Monday, August 25, 2003

That New York Times article that we've all been hearing about is finally out:

Finding Comfort in Strangers With an Online Diet Journal
By AMY HARMON

From her starting weight of 182 pounds, Jennifer Hardesty, 5 feet 2 inches tall, faithfully recorded her daily weight-loss battles down to 140 in an online diary that attracted an audience of hundreds of strangers a day.

When she abruptly stopped posting last month — still 15 pounds from her goal — Ms. Hardesty's readers, who know her by only her World Wide Web pseudonym, were dismayed. Several sent inquiring e-mail messages. "Where have you gone?" one reader demanded.

The prodding was just what Ms. Hardesty, 32, of Metairie, La., was counting on. She had regained a few pounds, she finally admitted on her Web log. "Sadly, there have been deli muffins," she wrote in a recent posting. "It's time to get back on track."

In one of the most personal genres to emerge from the online journal format known as Web logs or blogs, hundreds of overweight women — and some men — are sharing detailed reports of their calories and cravings on self-created sites like Tales of a Bathroom Scale, Pound and the Fat Diaries.

At a time when more than a third of Americans are trying low-carb diets, low-fat diets, and everything in between — almost all without lasting success — Web journals have come to serve as an unlikely grass-roots support system, especially for the severely overweight. Their collective readership appears to number in the tens of thousands.

"By saying you're going to lose weight, you're admitting that something is wrong with you," says Kat, who does not disclose her identity in her blog on skinnykat.com. She revealed its existence to her husband only after she had lost 15 of the 80 pounds she is aiming for. "That's more difficult to do with people you know than a complete stranger," she said.

Created with software that requires no knowledge of Web design, blogs feature short, frequent updates arranged chronologically, a format that lends itself to long-term weight-loss projects.

Dieters also say the online forum provides a rare opportunity to publicly unburden themselves about a stigmatized subject that some are ashamed to share with family, friends and co-workers. Lists of links to each other's blogs accelerate the feedback loop of celebration and commiseration.

Many who stick to baggy clothes in real life post close-up "before" and regularly updated "after" pictures for all the Internet to see. While typically cloaked in pseudonyms, nearly all publish weekly logs of what they say is their true weight (often to the nearest fifth of a pound).

Among the million or so Web logs, diet blogs are unusual in their blend of deep self-revelation on the same narrow theme. Most eschew the snarky tone that has become a blog hallmark for straightforward reports ("One low-fat strawberry cereal bar, two sliced-up cucumbers with low-fat dressing, one low-fat Michelina's meals.") or sincere introspection. Few are written by the high-tech hipsters or self-styled political pundits who have so far dominated blog discourse.

"Hard-core bloggers tend to laugh at the diet blogs," said Julie Ridl, author of the Skinny Daily Post, where she records her efforts to keep off the 100 pounds she has lost. "But if you're really battling with weight loss, you know how hard it is to get help from people. The blogging technology lets you pound your intentions to the wall and say, `I'm going to do this thing, watch me.' "

More than 1,000 people have signed up to receive her posts by e-mail since Ms. Ridl, 43, a marketing consultant in Holland, Mich., began the blog this year as a New Year's resolution.

The Internet has proven to be a valuable source of anonymous support for groups like gay teens or alcoholics. But overweight people say it is a particular boon for them because of the combination of stigma and silence they often confront on a personal issue they cannot conceal even if they want to.

"In real life, people look at you and make a judgment," said Erin Shea, who is 5 feet 2 inches and weighed 157.2 pounds as of her last "Lose the Buddha" log. "You're not going to go up to someone in a store and say, `Sister, don't you hate that you can't find a pair of jeans that look good on you?' But you could say it online, and you don't have to be embarrassed if someone says it to you, because you've kind of outed yourself."

With the rate of obesity climbing sharply, weight loss researchers say diet blogs may help people to monitor the calories they consume, one of the few strategies that has been proven to help. But they warn that losing weight and keeping it off requires more than simply discussing it on the Internet, where after all, it is easy to hide the truth.

"Unfortunately, this is likely to be only part of the solution for these people that have so much weight to lose," said James Hill, director of the Center for Human Nutrition at the University of Colorado. "But if it helps them, great. It's not as if we have all these great programs that work."

The blogs provide a window into just how difficult it can be.

Small triumphs ("I was strong and resisted that evil Coldstone place and exercised,") are interspersed with admissions of lapses, stories about life stresses, discussions of how unhealthy eating habits get formed, and advice ("Go STRAIGHT to the gym from work. No going home to change").

Tales of diet sabotage, by well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning others, abound.

When Tamika Carter of Westland, Mich., takes her low-carb lunches to the office, she says, her overweight co-workers often try to tempt her with Chinese food or fries. News of her gym routine is greeted with, "Don't kill yourself," and other black women she knows often warn her not to lose what she refers to on her blog as her "B.G.B.," for "black girl booty."

"A lot of times," Ms. Carter said, "they want to keep you in the same place they are."

Instead, she sought support on the Web, where she has an informal weight loss competition going with another African-American blogger who is the same height and weight. "She'll say, `I'm saving a seat for you,' " in a particular weight range," Ms. Carter said. ` "Hurry up.' "

Not everyone who indulges in weight loss blogs is unequivocally supportive. Robyn Anderson, 35, a homemaker in Huntsville, Ala., wrote about "naysayers" — people who, after she had lost 100 pounds, sent messages telling her that she would soon realize how much harder it was to keep it off. "The unspoken, `I can't wait until you put it all back on and more,' is there," she wrote.

Some diet diarists do disappear from cyberspace, leaving broken links and a collective ennui among their readers that only reinforces the evangelism motivating certain online dieters.

"Baked corn chips," said Philip Gross 33, the 267.4-pound author of Philbo's Diet Blog, who said his primary reason for blogging is to tell people about "the little stuff that makes a diet much more livable."

A number of bloggers find attending the meetings required by diet programs like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig too public. Others find them useful, but want another outlet for what often becomes a somewhat compulsive need for diet discussion not shared by nondieting friends and colleagues.

And at least one, "Big Fat Blog: A Fat Acceptance Weblog," offers an alternative viewpoint.

But most dieters use their forums to poke fun at themselves, something they say is hard to do among people who are not attuned to what it is like to be seriously overweight.

"I've fallen off the wagon a bit but I'm already back on it," wrote the author of "Becoming Something Greater" on Aug. 8.

"A McGriddle, quesadillas, guacamole with chips and potato chips have been involved in my downfall," the posting continued.

Other blog entries are painfully honest about the drawbacks of obesity.

On July 22, Patricia Rimmer, 33, an accountant in Irving, Tex., who has lost 88 pounds and has 35 more to go to reach her goal of 155, posted a list of her most-hated memories on www.abluenature.com/diet to remind herself of why she should keep going.

Among them:

"Calling in sick/late for work because I couldn't get into any of my clothes."

"Having people step as close to the wall as possible when passing you in the hallway — as if being fat was contagious; or repulsive."

"Most of all, never truly feeling comfortable."

For readers, the blogs are a mixture of inspiration and voyeurism. Marilyn Machlowitz, an executive search consultant in Manhattan who has lost 24 of the 31 pounds she set as a goal, said she was initially drawn to diet blogs because it helped to read about others who were also denying themselves.

"You can sometimes feel like you're the only person who can't have a panini today," Ms. Machlowitz said. "It's nice to know you're not alone."

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