day 22 - focused

I'm feeling better today. MUCH better. I stepped on the scale again this morning and it was much nicer to me today. I'll be honest here (because hey, this whole journal is about accountability), yesterday, the numbers told me that I had gained 14 pounds in 2 weeks. Yeah, a pound a day. Now does it make sense why I lost my appetite? why I was completely and utterly disgusted with myself.

This morning I hopped back on the scale and while it was still a lot higher than I would have liked, it was 8 pounds lower than yesterday. I'm thinking that Sunday was a weird anomaly and perhaps I only did gain 6 pounds in two weeks. I shouldn't say "only" because I'm still pretty disgusted with myself. Hopefully, clean eating and more exercise, combined with getting my period out of the way this week will sort me out again and get rid of that 6 pound gain.

I must say, I had a terrific, gentle workout this morning. I did a bunch of stretching that was totally relaxing and then did 4.52 miles on my recumbent interval program. My eating so far has been totally 100% on plan but, I am officially back on coffee. I'd given it up for about 10 months but I realized last week that it wasn't that I needed it as much as it was that I missed it (and decaf just wasn't the same).

At the moment, I'm still pissed at myself. The anger will help keep me motivated. I'm feeling strong but not cocky. I need to push myself and kick my own ass and keep it together. I cannot ever have a day like yesterday ever again. It was horrible and depressing and I hated every minute of it. Next time I feel like going on a binge/bender/whatever you want to call it, I'm going to remind myself of that horrible feeling and stop myself. I have to because I'm the only person who can!!