oh chocolate...sweet sweet temptress....

Day one of being back on track has been weird. Right now, more than anything, all I can think about is how much I want some chocolate. On the ride home from work it kept popping into my head. This is not PMS related, this is stress related. Work is still going badly. I've found that I'm not letting work shit creep into my thoughts while I'm at home. Somehow I've figured out how to block it all out when I'm not at the office. While I'm at work though, it's insane. I'm the only person left in our unit since my boss left and I'm really overwhelmed. It's not that I'm being asked to do anything that I can't do (because I've been very clear about what I can and cannot do since she left), it's just the workload. It's suffocating me to the point where I'm not being productive at all. I spent this morning in a transition workshop (related to the re-org) and when I got back to the office, my head was throbbing. I decided to talk to my director tomorrow and find out if I can get some help in, pronto. I don't want to fuck stuff up and I am fairly certain that they don't want me going off on stress leave or worse. Hopefully I'll be able to get someone in soon. Something has to give, I just can't take it anymore. On top of that, I'm going to have to be training folks who will take over what I've been doing and learn a new job at the same time. It's a lot of balls to keep in the air.

Through this all though, today, I kept telling myself that I wasn't going to let what's going on around me throw me off my program. I was really successful too. I worked out this morning and had a healthy breakfast. At lunchtime, I came home and had a lovely salad and a yogurt. Tonight we're having something with shrimp and tofu and veggies (not sure what yet but I'm sure it'll be lovely). Even though I knew that what I was doing was good for me, I still keep thinking about chocolate. I mean, I could go get some and eat it. Chocolate is not going to make me feel better though, not in the long run. It might give me a quick sugar / caffeine rush but the remorse and calories is not worth it. I feel pretty good about not giving into it. It's a relief to be home and in my safe, chocolate-free environment.

This week I'm physically feeling better too. My back was wonky for almost an entire week. That never happens, I couldn't believe how long it lasted this time. It's always something that is brought on by stress but it usually goes away after a day or so. Last week though, it dragged on and on. It made me miss my workouts and they are my number one source of stress relief at the moment. I'm so happy to be back on my exercise program. I had no idea how crappy I was feeling last week until this morning when I realized that I was all better.

Overall this week, I'm really focusing on 100% on track eating, workouts every day and, hopefully, a lower number on the scale on Saturday. Looking back over what I've just typed, I can feel my headache ebbing away with the chocolate craving. I don't know how I'd cope if I couldn't just pour everything out there like I do.