a whole week!

Today was day seven of being perfectly on plan. I'm really happy about this accomplishment. It reminds me of when I first started out, back in January 2003. Every day I stayed on plan felt like a huge victory to me and I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling. I'm not sure where I lost that but it's coming back. Staying on plan this weekend felt amazing. One thing I've noticed is that I'm eating more often but am consuming less calories. This just goes to show what kind of bad choices I had been making over the past few months.

Btw, I forgot to mention it earlier but I had a terrific weigh-in on Saturday. I was down from my Tuesday weigh-in and I'm getting very close to virgin fat territory (yep, that's right, I still haven't lost the weight that I gained over Christmas...well actually I've lost it and regained a few times since January 2004). My goal is to be well into virgin fat by the end of June. Believe me, when it happens (and it will, I know it this time), you'll be the first to know!!

success

I made it through an entire weekend, completely on plan! I am really happy about that and a little bit proud too. Weekends are really my downfall. As I've written here, many, many times, I can do really well during the week but can fall apart totally on the weekends.

What I found myself doing this weekend, and reading it in Dr. Phil's book really helped (and hey, I know he's being a real asshole about his "diet food" crap and vitamins but the book has some good, no-nonsense stuff in it) was thinking about snacking before I'd actually do it. Ordinarily, on the weekends we allow ourselves a "treat." What started out as one little thing, like an occasional ice cream cone, had slid all the way into us having crap food in the house again. Not good at ALL!!

This weekend, whenever I felt the need for a little "treat" coming in, I'd question it: why did I want to eat? was I really hungry? Sometimes, I was actually hungry, so I'd go get a piece of fruit or some other on-plan snack. It was not that hard to do. I know that this probably sounds really simple to some of you but the weekend struggle issue was really getting me down. Removing all the crap from the house certainly made it easier. That "fail proof" environment thing works again!!

If I can get through next weekend too, totally on plan, I may have actually mastered weekends again. I did it before, way back in early '03, and I know that I'll be able to it again.

Yay for op weekends!!

on track weekend

We are totally kicking weekend butt, I am really proud of us. Weekends are a huge struggle around here. Throwing all of the "tempting" crap out and filling the kitchen with healthy stuff has really paid off. Keeping busy has helped too but we have not fallen into our comfortable habit of just grabbing take-out or going out "'cuz it's the weekend" so far this weekend.

Costco had their seafood roadshow thing on this weekend. This morning when we were there stocking up on salad and pineapple (they have the BEST pineapple there), we also picked up 5 pounds of blue mussels, some prawns and lobster tails. We had an AMAZING barbecue tonight. We didn't have any drawn butter with the lobster, just salt, pepper and some lemon. The whole meal was just amazing and very low in calories. I love that seafood is so delicious and nutritious. We literally had a feast tonight and still stayed well under my daily calorie limit.

My workout today included some walking outside and a lot of gardening. Mostly I was weeding and I can feel it in my legs right now, even as I sit. Tomorrow I'm planning to just putter around the house and sit in the backyard so I can enjoy the fruits of my labour!!

bouncing back

Today was a sick day. When I woke up this morning I still felt pretty crappy. The headache was still there, although it was a dull thud, and I was very achey and tired. I got up long enough to put an "away" message on my email and to call in sick to work. I actually spent the entire morning in bed. I didn't even get up to eat breakfast which is very odd for me.

Around 1 or so, I got up and had a shower. I felt a lot better so I ventured downstairs to get something to eat. Now, ordinarily when I'm sick, I get bored and when I get bored, I snack...and I snack, and snack and snack. I'm not hungry, but I do it anyway. That did not happen today. I had a nice lunch, complete with fresh strawberries for dessert and, for a mid-afternoon snack, I had a banana. The rest of the afternoon, I just watched some TV but didn't snack at all, not one bite of food passed my lips until dinner time.

Because I missed breakfast, I had some extra calories left over at the end of the day. Tonight, after dinner, we watched a DVD and, later on when the Friday night munchies crept in, I knew that I could easily have some Sour Cream and Onion Spudz. It was a nice treat and it was guilt free, very nice!!

I went through the fridge and cupboards just before I came upstairs now, and threw out any remnants of "crap" that was still hanging around. I know from past experience that the fail-proof environment thing totally works. Right now, if I want to snack, I have lot of fresh vegetables and fruit or yogurt to snack on. That should be plenty.

Because I was feeling so yucky today, I didn't workout this morning but the way I'm feeling right now, I should be able to squeeze some kind of exercise in tomorrow. I'm still not feeling totally back to normal but I am feeling 100% improved over last night. On that note, I'm heading off to bed (again). Happy weekend everyone!!

thud thud thud

My head has been pounding louder than a subwoofer in the back of a teenager's Honda Civic for 2 days now. I ended up leaving work early this afternoon because I felt so rotten. I've also had general body ache and a sore throat. I'm trying to decide if it's some kind of flu-y bug or allergies. Whatever it is, I've also been up through the night the past 2 nights having to pee...and I mean really pee, like Austin Powers. Sorry if that's TMI but I'm pretty sure it's connected.

Through it all though, I've been very good. I've still worked out the past couple of mornings and feel great about that. My eating has been ideal, totally perfect actually. I've noticed that my rings are getting a little looser and ankles (which were a little swollen on the weekend) are back to normal. As I type this, I wonder if the peeing isn't just my body getting rid of all the water it was retaining over the past couple of weeks. My salt intake had to have been up so maybe that's it. That still doesn't explain the headache, sore joints and general woozy-ness though.

If I'm not feeling any better tomorrow morning than I do right now, I'll probably stay home. I really hate to miss work but I feel really lousy so being at work wouldn't be good for me or anyone around me either.

All of that aside, I'm really looking forward to my weigh-in on Saturday. Really, I'm not expecting a miracle but I am hoping to see a smaller number than the one I saw on Tuesday. I've been reading a little more of Dr. Phil's book each night before bed and I know that it's helping me to keep myself in line. It's not rocket science, most of it is just common sense but it's easier for me to see that sense when it's all laid out in black and white. Right now, I think I'm going to keep reading and re-reading the book until it's all second nature again!

good stuff

I must admit that I feel better about this right now than I have in a good long time. Last night I picked up Dr. Phil's book again and started reading the chapter on Healing Feelings. I know that I'm an emotional eater and it's something that I have to deal with if I'm going to get any further than I have done already.

Today is day 2 of our program "reboot." Yesterday went really well and so far today's fine too. We did a re-start weigh-in last night so we both know exactly what we're dealing with. My hunny has a definite number in his mind as his final goal. My goal this route, for both of us, is to be a regular size large in men and women's clothes respectively. In the meantime, I'm going to break things into 5 pound mini-goals and take it from there.

Working out has gone well the last couple of days. My bike was misbehaving yesterday and I realized that the batteries were dying. We got some replacements last night so my ride was much better this morning than yesterday. I also was able to squeeze some walking into my day as well.

If we can avoid restaurants for the rest of this week and stay away from the bulk barn, I think we'll be in great shape for our first week!

recharged, renewed, restarted

Today we are officially starting over. I've gotten so slack and lazy about things over the past few months that I'm officially disappointed with myself.

I watched the end of Dr. Phil's weight-loss challenge yesterday and was totally inspired. I was sooo happy to see that Jim won, he totally deserved it and I was cheering for him all along. Watching it though, I realized that my backsliding started around the time challenge began. From January to September 2003, I was kicking serious weight-loss butt. I realized yesterday that I have to get back on track, once and for all.

I've been stuck in a rut and haven't lost anything recently. I keep losing and gaining the same five pounds and I want off that merry-go-round. There a few things that have allowed me to wallow in the rut; work has been beyond insane over the past 9 months and we've been running ourselves ragged at home getting things read for LOG to move in. Since he's moved in, we've been running ourselves ragged still, getting him settled in, unpacked, etc. I'm not going to allow crazy life crap to get in the way of what my original goals were: to get fit and healthy and lose some weight.

Really, I feel good about the fact that I didn't gain back everything that I lost last year. On many levels, the habits I developed last year are still there (the intentional exercise thing is a solid one for sure) but I've also allowed myself to slide back into some bad behaviors that I'm not happy about. Misbehaving on the weekends was a big part of what was holding me back. I guess part of me felt that if I could put up with all the crap at work all week, and I was exercising five days a week, and I'd accomplished a bunch of stuff around the house to do with the move, it was okay to eat chocolate or cookies or whatever on the weekend. That's all over. I'm not accepting that anymore.

This morning I'm starting over. Clean eating, good workouts, improved attitude. My hunny is getting back on track with me. We're going to do this 100% and we'll help each other out along the way. I'm going to re-read Dr. Phil's book over the next few days and get my head sorted out again. I know what I have to do, now I just have to get it done!

happy birthday victoria

I can hear the fireworks off in the distance, or it might be thunder, I can't tell. The big fireworks that were scheduled for the waterfront have been postponed until the weekend, the weather has been pretty horrible all weekend.

My keep-busy-and-you-won't-eat-crap plan didn't go as well as I'd expected but it wasn't as horrible as it could have been either. The weekend was extremely busy. We finally got the LOG's boxes unpacked and his stuff sorted out. We made a couple of trips to goodwill (we still have at least one more to make this week) and spent many hours moving boxes and furniture around. I also got a lot of cleaning done and reorganized part of my kitchen.

Eating was just okay. Some meals were terrific and low fat and on plan and some were on the run, not on the plan types of meals. Overall, it balanced itself out but I'm not letting myself off the hook. I didn't stick 100% to my plan and that was my goal. I'm working on it and I see that the bad weekend habits I've grown are going to be tough to break. This weekend (and it was a long weekend) was better than last weekend, next weekend will be even better.

On the exercise front, I'm thinking that it's time for a shake up. My hunny and I are discussing a gym membership. I can use the gym at work for free but it's crappy, the times are not convenient at all for us, it's really over-crowded and I have to pay for him to use it anyway. We're looking into a family Y membership. I really would like to add some serious weight training to what I'm doing, more than I can do here at home. Anyway, it's definitely worth going for a tour and seeing what they have to offer. I think it's just what I need to get me going again, to get really excited about things again. I need something to kick my butt, this might be it!

explanations

The strong/bad cravings (no, not that StrongBad) I was experiencing last week and the crying and stuff can be attributed to pms. I have thought about it, briefly, over the last week or so but didn't realize really that I was in the throes of it.

Given that my hormones were raging out of control, I'm pretty impressed with myself. My eating all week has been very good, on plan, clean eating type stuff and I've exercised each day this week. Funny thing about the exercise is that almost every morning this week, I had intense negotiations going on in my head the whole time I'd be doing it. It went something like, "Okay, I'll get up and do it but I'm only doing 5 minutes....alright, well I guess I'll do 10 minutes but NO more. mmmm...fine, 15 minutes but not a second longer...." and so on and so on until I'd actually done a decent workout.

I've also been getting a fair bit of walking in throughout the day. I feel better for it all and I imagine that PMS may have been deadly (not to me so much as it is to those around me) had I not been doing all of that.

By the way, it's still not too late to sign up for the Get Moving In May Challenge if you're interested. I don't normally keep track of weekly mileage but it's been fun (and enlightening) participating in the challenge.

feels like thursday

The past few weeks have flown by so quickly that the days don't often "feel" like they should to me. Today though, definitely feels like a thursday, whatever that means.

Every time I think my workload is going to get easier at work, it doesn't. We got our letters of confirmation for the reorg this week and while my title has changed, my salary hasn't. I'm not surprised, I didn't expect it to. Not really. Still, I was a little disappointed that I didn't get a raise. A lot folks didn't get raises but, many did. It's not as bad as the folks who got demoted I guess, those folks had to take pay cuts.

Some days, it's tough to stay focused on doing good things for your body when your mind is being overworked and you feel burned out. This week I have been successful at being kind to my body. I've fed it well and moved it around a fair bit. I can't imagine how much worse I'd feel about everything else if I was being a lazy non-moving lump and was filling my face with junk food.

I did have a cry in the shower this morning. I just felt really sad and frustrated for many reasons and for none at all. I felt the same way yesterday and almost had a meltdown at my desk. It's got to give sooner or later. There is just so much going on that my nerves feel just this of totally shot. I'm also not sure if I'll be able to take any time off at all this summer because of the new job. I mean, I know that I can take a day here and there but I'd like to take two weeks, together...and I can't see that happening. I hope that I'm wrong, that I'm just having one of those glass-is-half-empty days. I'm usually a glass-is-half-full kinda gal. I have to say, if I didn't live with such a wonderful, patient, kind and understanding man I'd have gone completely crazy a long time ago.

On a body related note...the numbers on my scale haven't budged in a couple of weeks but I think that my stomach seems smaller the past few days so at least that is something kind of good that's happened this week.

feeling good

This week is going really well for me. I mean, work-wise, I'm a brain dead ninny who was almost reduced to curling up in a ball under my desk and having a good cry this morning but otherwise, I'm feeling pretty okay.

Last night, my left knee started bothering me. It was mostly bugging me when I was walking down stairs or if I happened to put all of my weight on that leg. I was supposed to see the doctor for my monthly check-in this afternoon but it was postponed until tomorrow so I'll have to have a chat with her about it when I see her.

Fortunately, it didn't bother me when I was riding my bike this morning so I had a pretty good session. I'm going to work very hard to keep this momentum up over the long weekend. We have a lot of outdoor projects planned (that involve much physical labour) so, if the sun keeps shining we should be so busy all weekend that I won't have time to blow it!!

hey buddy, got any spare routines?

So far, so good. This week has been going great. I mean, work is insanely busy and I've had heartburn off and on for a couple of days but, otherwise things are good. I've gotten up early and worked out the past two days and my eating has been on plan as well. I wonder if the heartburn is from not drinking enough water? I've been doing okay with my water intake through the week but it's tougher to get it all down during the weekends.

I don't know why it's so easy for me to slide into bad habits on the weekends. It's something that I know I must work on but it's really difficult. There seems always to be some kind of celebration situation happening. I find it far easier to resist temptation when I'm at work than when I'm with friends or family. I'm not sure why that is exactly. Perhaps I need to work more (not!).

Routine is something I lack on the weekends. I think I'm going to try to make up some kind of routine for myself for Saturdays and Sundays...just something loose like, Sat a.m. - errands p.m. - laundry...something like that which will still allow some chill out time but will keep me busy enough to not want to snack. On the weekends it's the absent-minded snacking that gets me. I don't do it during the week because I plain old don't have time to do it. It's weird, I know, but it's something I'm gonna work on!

home is where the projects are

We didn't quite get to enjoy the road trip that we had originally planned but the weekend turned out okay nonetheless.

Instead of heading to Ottawa, we ended up in Toronto on Saturday. The plan all hinged on picking up new bedroom furniture for the LOG at Ikea in Kanata. While in Ottawa, we figured that we'd hook up with my brother, stay over in Hull and maybe hit the casino. On Friday night, when we realized that the tulip festival was on, we decided to keep it to a day trip and to go up for a weekend when it was less overrun with tourists. Just before we were heading to bed, I checked the availability of what we wanted at the Kanata store. Everything we needed was sold out. Fortunately, the North York store had it all in stock so we decided to just bite the bullet and go up there and get the stuff.

It was a long day and a lot of driving (because, of course, we had to do a tonne of errands once we got into Toronto) but we were home by 7 p.m. Yesterday we spent the day putting stuff together and doing laundry. Finally, the last pieces of his ugly bedroom set are long gone and he's got a really nice, more functional room.

Healthy lifestyle plan wise, the weekend wasn't a total write-off. I didn't get as much intentional exercise as I'd hoped but I did get a lot of walking in. Because we were so busy, we ate out a fair but I managed to keep things pretty much under control. Yesterday and today, I was a bit under the weather. I have had a bit of heartburn and nausea but it seems to have passed tonight. I'll take a little heartburn over the fatigue I was feeling last week. A little stomach upset is better than sleep deprivation any day!!

good friday

I feel better right now than I have all week. I slept really well last night and awoke this morning feeling rested. I've slept well all week but most mornings I've felt really wonky.

This morning I calculated everything that I ate yesterday and the damage was no where near as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, I was over in my calories but not by a disgusting amount. The other thing I did this morning (besides squeezing in a quick ride on my bike and some stretching) was pull out my spring / summer clothes. We're into full-blown summer suddenly and I had nothing really suitable to wear.

I love unpacking seasonal clothes because I almost always forget what it was exactly that I'd packed away. I don't have a lot of summer clothes right now because I'd given away a bunch of stuff that was way too big at the end of last summer. Happily though, everything that I do have either fits me perfectly or is a bit on the big side. I was given some cash for my birthday so I may go out and buy myself a couple of new things!

I guess the combination of not doing as much damage as I'd thought I'd done yesterday, wearing my red capris and a good night's sleep have really perked me up. We're definitely going out of town tomorrow too so I'm very happy about that. Not totally sure that we're gonna end up in Ottawa now, it might be Montreal but wherever we go, it'll just be nice to get a break away. Not sure if I'll have a chance to post again before we leave tomorrow so happy weekend everyone, enjoy the sunshine!!

they say it's your birthday...

it's my birthday too yeah!

I'm feeling a lot better tonight than I have all week, with the possible exception of a few hours on Tuesday. I had a good night's sleep last night but woke up feeling tired. The weather has suddenly turned to summer. Not spring, not early summer, more like dog days of August weather. We actually had a smog advisory today and we have had to put the air conditioning on in the house. Outrageous.

I got a decent workout in this morning and felt the better for it. My eating was going well, had a healthy breakfast, packed a well-rounded lunch, good snacks, etc. Then, I was invited out to lunch where, of course, I consumed more calories than I should have. Of course, we went out for dinner tonight too, same deal. Not necessarily bad calories just more than I should have had. When we got home I did a little gardening and then my mum & dad came over for a visit. They came bearing homemade cocoa cake, my grandmother's recipe, made with soy flour...it was really yummy. Yep, that's right I ate a piece and it was gooooood. Oh well, it was my birthday and tomorrow is another day.

This weekend, I think we're taking a much needed break out of town for a couple of days. We need to pick up a dresser for the LOG at Ikea and the nearest one is in Ottawa. My brother is there too so we're gonna try to squeeze in a visit there. We plan to stay over Saturday night and I think that the change of venue will do a world of good. Hopefully the weather will cool down a bit and we'll get a lot of walking in. I love walking around Ottawa at this time of year, hopefully the tulips aren't all fried from the heat wave.

Anyway, it might be my birthday but I still have to work in the morning. 'night all. Hope you all had a great day!!

mid-week blahs

I'm tired. The jolt of extra energy I experienced yesterday was short lived.

When I got home last night I had a bunch of laundry to do and some other chores as well. By the time I got to bed, I was practically dead on my feet.

My appetite has been out of control the past couple of days too. I have been ignoring the hunger pangs for the most part but it's really driving me crazy. I'm craving things like white bread and chocolate. I'm guessing that it's just pms rearing it's ugly head.

Last night we were talking about getting away somewhere for a couple of days. It's been weeks since we have had a day where we just did nothing but veg out. I know that we're both feeling really burned out right now and we need some rest.

I'm tired of work right now, I'm tired of keeping track of everything I eat, I'm just pooped. The smart part of my brain knows that I'm just having a poopie day and that I'll feel better about everything tomorrow. The dumb part of my brain wants to devour the largest Aero bar I can find. Fortunately for me, my dumb brain can't find any chocolate right now.

Hormones are horrible things sometimes.

better and better

It's really summer-y here today. I mean, technically I know it's only spring but it really feels like summer today. I think that I will have to break down and dig the rest of my summer clothes out of storage. Lately I've been wearing stuff that didn't get packed away last fall but it's getting so warm I'm going to have to pull the rest of it out.

I made it through yesterday totally on plan. I had a great eating day and today is going really well so far. Yesterday, I didn't get much "intentional" exercise but today has been good. I woke up early this morning and did my workout. Regardless of any additional physical activity I get up to, if I don't do my regular workout, I feel tired by mid-afternoon. Yesterday I really felt fatigued.

This morning, a coworker asked me to walk across campus with her at break time so I did. I grabbed a drink at the cafeteria (she was getting a coffee) and we sat outside for a bit. I don't normally take a break like that but I feel fabulous now for having had the little walk and the sunshine and fresh air. If I feel this good at the end of the workday, I may even get back out into the garden again tonight.

I'm feeling more productive at work today too. The move last week was really unsettling and it's taken me almost a week to feel like I can get some stuff done again.

For some reason, today, I'm just feeling more positive about things than I have in a while. Everything seems to be coming together, at home, at work, with my eating and stuff. I say this all time but I'm really working on focusing on finding some balance in my life. Balance and overall wellness. If I keep my mind on those two things, everything else will fall into place. It's not always easy to keep this in mind but I am working on it.

wiped out

I'm back. The weekend was really busy and I'm bushed this morning. When I went to bed last night, I felt like the weekend had been a bit of a blowout, foodwise, looking back on it now, I see that it wasn't that bad.

On Saturday morning, I had to be at work by 6:30 a.m. I woke up around 3 a.m. and could not get back to sleep after that. By mid-afternoon I was really dragging my butt around. Fortunately, I only had to work until around 12:30 p.m. I was working at an event and there was food everywhere. It was just like Friday all over again. The difference was that this was hot food and while I couldn't see it, I could smell it. I had left the house in a big hurry that morning and had not eaten anything. Eventually, I broke down and had a muffin and some water...then some fruit...then a couple of crackers and a few small slices of cheese.

When I finished up at work, I picked up my hunny and we ran errands and grabbed some lunch. Again, the choices I made weren't terrific, not really what I should have had. We split a grilled chicken sandwich and an order of cheese nachos. When we got home, the LOG announced that he'd like to go out for dinner. We ended up at a local buffet spot that has a really nice salad bar. I had a huge plate of salad, a lot of cooked veggies and a small amount of shepherds pie. Again, not something I normally have (actually I can't remember the last time I did have it).

When I actually got around to calculating things, I saw that my calories were definitely high for Saturday but not as bad as I thought that they would have been. I mean, I knew that I was eating too much but I was really hungry and tired and had been doing a lot of really physical activities over the previous few days so I didn't really beat myself up over it. Yesterday was a bit better. We had two large meals (a big breakfast at home and a bbq last night). Fortunately, when we make big breakfast at home, we use that break-free egg substitute stuff, turkey sausage and lots of veggies. The BBQ last night was good too, lots of large shrimp and a tonne of grilled veggies.

We also got into the garden yesterday for the first time this season. I got two large and two small flower beds cleaned up and weeded (so the backyard is semi-decent looking). We also split the lawn mowing up so I did the front lawn. I noticed that it wasn't as difficult as I remember it being last year. Part of that may be down to the fact that when I last did it, the temperature was in the 90's and humid. I think though that the biggest part of it is that I'm in better shape now than I was in August. I may not have lost a tonne of weight since then but I know I'm stronger. We were tired last night but not beaten up feeling (like I normally am after our first big gardening session). I was actually feeling like I would have liked to have pushed on a little longer and get more done while I was out there (and while the weather was decent) but we had to get dinner going for the LOG.

Overall, my eating wasn't great but I feel okay about it. I didn't get through my whole week of clean eating but I am trying to focus on the fact that I had more good days than "bad" last week. This is a new week, a fresh start and I'm off to a good beginning.

fall down friday

I did pretty well all week but today was pretty much a washout. As I've mentioned a lot recently, work is pretty insane right now. I'm just this side of being completely burned out and I can't wait for my new job to start. Until it does though, this pace just seems to keep getting faster and faster.

All afternoon, I worked at reception. I was on my feet for most of it but not walking around. I was basically standing in one spot. I tried to walk around as much as possible (because I hate just standing around) but it wasn't always possible. Across the room from me was a huge table full of little sandwiches, cookies and squares. Throughout the reception, while all the guests were there, I just worked and sipped on a bottle of water. Easy as pie. There were so many people in the room that I couldn't even smell the food. Once the reception was over and the rest of our staff converged on the room to help with the cleanup, I gave in to temptation and had a couple of little sandwiches, a chocolate chip cookie and a butter tart square. I wasn't even hungry and I'm not sure why I did it. I was tired though and so maybe part of me wanted the sugar for a boost to get me through the rest of what I needed to do this afternoon.

Before I could do too much damage though, I called a courier to take the leftovers to a local homeless shelter. There were three huge platters of sandwiches leftover and a big tray of sweets. I'm definitely not going to beat myself up over it too badly, I should but I'm not going to. Chalk it up to being over tired, over stressed, over everything. All in all, the week was pretty good though.

Right now, all I can really concentrate on is getting to bed. I have to be back at work at 6:30 a.m. The fun never ends does it?

Happy weekend all!

Still on track

I'm about half-way through Thursday and things are still going okay. Exercise has been really good this week and I joined the "Get Moving In May" Challenge to keep me motivated.

Eating has been really quite good all week. I went to an open house yesterday for work (a new building is opening on campus) and I snacked on some lovely fresh fruit and had a tiny little piece of cake. I counted everything and stayed within my calories for the day. I felt pretty good about that. Last night after dinner we had to run out to Costco for a few things and we managed to get out of there without buying any "treats." We picked up peppers, mushrooms and onions, some skinless chicken breasts and a gift for my mum (for mother's day) and were about 1/2 way home when I said, "hey, we not only didn't buy any goodies we didn't even have the discussion." This shouldn't be a big deal but I find it a difficult store to get through as they have those huge ass displays of candy right near the check out and you have to walk by the M&M cookies to get to the skinless chicken breasts. Not fair!

I'm feeling really good about my program this week. It's been the first week in a while that we haven't had major chaos going on at home. Work's been nutty, what with the office move and all, but it's starting to settle down. I do much better when I can stick to a schedule and that's starting to happen again I think.

I first heard about this on the weekend. I was sickened beyond belief that someone who makes so much money off the backs and sweat of women, could support anti-choice groups. I was seriously thinking about joining curves, I'm SO glad that I didn't. Guess I'll be sticking with my recumbent bike for a while longer.

What's Wrong with Curves?
By Ruth Rosen, San Francisco Chronicle
May 2, 2004

For women of a certain age, Curves – a physical-fitness chain – seems like a blessing. No men, no mirrors. No expensive membership fees, no complicated dance-step routines.

Just walk in and change into your frumpiest sweats. Get a 30-minute complete workout on a circuit of hydraulic machines, arranged in a sociable circle so you meet other women. Nothing to remember: A pre-recorded voice tells you when to switch machines and do aerobics on rubberized mats. Get dressed and you're out the door.

What's not to like? Curves is inviting, rather than intimidating. Unlike many gyms, Curves fitness outlets don't feel like "meat markets" or look like nightclubs. By offering easy and accessible exercise, Curves helps some 2 million overweight and overworked middle-age women lose weight, get fit and improve their health – just what public-health officials hector us to do.

Not surprisingly, Curves is wildly successful. According to Entrepreneur Magazine, it now boasts 7,500 outlets and is the fastest-growing franchise in the world.

There are 68 outlets within 25 miles of downtown San Francisco. Most of them are tucked away in nondescript strip malls or office buildings, which keeps monthly membership fees as low as $29. Such modest locations also enhance the profits of franchise owners, who pay $29,000 to open a Curves outlet, plus a monthly royalty fee of $395. (For many women, it's a relatively inexpensive and convenient way to start a small business.)

So, is there any reason why you shouldn't rush out to join the Wal-Mart of gyms that's helping so many women improve their health?

Well, yes. The owner, Gary Heavin, has given at least $5 million of his profits to some of the most militant anti-abortion groups in the country.

Heavin, like his next-door neighbor George W. Bush in Crawford, Texas, found redemption as a grown man. Before founding Curves in 1992, he went bankrupt, lost custody of his two children and served a six-month jail sentence for not paying child support. In prison, he became a born-again Christian.

In 2003, Heavin and his wife gave away $10 million – 10 percent of their company's gross revenues – to charities. At least half of that money went to three Texas organizations to fund "pregnancy crisis centers" supported by Operation Save America – the same organization that blamed the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on God's retribution for abortions and whose purpose, as described on its Web site, is to "unashamedly take up the cause of pre-born children in the name of Jesus Christ."

By offering the same health services provided by Planned Parenthood – except abortion – anti-abortion activists hope that privately financed alternatives would force the closure of any clinics that don't insist "you must carry your child to term."

Heavin, as he explained in a recent Christianity Today article, is proud to support these organizations. But at a few Bay Area outlets, both members and owners seemed surprised to learn this.

Leslie Warren, an Oakland hair stylist, quit a Curves outlet Wednesday because of Heavin's support of anti-abortion activism. In response, the franchise owner told Warren that Heavin does not use profits from Curves to support such organizations.

Some members, of course, share Heavin's religious beliefs. At 5-foot-3 inches, Brenda Hadley, a student adviser at Texas A & M University, had ballooned to 165 pounds. "If it wasn't for God sticking with me and the special relationships I've made with the Curves ladies," she told Christianity Today, "I'd still be sitting in my apartment watching movies and stuffing myself with Big Macs." Hadley said she lost 32 pounds at Curves.

Annie Lamott, a Bay Area writer whose last book was titled "Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith," had a different response to Heavin's anti- abortion contributions. "I like Curves a lot but I love women's rights more. I hate the idea that this right-wing fundamentalist is making a profit on these places that make it easy for women to exercise. I don't see how, in good conscience, someone like me, a staunch feminist and progressive, can in any way contribute to any organization that undermines women's rights."

Here, then, is a feminist dilemma. Curves targets Baby Boomer women – many of whom consider themselves feminists – precisely because it offers a refuge from gyms that cater to musclemen or singles. Yet Heavin's contributions to anti-abortion groups goes against many women's deeply held belief that they should have the right to make their own reproductive choices.

What to do? Your decision. There are alternatives, including just plain walking.

day 2

I'm typing this in my new office. It's a pretty nice space and I have things sort of set up the way I want them. I'm not entirely sure that I'll leave things the way I have them now but it's working at the moment. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be staying in this spot permanently, I'll have another office move at some point this summer.

Getting up early the past couple of mornings has not been a problem. We've been getting to bed kind of early which makes things much easier. I got my morning workout in again today and felt good afterwards. Yesterday managed to be a 100% perfectly on plan day, clean eating, workout, the whole deal.

So far today is going well too. As I said yesterday, all I can do is get through one day at a time. So far, so good!

clean eating

I'm moving my office tomorrow so things are kind of in a muddle here at work. I'm really looking forward to getting into my new space though, it should be very nice. I just want to get it over with right now though because it's getting difficult to find anything with boxes piled up everywhere!

I actually got my ass out of bed at a decent time this morning and worked out before work. I couldn't believe that it had been over a week since I'd worked out but I sure felt it this morning. I took it quite easy and did a lot of stretching and also rode my bike. I felt pretty good when I finished and have been eating 100% all day today. We're planning on having dinner at home tonight so I should have no problem at all keeping on track. I'm basically planning to take it one day at a time this week. My short term goal is to have had 5 days of clean eating under my belt by Friday night. Wish me luck!

movin' around

It's now been a week since I've done a "proper" workout. I have done some walking outside over the past several days (it's been absolutely gorgeous here) but I've not been on my bike or touched my weights. I guess because we've been doing so much heavy physical stuff with the moving and all of the major cleaning and hauling around of stuff I've been doing, my body isn't craving exercise the way it tends to when I've had to skip workouts due to illness.

I guess just the fact that I was still moving my body and pushing it (and trust me, I really pushed it) has been sufficient. I actually feel pretty good. Tomorrow I should be getting back into my normal routine again. We took a tonne of stuff to goodwill again today so almost all of the clutter has been eliminated now. We accomplished a lot around the house this weekend. We even did a tonne of stuff today (even though we hadn't planned to).

Anyway, I'm heading off to bed now. I'm quite looking forward to getting back into my routine again tomorrow. I'm planning on a totally on plan week this week and I know that I'll be able to do it!!

run ragged

If running errands for 3 hours doesn't count as a workout, it definitely should!

I spent my entire morning, from 9 a.m. until just after noon, on the road. I managed to pick up enough "provisions" to get us through the weekend (and I stocked up on staples). It was really busy out there today. I guess the nice weather pushed everyone outside and into the garden centres. The traffic was pretty brutal.

The afternoon was spent cleaning. I scrubbed the bathroom and cleaned upstairs and did 4 loads of laundry. We also did a bunch of stuff in LOG's room. It's looking really nice now. I managed to get all of his clothes unpacked and put away so now we just have boxes of papers and knick-knacks to go through. We even got some pictures on the walls for him, it's really starting to look homey in there now. I realized today that I really did injure my arm the other day when I was moving furniture around. I was trying to lift a bunch of clothes out of the closet (while leaning over a pile of boxes) and I discovered that I had almost no strength in my right arm and it felt exactly like it did when I injured it on Tuesday.

It was a little weird shopping today. I picked up our regular stuff but I also had to pick up some things for the LOG, things that we don't generally keep in the house. Basically, he eats dairy and we don't keep it in the house. I'm hoping that eventually, I'll be able to get him to switch over to veggie cheese stuff and soy milk but in the meantime, we'll have it in the house and try to ignore it.

Tomorrow we're going to try to not to do too much of anything. The lawn needs cut and we need to make a trip to goodwill but other than that, we should be able to veg out and just chill. Goodness knows we both can use the rest right about now.