they were sick or something!!

Overall, I lost a nice chunk of fat and gained some muscle along the way. I've become reacquainted with my family doctor and I now see her once a month (sometimes for just a few minutes, sometimes longer). It's nice to have someone keeping an eye on me who is an actual health care professional, someone who knows me and who cares about me. As, I'm sure many other fat girls (and former fat girls) have done, I used to avoid going to the doctor at all costs. It's not that my doctor ever said anything directly about my weight, it was just a weird paranoia that I had, like she wouldn't take me seriously if I went in about something because I was fat. I now see how stupid that was. Fortunately, she's given her blessing to my entire program, is a great cheerleader and a fabulous source of advice. Also, she's run a huge number of tests on me and, fat aside, I'm ridiculously healthy.

The most important part of it is that I'm feeling good, physically and emotionally. I know that 2004 will be another successful year in my quest for health and fitness. It'll happen that way because I want it to. I will do good things for myself because I deserve it!! That might even be my mantra for 2004!!

Wow, I feel great tonight. I had another perfectly on plan day. Today, however, was not as "easy" as I thought yesterday was. I knew last night that yesterday was a false "high" if you will. That I still the last dregs of some doritos in my blood stream. Today, I was hungry mid-morning and mid-afternoon. My snacks yesterday seemed unnecessary, I mean, I ate them but I didn't feel like I really needed them at the time. Today, I was glad to have them. I also drank a lot more water today than I have in a while so I was running to the loo a lot (yay, cardio at work!). Anyway, after today, I know that all the crap residue is out of my system and I'm feeling better for it. I also worked out again this morning, which was awesome. By the way, did any of you know that Rita Rudner has a program called "Ask Rita"? TBS has been showing it at 5:30 a.m. the past couple of days. I just wondered because I'd never heard of it before. I guess the premise is that folks write her letters asking questions (duh!?) and then she and 4 "guest comedians" answer the letters. It looks syndicated, but that's neither here nor there, is it?

The lovely Taylore left me a comment about yesterday's post and wanted to know how I had was able to get back into the mode of knowing that I can succeed. I know that I can do it because I've done it before. At the weight I started at last year, many folks would have thought that going for WLS would be a better option than trying to lose weight the way I've been doing it. But I lost 70 pounds last year. I was doing really well until a bunch of stuff starting happening at work in the fall that threw me for a loop and slightly off my program. During that off period, I learned that I could maintain my weight loss. For the first time in my entire life, I lost a bunch of weight, and kept it off. Now, over the holidays I did gain back a little of what I lost but not too much.

I let myself get really down about it though. This past weekend, I felt incredibly guilty about the gain. On Saturday, I felt as fat as I ever did. I looked at myself in the mirror and could only see myself as I looked 70 pounds ago. I even went so far as to pull out my fattest fat ass jeans (I know I should get rid of them but they are the one "big" item I've kept, so I can show myself how far I've come when I get to goal) and put them on. I wore them out for dinner (yeah, one last hurrah! before restarting on Monday). All evening, I kept having to hike them up. When I finally got home and went upstairs to change, they were falling down me. When I got to the top of the stairs, I had to step out of them or I'd have tripped myself up. This was a huge wake-up call for me, another light-bulb moment if you will... I realized that I wasn't that girl anymore, that I was fully 4 jeans sizes smaller now and that those stupid pants were never going to fit me again. Despite the small gain, I'd still maintained a fairly substantial loss and I was going to keep going.

This year, I'm not going to allow shit at work to mess with my program (because it was the one thing that really did interfere with it last year). I'm going to focus on my health and my family's health and our needs will come first, ahead of work. My job has been adversely affecting my health but I'm not going to let it get to me anymore. I'm not going to get stressed out over stuff that I can't control. I'm going to go to work, do the job that I love to do, do it well, and go home at the end of the day. I'm going to leave work, at work. I'm going to try to keep the political shit out of my head when I'm not there. This too will be tough but I am confident that I can do it. If I can sort my work shit out, I will be able to keep on my program and do what I want to do. I mean, I was able to maintain during the worst of it, when I was letting it totally bug my ass. This year, I'm not going to let that happen, hell, I'm never going to let that happen again. I will not let anything get between me and my health!

I started reading Dr. Phil's book last night and there is a quote on the first page of Chapter one that says, "Change can come in either of two important ways: Start behaving positively or stop behaving negatively." He's absolutely right and I'm going to work really hard in 2004 to replace my negative thoughts and actions with positive ones. I now understand what everyone has been saying about his book, it's good stuff. I'm only just starting it but I'm getting what he's saying and I know that I can combine what he's talking about with what I've been doing already and I'll get to my goal.

Back on track

Okay folks, feel free to pat me on the back. I got through today, perfectly on plan with a side of extra exercise.

Today was my official program restart and I feel really good right now. I remember how I felt on the day I started in January 2003. I was nervous and cautious. I was excited about the prospect of getting healthy and losing some weight but I remember how difficult it was during those first few weeks, how it felt to slowly develop healthier habits concerning what I ate and what I did. I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not afraid of failure right now because I know that I can succeed. Last year, when I started doing this, I didn't tell any of my offline friends because I was worried about what they might think if it turned out that I couldn't do it. Eventually, when I started to see results, I started to share what I was doing with others around me.

Although I'd taken a vacation from my program for a couple of weeks, I really looked forward to getting back into the groove of it. This morning, I got up and exercised. I also ate a healthy breakfast and packed a nutritious lunch (and snacks) to take with me to work. It wasn't a struggle today, it felt right and easy. I managed to get through the day with calories to spare and I didn't feel huge pangs of hunger or big cravings for anything in particular. I feel great right now. I even did some extra floor exercises tonight after dinner while watching Dr. Phil, extra abs and extra leg exercises. I am really loving my new mat and resistance bands. They are so easy to use and I can really feel my muscles working when I use them.

Oh, speaking of Dr. Phil, I finally picked up his Ultimate Weight Solution book tonight. I had done some Christmas shopping at Chapters and they gave me a coupon for $10 off purchases over $30 but it wasn't any good until January 5. Tonight after work, we scooted over to Chapters and I picked it up. I've heard such good things about it on the W-B Board that I wanted to check it out. I already watch the show and have been following the Weight-Loss Challenge every week. I'm looking forward to reading what he has to say. I understand that many folks have been inspired and motivated by it. I figure that a little extra inspiration and motivation certainly can't hurt, right?

Well, it's back to work in the morning, and back to being 100% on program. Boot camp begins again tomorrow for us. We really slacked off on things during the 3 weeks I was off work. I really enjoyed the time off but I think I just did too little exercise and ate too much food. I've gained a few pounds of holiday weight but I'm confident that I'll have them gone in a week or so and be back to where I was before the holidays started.

Tomorrow morning, I'll be working out at 5 a.m. again. We went to the grocery store this morning and picked up odds and ends that we needed for week, lunch stuff for me, lots of veggies and healthy stuff. So, the crap is out of the cupboard and we're ready to go. I'm actually looking forward to it!!

So yay me, after being a lazy lump for over a week now, I actually exercised this morning. I rode my recumbent bike on the basic interval program and did some arm and ab work. I tell ya, after that big of a break (I'd not done any proper exercise since Christmas Eve), I was really hurting at times. I felt so good afterwards though, I'm sooo glad that I did it. I had a good, healthy breakfast after I was finished and feel better today than I have in a few days. As much as I've enjoyed the break from work, when I'm working and in a regular routine, it's easier for me to exercise. I find that when I have all day off, I just keep putting it off and then, blammo, the day's over and I've not done it. Technically, I'm still on "vacation" from work, and my program, until Monday but I thought I'd get a jump start on the exercise part of it and I'm really happy that I did!!

The first day of the year was pretty uneventful around our house. My hunny went out to work at 4 a.m. so we were in bed really early last night and I was up early this morning.

I'm starting to feel the effects of not having done any proper exercise since Christmas Eve. TOM has been kicking my butt this week and I've not done much at all. Today at least, I got inspired while watching the Clean Sweep marathon...I got my laundry done, vaccuumed the whole house, packed away the Christmas decorations and managed to throw out an entire bag of crap. I've been weeding through a lot of my Christmas stuff and just chucked a bunch of it because it's just old and nasty and I've not used it ages.

Anyway, resolutions wise, I've made a few:

1. Starting Monday, January 5 -- get back on plan 100%. When I'm eating healthy and exercising regularly I feel better (sooo much better). I mean, the whole purpose of the plan is get (and stay) healthy and fit. The weight-loss is important to me too but I really want to have a super strong, healthy body. Ideally, I'd like to lose another 70 pounds in 2004.

2. This could almost be 1 b I guess, I will exercise at least 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes each session.

3. Get our finances in order and actually save some money this year.

4. Finally get rid of the remaining clutter in our house. This a project that I started working on in 2002 and I've done pretty well so far. My hunny and I are both big pack rats (or were) and we live in a small house. We've gotten rid of a tonne of useless stuff over the past 18 months but I'd like to finally get the job done and dusted in 2004.

I think that all of these things are reasonable and manageable and they'll all help to make my life better. Wish me luck!!