happy new year!!

better

There is absolutely nothing like feeling like total crap to make you appreciate how great "normal" feels.

My body ache is gone, the nausea is gone, all that remains is a slight head ache and I'm having a cup of coffee at the moment which seems to be taking care of that.

I don't know what happened yesterday but I'm glad that it seems to be out of my system. Today, we have our handy-person coming to the house to work on a few projects. He was supposed to be here yesterday but he too had the flu / sickness and never arrived. If he doesn't show up today I won't be heart broken. Just in case he does though, I should scurry off and grab a shower.

Today I plan to do nothing but read and maybe watch some movies. You have no idea how good I feel right now, none!! Life is good, truly!!

howdy

I have posted here a lot less often than I had thought I might. Partly I've not posted much because the past few days have been busy with Christmas stuff and more than a smidgen of over-eating.

Today is actually the first day since Christmas that I've not over-indulged. I wish I could say it was because I'm deliberately being "good" but it's not. I feel crappy, well less crappy now than I did this morning but I've picked up a bug somewhere. I say somewhere but I think I know where, exactly. On Boxing Day, we went to a fabulous open house at my aunt and uncle's. One of my cousins (not the host family kid, another aunt and uncle's child) brought his adorable 20 month old daughter to the shindig. Unfortunately, his wife was not able to attend as she was at home vomiting. Now, the cute daughter was not sick herself but I'm sure she was a carrier and she crawled and climbed all over all of us at one point or another during the afternoon. I woke up in the night last night, bathed in sweat and feeling nauseous. I slept for a good chunk of the afternoon and awoke, famished (not having eaten a bite all day). I had some toast and sprite and still feel achey but the sick tummy thing seems to be gone. Ahh, what would the holidays be without getting sick huh??

So, Christmas Day, Boxing day and even yesterday were full of big yummy meals, chips, cookies, just generally bad snacking type of things that could have been enjoyed in moderation. The bad eating probably contributed to the bug too, I'm pretty sure. So, that's what I've been upto. I'm hoping that the rest of my vacation will be restful but not in a "I must rest because I'm sick" way. I'm quite looking forward to posting here again about actual fitness accomplishments and good stuff I've been doing.

merry christmas!

...the night before Christmas

I'm pooped.

It's a good kind of pooped though. We had a busy day, it was a long day but it was productive. This morning, I did some more baking, another pan of squares, another batch of cookies. I didn't get as much done as I had thought I would (I had planned to make two more varieties of cookies) but, looking at the pile of tins that have piled up in our spare room, I'd say that I did okay.

Tonight, we went out to my folks' place. They live in a, I guess you would call it a village now, it's bigger than a suburb. The area they live in have a cool / strange, Christmas tradition. Santa drives around on the back of a fire truck on Christmas eve:



You know it's Christmas for sure, when you spot Santa on the fire truck!

Anyway, my house is clean (finally), the gifts are all wrapped and ready to go to my mum's tomorrow and the baking is done. I can sleep now, yay!!

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas tomorrow!!

i hate shopping

I remember when I was a teenager. My friends and I would spend as much time as humanly possible at the mall. I think we were insane. I cannot imagine doing that again, particularly not at this time of the year. Thankfully, my proper holiday shopping is done. Today was all about the groceries...

This morning, I drove my hunny to work at 5:30 a.m., came home, had breakfast, cleaned up my act, made my shopping list and was at the grocery store when it opened at 8 a.m. In less than an hour, I had almost everything that we needed, as well as some stuff my mum needed and was on my way to her place. Now, I should mention that I was doing this in a mini-snow storm. Me, who hates winter driving, drove all over hell's half-acre, in the snow. I feel quite proud of myself for this, silly as it probably seems.

I stayed at my folks' place long enough to drop off groceries and have a wee visit. I basically was killing time until Costco opened. Now, for those of you not familiar with snowy winters, in these here parts (being south eastern Ontario), snow removal bites. I don't know if our municipality plans it's snow removal budget based on the calendar year or if they just don't give a pooh about it but our streets are super narrow because of willy-nilly snow banks and the sidewalks are non-existent in many neighbours. I guess they figure that because the temperature is supposed to rise tomorrow, it'll melt and folks can just walk down the middle of the road in the meantime.

Parking lots, on the other hand, are usually much better than city streets. Unfortunately, when you have as much snow on the ground as we do right now, you can't see the pavement in parking lots. People take advantage of this situation and create their own parking spots wherever they feel like. It made getting in and out of Costco just super fun, as I'm sure you can imagine. Bad parking and horrible roads (not to mention blowing snow) aside, I now have all of my shopping done. Our fridge and pantry are both full and I don't need to go near a store again until after Christmas. Yay!!

The forecast for tomorrow is freezing rain, I'm going to stay home and bake...and bake...and bake. Tonight I'm even going to try to find some low-fat Christmas cookie recipes. Not everything I make needs to be full of chocolate (although that does make it extra good!!). If I find any that turn out well, I'll post the recipe here. Promise!!

Hope all of your holiday preparations are going well!

before and after

Okay, I'm done melting stuff for the day. I also baked two pans of squares somehow and managed to get the bulk of my wrapping done!

Here's a "before" photo:



Note, the bowl of oranges next to the bowl of unwrapped hershey kisses and hugs!!! I'm trying, really!

Now, the after:



I think I'll go put my feet up now, goodness knows that I've been on them for most of today!

to melt I go

Thanks to the lovely and oooh sooo talented Ms Taylore, last year I discovered the joys of making Holiday Pretzel Treats. They were such a hit last year that I'm making them again this year, although I'm making twice as many. Lucky for me, and this is like the only time I'm able to show restraint around chocolate, I'm not a nibbler while baking. After the fact, after it's done and cooled and I have shared out the bulk of it with family and friends, I'll get into the left-overs. Hopefully, if I do this right, there won't be any left around the house.

Sadly, most of the stuff I bake is decadent and really yummy and full of empty calories. Fortunately, we got groceries on the weekend and picked up many healthy things to snack on. The challenge will be to stick to them and not indulge my "chocolate tooth."

monday quickie

I thought I should probably pop in with a quick little post.

The weekend was a bit of a blur. On Friday, my first official day of vacation, I did laundry and finished up 4 home-made Christmas gifts. It was a really good feeling.

Thursday night, we popped out after work (but before the storm) and got the biggest chunk of our shopping finished. All that is left is like, um...doing my baking and picking up one of those cards you tuck money into (for my 19 year godson).

On Friday, we woke up to a huge, thick blanket of snow. It was pretty but boy, it was heavy. We had literally, a foot of snow on our front porch. It took everything I had to clear the steps and shovel the path to the driveway. Fortunately for us, we have a lovely neighbour who will snow-blow for beer. Sweet deal, really. He did the driveway, which is a very good thing because I know it would have taken me all day.

So far, exercise has consisted of shopping and shoveling. Eating has been a little unstructured but we didn't eat in a restaurant all weekend so that is a huge improvement for us. I should run along now. My hunny is home sick today, really sick, fever, back-ache, it's not good. Hopefully it'll be one of those 24 hour things. Poor dear.

guess what time it is??

It's holiday time!! Yes folks, that's right, it's time for me to start my vacation. I just got back from our big annual office holiday party and I've tied up a few loose ends so that I can actually not have to come into the office tomorrow. I am bringing my laptop home though. There is something that I need to do on Tuesday but my boss is giving me a 1/2 day for it later on.

Yay!! I don't go back into the office until January 4. Can you believe that?? It's almost three weeks!! Hopefully, the trend I started today at the luncheon will stick with me through the rest of the holidays.

Good holiday party things I did today:

1. Enjoyed a diet soda instead of having a "real" drink
2. Ordered the vegetarian selection instead of having turkey and the trimmings (it was eggplant and very yummy)
3. Took exactly 1 1/2 bites of the really yummy chocolate covered custard dessert thing and then pushed the rest away

I don't feel like any kind of martyr either. I made good choices and enjoyed the party and had a really nice visit with a colleague who I don't see very often so the whole thing was great.

Now, I have 9 days to get my christmas shit together. Wish me luck kiddos!!

yogurt report & magical hair

I should have mentioned yesterday that "Source" yogurts are a product of the Yoplait company and, I'm in Canada. Today, I've tried the raspberry cranberry crumble and in a little while, I'll have the strawberry chantilly. The chocolate one I tried yesterday was okay but it didn't sit very well. I think that fruit based is always the route to go with these things.

This morning I got brave again (not sure why I always think that this is an act of bravery) and stepped on the scale. Now, I hadn't lost anything but the scale hadn't moved either. Given that the only real exercise I've had in the past week is some snow shoveling, and add to that, pizza for dinner last night, I'm not surprised. I'm guessing that maintenance during the holidays wouldn't be a horrible goal to have.

Slowly, I'm getting used to my hair. One of the benefits of long hair was that it didn't require any time at all in the morning. My hair was so heavy that I could not literally do a thing with it. I would pull on a hat and go out with a wet head. Mid-morning, it would get pulled back into a ponytail. That's it. Now, I'm once again a slave to my hair dryer. I even dug out my hair wax. I like it, it's definitely cute and I'm discovering that it's a very good cut. It's also sort of magical because my face looks less fat now. Perhaps that is a lack of pms bloat but I think that a big part of it is the haircut. Say it with me, hurray for optical illusions!!

mmmmm....mmmmm....mmmmm....mmmmm....

Oh my goodness, have you tried the new(ish - I just discovered them this week not sure they've actually been around) Source "Dessert Selection" yogurts?? I fell in love with their vanilla series and this new dessert group is yumm-eeee. Now, I know it's not nearly the same as having a "real" (read fatty, sugary wonderful) dessert but it's a nice snack. A little while ago, I had a lemon meringue parfait and right now I'm enjoying a chocolate cherry fondue. Now, don't get me wrong, there is no mistaking the fact that this is fat free yogurt but, it's sweet and it's 50 fat free calories and I'm very much enjoying it!

I haven't been around here too much. I've been kind of busy with work (getting ready to start my vacation -- my last day in the office for 2005 is December 15!) and of course, at home, we're trying to get holiday stuff sorted out. In amongst that, making time to see friends and try to catch our breath a little and actually enjoy the holiday season is eating up much of our time.

On the weekend, I finally broke down and bought some new clothes. I spent what a amounts to a small fortune on four sweaters, three pairs of pants and a nightie. Ordinarily, I wouldn't have picked up four sweaters but they were on sale and I figured that I'd get a lot of wear out of them. I also cut my hair, a lot of it.

I've mentioned this before but, salons would go under if they depended upon my business to keep them going. It's been over a year since I went for a cut. I just go to those super cut places. On Saturday, I walked in and the woman asked me what I wanted. I told her that I was just looking for a trim. She asked me how long my hair was and I pulled it out of the pony tail it was in. She sort of gulped when I explained that I'd like it shoulder-length. She just kept saying, "well that's a lot of hair" and I kept assuring that it was okay. While I was in the sink, I told her about how I'd donated some hair a couple of years ago so, when I get over to her chair, she pulls out her comb and measures my hair. Then she tells me that I have enough for another donation. Back into the pony tail it goes and now, 4 days later, it's still drying out at home. It took her a long time to cut it and I should be happy that she was so fussy. When it was all done, it really did look cute. I waited until I was almost back to my car before I pulled my toque out of my pocket and pulled it on over my new do. What can I say?? I'm a Canadian girl and I don't like my head to get cold!

I joked with the girl who cut my hair that I'd probably lost five pounds in hair alone. I don't know if, hair aside, I actually did lose any weight this week. I've decided to only weigh in every other week or so. I'm trying hard to not be a slave to my scales. Again, I'm still watching what I'm eating. I've also been shoveling the driveway a fair little bit so I'm getting some very good cardio workouts. All in all, I'm happy to be feeling most positive than I was a couple of weeks ago. I feel like I'm back in control again and that's a huge deal for me.

So, once again, here is my weekly wrap-up:
summary - week ending December 11

• I took my vitamins 6 out of 7 days this week
  
• met or exceeded my daily water intake goal 7 out of 7 days
  
• shoveled snow twice, walked outside twice
  
• avoided after-meal snacks 6 out of 7 evenings
  
• took some time and did some nice things for myself (hair cut and shopping) for a change. It felt amazing!!
  

I've fallen....

...into the snow!!! Not really but I totally felt like falling into the snow and making angels this morning. Anything to avoid the office.

Today was one of those tough days...it was stormy in the morning, sunny in the afternoon, it's Friday, and almost everyone else was off today. Talk about hard to concentrate. Despite that, I managed to get some stuff done. I even did some outdoors aerobic exercise (ie shoveling) this morning before I got to the office. Yay me!!

The past few days have been kind of busy, hence the lack of posts. Fear not gentle reader, I'm still keeping more or less to my pre-holiday plan. I'll probably try to write more about the weight-loss efforts over the weekend. Really, today, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here and, if you're looking for "news," I've been updating over at my other blog.

Happy weekend folks!!

sunny mood

For the first time in weeks, I feel pretty good today. Over the past month and a bit, I've either been feeling really stressed or have had cold / flu symptoms. I think that remembering to take my vitamins and eating better is making a huge difference. It feels like I'm back into the groove of knowing, at the end of the day, that I have done more good things than bad for my body. At least this has been the case for the past week. I won't say that I haven't eaten "bad" stuff (we had pizza on Friday night, Chinese buffet last night) but it's been in moderate amounts so I feel like I'm gaining control. I'm more about the "gaining of control" than I am about the "losing of weight" because, I know that if I succeed at the first, the second will follow.

I realized this morning that I still need to bite the bullet and buy some new clothes. I have been avoiding it for the past couple of weeks. Even though I'm sure I'm losing (or not gaining -- I haven't stepped on the scale yet this week), I can't wait any longer. This weekend, I'm definitely going out to pick up a few things. I feel like such a slob these days. I have many outfits of the extremely dressy variety (which aren't good for regular work days) or lots of "nice" casual stuff that is too casual for the office. I need work clothes, thank goodness our office isn't really dressy, I should be able to get away with 2 or 3 new pairs of pants and a few sweaters. One thing I keep telling myself is that pants can always be taken in if they get too big...er, not if, when!! Positivity (is that even a word?), right?

I know that some new clothes (and a desperately needed hair cut) will make me feel better about myself and will reinforce my efforts to get back into control of my eating. Exercise is the next important step for me. I've been doing a little bit of walking but need to build on that. Slowly, but surely, I'm sorting my shit out. Finally!!

wintery wonderland

It snowed here over the weekend. Yesterday actually, all day. Late in the afternoon it had finally stopped and I dragged my hunny outside to do some shovelling. Fortunately for us, the snow was of the light-fluffy variety so it wasn't heavy but boy, when you're not used to it, shovelling can really take it out of you.

In addition to the snow removal, we got a lot of stuff done around the house. We've been in the house 6 months already but it has only really felt like we're accomplishing stuff, the past few weeks. I found and pulled out all of my holiday decorations. I even got the tree up (and put the lights on, the decorations will have to wait until some evening this week). This is the first time in 3 or 4 years that I've done that. In our old place, I didn't have a lot of room for a tree so we didn't bother with it.

The nice thing about "getting stuff done" is that it didn't leave a lot of time to worry about snacking. We pretty much stuck to our meals all weekend and didn't do much munching. Now, having said that, we did have pizza on Friday night but, I just had a couple of slices for dinner and didn't spend the evening slowly devouring the whole thing. Slowly, I'm getting back into my groove and am feeling much better about things than I did last week.

I'm going to try to get back to doing this regularly again, so here is my latest weekly wrap-up:
summary - week ending December 4

• Kicked my own ass, hard and got back on track-ish
  
• I took my vitamins 5 out of 7 days this week
  
• met my daily water intake goal 5 out of 7 days
  
• actually got on the scales this week
  
• got outside and did a little exercise over the weekend, shovelling snow soooo counts!!
  
• avoided after-meal snacks 5 out of 7 evenings
  

celebrate with me!

Every time I get up to walk to the printer, I have to pass by a plate of fresh baked brownies. All you can smell in the hallway is chocolate. It's so unfair. I don't have the energy to white-knuckle things today. sheesh!!

Okay, enough about delicious brownies....today is day three of my re-re-re-start and I have a few NSV's to report:

1. No after-dinner snacking happened on either Wednesday or Thursday
2. I have recorded everything I have eaten for the past few days
3. I have repeated the healthy breakfast regime two whole days in a row

Not a bad start huh?? I know that it's kind of sad to report on such things but they mean a lot to me. They help me remind myself that this is something I can do. The little things that are hard now will become easy later on, once again, they'll become my habit instead of something I have to remind myself to do (or to not do!).

This morning, an email was circulated at work with the menu for our "big" office party. It's a luncheon, buffet, turkey and whatnot. Given that I'm not much of a turkey fan, I've requested the vegetarian option (so I won't get suckered in to eating mashed potatoes and gravy!!) and I've decided to skip dessert. I thought about asking for fruit but you know, given what I normally eat for lunch, the eggplant dish that they have on offer will probably be a lot bigger than my normal meal so I won't "need" dessert (seriously, when do we ever need dessert??). We have another holiday gathering at work (with our immediate department, not the entire organization) next week. Honestly, this is going to sound odd I know, but I'd prefer to get to see other folks in a professional development capacity. When it comes to these social events, I'd much rather stay at my desk and get some work done. I'm a freak, I know.

All of this holiday hub-bub is going to be tough to navigate but I'll get through it. I'm not being a hard-ass on myself or anything. I'll be having some cookies at Christmas, for sure. My plan is to keep my eating as "clean" as possible between now and January 1. This way, if I do have a few treats over the actual holiday weekend, I'll hopefully have lost maybe a pound or two by the end of the month, instead of gaining five. I know it's a far cry from my plan/goal to lose 40 pounds by January 1 but it's something.

loving the pangs

Some folks don't eat breakfast at all. I used to be one of them. I'd skip breakfast, have a small lunch and then eat a huge dinner. This is one of the many contributing factors to my fat. When I started to get serious about losing weight, way back in January 2003, I started eating breakfast, healthy, well-balanced, satisfying. Recently, like since we moved into our new house, so since May I guess, I've continued to eat breakfast but, I have been eating way too much breakfast. I swapped my measured bowl of sensible cereal and fresh fruit for toast, lots of it sometimes, toasted bread or bagels. The toasted bread product would be topped (of course) with any variety of not-so-sensible things that were either full of fat, or sugar or (heavens forbid!) both. This morning, I put an end to that. I had my normal, sensible, healthy cereal / fruit / juice / soy milk breakfast. By mid-morning, I could feel mild pangs of hunger and I knew that I was on the right track. I sipped some water, ate an orange (mmmm...clementines) and carried on with my morning.

Right now, as I type, I'm eating my lunch. Packed at home, well-balanced, nutritious. Also, I've recorded every morsel of food I've eaten so far today into my fitday journal. A couple of weeks back, I re-started the fitday thing and quickly abandoned it. I should never do that, seriously. Whenever I'm journaling food, even if I'm eating too much some days, I makes me concentrate on what I'm doing. It's such a common sense thing. I know that I abandon it because not recording what I'm eating gives me free reign to just go nuts and stop caring. As I wrote yesterday, I'm through not caring. If I don't care enough about myself to eat healthy foods and try to get fit, who will care?? Don't get me wrong, I know that some of you would care quite a bit but I'm the only one who is in a position to do anything about it.

So, I think I have a handle on the eating thing. Cautiously optimistic is I guess how I'd put it right now. Starting this on the same day that my period starts is probably a good thing. I mean, the PMS would explain the bad food choices of last week and I'll take the cramps and general yucky feeling that I've got right and use them to help me control my eating. The exercise thing will come too. I found my WATP DVD's on the weekend and I actually sat on my bike for a few minutes on the weekend (and even pedalled a bit!). So, so far, so good, new month, new start, blah blah blah...I've got my planned worked out, now I just need to work the plan!

bravery of being out of range

I keep my scale in the laundry room. The laundry room is in our basement and I deliberately put it down there, thinking that it should be close to where I work out. I hate tripping over the darned thing in the bathroom. By keeping it in the basement though, it's easier to avoid it. If I stay away from the scale, I won't actually know how "bad" I'm doing. Not that feeling my pants get tight (or get shorter -- how is that?? your tummy and bum get bigger and pull the length up in your pant legs - charming!!) shouldn't be enough of a smack in the noggin' for me. Somehow I think, I thought that things were going well if I just didn't step onto the scale. I could put on a brave face and pretend that I hadn't really gained back 1/2 of the weight I'd lost if I just avoided the laundry room.

This morning, disgusted with the huge white face / too tight pants situation that I'm finding myself in these days, I got brave (ha!) and timidly stepped on that scale. I was relieved (how sick this is) that I weighed the same now and I did the last time I weighed in. I shouldn't have been relieved, I should have been angry. I guess the anger came later, well, right now actually, as I'm typing this. I'm annoyed with myself, seriously.

Don't get me wrong, we've stuck to our guns about not eating anywhere that has a drive-thru but, we've eaten in restaurants or had take-out more times than I care to count over the past couple of weeks. That could be why my pants feel like they do, why my bra is cutting into me. Oh, also, there's the crap. It's fancy holiday type crap but crap nonetheless. Like, last night, we were out doing errands. We were both tired, cranky, air deprived (where DOES all the air go in the stores during the winter??) and soggy from the rain. Somehow, don't ask me how because it's honestly a bit of a blur, we convinced ourselves that a "treat" of some truffles would be "okay." We get home, I see the big box of chocolates and just shake my head. I opened it up, sniffed it (it smelled wonderful) and listened to my hunny make yummy noises while he ate one but I couldn't do it. Something in me just would not let my hands touch them, much less put them into my mouth, while I watched the Biggest Loser finale. I was so impressed by how well everyone did on the show (but don't get me started on how I feel about the "winner" because I couldn't stand the particular person who won it all), how good they all looked. I was a little jealous of how happy they all seemed and that made it impossible for me to eat a chocolate.

I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm really sick of how I have to keep writing about how sick I am about all of this. Tonight, I'm going to toss out the chocolate. I can't go on anymore with tight pants and a bloated looking face. It's not funny, I'm not happy and I just can't have it anymore.

cold

hey folks.

I'm still here, although five days is a long time to go without a post. I apologize. I've been sick with a cold. It bugged my ass for all of last week and by Friday, I had to give into it and go home.

I worked from 7:30 a.m. to about 12:30 p.m. on Friday. My head was literally spinning when I left the office. On the way home, I stopped off for a bowl (take out) of soup and that helped a lot. I slept most of the afternoon. I slept in on Saturday morning, had a lazy day both Saturday and Sunday and then slept all of yesterday morning. By mid-afternoon yesterday, I was feeling more human. Today, I'm back in the office and am feeling a smidgen on the fragile side. I'll survive though, I'm better than a few germs.

I have been posting a little more frequently over at my "regular" blog if you're at all interested (trust me, it's not that interesting but it is a little more frequent these days). Click here to read all about it!!

enough already!!

Desperate times call for reasonable measures.

On the weekend, I never did get out to shop. My hunny was sick and I stayed close to home, looking after him. Looking after him, sadly, involved both of us eating a lot of stuff that we did not need to eat.

Nevermind the shopping thing that I wrote about last week, I'm really not happy with the way I look right now. My face seems very very round and it makes me sad to see it when I look in the mirror. I don't want to feel sad, I want to be happy. I want to see positive changes, I want to shrink again, I tell ya!!

I think that one big thing I've been missing lately is support. When Bev had the weigh-better board up, I was there all the time and loved it. I really appreciated the help and motivation I received from the other ladies on the forum and I enjoyed helping others out when I could. I never did so well with my weight loss as I did back then.

Today, I went searching for a new forum. Nothing could ever replace weigh-better but I am taking Diet Talk for a test drive. The folks there seem very friendly and supportive and I think it's just what I need. I love reading blogs and all but I think that I need the format of a forum.

Also, my hunny and I have agreed to stop eating fast/junk food all together. We agreed to no longer eat in any place that has a drive-thru. This is a small step toward a more strict return to our low-fat, low-calorie plan after the holidays. I'm saying after the holidays because I'm being practical here. If we can at least, cut out the junk food, we will be miles ahead of where we are right now and the holiday damage won't be so severe. The exercise, I'll have to plan that out tomorrow. For today, we've got the short-term food plan and the long-term one, all mapped out and that's as much as I want to plan for today at least.

secret santa

Thanks to Alison, I have signed up to be a secret santa. It'll be soooo much fun, you should to it too (or not, no pressure -- I just think it's going to be fun!!)!!



I know that this has absolutely nothing to do with health or fitness but heck, it's almost the holidays and I'm eating clementine oranges like they're going out of style so what the heck!!

going back on my word

Many, many months ago, I made a deal with myself that I would not buy any new clothes until I was down another size. I made it through the summer months without losing any sizes or serious pounds and therefore didn't buy any new clothes. Eventually, I had to break down and buy new underwear but the other stuff, I just made due with.

It's become increasingly evident that I can't do this any longer. I have lots of nice casual/weekend stuff and still have several really dressy outfits (which were purchased for various work functions that I must attend from time to time). What I'm lacking though, is regular work clothes. I am afraid that I need (desperately) to go out this weekend and pick up some new things. I hate that the stuff I wear everyday to the office is getting worn looking and I'm tired of the same stuff all of the time. I also hate that I'm not going to be able to get into smaller sizes this time out. Hopefully, this sad, necessary shopping trip will inspire me to get back on track and stay there.

blank page

I opened a browser and logged into blogger 30 minutes ago. In that time, I've looked at my stats page, hung out on flickr, read some blogs, eaten lunch and drank 12 oz of water. I don't know whether I'm bored or just boring but I couldn't think of anything to write here.

It's sad too because of all the writing I do these days, the stuff I do here helps me the most. I need the help. I feel huge and unmotivated this week. I don't know why that is. Things at work are settling down finally, I had a great weekend (although I ate too much on Saturday), we're getting projects completed around the house and that makes me feel good. As far as fitness goes, I'm allowing it to slide down on my list of priorities. I know I'm doing it, that's the worst part. The funk is getting worse people and I don't know what to do about it. I wore a pair of pants to work yesterday that were uncomfortable. Instead of using this as a motivator to go home and eat a healthy dinner, I put on an old pair of really baggy jeans and went out for dinner, to a Chinese buffet no less. I need my ass kicked, hard. I keep trying to do it myself but I lose my balance and fall over. It's a sad picture.

So I won't give myself the usual pep talk about how tomorrow I'll do better and that the good choices I make each day usually out number the bad (that's true today so far anyway). I won't because I know what I need to do I just don't want to hear myself say it again right now. I'm sure that you don't want to read it again either. It is boring and I am bored. Huh, weird. I guess I knew it all along.

happy monday

howdy folks.

Today was a busy day at work. Tonight was busy at home as we rushed to put up our outside holiday lights before the snow flies. Of course, we get inside to discover that the forecast has changed and that there will be no snow tomorrow. The lights do look fabulous though. I'll try to get some decent snaps later in the week.

I wish I had lots of health and fitness stuff to report today but I don't. I have stuff I could write about but I'm tired and just want to crawl into bed. I did, however, update my house blog and my regular blog...just in case you're looking for some news. And, oh yeah...if you've read those and are still looking for more, go over to Zorb's page and congratulate the girl, she and her hunny are engaged to be married!

blah...blah...blah...blah...

I think I may be getting a cold. Actually, I might already have one. This happened to me a lot last winter too. I'd feel like I was getting sick and I'd feel tired and draggy and I'd fight it with all of my might. I never would get good and sick and be done with the germs. Instead, I'd feel dragged out but not crappy enough to stay home and sleep. I was hoping that this winter would be different but it's not looking like it will be. Imagine how bad it would be though, if I weren't taking vitamins and at least trying to eat well. Intermittenly I have had stuffy nose, sore through, "productive" coughing and general aches.

Now, part of me wonders if it's just not stale air making me woozy. Right now, I have my window open and I feel better than I have all day. Part of me also really wants a coffee right now. Unfortunately, the closest coffee is Tim's and I know that yet another part of me would convince the coffee wanting part that a chocolate chip muffin would be good right now. That won't do. No coffee, no muffin, no way.
Crap, I have the stupidest conversations with myself. No wonder I'm fat huh? At least I'm listening today. That's always better than licking chocolate off of one's fingers, isn't it??

Oh well, tomorrow we're going to Ottawa for the day. There will be fun, there will be a visit with my brother, there will be mucho shopping at IKEA and there will be dim sum. Not necessarily in that order. Dim sum aside, going away for the day should help me eat less, in theory anyway.

By the way, I thank you, all my funkified sisters, for your kind notes and comments. Perhaps we'll be able to get from funk to funky before we're in too deep. Goodness, on that note, I'll end this silly rambling post. Happy weekend folks!!

things are looking up

Last night, as I got ready for bed, I was still feeling weirdly stiff. I had muscle aches in my back and sides as if I'd done a bunch of sit-ups...but incorrectly, do you know the strain I'm talking about? Anyway, I never did get that big soak in the tub but I had a good night's sleep and felt better for it this morning. I managed to drag myself down to the bike again this morning and rode only slightly further (2.6 miles this time) than Tuesday but I'm still happy about that.

From the little bit of blog reading I'm doing these days, I gather that I'm not the only one who has been in a bit of a funk lately. I'm not sure if we can blame it on the changing weather or anxiety about the holidays or just general laziness. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can all kick it together.

I'm still journaling my food. I'm being extremely honest with myself and my journal, just like in the old days. If I go over what my nutritional goals are for the day, I don't beat myself up about it. If I've learned nothing from all the journaling I've done, it's that it shows me my patterns and weak moments. The more I know about this stuff, the easier it will be for me to correct it.

On a different note... Biggest Loser. Much like a rubber-necker driving past a bad crash on the highway, I cannot stop watching this show. I was super pissed that Shannon was voted off this week. I don't look around spoiler sites so I'm not sure if the winner's name is floating around somewhere but I really hope it's not that cry-baby Matt. I'm so sick of him. I really hope it's either Dr Jeff or Suzy. In a pinch, Seth. But Matt, or Andrea, no way please. / of mini-rant about meaningless crap!!

I suck, er.. I ache

I did not ride my bike this morning. I was up early, I had the workout gear on but could not do it. Allow me to explain... and this is an explanation, not an excuse. Yesterday, when I woke up (after two less than sleep-filled nights), my lower back was a little stiff. It wasn't horrible pain, it just felt strained. I ignored it, did some stretching and then got on the bike. By the time I got out of the shower, the pain was almost gone. Later in the day, I had to go a meeting across campus. The walk over was okay. I wasn't winded but my back was definitely letting me know that it was there. The chairs in the meeting room (this was a 3.5 hour meeting!!) were horrible. They looked good but were sort of "food court" style chairs, very hard and uncomfortable. Even with breaks and what not, the chair had done me in. Walking back to the office, I took it very slowly and my back was very stiff.

Fast forward to this morning.... I get up about an hour before the alarm and literally crawl into the bathroom. I get back into bed and sleep for about 30 minutes. Eventually I get up, get into my workout clothes and try to talk myself into the ride. I tried and tried and just could not do it. Going up and down the stairs would not help. I think I made the right decision. I'm still moving a little slow right now (damn chairs!!). Tonight I plan to have a really long soak in the tub and tomorrow I should be good as new. Because of the lack of exercise, I'm being extra careful about my food today, so far, so good. Tonight will be the challenge because we're scheduled to go out with LOG for dinner. It's always so tough to be good when you're in a restaurant, not impossible, just hard. I shall do my best, that's really all I can do!

bad night, good morning

Sunday night, we had a weird wind storm here. All night, I'd fall asleep for about 30 minutes or so, only to wake up to the sound of the wind. Last night, after dinner, I was exhausted. I couldn't wait to put my head down on my pillow. Unfortunately, for some odd reason, I couldn't sleep. I lay there, eyes wide open for a couple of hours. Off and on, all night, I kept walking up. Finally, about 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, I got up. When I got up, I groped around in the dark for my workout gear and headed downstairs. This morning, for the first time in a while, I got back on my bike. I didn't do an entire interval program but I did ride for about 2.5 miles. I was really feeling it in my thighs particularly and didn't want to push myself too hard, first morning back and all. I felt good about it afterwards and, as always, quietly chastised myself for not getting back into this sooner. Oh well, better late than never, right? The little ride this morning seems to have undone the "damage" that two bad nights of sleep had done to me. Hopefully tonight, I'll sleep better than I have been.

I'm still feeling good about my food choices yesterday, today should be the same, I have my meals planned out. Tomorrow, I'll increase my distance on the bike and by the beginning of next week, should be back up to at least 4 miles per day. I realized this morning how much I missed my recumbent and, when I'm riding more often, it makes walking easier. I want to be able to walk all of our neighbourhood inclines without huffing and puffing, I really want to be fit. I was well on my way before and I allowed myself to get side-tracked. I'm going to work very hard to not let that happen again.

re-thinking my day

I woke up this morning feeling tired and fat. Fat and tired. Blobby and black-eye-circled. Just generally yucky. My favourite cords feel a little snug in the waist and thighs when I sit, my face looks much rounder to me today than it has in a while. I also feel pale. Not good. Given that I had a meeting booked for the morning, that I was in no way looking forward to, I couldn't see that this day would be good at all.

When my hunny picked me up after work, he told me that he was feeling kind of yucky. Achey and malaised (I don't care that "malaised" isn't a word). The same way I'd felt on Saturday night. It was the weirdest thing. We'd gone out late in the afternoon to do some errands and had a late lunch / early dinner while out. When we got home, put stuff away and started to chill out, I got really chilled, like seriously cold. My whole body hurt and I just wanted to get into bed. We ended up watching television in the bedroom and, after a hot drink, I felt a lot better but it was weird. Like a 24 minute bug (only it was more like a couple of hours, not 24 minutes). Ever since then, I've felt a little off and so has he.

Neither one of us could face the prospect of cooking tonight so I suggested that we stop off at our favourite Vietnamese place. It's in the neighbourhood and they have the best soup. I insisted that we'd only eat soup, no spring rolls, no rice, no anything but soup. I'm happy to say that we did just that. We ordered soup and water and both feel better for it. There is something in their soup that just restores me, body and soul. I'm still a little achey, my pants are still a little tight but I feel much better now than I have all day. Also, for the first time in a few days, I can honestly say that my eating has been okay today, on plan actually. I even logged stuff on fitday so I have proof.

I really want to have more days like this. Well, not so much the I feel fat and gross and want to crawl back into bed days but the, I made good food choices for my body days. I'm getting really tired of the rollercoaster of a couple of very good days followed by total off-the-rails overeating. It's been up and down and just bad overall recently. There is no way I'm going to get to my 40 pounds down by January 1st if I keep this up. Hell, I'll be lucky if I haven't gained back the two I lost last week. Anyway, that's my day, in a nut-shell. Soup folks, it'll do you a world of good, I can't recommend it highly enough!

so, goals...

It's almost the weekend. It's been a really weird week for me. I had Monday off of work because I worked on the weekend. On Wednesday, I was home sick. It was just a bad headache, nothing long and lingering but it threw me off and I literally didn't do anything all day. Well, I slept.

Last night, after dinner, I dragged my hunny out for a walk. We didn't plan to go far, sort of an adjusted walk around the block. I wanted to drop a card off at a friend's house. She lives on a side street that runs off of the street that our house backs onto. No big deal I thought. We got down to the corner and I was enjoying the walk. It was really warm last night so it felt good to be outside. When we turned the corner to get onto the street behind our house, we suddenly faced a gradual, but pretty steep incline. This incline increased all the way to her front door. I had totally forgotten that this particular part of the neighbourhood was all hilly. Suddenly, I was sweating and breathing heavy. I had a fleece jacket on and that made me feel over-heated. I felt so out of shape. I do know that part of my problem was just having eaten dinner but still, that was only part of the problem. We made it there and back in one piece but I was really pooped by the time we got home (and we'd probably only been walking for 25 minutes or so). I was pretty disgusted with myself for huffing and puffing so much. I also felt good about the fact that we actually walked the card over instead of hopping in the car. We plan to walk again tonight, this time before dinner, and a little bit of a flatter route. I'm sure it'll go much smoother and I'm looking forward to building up to much longer, hilly-er walks but boy howdy, last night kicked my butt.

As far as the goals I set for myself last week, I don't think I'm doing so well. Let's see:

- journal all of my food on fitday

nope, that sort of petered out mid-week last week. I did start doing it again this morning though. If I do it all weekend, it should help keep me on track.

- no muffins, cookies, donuts or cupcakes will be eaten at meetings (or brought back to my desk after!)

I did this one, actually. Wow, good for me huh??

- no unplanned between meal snacks

This one I managed while I was at work. Snacking at home over the weekends is still sort of bad. I need to plan my weekends better I think.

- intentional exercise at least 3 times during the week and at least once over the weekend

um, no. Not quite anyway. Last night though, inspired me to get back into my exercise routine again in a serious way. I really hate how out of shape I feel.

- only one meal "out" per week (our night out with LOG)

We got kind of messed up with this one too. Last week was okay (one night out for noodle soup). This week, we've been out twice already.

- no snacking on halloween candy (the sooner I get the stuff into goodie bags the better)

Actually, this one was easy because I ended up buying chips (which we don't like) after the mini-chocolate bar fiasco.

- increase my water intake (it's been very very low just recently)

yeah, I definitely did this too. So, yay, overall, not horrible. Hopefully next week will improve!!

survival of the halloweenie-est

We bought 170 bags of chips for shelling out. We gave 20 to LOG to "shell out" to the nurses at his place. We have like 6 bags left and I have no problem throwing them out. Thank goodness neither of us like plain chips. The trick to trick or treats is to buy stuff you don't like I guess. This means that I can never again buy little chocolate bars. I just love them too much to keep them in the house.

I have to sit down at some point and do an examination of how I did on my goals last week. The week has been a bit of a blur so I'm really not sure about it at the moment. I just now that I'm pretty sure it'll be bad. bah! Oh well, it can only get better now that thanksgiving and Halloween are behind us for another year!

weigh in

Don't ask me how because I have NO idea but I'm down 2 pounds this week. Even with all of those mini chocolate bars I managed to lose 2 pounds. So, 2 down, 38 to go towards my first "sorta biggish" mini-goal.

The past couple of days have been busy so I haven't been in front of the machine much. Well, I've been in front a computer a lot but I haven't found much blogging time. Things at work feel much better this week, probably better than they have in a really long time. The other day, I had a very long (like about 90 minutes long) discussion with my boss about a number of things, workload included. A couple of weeks ago, when I was in the office on a Saturday, a colleague popped in to pick up some supplies for an out-of-town event. She made an off-hand comment about how I should work Tuesdays to Saturdays because I'm able to get so much done on Saturdays (when the phone isn't ringing and I'm not faced with constant interruptions). I mentioned this to my boss and she gave me permission to do it, if I wanted to. So, for the month of November at least, I'm planning on changing my schedule. On Saturdays, I'll go in from 7 to 2, working straight through, and that way, I'll still have Saturday afternoon free and I can have Monday to myself. I don't think that I'd want to do this long-term but it should help me dig myself out of the hole that I'm in right now. The knot in my neck feels smaller than it has in ages so this must be a good thing.

I knew that if I could just suck it up and ride it out, everything would be okay eventually. It's still not perfect but then nothing ever is. At least work is feeling manageable again. Now, if I can just sort the other areas of my life out, all will be fine.

less knotty

The little tiny chocolate bars which were in my house are gone. I wish that I could say that I stomped on them with dirty shoes and threw them in the garbage. Unfortunately, we ate them, while sprawled across the bed watching Sex and the City on DVD. I'm not proud of it but I'm admitting it here. Another thing I should have added to my "weekly goals" list was that I am going to journal every day. It helps my sanity and it keeps me honest. Honesty is good, particularly when you fuck up. If I mess up and post it here, I can go back and read over my archives and find patterns. Right now, I'm heading into PMS so that could explain the eating of the mini Cadbury's. I'm making up little goodie bags for the trick-or-treaters and I've decided to only buy candy that we don't like.

Other than the chocolate bars though yesterday was pretty good. We actually ate dinner at home last night and it was delicious and not totally unhealthy. Tonight, we have our meal all planned out so we're heading in the right direction.

As far as work and the LOG go, things are a bit better today. We stopped by to see LOG last night (and to drop off his laundry - finally!) and we all just ignored what had happened on Sunday and really didn't talk about anything of relevance. It's hard to actually have a meaningful conversation with him anymore without one or both of us getting really frustrated so we just talk about the weather and/or what he had for lunch. It's a little pathetic but it seems to work. After having an absolutely horrible day yesterday, today is much better. This morning was a little hairy but nothing I couldn't handle. I can tell how crazy it is by how knotted up my neck is. Right now, it's sore but I can turn my head from side to side so it's nothing near what it was like yesterday.

The exercise goal may or may not be met this week but, if I can get a good handle on the food thing, that'll be a big accomplishment this week.

goals

Okay, I feel like I can be serious about this thing again, this weight loss thing, this "getting healthy" business, this not feeling like a failure thing.

Honestly, that's how I'm feeling just recently, like a complete failure, not only where my health and fitness is concerned but in my working life and at home. I feel like a juggler who has dropped all of his balls and they are bouncing across the floor. Work isn't as busy as it was but it's still very stressful. I know that a lot of what I'm feeling is self-inflicted. Because I was so busy for so long, I've let many things slide and that's not like me. So now, at work, I have to try to figure out how to get myself back on track and sort out all of those things that have fallen to the side, in addition to getting my regular every day stuff done. I'm completely in knots about that right now.

Home is a mess. The house is just not clean, not to the standard I'd like it. Part of the problem is that both my old (less than 2 years old) vacuum and the central vac in the new house are not working as well as they should be so I can only ever do a half-assed job on that score. I'm lucky if I can keep on top of dishes and laundry right now. Because I've been working longer hours, I've just not had the time to deal with it properly.

As far as family goes, if it hadn't been an "official" holiday a couple of weeks (and we had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' place) I would not have made the time to see them (we haven't really seen them much since the middle of August or so).

Yesterday, trying to be a good sport, we picked up coffee and bagels and went to see the LOG. As times goes by, we are seeing more frequent signs of geriatric senility in him. Now, he has never really been the sharpest knife in the drawer and, as sweet as he is, he only has a grade 6 education. Overtime, I've come to understand his limitations and we get along just fine. The senility thing though, that requires a lot of patience as recently, some of things he's saying and asking are just plain nuts. I don't think he has Alzheimer's Disease (my grandmother had that so I have some personal experience with it), I think that he's just really feeling the after-effects of the medical problems he's had this year (not to mention that he did sustain a head injury in July). Anyway, long story short is that I really lost my temper with him yesterday. He asked me a question and I just lost it on him. It wasn't the question he asked, it was how he asked it. It seemed very snarky and pointed to me, my hunny said that it seemed playful and fun.

I'm sure that LOG didn't mean to, but the question made me feel like I was a horrible, stupid person who is just repeatedly letting him down, despite the fact that I do way more "things" for him in a day than I do for my own parents in a month. While I know he appreciates all of the stuff that I do for him (all of his personal shopping, all of his personal laundry, I pay all of his bills...) he never actually acknowledges it. I'm not saying that I need a big ticker-tape parade but I never feel appreciated by him so I lost my temper, got defensive in answering his question (it was about his laundry) and then went quiet. The truth is, I was too upset about everything else that I have on my plate right now to talk about anything because I was afraid of breaking down in tears. I could cry right now as I type this, just from thinking about it. Fun times huh??

So, yesterday afternoon, because all of this had the appearance of me being a total bitch to LOG, my hunny was pissed at me. We talked about it and seemed to resolve it but things were still tense and weird all afternoon. So much for a quiet peaceful Sunday huh?? No wonder I have had a giant knot in my neck for two months now, is it? To console myself, I ate a whole bunch of those little Halloween chocolate bars. I don't think I tasted any of them but I ate them anyway and no, it didn't make me feel any better about anything.

This morning, as I pulled on a sweater that I have had for longer than I care to think about it, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said, "enough!" I need to get seriously get my shit together, pull my head out of my ass and make a plan. As Denise says, I need to take some "baby steps" initially as I don't want this to stick this time. I'll start off slowly and build towards my goals (which include, amongst others, buying new winter sweaters in much smaller sizes)!!

So, here are some goals I've made for myself:

mini-biggish-goal:
- lose 40 pounds by January 1

smaller goals - to be accomplished this week:
- journal all of my food on fitday
- no muffins, cookies, donuts or cupcakes will be eaten at meetings (or brought back to my desk after!)
- no unplanned between meal snacks
- intentional exercise at least 3 times during the week and at least once over the weekend
- only one meal "out" per week (our night out with LOG)
- no snacking on halloween candy (the sooner I get the stuff into goodie bags the better)
- increase my water intake (it's been very very low just recently)

If I can do this and get through the week, that'll be a great start. It will help me feel like I'm control of at least two areas of my life and hopefully the rest of it will get sorted out too. I know this much, it can not make me feel any worse than I do, right now.

I suck

Yesterday, during my lunch hour, when I'm normally either working away or posting here, I went out with my hunny and had lunch buffet at pizza hut. What was I thinking?? He ended up having an unplanned afternoon off and wanted to take me for lunch. Honestly, I was so happy to have a break and get out of here that I didn't blink when he suggested the hut. It's quick and close to my office. Goodness gracious girls, I ate so much for lunch that I was still full at dinner time!! Then, because neither of us wanted dinner, we ended up both snacking the evening away. The only good thing about it is that I didn't eat any of the leftover candy/crap that was still in the cupboard AND I threw the ends of it in the trash (last night was garbage night). When will I learn huh??

I got brave yesterday morning and stepped back on the scales again. Up 6 pounds. Nice huh?? Not shocking though. It makes me sick though, when I think that of the 79 pounds I lost in 2003, I've gained back 35 of them. That means, I'll have to lose 40 pounds by the end of the calendar year to get to that "5 under" virgin fat goal I mentioned earlier this week. Oh well, it could be worse right?? I could have gained it ALL back with some extra to boot.

Couple of "good-ish" things: 1. I wanted to wear jeans to work today. I also wanted to be comfortable. I could get my "thin" jeans up and over my hips but they wouldn't zip unless I lay down (so much for the comfortable thing huh?) so I nixed the idea. Instead, I wore my "fat" jeans, have them on right now actually. They are not bad while I'm sitting but they really are too big on me and I'm having to hike them up whenever I'm walking. 2. Read the following article about dog walking and weight-loss. It's sort of a no-brainer but it makes me feel really glad about our recent decision to adopt a dog from our local humane society.

Daily dog walks work off the pounds By Megan Rauscher

Dogs may be more than man's best friend; they may also be a tool for losing weight, according to a new study that shows making a commitment to walk a dog -- your own or someone else's -- leads to increased exercise and weight loss.

The goal of the study, according to Rebecca Johnson, was to encourage sedentary overweight people to exercise and specifically to walk.

"We know that walking is good for people but we don't know how to get people to continue to do it. We wanted to see whether bonding with a dog might be a motivator to continue walking," said Johnson, who is an associate professor of nursing and director of the College of Veterinary Medicine's Research Center for Human-Animal Interaction at the University of Missouri-Columbia.

The dog-walkers in the study started by walking 10 minutes per day three times per week and eventually walked up to 20 minutes per day 5 days per week. One group walked for 50 weeks while another walked for only 26 weeks.

For the study, the participants walked with loaner dogs -- trained and certified "visitor" animals that were provided by the Pet Assisted Love and Support (PALS) Program.

According to Johnson, the 50-week walkers lost an average of 14 pounds during the one-year program. "That's a better result than most of the nationally known weight-loss plans," she told Reuters Health.

The walkers "bonded with the animals, improved their flexibility, balance and ability to walk, lost weight and felt better about themselves so it was a very positive thing all around," Johnson added.

It's important to realize, she said, that these were a sedentary, economically disadvantaged group of people with multiple chronic illnesses. Some had trouble walking even 10 minutes per day three days per week at the beginning of the study but they gradually improved their ability to walk.

"We had one lady," Johnson said, "who relied on an electric scooter when she was outside of her apartment and by the end of the 50 week program she was able to walk to the neighborhood grocery store and back."

The 26-week walkers did not lose as much weight as the 50-week walkers "so we know that it takes a year see the weight come off," Johnson said. Having a dog or being responsible for walking someone's dog may be just the motivating factor to keep people walking or encourage more people to walk, she said.

argh

It's mid-week already and I cannot believe it, really, I can't. The time is flying by just recently in a manner that doesn't thrill me. Like yesterday, I went back to work after staying home all day Monday waiting for the furnace guys to show (they never did -- they ended up coming yesterday). I had forgotten that I had a 2 hour meeting, mid-morning. I was barely making a dent in the debris on my desk when I had to dash off to that. The next thing I knew, I was digging through the rubble again but it was 1 p.m.

We bought several lottery tickets for the Friday and Saturday night draws but didn't win a penny. So much for that plan huh?? I must say, today, I feel better than I have in a couple of weeks. The pain in my neck is slowly fading away and I'm sleeping better. Of course, I can thank my tiny little blue pills for the sleep but still, I feel more rested. Working on Saturdays has been helpful but I don't want to continue with it. I'm hoping that this weekend, I won't have to do it. Goodness knows that my house is beyond grubby right now and I really should spend a whole day cleaning. On Monday, when I was at home, I didn't want to get started on my laundry because the laundry room is next to the furnace room... One thing I did accomplish was finally unpacking my winter clothes and putting the summer stuff away. Eventually I got the laundry done too but I didn't have a lot of energy to do much else. When I wasn't working, I slept a lot over the weekend. I'm probably coping with the stress a little better this week because I'm not totally, physically exhausted.

As far as weight stuff goes, I'm feeling really fat right now. I haven't stepped on the scale in several days but I know that I have to be "up." My face looks rounder to me, I just feel bloated and gross. Also, I have two zits on my chin. Again, it's probably from stress and the bad eating that was happening around here. I feel like such a blob. One thing that we've stuck to this week is the no buying of the junk food. No crap has come into this house and I intend to keep it that way. I want this journal to be about having a healthy lifestyle and about losing weight again. I'm tired of writing about how miserable I feel and how unhappy I've been recently. My game plan right now is to keep up with the no junk food thing, continue to get lots of rest and start back on the exercise regime on the weekend. As always, I just have to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, and get back on track. Ideally, I'd love to be 5 pounds into "virgin fat" territory by Christmas. I think that this is a reasonable goal and it would be terrific for me to start the New Year at an "all time low" weight.

thanks

I want to thank everyone who has left me supportive messages and/or emailed me over the past few days, it's helped a lot.

Today I went back into the office again (2nd Saturday in a row) to get some stuff done. Mostly on Saturdays, I try to organize the chaos and get through the things that are tough to manage when the phones are going nuts. I knew that I really had no choice in the matter because Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights, when I left the office and got into the car, I started hyper-ventilating which was followed by deep, deep sobbing. For weeks now, I've had a knot in my neck. Right now, for the first time in days, it feels less painful that it has. Maybe that's a sign that things are getting better. Hope so.

When I finished at the office, I picked up my hunny (who was also working) and we went and did some errands. One of the errands included picking up fish and chips. Yeah, you heard it, chips. French fried potatoes, hand cut, salted and covered in malt vinegar. I shouldn't have done it but I did and it was yummy. We brought them home and watched some taped episodes of Eastenders. It was nice to just tune out, enjoy the meal and forget about work for a couple of hours. When we finished, I went and lay down on my bed. Mostly I wanted to rest my neck and I figured I'd do that for 20 minutes or so and then get going on my laundry. 2 hours later, I woke up when the phone rang. I felt amazing. So much better than before. The sleep did me a world of good. I'm still feeling a little sleepy now and think I'll be okay today so I'm going to skip my pill.

Tomorrow I plan to sleep late, do some housework, get the laundry done and visit the LOG. Monday I'm home with the furnace guys. I've brought my laptop home from work so I may do a little work, I'm not sure. A good friend of mine, who I haven't seen in entirely too long is coming over for coffee in the morning and I hope to not talk about work while we catch up.

Other than work though, nothing much is new. I realize that until I can get my head sorted out and get work under control, I'm not going to be able to concentrate 100% on my weight loss efforts but, we have a plan. My hunny and I have decided that starting Monday, there will be no unhealthy food coming into the house. We've both been too slack lately and it's gotta stop. If I'm stressed and I wanna overeat, at least, if there is no junk in the house, I'll "overeat" apples and celery instead of cookies. Just because my job is all nutso doesn't mean that I have to gain 20 pounds while I wait for the shit to settle.

in the shits

Apparently, October 10 was "World Mental Health" day. Who knew? I received an email at work (not just me, everyone in the organization got it) about Mental Health and work stress. I had to chuckle as I ticked symptoms off of their list of Emotional and Physical stress "signals." The last week of this month is also "Healthy Workplace" week. Yeah, the week before Halloween. That should be interesting. How can a place that is full of mini chocolate bars and rockets be healthy??

I'm still really behind at work. This morning, I forced myself to block out everything around me and try to get some financial paperwork sorted out. It's given me a huge headache and I've only just knocked a dent into it. I feel like I'm digging a hole on the beach and the sand keeps filling the hole back in no matter how fast I dig. I keep hoping that it'll get easier, and with luck it might after we get next week out of the way. I feel like I've been saying that for a long time now, next week it'll be better, next month... yanno? It's just a crazy pace. The work isn't stuff that I can't do, there is just so much of it now that I cannot keep up.

Last night, I took one of my little blue pills for the first time in a very long time. The doctor gave them to me to help me sleep (they are a super mild anti-depressant). It took me a long time to fall asleep last night (we didn't get home until about an hour before bedtime and I should really take it at least 2 hours before bed) and I still woke up at 3 a.m. When I woke up, I looked at the clock and just went back to sleep. This morning I felt a little groggy but the black circles are a little smaller today than yesterday. Tonight I plan to take my pill right after dinner and I'll try to get into bed really early. I'm just so tired and no matter what I do, I cannot get the kink in my neck to go away. Also, I haven't done any proper exercise this week yet. I cannot get into it and I know that I should because it'll make me feel so much better.

While I'm moaning, can I just say that a day with some sunshine it in would not be a bad thing right about now?? It's been grey and cold and dark and rainy here since Friday, that's almost a week now. It might have been yucky before that but right now, my mind only goes back to Friday...no, on Thursday I went to that funeral and it was sunny. It's gross and cold and I still haven't dug my winter stuff out so I'm making due with my "in between" clothes. This weekend, I hope to avoid going in to work and I can stay home, crank the stereo and get my summer stuff packed away and pull out the sweaters. Hopefully, listening to the Polyphonic Spree at high volume will shake some sunshine into my soul. Goodness knows I could use it.

off the hook

I apologize in advance for the rambling nature of this post. I'm having a hard time concentrating on any one thing at the moment.

Fortunately, we don't have do dinner with the LOG tonight. He begged of going out which is fine by me. I think that tonight I'd rather eat at home anyway. We managed to make it through the entire weekend without going to a restaurant. That actually just occurred to me right now. It's probably the first time that it's happened in, wow, I don't know how long. Probably whenever we last had a good, heavy snowfall.

Daytime eating continues to be good this week. Nights are tough though. Last night, fortunately, biggest loser was on and I just cannot bring myself to snack, not even on healthy stuff, while that is on. Truth is, I don't need to snack in the evenings. I'm not hungry at all, it's just a boredom thing. I'm bored and stressed and the food is a comfort / entertainment thing for me when I feel like this. Not good, I know.

From about 3 a.m. onwards this morning, I was awake about every 15 minutes or so. We get up at 4:30 or so, so it's not a huge deal but I think I really looked like crap when I saw myself in the mirror's reflection. The big huge black circles I'm sporting under my eyes are not very pretty. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed is covering me again today and I just feel unhappy. Even when I'm laughing and hanging out at home with my sweetie I don't feel terrific. I cannot wait for things to lighten up a bit at work so I can relax again. Something's gotta give, soon, or I'm gonna go completely mad.

blahhh

I've got the Tuesday-after-the-long-weekend-and-I-don't-wanna-be-here-blues folks.

I'm at work, taking a really quick little break to eat my healthy, home-packed lunch. It's not boredom and a lack of stuff to do that is making me blue, quite the opposite actually. I popped into the office on Saturday to do an hour or so of digging out. I wanted some time to organize my desk and figure out what I needed to do. The hour turned into four hours. I got a lot done but I have this knot in my neck that I cannot shake and I know it's work related. Figuring out how to let go of it is way more difficult than I thought.

Right now, I also feel like I'm letting down the LOG and my folks as we have barely seen them just recently. My house is grubby too. Oh, we also ate way too much over the holiday weekend. Icing on the top of my dried out and crumbling cake. When life gives you stale cake, just add ice cream, right? Wrong, no cake, no ice cream...goodness I suck.

I did get the laundry completely caught up over the weekend, cleaned up the bathrooms, pushed the vacuum around a bit. The house is neat and tidy, it's just not as clean as I'd like. We also still have more of our belongings in boxes than I'd like. Given that we packed up most of the stuff in March (and it's now October), I wonder how much of it is really necessary in my life. Part of me feels badly that stuff isn't put away and pictures aren't hanging on the walls but part of me likes the sparseness of it. The lack of clutter relaxes me when I'm home.

Anyway, weight-loss, yeah, that's what this blog is about. I'm pretty sure that there won't be any this week. I have to pull my winter clothes out sometime this week (didn't get to it over the weekend) and I'm dreading another winter of wearing the same old crappy stuff. It's all a little too big for me but I'm not small enough for the next size down so I just look like a frump. I may have to break down and try to find some new pants for work I guess. The only thing I have bought for fall this year is two terrific looking knock-off purses when we were in NYC last weekend. I guess I'm a frump with good shoes and fabulous handbags.

Perhaps you'll notice that while I may moan about how busy work is, I'm not making excuses for the over eating and lack of enthusiasm for my fitness regime. I'm through with excuses, I'm just going to fess up whenever I fuck up. Thanksgiving weekend was a fuck up and it's over now. Healthy dinner at home tonight, hopefully a walk between the end of our meal and the start of the "biggest loser." If not a walk, definitely a ride tomorrow morning. No more fuck ups, not this week anyway.

almost the weekend

howdy kids.

This morning, in a moment of stupidity I guess, I stepped on the scales. The number hadn't changed since I'd last hopped on, a couple of weeks ago now I guess. This pleasantly surprised me as I'd really expected a gain. I mean, I've been on vacation, I've been stressed out, I've not been in any regular exercise routine since I mucked up my back two weeks ago and oh yeah, I'm in the middle of my period right now.

Maintaining is a good motivation for me to get my ass back in gear. I expect to be working for at least part of this weekend (I just need a few hours in the office, alone, to get caught up on a few things) so hopefully that will distract me from absent-minded weekend snacking. Oh yeah, it's Thanksgiving here too. Fortunately we're having dinner at my mum's place so I won't have to worry about nibbling on leftovers after the event's over. Yikes.

I still feel like I'm under a cloud, in a funk. Partly because of work, partly because of the funeral yesterday, mostly because it's almost pitch black outside right now and it's raining. Even in my funk, I try to keep focused on the good stuff. I'm looking forward to sunny days, a more manageable workload and getting back on my bike. It might not happen but a girl's gotta dream, right?

brain dead

I haven't yet stepped on the scales this week.

I haven't cleaned up my messy house.

I haven't caught up on my sleep.

I haven't cleared off my desk in any reasonable or organized way.

I have hugged my hunny though.

I hugged him and held on really tight.

I went to a funeral today for a colleague of mine. He was a really nice man. A family man. A kind man. He was 60 years old and had an aneurysm on Friday morning. On Monday he was dead. It sucks. Life is short folks. Enjoy it while you can.

hey

We had a wonderful weekend, just terrific. We got home early Monday evening and the drive both ways was relatively painless. I'm working on a post about the trip which will most likely show up on my other blog. Also, I have posted some photos from our trip over at Flickr and I have more to add when I have time.

As I suspected, we did a lot of walking. One thing I was not expecting was that we wouldn't be eating much. It was very odd, considering how much time we usually spend in restaurants whenever we visit New York. On the way down on Friday afternoon, we grabbed a chicken sandwich and a diet coke at the BK in Pulaski, NY. We never did get to eat dinner because, by the time we got into Brooklyn and checked in to our hotel, all the neighbourhood places were closed (we stayed in Borough Park, in a really religious neighbourhood, in a hasidic hotel and it was Friday night after all). On Saturday, we had brunch at the Carnegie Deli and dinner in Chinatown. We made it through an entire trip without one pretzel, cool huh?? We did pick up a couple of buns at a Chinese bakery which we ate later on, on Saturday night. We actually had eaten an early dinner and went back to the hotel for an evening of bad tv and lots of sleep (resting up for the concert the next day) so the buns were a really nice treat. Sunday and Monday were much the same, two meals each day, very little snacking.

I'm not sure what the scales will say when I finally get on them. Since we've been back, I've had one crazy busy day at work and here at home, I spent all of last night and most of this morning doing laundry. I also finally got my period, when we got home (about 10 days late) so I'm feeling a bit like a wet noodle right now, a happy wet noodle but a wet noodle all the same.

super quick

As I've mentioned recently, my job has kept me really busy over the past month or so. The busy-ness of it all has left me distracted and I haven't had a lot of time to do things that I know are good for me and that I should be doing.

That said, I'm now off work until Tuesday. We're hitting the road, on a trip to NYC. The laundry is done, I have empty suitcases sitting on the bed that need packing. In a couple of hours we'll be heading south. I'm not sure what'll happen as far as our meals go, eating out, no matter how careful you try to be is always tricky. We will be doing a lot of walking though so that's something, right?

Anyway, when we get back next week I hope to get back to journaling here regularly again. I miss it when I don't do it.

Hope you all have a very happy weekend.

cold = hungry

Yesterday, we had our first, full day of really fall-like weather. It was one of those gorgeous, crisp days that start and end feeling "brisk" but in between, are sun-shiny with just a touch of cool in the air. For some weird reason, I was hungry, really hungry all day. A colleague of mine mentioned that she too was really hungry yesterday and we agreed that it must be down to the change in the weather. Weird huh?

Fortunately for me, I'd eaten breakfast at home, packed my sensible lunch and had no cash on me. I don't know if I mentioned this or not but recently, a Tim Horton's has opened literally next to the building I work in. Our previously full-of-healthy-and-yummy-options, mom and pop cafe has been replaced by an evil corporate fat and sugar stand. Ice Caps and donuts are everywhere. I haven't given in to Tim's temptations yet but it sucks that it's right on our door step. It also sucks that if I happen to forget my lunch, it's now a huge hassle to try and find something decent to eat.

Last night we had a tonne of errands to do in preparation for our weekend away. This included an oil change and having the tires rotated and balanced. We ended up at our favourite Vietnamese place on the way home and I enjoyed a huge and delicious bowl of soup with a side order of veggies. It was really filling and totally yummy and not a bad choice overall. At the end of the day yesterday, my caloric consumption was no more than it should have been. At least I'm keeping that part in check.

Exercise continues to be a struggle but I did manage to get a walk in yesterday and I think I'll do the same thing today, in lieu of a ride on the bike. I'm still feeling rushed and a little freaked out but knowing that I only have 2.5 more days in the office this week is making it feel a little less daunting.

rushed

For the past few (several?) weeks, I feel like I'm constantly rushing. Work is crazy, home is busy with LOG and getting the house ready for winter. We literally collapse into a heap at the end of the day. It's not a routine that I'm thrilled about, let me tell you.

I worked most of the weekend (well, Friday night and most of the day on Saturday) and spent Sunday, catching up on laundry and trying to rest. I was so exhausted that by the time we went to bed on Sunday night, I was overtired and didn't sleep well, I hate how that happens.

Last week, with the cold and the back thing (which, btw, is still giving me some trouble), I didn't do proper exercise, at all. I've not yet rode my bike this week either. I also got away from journaling my food. This is always a big mistake for me because journaling keeps me on track. I didn't go too far off my plan (I should state that it's now been over 2 months since a french fry has passed my lips) but I know that I wasn't 100% either.

This week's been better so far. I'm tracking my calories and starting to feel better. My plan is to ride tomorrow and every morning for the rest of the week, Friday afternoon we're heading out of town for a long weekend. It will be busy and not restful but it'll be fun to get away and I can always rest up in a week or so. Hopefully, by the end of October, the office will have settled down some and I'll feel less rushed, less tense. Here's hoping.

not quite the weekend

I feel a little bad about not having posted much this week. Work has been totally insane for me over the past few weeks. The first couple of weeks, I managed to post early in the morning, after my workout and before going into the office. This week though, I've not felt well and I've had the work crazy thing happening so the posting has slipped off my radar, so has journaling my food, actually, so has working out.

I haven't been on my bike since Monday morning because of my back injury. It's feeling better right now than it has all week. I just went outside for a little walk and to clear my head and feel better for it. Oh, I'm also having a diet coke so the caffeine might be helping too.

This weekend I'm working too, tonight until at least 8 p.m. Tomorrow morning I'm back at 7 a.m. and then I could be done at 2 p.m. or 1 a.m., depending on how my back is. After this weekend, things should settle down a bit, I'm hoping. My plan is to start up with my workouts again on Sunday (to make up for missing the past couple of days). I'm not sure what the scales will say when I weigh-in because we've been eating at weird times and grabbing strange meals. In any event, I think my cold is on the way out, my back is feeling better and I should be back to posting more regularly starting again on Monday.

still here

This is going to be really quick. I didn't post on Friday because I was soooo busy at work that I didn't have a chance. The weekend was a bit of a blur, I took some work home with me and did that on Saturday while my hunny worked. Sunday, we did very little (and it was nice). Yesterday, I was sick. I had that cold in my back thing again. I woke up feeling stiff and stuffy. I figured that if I rode, I'd loosen up and feel better. I rode and felt a bit better at first. Once I got upstairs though, I felt terrible and couldn't make it into work. Anyway, I'm at work right now, sitting on the heating pad, trying to get stuff done through an ibuprofen haze. I can't talk about being on plan at the moment because I haven't journalled my food since Saturday but I don't think it's been too bad. I just can't concentrate on it right now.

So, that's what's new with me. Hopefully, I'll have more coherent thoughts to share later in the week. bye for now

three things

This will have to be a quickie because it's one of those days again:

1. Red Lobster

Last night, we went, with LOG to Red Lobster for dinner. I actually got through an entire meal without eating one of those "cheddar bay" rolls. I tried to ask the server not to bring them but I was out-voted. When they first came to the table, they smelled amazing but I resisted. By avoiding the rolls, I had room (both in my stomach and on my calorie chart) for more seafood. yay!


2. Biggest Loser

Forgot to mention this yesterday but I checked out the season premiere on Tuesday night. Last year, I totally enjoyed the series. This shocked the hell out of me because I don't watch any other "reality" shows. I think I got sucked in because it was something that I could relate to. I also found myself thinking "yanno, if I could get on that, I could be the Biggest Loser." Yikes. Anyway, so far, the only person I thought I liked at all has been sent home. The rest of them seem kind of whiney and I was a little disappointed to see that all of the women basically weigh around the same and that there wasn't anyone my age on it. I guess if you're older and heavier, they don't want to risk it (but they'll have older and heavier men on it - go figure). Last year, when it was on, I was off the wagon more than I was on it and I remember actually snacking while watching it sometimes. Thank goodness I'm back on track now. I'll be losing right along with other "losers."

3. Special K

Are they showing these new Special K ads featuring Carson Kressley in the states? I've only seen them on Canadian channels so far. If you haven't seen them, it's Carson talking about how Special K should be part of your healthy maintenance regime, once you've reached your goal weight. Good message I suppose, but I find him really annoying. Don't get me wrong, I love him on Queer Eye, seriously. In the ads though, he's wearing a short sleeved red t-shirt over a white long sleeved one, and they are tucked into his pants and he has a noticeable "paunch." Now, I would love to have a little tummy like that (instead of head-to-toe flab) but he doesn't exactly scream "super fit" to me. Except for the tummy, he's very slim. I just don't think he looks toned at all. If you're trying to sell health in a box and are telling the world that you're working out regularly, you might want to actually do that. Just my two cents, I've found the whole series to be rather irritating.

humpity-do-dah-day

So it's Wednesday and I'm distracted. I'm swamped at work (but today I am stopping for lunch) and that's on my mind but also, we're seriously thinking about getting a dog so I'm excited and making plans for that.

I had another good workout this morning and have now officially put more miles on the bike this week than I did last week. By the end of this week, I should hit the 500 mile mark for the year to date. I'd hoped to be hitting that by my birthday (way back in May) so I'm a little late with it but, better late than never. Also, I'm still journaling my food. It's a little tedious at times but it keeps me honest. This way, when I mess up and go off plan, I can see it in front of my face and, when I have a really good day, I can see that too.

Now, having said that, yesterday was not a great day. I went way over on my calories and knew it when I was doing it and regretted it immediately after. This happened because we had pizza for dinner last night. My hunny usually cooks but he was exhausted, I was exhausted too so my defenses were lowered and we ordered in. It was a big mistake, I know this, but it happened and I now know that I could care less about having pizza again anytime soon. It just made me feel heavy and yucky afterwards. Who knew huh?? Happily, today is better day. I had a headache last night but it wasn't nearly as bad as the previous night and the rash thing is, I think, bug bites. That gross I know but they are going away and aren't terribly itchy. Yikes...what a week!!

weirdness

At this particular moment in time, I feel okay. Last night, I had the worst headache I had ever experienced in my entire life. I felt, seriously, like the top of my head was coming off. When it first started, I thought that I may be a little dehydrated (even though I'd spent my day running back and forth to the loo because of the amount of water I consume while I work) after dinner. A glass of water helped a bit but I still had to take some tylenol. I know that this is just a symptom of the stress-related cold thing I've had this week. I was coughing a bit too last night, which was making the headache all the worse, and my ears were plugged. It was odd. I also seem to have developed a weird kind of rash. It almost looks like bug bites (I know that's gross) because it's sort of in one spot (well in a cluster) on my tummy. It's as if one the many spiders which have been finding their way into the house now that September has arrived, was in bed with me on Sunday night and had buffet on my tummy. I'm kind of a mess right now, and I'm mentally exhausted because of work.

It should be said though, that the cold and the work pace have been helping me with my motivation. The past two mornings, I've been up before the sun and have ridden my bike. I feel like I'm almost ready to start mixing up the interval programs again (like I used to, all those many months ago) and I think I want to dig out my WATP DVD's. After a week now, the exercise is feeling more like a routine and less like a punishment. I hate to think how crappy I'd be feeling if I wasn't doing this. Also, I snuck a peek at the scale again this morning and noticed another little drop. I know it's just that "early in the restart big drop" thing happening but I'm really pleased about it. I still have a ways to go before I'm into virgin fat but I'll get there soon. I have a mini-goal that I'd like to hit by the end of the year but I don't want to say too much about it, for fear that I'll jinx myself (I have a tendency to do that sometimes). Headache hangover, yucky rash and all, I'm feeling pretty good right now and that's the main thing.

monday, monday

How was your weekend? I managed to get through mine without too much trauma and/or damage. I actually felt kind of yucky all weekend. The neck stiffness thing got really bad on Friday night and all day on Saturday. I know it was some kind of cold thing because I was coughing and blowing my nose and I developed some kind of weird soreness inside my right nostril. The nostril pain is going away, the neck stiffness is starting to dissipate a bit so I think I'm on the mend. Doing little else than laundry this weekend definitely helped.

Friday night, after work and after visiting LOG, we picked up some groceries to get us through the weekend. We spent about $28 on "snacks" but the snacks were all of the fresh fruit and veg variety. It's definitely easier to avoid temptation if you don't haul crap into the house, isn't it? Saturday was the first weekend, on-plan day, I'd had in I don't know how long. Yesterday, I snacked a bit too much. I definitely went over as far as calories go but I didn't pig out on really fatty stuff so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Part of the reason I did it was simply boredom. My hunny and LOG went out of town for the day. I was supposed to go with them but stayed behind with my cold. I just kept nibbling on stuff that I didn't really need or want and couldn't stop myself. Not good.

On Saturday night, we ordered Chinese take-out. My hunny let me pick the items because he wanted to be surprised when the food arrived. I'm happy to report that I didn't order nearly as much as we used to, that most of the items were veg related and that we had enough left over for dinner last night. You have to understand that in the past, we'd just devour everything in the bag, as soon as it got into the house so having enough leftovers for an entire meal is a huge accomplishment. It sounds really ridiculous typing it, but it's true.

Here is my latest weekly wrap-up:
summary - week ending September 11

• did "intentional exercise" 3 out of 4 work days last week. A not bad re-start, if I do say so myself.
  
• I took my vitamins 6 out of 7 days this week (I totally forgot about it yesterday for some odd reason)
  
• exceeded daily water intake goal 7 out of 7 days
  
• stepped back on the scales again this morning to discover that I'd lost 2.5 pounds this week. It's really nothing to shout about because I'm no where near virgin fat at the moment but, still, it's better than the alternative

happy friday

We had an usually late night last night and I'm really feeling it at the moment. Yesterday, in the morning, my hunny msg'd me that he had a bad migraine. I wasn't surprised at this, he'd had a bit of a headache in the morning and the weather was a little weird here. I told him to pack in work, get home, take drugs and get some sleep. He followed my advice and when I called him at 4 p.m. to see how he was doing, he felt much better.

Now, last night we were meeting a furnace guy at the house (nothing serious, just new house/new furnace stuff that we needed to deal with before the cold weather sets in). He was to be here at 5:30 p.m. so I raced home, stopping quickly to grab some yogurt for lunches. Of course, he was late arriving. By the time he left, it was almost 6:30 p.m. and we were trying to decide what to do about dinner. We didn't really enough "dinner food" in the house to make a proper meal with, I refused to order any kind of greasy delivery food so the debate began. My hunny had grabbed something to eat after his nap so he wasn't famished. Me, on the other hand, had worked through my lunch (I ate it, I just didn't take a break) and had not even had time to grab my snack in the afternoon. I was so hungry. Finally, a little after 7, we decided to venture out and try to find something that would be tasty and not greasy or too expensive. After a couple of false-starts, we ended up at Costco and bought salad stuff. When we eventually got back home and had eaten, it was almost 9 p.m.

While I'm not thrilled about having eaten so late, I am happy with my choices and eating was 100% on plan again yesterday. We didn't get into bed until around 10 and we're up at 4:30 a.m. I knew that this morning was going to be a struggle but I had decided before going to bed that I was going to exercise in the morning. Getting up turned out to not be as difficult as I'd thought it would be but I did feel really sluggish and groggy. I think I've been fighting some kind of a cold this week which is one of the reasons I've really pushed myself to exercise this week, I'm trying to keep it at bay. This morning though, I have these big black circles under my eyes and my neck is really stiff. On my right side, it feels really tight. When I'm standing, I can feel it all the way down to my shoulder blade, it's weird. My ride was really brutal this morning too. I've been really feeling it when I'm riding. Even last night, as I lay in bed, I felt a little soreness and stiffness in my muscles. It's a good feeling and I don't mind it at all but this morning, I really had to push myself to get through the interval program.

So, I'm feeling a little battered and stiff. Really though, I'm pretty pleased with what I've managed to accomplish so far this week. I've had 3 perfectly on plan eating days and expect today to be the same. I've also exercised the past three days in a row which is something I haven't managed in a while. Aches and pains aside, being back on track is feeling good.

journaling

Fitday is once again my friend. I had stopped journaling a while ago. With my recent restart (late July? early August? ...I've restarted so many times I can't keep track) I told myself that I could just watch what I ate and that I knew how to do that without journaling my meals. Yeah, okay...I do know what to eat, what's too much, what's balanced. Sad thing is, without the graphs and pie-charts, I don't do it. I need to see the numbers in front of me. Those numbers, total calories, percentages of carbs, fat, protein...they keep me honest. For the past two days (and today, so far - that's three - whoohoo), journaling has kept me on track.

Last night, I didn't have to make a decision about dinner as LOG wasn't feeling up to going out. While I was not happy to hear that he didn't feel so good, I was relieved to know that we'd be having dinner at home. Dinner at home is so much safer, easier, more controlled. Not to mention that I think we've been eating out entirely too much lately. The dinner has been put off until Friday now (tomorrow night we have to meet the furnace guy at the house right after work). I'm hoping that by Friday, I'll be able to come up with some fun / healthy idea for where we can dine. In the culinary wasteland that is the town I live in, this is not an easy thing to do.

File under NSV:

Now that I'm officially (hey, it is day three after all) back on plan, I can start reporting on fun little NSVs again. Yesterday morning at work, we had a big departmental meeting. There is usually food at these things and I was pleasantly surprised to walk into the room and not see a table full of coffee and muffins. About half-way through the meeting, the food arrived and everyone took a break to go "help themselves." Lucky for me, they had bottled water (yay). I grabbed one for myself and my buddy and totally ignored the yummy looking muffins and thick slices of loaf (looked like spice / fruit or something -- it smelled very good) and those little packets of whipped butter. Feeling quite proud of myself, sipping on my water, I watched a presentation. After the folks presenting it were done, they handed out chocolate bars to everyone. Why do people do this??? Mine was a kitkat. I love kitkats. When the meeting was over, I gave mine back to the presenter and grabbed a second bottle of water. Saying "no" to a muffin or a chocolate bar shouldn't be a big deal. Yesterday though, it was and I'm glad I did it. I'm really looking forward to the day when it's not a big deal anymore.