behind

For months now, months and months actually, I feel like I'm perpetually playing catch-up. It happens at work, constantly, at home, everywhere. I owe the world and their uncles emails, I'm almost scurrying to try to get one project done while three others are landing on my desk. Out of control and constantly behind, that's how I feel.



For the past few weeks, the only thing that I seem to have any control over is my weight loss efforts. For some reason, finally, I can focus on it and I'm still working at it. Throughout all of 2005, I allowed all of the other crazy shit that was going on in my life (work insanity, family health issues, buying and selling of houses) to get in my way. I used it all as an excuse to allow myself to eat anything and everything I wanted. So far, in 2006 (and I know that it's still technically January), I'm not letting that happen again. I'm surprised and slightly impressed with myself for that.

Where this new born resolve came from, I'm not sure. It sure wasn't around last year at all. Part of me feels like I shouldn't question it, rather, I just enjoy it and keep going. The other part of me says that if I don't know where it's coming from, it'll be easy for it to slide away again. Hopefully, that won't happen. Goodness knows that I don't want it to. My plan right now is to enjoy it and keep on working...plan the work, work the plan...that's my mantra right now and so far, so good.

good feelings and apples

I took so many photos of beautiful produce the other evening that I'm going to share them around here over the next little while. So often, we're bombarded with images of chocolate and candy and fatty stuff, I thought it would be a nice switch to share some healthier photos. This is one I call "apples!"



Something that I'm really enjoying recently is the feeling of being hungry and then the feeling of being full. So often, when I was off track (read being a big binging pig!) I would eat just out of boredom and my body never knew when it was actually hungry. Most likely this happened because I didn't let it get hungry.

I just finished eating my healthy, home-packed lunch of leftover stir fry, raw baby carrots, a banana and yogurt and I'm stuffed. Not uncomfortably mind you, but it's a good full feeling. I don't feel bloated, just satisfied.

Another positive side effect to my back-on-trackness is that my period isn't kicking my ass this month. It just started in ernest this morning, all weekend, it was attempting to start but didn't really (sorry if that's tmi, I'm sure that the ladies will know what I'm talking about). I've got some cramping but not like I normally do. I also don't think that my pms was as bad this cycle. I actually did not break down and treat myself to any chocolate. I haven't had any caffeine in almost four weeks. I admit that I don't even miss it most of the time. I'm starting to wonder if maybe my past experiences with pms and bad periods were related to my caffeine consumption...

One caloric splurge that we did make over the weekend was fish and chips. Ordinarily, we'd avoid something so fatty and greasy but on Friday night, we treated ourselves to some fish and chips from our local fish shop. It was a spur of the moment thing that I hadn't budgeted for but, when the final numbers were tallied and everything was recorded in fitday, I was over about 200 calories. It wasn't terrific but it also wasn't as bad as it could have been. Also, when I look at the rest of the weekend, it all balanced / averaged out. I don't think that we'll do it again anytime soon but we sure did enjoy it on Friday night. As long as we don't enjoy it every Friday night, it'll be okay.

it's friday!

I don't have much to say today.

It's been a blink-and-you'll-miss-it week for me and, while part of me is glad that Friday is here, the other part of me knows that I'll be working for at least part of the weekend.

Last night, we finally checked out a new produce store here in town. It's gorgeous. They have really good stuff and the prices are reasonable, particularly for the quality. They seemed to have a terrific variety of exotics too, which was nice. We saw some stuff that ordinarily, we only see if we go to New York or Toronto. It's nice to know that we have a source now, that is literally around the corner from our place.



We have eaten out a couple of times this week, due to the schedule we've been keeping. I'm not overly thrilled about it because, no matter how carefully you chose, it's always "fattier" to eat out than it is to stay home. I plan to stay close to home this weekend and avoid restaurants completely. I also hope to get a fair amount of walking in this weekend. After being cooped up inside all week, it'll be nice to get out, into the fresh air.

confidence abounds!

This week has been insane but, I have remained strong!!

I was so sure that there would be fruit to snack on at yesterday's meeting that I didn't bring my own. Big mistake!! There were huge muffins, pastries, cookies, sugary drinks and juices for snacks, but no fruit. Fortunately, lunch was veggie heavy and there was fruit on offer for dessert but boy, by the time we ate, I was starving. I'm not used to going that long without a snack (remember of course that I eat breakfast at 6 a.m. and lunch was at 12:15 p.m.).

All in all, I'm feeling great about the steady progress I am making. I might have some really good news on the job front to report soon. I'll either have good news or a tale of humiliation to share but, either way, as soon as I can, I'll share it here. In the meantime, lunch and work are both screaming my name. Bye for now!

wednesday wrap-up - week 3

Today should be interesting.

I have an all day meeting, away from the office. We're doing some program planning for the next year. I don't mind these things but they are providing lunch and, I know that there will be snack breaks and lots of food around. It will definitely put me outside of my normal controlled work environment. It'll be a challenge. I'm hoping that there will at least be lots of water and fruit around, hopefully some kind of salad for lunch.

Being away at this meeting, also means that I'll not be in front of machine all day, hence the early morning post.

Anyhooo....here is my latest weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending January 24

• did intentional exercise (not without great effort on my part) every work-day morning but this past Monday (I was sick and just couldn't drag myself out bed much less into the basement to do exercise). So far, I have put 57.81 miles on our recumbent bike.
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week (even on the weekend, even when I was sick!!)
  
• exceeded daily water intake goal 5 out of 7 days. It's a small improvement over last week and something I continue to work on.
  
• successfully avoided coffee all week
  
• once again, on the weekend, I allowed myself two cans of sugar free root beer but otherwise, did not drink anything carbonated during the work week.
  
• did not have any evening snacks 7 out of 7 days
  
• except for Monday (again, the sickness thing) continued to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday
  
• did my nails again, I must say, I'm very much enjoying the results of taking care of my nails again.
  
• I lost three more pounds this week, 3! That means that I have lost a total of 12 pounds in three weeks. Yay!!
  

an apology and a quickie

Sorry 'bout not posting yesterday. I was home sick and didn't feel up to posting.

I'm feeling better today and am back at work but am swamped and must get back at it.

I'm still on track though, fear not. Ingested a few more calories over the weekend than through the week but still well within range. Exercised this morning (didn't yesterday because of the sickness) and am feeling pretty good, all things considered.

Tomorrow, I'll be back with my weekly wrap-up. Hope all's well out there in weight-loss blog-land!!

hey, hey, it's Friday!

Whoop!! Yay, the weekend is almost here.

I am really looking forward to the weekend. I am not feeling that overwhelming sense of dread that usually settles in on Friday. I start to fret and worry over my eating. Today, I'm feeling up to the challenge. Finally, after 2.5 weeks of being back on track, I can feel my energy level changing. I don't about you but for me, the change doesn't happen overnight. It usually sneaks up on me, that happened this morning. I've felt great all day, well rested and energetic.

My hunny has to work tomorrow and honestly, I should take some work home too. I don't think I will though. I did that last weekend and I have a few things that I'd like to putter at around the house this weekend.

Last night after work, we did the last bit of our weekly grocery shopping. Since our return to "healthy eating," it takes trips to three different stores to get our weekly shopping. The other evening, we were at Costco to stock up on produce. Thursday night was staples night. We headed off to our favourite Asian market to stock up on things like noodles, rice, ginger, vinegar. After that, we went to the discount grocery store. We hadn't planned on doing all of this shopping last night but I'm so glad we did it and got it over with. At the grocery store, we stocked up on soup, yogurt, cereal, juice, more produce (stuff that costco doesn't carry) and some odds and ends. When we got home and finished putting everything away, I was really impressed with what I saw. Our fridge is bursting with gorgeous, delicious produce and our pantry is full of healthy snacks and all kinds of neat ingredients for some cool and interesting meals. We're definitely spending more money on groceries than we were before but, we're not throwing out any spoiled food and we're saving a tonne of cash by eating at home so it all balances out.

It feels sort of strange to be all invigorated and positive after so many months of just being indifferent and half-numb. My big focus is to just keep going, keep this momentum that I've gained. I so don't want to cop out on this. So far, the positive chats I keep giving myself seem to be working. With luck, I'll not allow myself to slip up, PMS or no PMS!!

challenging

I just signed up to participate in Renee's Fat Fighter's Yearlong Fitness Challenge (FFYFC). I'm going to start slowly and see how it goes. It should help me to get outside and walk and I'm going to grab my hunny when I do. It should be easier to do with someone else.

I'm now into the third week of my re-start and am continuing to do well. I haven't been tempted to snack in the evenings (although we have started eating oranges for dessert) and I'm sticking with my morning bike rides. Yesterday, I saw my family doctor. I hadn't seen in her a while and we chatted about how my weight-loss was going (or rather how it had been stalled for the last 1/2 of 2005) and she was really pleased at my progress so far this time out. She suggested that I check in with her every month, like I had been doing before. I was glad to hear this. She's really easy to talk to and it's nice to get weighed in with someone else who is actually recording my weight in an official capacity. It's also cheaper to go see her for the occasional weigh-in than it is to sign up for something like weight watchers!

Tonight, we're tentatively booked to have dinner with the LOG. Half of me hopes that he begs off so we can have dinner at home. We're definitely stopping at the Asian market on the way home to stock up on some staples, one way or the other. I just really prefer to eat at home these days. One of the things about being back on plan is that our grocery shopping is way more interesting and fun and our fridge is once again filled with cool, healthy stuff. Good thing too, I'm expecting that this weekend is going to be more challenging than usual, PMS is right around the corner. I'm going to have to figure out a way to keep my salt / chocolate cravings under control when I'm not working. If nothing else, it should prove to be very interesting!!

wednesday wrap-up - week 2

This morning, I was away from my desk attending a training session. I wasn't sure if they would have coffee or water so I brought my own. As it happens, they had pop and water and coffee and juice, and little tiny cute muffins. They looked very good, yummy. They had all kinds of different flavours. I sipped my water, inwardly kicking myself for not bringing a piece of fruit with me. By the end of the session, I was starving. By the time I got back to the office, the pangs were gone. The brisk walk (it's raining and really windy out right now) curbed my hunger. It was very cool. Of course, as soon as I opened my lunch and started to eat, the pangs had returned but it was interesting.

Anyhooo....here is my latest weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending January 17

• did intentional exercise (not without great effort on my part) every work-day morning since my restart. So far, I have put 38.84 miles on our recumbent bike.
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week (even on the weekend!!)
  
• exceeded daily water intake goal 4 out of 7 days. Last week, I was in a lot of meetings and didn't have ready access to the loo at all times, hence the lower water intake.
  
• successfully avoided coffee all week
  
• allowed myself one can of diet coke with lime on Saturday when we had pizza. I had a diet sprite on Sunday. Other than those two cans, I didn't have anything carbonated all week
  
• did not have any evening snacks 7 out of 7 days
  
• continue to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday
  
• did my nails again, and actually had a gorgeous, long soak in the tub on Saturday. It was wonderful and super relaxing.
  
• I lost four pounds this week, 4! That means that I have lost a total of 9 pounds in two weeks. I'm really really pleased about this!!
  

slow

For the past few days, more so yesterday and this morning, I've felt like I'm fighting a cold bug. One of the women I share an office with was really sick with one last week and she kept coming into the office so.... you can see how this might potentially play out. I told her, "if I get your cold, I'm not talking to you anymore." This is an empty threat of course, unless I were to actually get the cold and lose my voice. Huh, see, could happen. I've just found that my eyes are a little runny/teary and that I'm coughing a bit.

This morning was particularly difficult. I did not want to get up, at all. I had been having a weird dream about having to re-arrange our office furniture and equipment by myself. Those kinds of dreams are just exhausting. When the alarm went off and I sat up in bed, my eyes just felt gross. When I saw them in the mirror, I looked like someone had socked me, they were that puffy. Eventually, I dragged myself downstairs and onto the bike. I felt much better after my ride but the ride itself was tough. I'm still doing the 20 minute interval program on it, I had hoped to move up to 30 minutes by now but I'm still really hurting with the 20 minute cycle. It could be the cold fight thing.

Eating continues to be okay. Breakfast and lunch are really easy, dinner is more challenging. We'd gotten into this really bad habit of dining out, a lot. The first week, we mostly stayed home. I mean, we had our Friday date night but that was it. The second week had a visit to the Chinese buffet and pizza. Last night we stopped off for Vietnamese (our favourite soup place - it had been closed for 4 weeks I think). It was good, we made decent choices but it still wasn't as controlled a setting as eating at home would be and that worries me. It's so easy to slide.

Tonight we're heading to costco (weather permitting - there is a freezing rain warning in effect for our area at the moment) to stock up on veggies and fruit. I love their produce department but I hate how, almost every time we are there, you can smell fresh baked chocolate muffins all through the place. I have my list though, and I plan to stick to it, exactly. One of the best things about being on plan is that we actually eat all of the fruit and veg we buy these days. Nothing goes bad and gets chucked out!

Other than concerns about eating out and the cold thing, stuff seems to be going okay. I asked my hunny the other day if could see any difference in me at all since our re-start and he said he could see some weight gone in my neck. Hopefully, the face will be next...and then, if we're lucky the ASS. Ass-b-gone. Should be a product, shouldn't it?? Maybe it is...the only way I know to make "ass-b-gone" is to eat less and then move one's ass more. Sadly, it's practical but not sexy and definitely not something you could sell in an infomercial.

happy monday, again!

Well the weekend is over again. It was brrrr cold here too. The spring-like temperatures that we enjoyed last week. I was so glad that we had grabbed groceries on Friday night. The rain that had been falling suddenly froze and the neighbourhood turned into a skating rink on Saturday afternoon. Fortunately, it snowed not long after so that created some traction. Weird weird weather we're having.

On Saturday afternoon, we decided that we'd order ourselves a pizza for dinner. This worked out just fine as I'd had large-ish, late breakfast (scrambled egg with salsa, mixed green with fat free ranch dressing and a slice of dry toast) and no lunch. It was such a neat thing to enjoy pizza for dinner and not feel guilty about it. When I totaled up my calories, I was still on track. We had the leftovers (yeah, how weird is that!!?) for dinner last night with big salads.

For the second (miraculous?) weekend in a row, I have not been tempted into snacking between meals. We even had three large bags of cookies in the house over the weekend (we had picked them up at LOG's request but never got over to his place to drop them off)and I wasn't tempted (and we're talking about oreos and chip's ahoy here folks!).

Between planning my meals and keeping busy (I did a bunch of house cleaning, laundry and work - from the office - over the weekend), I was able to control myself. It's a good feeling. I like being in control again. I'm almost at the two week mark since my restart and this has been the longest I've been able to stay on course in a good long while. It's always so easy to get tripped up and derailed in the early days. If I can get through the next two weeks, I'll have survived the worst of it and should be well on my way again. yay!

happy weekend

I'm not in the habit (anymore) of weekend posting but here I am.

I just have to say, Bev's back!! Mary too!! When I first starting blogging about weight-loss, these two women inspired me, big time. If you're feeling so inclined, pop by and say hello!

I slept in this morning and that felt terrific. I've noticed a big change in my sleeping since I restarted my program. For one thing, I'm sleeping much better. We're getting up a little earlier through the week, so that's an adjustment but, when I do sleep, it's generally deeper I think. I've also been able to avoid taking those pills the doctor gave me. The last time I took one was way before Christmas I think. Except for one evening when my head was just pounding from work, I haven't had to take any medication at all either. I noticed before (and this was one of the big "light bulb moments" that made me realize how badly I was sliding), I was having lots of aches and pains, many headaches and, as a result, was taking probably too many ibuprofens. Not in a day, just in general. When TOM is here, I take a fair number of them but that's just to cope with major cramps. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise when I realized that the only "pills" I'd been popping were vitamins.

I have my meals planned out for today so I'm not too worried about things. We got groceries last night so we now are re-stocked on fruit and veg so, if I do want a snack, at least we have lots of healthy options. Planning, planning, planning... I know I sound like a broken record but it's what I have to do if this is going to continue to work for me. Enjoy the rest of the weekend, I know I am planning to!

being boring

Holy crap is being good ever boring. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that I'm sticking to my plan, being a good weight-loss citizen, it's just weirdly boring.

I did promise that I'd post Monday to Friday though, so here I am. 100% on plan, boring me. One thing that has really helped this week has been eating in. We are planning on going out for dinner tonight, tentatively, but if we go out, I know exactly what I'm ordering and calorically, I'll be fine.

The toughest part of all of this is the evenings. About 30 minutes after dinner, both of us start jonesing for something. I couldn't put my finger on it if I wanted to but I always want something to nibble on, a mindless snack. So far, I've ignored the jones. I've sipped my water and said to myself, "this too shall pass" and enjoyed the rest of the evening, snack-free. At times it feels slightly "white knuckle-y" but I know that too will pass, once I get through these first few tough weeks.

Of course, the mother of all temptations is the weekend and it's just around the corner. I got through last Saturday without giving into temptation. Now that there are no traces of anything remotely junky in the house (I threw the last of it out last night) Sunday should be okay too.

Here's hoping for a guilt-free, no-cheating weekend for everyone!!

what to say...

I honestly don't have anything to report on today.

I guess I could say that I rode my bike again this morning (that's four mornings in a row for those of you who keep track of such things). Also, eating continues to be 100% on plan. I'm sticking to my no caffeine, no carbonation, no snacks after dinner rule and it's working.

The concept of food as fuel is one that all of us weight-loss bloggers have struggled with or we wouldn't be blogging about. Finally though, thankfully, it seems to be sinking into my thick head. I'm getting it this time, finally, yay!!

So, until tomorrow folks, eat less, move more. It's not rocket science but it seems to work, so far anyway!!

wednesday wrap-up - week 1

Setting goals is great when you actually work on them.

My problem in the past is that I set goals and then forget about them. Not this year, not in 2006. I've planned the work and now I'm working the plan. The plan seems to be working too. I'm very pleased at the results I've had this week. It's been work, hard work. I've struggled with myself over what to eat, what not to eat. What exercise to do, how much to do. I've even caught myself trying to talk myself out of a workout. If I know nothing else about myself it is this: I can be the cleanest eater in town, if I don't exercise too, the weight's not going anywhere!

Anyway, it's been a good long time since I've done one of these but...here is my latest weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending January 10

• did intentional exercise (not without great effort on my part) every work-day morning since my restart
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week (even on the weekend!!)
  
• exceeded daily water intake goal 7 out of 7 days
  
• successfully avoided coffee all week
  
• except for the one can of diet coke with lime during Sunday afternoon's "chip incident," didn't have anything carbonated all week (this is a massive accomplishment for me!!)
  
• did not have any evening snacks 7 out of 7 days
  
• posted here every work-day since my re-start
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday
  
• while I did do my nails again this weekend (and they growing into long, lovely things again!), I did not get my 30 minute bubble bath in this week. I'll shoot for a whole hour this weekend!!
  
• stepped back on the scales again this morning to discover that I lost 5 whole pounds!! I'd hoped for 2 so you can imagine how thrilled I was about 5!
  

best day ever!!

well, best on-plan day so far, this go-round. This LAST go-round. Seriously. I'm never going to be this weight again, you can count on that!!

Yesterday was a seriously kick-ass day for me. I am finding that when I bring leftover-whatever for lunch, it's much more satisfying than my sammich ever was. That's what I've been doing for the past week and it's really good. Last night, I wasn't even all that hungry when dinner rolled around. I hadn't bothered with my mid-afternoon apple snack either. For dinner, this is what I had:



Soup (a big bowl I'll admit) and some unsalted soda crackers. That's a lot less than I would normally eat for dinner and, I wasn't hungry in the evening. It's odd but I'm digging it. Now, lest you think I take photos of all of my meals, I don't, this was just one I took for the "Monday Night Dinner" pool I belong to on flickr.

So the plan seems to be kicking in, finally. I say finally even though it's only been six days. The finally more is about me restarting and restarting and restarting over and over and over again. This time, I really want this, I want to stay on track and I want to become more fit. I even hauled my ass out of bed this morning at 4:25 a.m. so I'd have time to exercise before work (I had an 8 a.m. meeting so I had to be here a little earlier than I normally would). It feels good to be doing this and, except for the little Sunday episode, I'm feeling really in control of myself for the first time in a long time and that's terrific!

ups and downs

As I've often written about, weekends are difficult for me. When I'm working and on a regular schedule, it's quite easy for me to eat in a sensible fashion. This weekend, I was mostly good (Friday and Saturday) and a smidgen bad (Sunday).

On Friday night, after work, we had to visit the LOG and drop some stuff off. We also had some banking and a couple of other errands to do but, upon leaving his place I suggested that we go straight home. Both of us were a little brain dead and fried and I knew that I couldn't face dealing with the bank and the shops. Once we got home, the dinner discussion began. Having shopped the night before, we had lots of healthy ingredients at our finger tips, I'd even pulled some protein out of the freezer that morning. Neither of us felt much like cooking and we weren't even all that hungry, truth be told.

Eventually, we decided to go to our favourite Vietnamese place for some noodle soup and a plate of veggies. They had been closed over the Christmas holidays but we figured that they'd be open by January 6. I was really looking forward to that bowl of soup as we approached the restaurant. Imagine my disappointment when I realized that the lights were out and that they were still closed. Now we really didn't know what to do, I had my choices all mapped out and planned, anywhere else we might end up would totally throw a spanner into my plan, wouldn't it??

As it happened, this wasn't the case. We went to Montana's and each ordered a salad and we split a sandwich and a baked potato (a naked potato at that!). At the end of the day, I was actually under as far as my caloric goals went. Funny thing too, on the way home, I mentioned to my hunny that I was going to have a cookie when I got home, or something sweet anyway. When we finally did get home, I opened the little tin that holds the last few crumbs of my Christmas baking and I closed it back up again. Shocked the hell out of me but it made me feel good. I didn't need anything sweet and I realized that I didn't want it either!

On Saturday, I was super duper on-plan good girl. I made myself a pot of herbal tea to sip on while I read emails. Eventually, I got up and made myself a scrambled egg and a slice of dry toast. I topped the egg off with some black pepper and salsa and even allowed myself a small spoonful of potato salad on the side. It was a really satisfying meal and it kept me going until lunchtime. I had the last of the left-over stir fry and a couple of rice crackers for lunch. In between I drank lots of water and remembered to take my vitamins too. For dinner, we stayed home and my hunny made us his version of pad thai (I had some of the leftovers for lunch today). All in all, it was a very good calorie day. I didn't snack at all, which is a huge deal for me, particularly on a Saturday.

Sunday didn't go so well. I got up and made myself a toasted english muffin with some peanut butter, I also had some cranberry juice and a few clementine oranges. Not bad huh?? Well, for lunch, we ended up at the Chinese buffet. I told myself that as long as I avoided the deep fried stuff, it wouldn't be so bad. It was though, as always, I ate too much. I did skip dessert though, so that's something right?? We knew that we'd not eat dinner last night, having had such a huge lunch. We camped out in the living room, watching a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" marathon while I sorted through a couple of boxes of knick-knacks (oh yes, we're still unpacking!). The whole time I was sitting there, the fat from the Chinese food was doing it's work on me. I couldn't stop thinking about a bag of ruffles that I found in the back of the pantry and that container of low fat sour cream in the fridge. Eventually, I broke down, made up some onion dip and we snacked on the chips and dip for our dinner. I will admit, if it hadn't been in the house, I wouldn't have thought twice about it. But it was and it did and I ate them and they were tasty and now that's over. I'm not excusing it but I am coming clean about it.

So it's Monday again. New week, clean start. On Wednesday, I'll weigh-in and update on the week's efforts. Seeing how I restarted on a Wednesday, I figured I'd restart that "Wednesday Weigh-In" Tradition for myself.

Oh, exercise. As promised, I've continued with the weekday workout thing. This morning I rode 4.64 miles and it wasn't easy. It was good though, I was really feeling it in my thighs and I liked that. The only real exercise I got over the weekend was some shoveling yesterday afternoon after lunch. If I can master the weekday workout thing, eventually I plan to include the weekends too (with stuff that is more recreational) but for now, I'm sticking to my five days a week.

an anniversary

Three years ago today I started on my journey to weight loss. I am pretty sure that I figured I'd be long done and maintaining by January 6, 2006. Who knew huh?? I'm not going to get myself all upset about it, I'm just pointing it out because it was interesting to me.

I'm tired today, really tired. Last night, I didn't feel sleepy when bedtime came around and it took me a while to fall asleep. About three hours later, I woke up. It didn't take me too long to fall back to sleep but still, it was disruptive. I woke up before the alarm went off and desperately wanted to turn the clock off and go back to sleep for, oh, let's say...the whole morning. I didn't do that though. I woke my hunny up, I got into my workout clothes and crawled down to my bike. I say crawl but it was actually just a very slow walk. I was hurting. My hips hurt, my back was a little stiff. I got onto my bike with ease but riding it was quite difficult. I don't know whether the two days of WATP or just the lack of sleep was making this so tough. I ended up riding for only 2.2 miles. I had hoped to ride at least 4 but I just couldn't stay on the bike any longer. I'm not too disappointed with myself though. I still did intentional exercise 3 days in a row, each workday (that I worked) this week. I'm also still journaling my food and generally trying to keep on track. I overate a bit at dinner last night but it's not the end of the world and it certainly won't undo the good things that I've been doing for the rest of the week.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get through the weekend without giving in to temptation. It's always a struggle, Saturday and Sunday but, if I keep busy (or sleep a lot!), I should be okay. Wish me luck and have a great weekend kiddos!!

lovely leftovers

I am eating leftover stir fry for my lunch today. It's delicious and I'm even eating it with some chopsticks I had in my desk. I always keep chopsticks in my desk because I don't really like eating stuff like this with a fork. One of the things I like best about chop sticks is that they tend to slow me down a bit. I mean, I know I could hold the container under my chin and shovel it in, but I don't!

This morning I did WATP (1 mile) again. Two days in a row, is that a roll? Not quite I know but I'll be on one soon. It was hard again, I didn't expect it to get suddenly easy but man, I'm out of shape, seriously out of it. It can happen so fast can't it? Hopefully, by this time next week, it'll be a little easier. I know it's good that my muscles are hurting, it means that I'm working but still, it's tough.

Tomorrow I might take a break from the DVD and get back on my recumbent bike. The work is now done (for now) in the basement. Tonight I'll try to get things a little more organized in the rec room. I really enjoy the bike but I think that this time 'round, I'll keep at the walking DVD too. Just to mix things up a bit.

Eating continues to go well. Never underestimate the value of planning meals and journaling everything you put into your mouth. They are both wonderful things! Eating home is a big help as well. We've made a pledge that the next time we go out for a meal, it'll be for soup. Our favourite Vietnamese restaurant was closed over the holidays so that will be our big treat.

Other than clean eating and two days (in a row!) of intentional exercise, I've got nothing to report. I'll be honest though, it feels way better to have nothing to say when you're on plan than it does when you're not.

I can feel my bum

But of course she can feel her bum, I'm sure you're all thinking. I can reach around and touch it (ooh) or just plain old feel the weight of me sitting on it right now. Those things are both true. I'm talking about how much I can feel it when I'm walking, and my hips too. I'm old and out of shape and it's sort of sad.

This morning I got up, strapped on my uniboob-making sport bra and walked away the pounds. I only did the 1 mile WATP and it shouldn't have been so tough. It was though, tough that is. I'm glad I did it though, I really didn't want to. It would have been much more fun and easy to make big piles of toast and slather them up with margarine. Alas, I didn't do this, I walked away some pounds and then ate a nice breakfast, cranberry juice and cereal (with soy milk). Good way to start the day huh?

I am hopeful that a regular routine of exercise will keep me from needing to take those little blue pills. The exercise, and everything else should make me sleepy enough at night, I'm hopeful anyway. I also know that I'm on the right track today. This morning, I've had to run to the loo 3 times. I'm definitely flushing some water out of my system. It's a darned good thing too, I stepped on the scales this morning. I have either gained 3 or 7 pounds. Good record keeping huh?? I'm thinking it's probably closer to the 7. In any event, it's written down and I don't ever want to have to write that number down again. I am still 42 pounds lighter than my all-time-highest-weight-ever in January 2003 but I'm no where near where I'd like to be. Again, I'm trying not to obsess over the numbers but, I'm practical too. I know that seeing a downward progression on the scales will motivate me more than anything else can.

One last note about the whole exercise thing.... I'm very glad that I do my exercise at home, before my morning shower. I've noticed some coworkers coming back from lunchtime visits to the gym and they all look a little frazzled!

last day

I've been quite enjoying the last day of my vacation. I would have liked to have slept in this morning but we've had our handy person in working on the furnace for the past several days so I have to be up and dressed somewhat early (well, early for being on vacation anyway!).

I got ambitious this afternoon and took down what I could of the outdoors Christmas lights. I couldn't do the ones that are strung along the eaves but everything else is in a pile, in the middle of the living room right now. It's warming up and when it's warm enough, I'll pack them all away for another year.

Having Pat (the handy person) here is a little weird. I have to stay right out of the basement because that is where he's been doing the majority of his work (although I have dashed down there when he's stepped outside and thrown a load of laundry in!). I can't go into my bedroom right now either because he's also up and down in the attic (I'm not getting in his way, he's installing beautiful pot lights in our master bath). The one good thing (besides all of the stuff he's doing) is that it keeps me out of the kitchen somewhat. I had breakfast and I've also had lunch but I'm not dashing back and forth, grabbing crackers or making microwave popcorn to snack on. I might be tempted to do these things, out of boredom, if I was home alone today.

Instead, I've been sorting through bills and papers in my office, doing a little laundry when I can and, as I mentioned, pulling in the lights. If I can just keep my hands busy with other things, I'll not have time to think about the snacking. This isn't as much as a problem when I'm at work but whenever I'm home, it's a challenge.

Tomorrow I return to work, back to my routine, get back on track 100%. I'm quite looking forward to it because I always love how I feel when I am on plan. I just have to keep reminding myself of that and continue to push those snacking thoughts out of my head!!

clean up

Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. Normally, I should have returned to work tomorrow, like most folks will do. Our office was closed on the 23rd though, and because I had already booked that day off as vacation, I had an extra day to use up. Rather than try to squeeze it in later in the month (which, I know would be almost impossible) I just bit the bullet and booked tomorrow off. I don't think that one extra day will make any difference. I know that I'll be swamped when I get back to work but that's okay.

For the first time in a very long time, I feel rested. Over my almost three weeks of vacation, I didn't need to take my little blue pill once. I feel good about that. Now, the exercise, proper exercise, didn't happen over the holidays. I had a few walks here and there, the early part of the holiday was full of shoveling fun but I didn't actually workout at all during the break.

Food, goodness, what is there to say about that? It wasn't good. Cookies were eaten, gooey squares too, let's not forget about the chocolate either, or the cheese. Cheese and chocolate, if these things had never been invented, what would my vices be? They are just such perfectly efficient and tasty ways to transport fat and I will miss them, sort of. I don't intend to cut them out of my life entirely, I just need to reintroduce the concept of balance into my diet. There hasn't been a lot of that just recently. The other day for example, I had bananas sitting on the counter which were slowly getting too ripe. Did I peel them, cut them into chunks and throw them into the freezer for use in future smoothies?? Oh goodness no!! Straight into a batch of banana cake they went. It was delicious but not the healthiest way to enjoy over-ripe bananas!

Last week, because both of us were feeling under the weather, we didn't get out to do as much visiting as we normally would so I had mounds of Christmas baking leftover. My first thought was to throw it out. Of course, I couldn't bring myself to do that, to just chuck away perfectly good, hand made treats. The second thought I had was to freeze it but you know, that wouldn't work. Frozen treats are almost as delicious as thawed ones!! Instead, I packed it all up this morning and took it over to the LOG at the nursing home. He was happy to get it, he'll share it with his buddies and goodness knows, they can use it a lot more than we can!

Fortunately, once the cookies were removed, the rest of what is left in the house wasn't so bad. I need to make a run to the grocery store tomorrow, to pick up more fruit and some salad stuff. Our freezer is full of frozen berries and we have lots of soy milk stocked up for smoothies. We have lots of cereal in the house too. I'll start brining my lunches to work again and we've decided to keep dining out to a minimum. This was something that we actually stuck to over the holiday so at least one good food related thing started over the break.

I want to continue to feel rested and good about myself. I have made a promise to myself this year, to take more time for myself, to be kinder to me.

In 2006 I promise:

to make smarter food choices

to journal my food in fitday, every day

to exercise, 3 to 5 times a week, every week

to take my vitamins and drink plenty of water, every day

to take one, 30 minute bubble bath, every week

to take time for myself and do my nails and give myself facials (in general, treat myself to more "girlie" things -- which I love!) every week

to write in this journal, every weekday

I figure that if I can stick to these things, I'll feel better about myself, I'll be less stressed, I'll get fit and I'll definitely lose some weight. Goodness knows that I need to do all of these things. While I'll be sure to report on numbers (inches on the measuring tape, pounds on the scale), I'm not getting myself all wrapped up in numbers this year. Instead, I will focus on a vision of a healthier, leaner me, sitting here one year from now.