happy happy

the past two weeks have flown by in a bit of a blur of holiday shopping, baking, visits and lots of doing nothing.

The "shopping = walking" fitness program continued sporadically until around the 22nd or so. We weren't planning on doing much shopping for the holidays this year but even when you decide not to spend a tonne of money, it still take several trips out and about to get the non-expensive things that you've decided on. I also spent an entire day wrapping all of the stuff that we were cutting back on. It all looked gorgeous when it was done and I think it was all unwrapped, in a heap on the floor, in less than 10 minutes.

My baking turned out really well this year. I stuck to cookies, which I am very good at and left squares and pies and candy to those who have those skills. My attempts at these are always underwhelming. One of the nice things about my cookies too is, even though there is sugar in them, I use things like unbleached flour, soy milk, and non-hydrogenated margarine. The only pound of butter I purchase all year is used in my shortbread, everything else gets the margarine and I had no complaints. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that cookies which are full of skor bits or white chocolate chunks are actually healthy but at least I know exactly what is in them!

I baked literally hundreds of cookies. This year I had enough for 9 really large plates and one big hamper of cookies (the hamper when to my folks the plates to friends and other family members). We had just enough cookies left over at home that we should run out later today. Last year, I think I was chucking them out after January 1 because we didn't get to see as many folks as we'd planned.

The week after Christmas was sort of weird. My hunny was sick over the holidays. Finally on Friday, he felt well enough to go back to work but he missed Wednesday and Thursday due an allergic reaction he had to some new prescription medication. Since he's been diagnosed as diabetic, he's been taking metformin in addition to some cholesterol lowering meds. He was first diagnosed with high cholesterol in December 2002. When his new doctor discovered the diabetes, she switched him to a new cholesterol medicine and it's been working well. Combined with good changes in his diet and eating habits, he's got his numbers for both well under control. There's a good chance that with some more weight loss, he could dump the meformin. Anyway, because he's diabetic, she's been really watching his blood pressure. His BP is good for a non-diabetic person but she felt that he should try some medication to lower it slightly because he is "borderline high" for a diabetic. The blood pressure meds made him so sick. He was having so much gas pain that he didn't sleep for almost three days. Fortunately, we figured it out on Christmas Day and he stopped taking the meds (he was taking them at bedtime). He got into see his doctor on the 27th and she agreed that he had a bad reaction and will let that go for a while. He was so sick that I thought seriously about taking him to the hospital a couple of times. Thankfully, he's sleeping well again and is feeling better. It was pretty horrible, not only being sick but feeling crappy over the holidays always seems so much worse somehow.

For New Years Eve, I'll be home, he'll be working this evening. This isn't such a big deal for me though. I always feel like Labour Day is New Years. When school starts, it's like the year starts for me. I still have another entire week of vacation left. All I really have planned is some housework, packing away the holiday decorations, cleaning, that sort of thing...and seeing some friends before we all get back to work again.

With the start of 2007, I hope to clean up my routine again. I've been working on it over the holidays. I'm definitely drinking more water (and I can see the difference in my skin). The eating hasn't been great but I've been working hard on not snaking in the evenings because that is something I struggle with. I know I ate way too much spinach dip and too many cookies (not together!) over the past couple of weeks but lucky for me, we're fresh out of spinach dip and the cookies are almost gone so I shouldn't have too much trouble getting my act back together. The exercise part might be a bit trickier but I have some plans for this week too.

So, expect to see me posting here with a little more regularity than I have been. Writing here helps me keep focused on being nice to myself. Here's hoping that 2007 is a happy, healthy year for all of us!!

more walking

so tell me, shopping does count as exercise right?

if it doesn't, it should!!

I spent a good chunk of today shopping. Not just holiday shopping though, some of it was of the household goods and grocery variety. I got a lot done and right now, my feet are killing me so that must have burned some calories!!

All though November, around here anyway, the produce in the stores was overpriced and underwhelming. Things in the produce section were looking up this morning though, I guess it could be because of the holidays. Whatever the reason, it was good to see fruit and veg that you actually want to eat, on sale. I also stocked us up on yogurt, seeds, healthy snack stuff... no chips in the bunch!! I've gotten really bad over the past few months with the chips. They are a huge weakness for me and I've allowed myself to indulge just a few times too many.

This weekend will be quiet for us. I have some work I need to do (I do freelance transcription in my "spare" time) tomorrow. I really want to get it done tomorrow and have Sunday off with my hunny (he's working tomorrow too) because my deadline is Monday. Other than that, we should have a nice relaxing weekend. I'm definitely not going anywhere near the stores again until next week if I can avoid it!!

actual walking

Today started out feeling a bit like a work day. A long time ago, before I had scheduled my holidays, I had signed up for a workshop for today. I'm working on a professional development certificate through work and I'm only 4 sessions away from completion so I didn't want to miss it. The session itself was good, I sat with some women I knew so I got to have a visit with them as well.

I had a couple of errands to do on campus so I was wandering around a fair bit before and after the session. Fortunately, the sun was shining and, while it was breezy, the breeze wasn't cold at all. It felt really good to be outside walking. I haven't done a whole lot of that lately. When I'm out walking, I can really feel how out of shape I am though. I can't walk quickly at all and too many flights of stairs can really knock me a bit (like more than 2 flights - the 3rd one is a struggle). Still though, a long walk in the fresh air felt good. I need to get outside (if it ever stops raining - we've had a lot of rain here just recently) and walk around the neighbourhood while I'm off from work.

As far as the cold thing goes, I'm feeling much better. I took it very easy for most of Tuesday and yesterday, the only thing I really accomplished was putting up the christmas tree and doing a small amount of housework. I'm just happy that whatever it was, has almost gone and it's just a little cough right now. There's a tonne of weird bugs floating around right now, I sure don't need to catch one of those!

ugh

my throat, she's sore.

I'm coughing and feel achey.

I think I need to go see my bed again...fun times huh?

specs

Today was an expensive day. It doesn't pay to leave the house, let me tell you!

I ordered new glasses this afternoon. The ones I have now, which I love, are about 4 years old and the prescription has changed slightly. I really only notice the difference when I'm watching tv or driving at night (the illuminated signs are a little fuzzy for me now). While I was spending $400 on glasses, my hunny was spending a similar amount on prescriptions. Thank goodness we will get most of that back from the insurance company huh?! Unfortunately, we won't be able to claim for the $600 we're going to have to spend on tires this week but something is better than nothing, right?

My first weekend of vacation was quiet. As promised, I did get out and get groceries on Saturday. Yesterday, I had a bit of a lazy day, doing laundry, watching tv. I had intended to get my christmas tree up but that never happened. Tonight, I feel like I may be getting a touch of a cold. I'm a little stuffed up but hopefully, it's one of those things that will be knocked out by a good night's sleep. It is sort of funny how I've started to feel a little crummy just as I'm actually getting decent amounts of sleep and am eating better. Maybe my body is in a little bit shock!

holidays!

I'm officially on holidays!!

As of about 4 p.m. today, I am on vacation until Monday, January 8.

The nicest part of this is that I have no plans whatsoever. Well, not entirely no plans, I need to get my baking done and have some holiday type gifts to buy and wrap...and then there are all of those cards that I need to get out but other than that, I'm home for four weeks.

My hunny is working so I'll be keeping the home fires burning. I joke that I can be a housewife in the 50's for a month but I doubt very much that I'll be taking any amphetamines or wearing a pointy bra anytime soon.

One of the things I really want to do while I'm off from work is to get into a more healthy routine. We've recently gone back to our bad habit of either eating out too often or eating "convenience" foods at home. Tomorrow, I'm going to go buy actual groceries. We'll be able to cook good meals, I'll have stuff to use for baking. It'll be good for us, more healthy, economical, smart. I'm really looking forward to getting some rest and just generally having time to look after myself properly for the first time in a good long time.

another Friday

I have today off work. That's two Fridays in a row, neat huh? Two long-weekends. I'm lucky!

It feels weird to me though, that I'm not working head down, full steam ahead on multiple projects with looming deadlines. All year, I've had to juggle things at a frantic pace. It's hard work keeping all of those balls in the air. Unfortunately, all of that juggling doesn't burn any calories!

So today, my day off, I'm working on some hand-made gifts for my colleagues. Today's portion involves some baking activities. Next week is my last week in the office before my extended holiday break so I don't have a lot of time to get them together. Because I have all of that time off booked, I've not been too worried about getting stuff together for the holidays but it's creeping up on me now so I should get it started at least.

just lovely, thank you

I'm having a wonderful day.

The sun is filling my living room, making it bright and warm. My mum and dad were over earlier for coffee, I have actually started prep for my holiday baking and my boxes of holiday ornaments are piled up in the kitchen.

Now, things haven't happened in the order I'd planned them so far but it all feels good just the same. I had great intentions of cleaning all morning. I started the cleaning (part of the basement looks AMAZING right now) when my mum called and said that they'd be over. I stopped cleaning, dragged the boxes upstairs and had a shower.

After they left, instead of starting up the cleaning again, I got into the prep part of my holiday baking. Right now, I'm waiting for my hunny because he's playing hookie from work this afternoon. We're planning a late lunch out somewhere nice. Later this afternoon, I'm going to clean the living room and do my window "light displays." We may get the front yard done too but if we don't, I'm not worried. It's still early and we'll get it done when we get it done.

Overall, I'm feeling more relaxed and healthy and happy than I have in weeks. Now that all of my major projects at work are finished up, I feel that a huge weight has been lifted from me. Life is good!

a change WILL do you good

we recently switched brands of yogurt at home. for a couple of years now, I've been a Source by Yoplait fan. About 6 weeks ago, I saw that Silhouette by Danone was on special for a fantastic price so we tried it. not only do I like the flavours better than the Source flavours, the price is just terrific and it's a little lighter on the calories too.

don't you just love it when you find something like that?

I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better today than I have since I got back from Toronto. whatever mini-version of food poisoning I got has finally gone. my system was all messed up for a few days. In a way, this is never a bad thing because it makes me eat less than normal but still, I'm happy to be feeling better. now, if I can just get rested back up and lose this achey feeling I've had in my joints for the past week or so, I'll be really thrilled.

because I was out of town for work on the weekend, I have tomorrow off. I'm planning to do my housework and get all the yucky stuff out of the way before the official weekend begins.

after today, I only have two weeks left in the office before my extend-o-holiday begins. I'll be out of the office for four weeks and hope/plan to clean up my act while I'm away. I know that it'll be the holidays but still, even I can figure out a way to work in more exercise during the break! there will be no excuses!!

simple

I seem to be posting about once a week. This isn't bad, considering how infrequent my posts have become over the past few months.

The last week has been busy for me. At times, it's been easy to be "good" about food choices, at others, I've not cared too much. That's a by-product of the busy. The busy this week involved me having to travel out of town to help out at an event. While away, I think/know I got a touch of food poisoning and my stomach has been wonky ever since. Tonight, it's particularly bad but I'm hoping it'll pass soon.

I had a huge surprise at the end of last week. I think it was Thursday or Friday when I decided to step on the scale. Mostly, I check it to make sure that I haven't gained 20 pounds over night. Status quo is my friend right now so you can imagine my shock when the scale said I was down 6 pounds. I'm not sure that it's a legitimate loss, that it wasn't just from stress and fluctuations in how much water I'm carrying around. Either way, it made me feel good and kept me pretty much focused on good eating for a few days.

Speaking of which, here are some kind of neat NSV's that I've experienced this week:

1. passing up on a piece of homemade cheesecake in the office last week. It was brought in for a lovely friend's birthday but I just couldn't eat it, not before lunch anyway.

2. choosing a veggie omelet and toast when we went out for lunch, out of town, over the weekend. I really was jonesing for some pizza or a huge plate of pasta but I had the veggie heavy eggs instead.

3. I just said "no" to jelly beans, gummy things and homemade chocolate chip cookies at work too. I wish I could find it as easy to say "no" at home as I do at work.

This week, I'll be super duper happy if I have managed to maintain that crazy 6 pound loss. On the other hand, I'll not be suicidal if I gain it back this week. I don't really believe it happened anyway.

on eating when you're hungry

Over the summer, my hunny was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Upon his diagnosis, we started to study blood sugar levels and nutrition and all of the other body chemistry that comes with it. I thought that I knew a lot about nutrition before and that I didn't have a lot to learn. Boy was I wrong. Oh, fyi, just because one knows a lot about nutrition doesn't always mean that one does what one should with that information!

We've both learned a lot about listening to our bodies more. Of course, it's one thing to listen to it, it's another to do what it tells you... the reason I mention this is that last week, I was hungry, like really hungry, most of last week. I'm now thinking it was because I wasn't entirely over whatever the bug was that I had the week before. Unfortunately, many of the times when I gave into the hunger, the lovely little clementine oranges I have with me all of the time didn't really touch it on their own. No, I would have an orange, and then a granola bar and then a huge handful of goldfish crackers... and water, lots of water, water all the time. The no snacking in the evening thing only lasted a few days. Thank goodness we didn't have any chocolate in the house last week. I would have just devoured it.

In between this all, I keep jumping on the scale. I feel like I'm gaining five pounds a day but my weight hasn't changed. I do know that I'm not feeling terrific with my fitness level. I might not have gained any weight this fall so far but I haven't really done any intentional exercise either and it shows. I feel it in my knees when I'm going up and down the stairs at work. I think I should be walking more quickly than I do when I'm actually walking outside.

Fortunately, the hunger issue is not as big a problem as it was last week (although I still feel like the bug is hanging around). Work is winding down. We have one more big event on the weekend and after that, it's not too bad for the rest of the year. I'm definitely making changes to what I choose to eat. Portion size is still an issue. I think it's better to eat larger amounts of healthy foods than it is to eat large portions of crap. I think that if I can find the time to start posting here a little more regularly, that will help me with my progress.

On that note, I think I'm going to take a little walk while I still have some time left on my lunch break.

I can report

...a couple of things:

1. I was off from work on Thursday afternoon and all day Friday due to illness. I feel much better now.

2. Before going home sick, I talked to my boss about my overwhelming workload and I've been given lots of help.

3. I have not cried at my desk at all this week.

4. I have not snacked in the evenings the past two evenings (I know it's only two but still, TWO!)

5. While I'm not 100% back on my original plan, I'm more focused on my eating and making a conscious effort to be nicer to myself.

6. I hope to be posting here a little more often now than things seem to be settled, or at least more settled than they have been recently.

how've you all been?

if you're happy and you know it, have a cry!

I'm still here, really.

It feels like I go all gang-busters and post for a few days and then disappear without warning. Really, what's happened is that the past 4 weeks or so have just been overwhelming to a scary degree.

In the days post LOG passing away, my work was really busy. Like, not normal busy, the kind of busy where you start to feel like you are actually some kind of crazy machine. Like a mad robot from Futurama or something.

Our team was working toward a big event on September 30. I really had it in my head that once that was over, things would settle down a bit. Now, I knew that the rest of the fall season would be still be hectic but I figured I would at least have time to say, pee once in a while or go for an actual "away from my desk" type of lunch break. Optimistically, I even made two lunch dates for that first week of October. The first lunch date was okay, the second one, well my poor friend had to put up with me blubbing and being a bit of a wreck.

Alas, my new job seems to have the better of me right now. The worst part of it is that I really really love what I'm doing, we're just woefully understaffed at the moment. I've had to work a few weekend recently and have not been able to take any lieu time that I'm owed...so I just keep working and working and I can't get any rest. Even when I take a day off, I'm not sleeping well because I'm dreaming about work. The little blue pills aren't even helping.

Today though, I finally had an opportunity to talk (briefly) about this with my boss. She's fabulous but she's going through the same thing with her MIL that we just went through with our LOG so I haven't wanted to trouble her too much with things. Anyway, I've been crying a lot. I do this when I'm frustrated. It's one of things that I hate about myself: when I get frustrated, or mad, I cry. I feel like such an ass when it happens but I know that when it does happen, it's bad. Right now, I feel overtired, overworked, overwhelmed. I'd much rather be overjoyed and oversexed or over anything else but tired, worked and whelmed. I'd also rather not be overeating and, admittedly, I've been sporadically doing that. I hate a huge ass bag of ketchup chips on the weekend and numerous chocolate chip cookies.

Hopefully, I'll be able to talk to my boss at greater length later this week and sort out some kind of temporary solution to my problem. Well, it's not just my problem, it's our team's problem....it is now anyway, because that's how it is supposed to be when you're on a team, right?

/emotionally stupid rant

boy, typing all of that made me feel better. I know too, that if I'd had some time to properly grieve about LOG I'd have a better perspective on things but that really seems to creep up on me in a bad way from time to time too... yikes! I hope that everyone out in shrinking blog land is shrinking and being all healthy and good. I miss reading everyone's blogs and being inspired by all of your fabulousness. I'll be back soon, being fabulous and accomplished and rested! ...just watch this space!

weakened state

This week has been tough and long so far.

Work has been crazy busy, my back is feeling better but it's not 100% yet. I know that it's just all the stress. I'm really tired and feeling run down. It wouldn't surprise me at all if I ended up with a cold in a few days.

I've been trying to eat well through all of this. Not totally perfect but good, better than I had been. The exercise thing will wait until my back is better. Right now, I'm just trying to be as good to myself as I can. Once this week is over, work should settle down a little and my routine will get back to normal.

I'm looking forward to resting up and healing a bit, it's been a long month so far.

crooked

crap.

I'm up, I'm sipping coffee, I'm still crooked as hell.

Admittedly, I feel slightly better than I did last night but it still hurts to walk and I can barely sit up in the chair right now. I think I have to get back to bed and call in sick. I really didn't want to do this, I need to get back into the office (we have a big thing happening on Saturday) but I am worried that if I drag myself into work, that I'll be worse tomorrow and be totally screwed for the weekend.

Stress sucks, doesn't it folks? arrgghhh!!

sore

last night, we were in bed by 8 p.m.

Up until we got home yesterday, we were holding ourselves together pretty well. Being home though, around familiar stuff, around LOG's stuff (a lot of his things were still in his room here at the house) was difficult.

When we got home, there was a beautiful card from my folks waiting for us, reading that made us both cry. Later on, a huge bouquet of flowers from the girls I work with arrived, that made us cry. Of course, I kind of laughed a little as we lit this candle that the funeral home gave us and placed it next to the flowers. In Judaism flowers are not really appropriate when someone dies. I said to my hunny that they sort of represented the compromise that LOG made when he decided to move here to be with us. His life became a little more "goy-ish" than it ever had, he even spent Christmas with us at my mum & dad's.

I expect that the next few days will be difficult too. At some point, we need to go over to the nursing home and pack up his things. We had hoped to do that today but my back is completely screwed right now, well my hip really. My body deals with stress by having my hip seize up. This stops me from being able to sit comfortably or walk straight up. It's quite inconvenient and painful and I'm hoping that I'll be better tomorrow because I need to go to work. I'm just grateful that this didn't happen until after we got home (it started a bit last night). My hunny says that it's just my body dealing with me holding everything in until the funeral was over and all the stuff we needed to do was done. I think he's right. Hopefully, sleep and ibuprofen will help get me sorted out. I don't want to miss another day of work.

back home

we got home a little while ago.

I can't remember when I've been so tired. the funeral was yesterday morning and it was really nice, I think that LOG would have liked it, he definitely would have liked the rabbi. Fortunately, friends of ours had a connection to this fellow. The rabbi is married to their neice. He was a great guy, young, cool and very respectful of the way we wanted things to go. The whole process was made a lot easier by him.

Right now, I'm feeling really beaten up and tired. My whole body aches and I'm anxious to get into bed. Is 6 p.m. too early to go to bed?

gone

LOG passed away last night, about 2 hours after we left him.

In an hour or so, we're heading to Toronto for his funeral. He has to be buried tomorrow morning, before rosh hashanah starts.

thanks for all of your good thoughts everyone. see you in a couple of days.

still here

LOG's still hanging on.

At 5:15 p.m. today though, we really thought that he died. My hunny even went to get the nurse but by the time he was back in the room, LOG was breathing again.

It's still a waiting game, he could go any minute or he could go in a few hours.

It's been a really long day, sitting with him, but I'm glad that we did it. We're heading off to bed now, no matter what happens, tomorrow will be another long day.

don't get old kiddos.

hanging by a thread

well I managed to barely get through my busy week last week, it was really difficult but I made it. I'm still exhausted though and I don't see an end in sight for that. LOG is in the hospital and we don't expect that he'll make it through the next 12 hours. We've been with him at the hospital all day, he's very weak, his lungs are full of fluid, his heart is very weak and he has a serious infection that is out of control. He's on morphine and oxygen and is very very comfortable right now. We don't expect that he'll regain consciousness though. We hope to get a few hours of sleep tonight and get back to see him in the morning. This has been a long time coming but it still feels strange. I guess you never really know how you're going to feel about something like this until you're in the middle of it.

maah!

I probably shouldn't be here right now. By "here" I mean at home, in front of my computer, smelling the dinner that is being cooked for me right now, enjoying a breeze through my window. I should probably be at the office. I was there on Saturday and it didn't seem like enough. Yesterday, I put work out of my head as much as I could. Today, I worked 9 hours without a break and by the time 4 p.m. rolled around I was mushy. My brain was mushy, I couldn't think or concentrate. It was time to go home.

Tomorrow, I think I'll go in an hour earlier than I did today (which was an hour earlier than I'm actually due in). I can get more done in the early hours when it's quiet and no one is around than I can if I stay late.

Alas, the count down is on. At work, I mean... I think I have mentioned this before but I'll mention it again, I work in events... and while our team works on many events throughout the year, the biggest of the "big annual events" starts this Thursday. It's working on this event that has kept me from my blog and allowed me to give myself permission to be less than good. I won't say bad because I haven't been bad, I've lacked focus is probably the best way to describe it.

Now, even though I'm not 100% on plan these days, my eating hasn't been horrible. I've still not got a strong handle on the exercise thing but I plan to focus on that once this week is over with. I did hop on the scale the other day, to see how horrible things had gone and fortunately, I'd maintained. I was happy about that.

Right now, given how insane the rest of my life is, it's just nice to have something to feel happy about!!

wednesday wrap-up - weeks 6 & 7

hello...

I'm still here and thought that I should make a quick post, afterall, today is my usual wrap up day.

First, I should start with week 6. I spent week 6 being quite sick. I had booked Friday, August 25 off from work, as a vacation day. It gave me a nice long weekend and I'd been quite looking forward to it. Unfortunately, the day before, on the 24th, my allergies (which had been really quite okay up until that point) went bananas. I felt like I had a wicked head cold, I didn't, I knew it was allergies, but all day at work that Thursday, I kept hearing about how horrible I sounded.

The next morning, I woke up feeling really crappy. Dizzy, sleepy, generally yucky. I spent the entire morning in bed, sleeping. I never do that kind of thing and I surprised even myself by it. By late in the afternoon, I felt much better. My hunny took me out for dinner, we stopped off at my folks' for a visit, we even took a drive after that and went to the casino for an hour. By the time we got home I was tired but felt quite good.

Saturday was totally different. When I woke up, I was not hungry. I sipped on a coffee but couldn't face food. This just never happens for me. I always have an appetite so I knew something was really wrong. For the next two days, my stomach was in rough shape. I was nauseous, I was running back and forth from the toilet and I had a low grade fever. I hauled my butt back to work on Monday but really felt like crap. Literally (sorry!).

It took me until almost the end of the week to feel normal again. My hunny never got whatever I had so we didn't think it was a bug or food related. What we surmised is that it's related to the allergies. Do you think it's possible that the allergy related dizziness was actually vertigo and that made me sick? Either way, I feel better now, thank goodness.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) it's now the busiest time of my year at work. I went into the office for the morning on Saturday even (on Labour Day weekend!!). Not because I had to per se, but because I wanted to in and sort some stuff out. I'm glad I did because so far, this week has been insane. I expect it'll be like this until the end of this month. October can't get here quick enough for me.

So, as far as weighing in and wrapping up, here's the (bah!) "skinny" on me:

summary - week ending August 29

• no update. I was too sick to do anything or care much about it, I didn't even step on the scale!

summary - week ending September 5

• I did manage to take my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
  
• kept to my water goal, all week
  
• found that my chocolate craving can be temporarily dealt with, with fat free chocolate Jello Pudding
  
• did not post here, obviously
  
• eating was touch and go and I only tracked in fitday for two days last week
  
• I did not weigh in yesterday, probably this is a good thing because, on top of everything else, TOM started today.
  

wednesday wrap-up - week 5

What a difference a week makes huh?

I'm not sure what kind of shit was in my head a couple of weeks ago but I'm glad that I've straightened myself out. I'm not 100% perfect but I'm 100% better. I'm also 100% in a bit of a hurry so I'll get to the good stuff!

You know you want it...here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending August 22

• Once again, I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
  
• water continues to be a breeze. I'm meeting my daily water intake goal each day!
  
• didn't suffer too badly with cravings and when I did experience mild ones, I rode them out or ate healthy stuff instead of the bad stuff I had in mind
  
• continued to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• I got back into the swing of recording every morsel of food on fitday
  
• I'm down another 2 pounds this week and I'm really happy about it. That is a total of 9 pounds down in 5 weeks.
  

walk the walk

So last night, after work, I walked a bit. Well, more than a bit, more than I should have in "bad sandals." I was wearing cheapie shoes and shouldn't have ventured too far but my hunny was running late so, rather than sit around like third base waiting for him to pick me up, I started walking. I got him on the phone and asked which direction he'd be coming in (because I'm never sure) and I started hoofing it. I must admit, it felt really terrific when I was doing it but later on in the evening, my left foot was a little sore. Cheap shoes and walking on concrete don't really mix. Today, again with the cheap shoes (what can I say, they are cute and it's summer!). I went out a couple of times during the day, on very short, work-related errands in similarly bad shoes. Tonight, I'm really hobbling. Tomorrow, it's back to the doc marten sandals for a couple of days. The nice thing was though, the actual walking / cardio part of the whole thing felt really good.

I didn't get on the bike this morning because I slept in a tiny bit and had to be at work a little earlier than normal. It's okay though, I figure that the walks in cheap shoes are a good substitute. Even if I can do the bike thing every other day for the first little bit, that's a lot better than I have been doing.

So, the food thing is getting easier, more like a good habit than a bad one. The exercise thing is starting, slowly I know but still, starting is better than stalling. So yeah, the week is off to a good start for me.

SE 07A

I was a little surprised just now, when I took my yogurt out of my lunch bag and noticed that the "best before" date on it was September. How is possible that it's almost the end of August, already!!??

In recent weeks, since my big re-start, I've not done too well with the intentional exercise part of things. I wanted to focus on nutrition and ease back into the moving of my butt. Given the lapses that I've suffered, it's not surprising that I'm stalled at 7 pounds down. This morning, I got my ass in gear again and rode my bike for a short ride. I had decided last night that I would get up this morning and give it a go. I woke up before the alarm, which is surprising on a Monday. When the alarm did go off, I hopped out of bed and into my workout stuff. Before my hunny had made his breakfast, I was done my ride. I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't tough. I was really sweating up a storm and I only rode 3.5 miles but still, it felt good to do it. My thighs are a little sore right now but it isn't a bad thing at all.

Over the weekend, my long weekend, I ate pretty well. We did have pizza for dinner last night but we ordered a smaller size than we normally would and there are leftovers. We're going to have the leftovers tonight with salad for dinner. Who knew!? I did go over a small amount (less than 100 calories of what I think I should be having) in calories on Saturday and Sunday but I'm okay with that. It rained a fair bit on Saturday and Sunday so I didn't get into the pool at all. Instead, I continued with my cleaning jag. The house has never looked so good, I swear. There are still some biggish things to do in the kitchen but right now, all surfaces are gleaming and every corner of the house has seen the vacuum. I even had all of the laundry done, ironed and put away by noon yesterday. My hunny worked on some carpentry projects that he'd been putting off too. We accomplished a lot over the weekend and didn't just park ourselves in front of the television with a giant bag of chips.

It's still not easy, I don't know if it ever will be. It's easier though, easier than last week was anyway.

floating

good afternoon kids.

A while ago, I booked today off. I booked off next Friday too. I figured that if I couldn't (due to work commitments) take a week of in August, at least I could shoot for a couple of long weekends.

This morning I slept in a bit and then puttered around the house, continuing with my cleaning crusade. It's been good. Slowly, I'm getting the house sorted out, parts of it are actually sparkling. It's nice.

This afternoon, I spent some quality time floating in the pool. It was cloudy here all morning and I didn't know if it would warm up enough for swimming but it cleared up around mid-day. yay.

Also, I can report that yesterday was another 100% perfectly on plan day. Today is shaping up much the same way. The busy hands thing seems to be working for me. Once the house is all clean, I'll probably dig out my crocheting. I think my problem in the evenings is from just plain old boredom. We hunker down for an hour or so of TV and I start thinking about snacking. I think I'll try to get back into some crafty projects (I have a bunch of Christmas ornaments half done - I started them for gifts a while ago) to keep myself busy. Again, it's the habit thing. If watching TV has gotten me into a habit of mindless eating, I need to make different habits of either cleaning or working on something.

Slowly, it'll work for me. I know it will, it has before. Right now I'm just taking one day at a time and making baby steps. I feel good about things right now though, which is the main thing, right?

it's getting better

Writing out my frustrations yesterday really helped me. Admittedly, I'm still having some cravings but I'm talking myself out them.

Yesterday ended up as it began, perfectly on plan. After dinner, inspired partly by an old episode of "how clean is your house" and partly by a need to keep my hands busy, I started cleaning the house. I actually started before dinner, ate, and then continued after our meal.

I figure that if I clean something whenever I feel like snacking, it won't take me too long to get my house really really clean. Mentally, I have made a little list of rather gross projects which I have been avoiding. It should take me a little while to get through that list, in addition to my regular cleaning. All of this should keep me too busy to snack. Last night, for example, I scoured the oven top, scrubbed the master bath floor and washed the kitchen floor. I also did some dusting and hoovering. If I have to substitute one habit with another, I guess it's better to make it a good habit, right? Also, I figured that the more cleaning I did last night, more time I would have over the weekend to be out in the pool. Smart huh?

So, today, so far I'm 100% on plan again. As I type this, my office mates are enjoying a Greek take-away and I'm sitting at my desk, eating a banana. I don't mind though, I feel much better about things today than I did yesterday. The weekend will still be a struggle but I don't feel quite as overwhelmed today as I did before.

wednesday wrap-up - week 4

The past week has been really challenging for me. Unfortunately, I'm losing the challenges. I don't know why but I have felt constant hunger for a week now. This actually started on Friday when we had the thing with LOG. He's fine (well, he's not dead or in a coma) so why can't I snap out of this.

My head is all over the place and my stomach is screaming at me, "feed me!!" all the time. I can start out the day okay but the evenings are where things start to fall apart. Daytime is always easier because I bring my food for the day with me from home. It's all measured out. It's "good" food. Fresh, healthy things. For whatever reason, all I can think about is cake and candy and chips. Well, when I'm at home anyway. I've been snacking a lot in the evenings. I'm not happy about it when I'm doing it, I know I should stop and yet, I don't. It's like I don't want to and I guess I don't or I wouldn't do it. What's wrong with my head? I need to figure that out and deal with this. I hate this.

I know that there is not a magic bullet or an easy solution to this but sometimes, like right now, I really wish that there was. Anyway, it's a new week. Let's take a look at last week... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending August 15

• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend! At least I did something good for myself this week!!
  
• once again, this one was not a problem - I met my daily water intake goal all week!
  
• gave into all kinds of stupid little cravings this week, including chocolate and dorito cravings
  
• continued to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• fitday tracking has been hit and miss. Some days I've recorded everything and others I've missed completely.
  
• Don't ask me how but I maintained this week. Maybe it was being sick that helped out. I really need to get my butt in gear.
  

quick apology

I wanted to write a nice post here at lunchtime today but I ended up working straight through. this isn't good but sometimes it's necessary.

I wanted to write a nice post here after dinner tonight but I'm not feeling well. I seem to have picked up some kind of weird tummy bug. It's not pleasant.

So I would like to apologize for a blah-y post about nothing in particular. Tomorrow is my weigh in and hopefully, I'll have more to report then.

ugh

LOG gave us a scare over the weekend. On Friday afternoon, we had a call from the long term care facility (where he receives long term care) that he had had a stroke, or so they thought, and did we want him to go to hospital. We told them no, that we'd rather wait until he saw a doctor where he was. As it turns out, he had a big time UTI and once they got some anti-biotics into him, he rallied 'round. He was basically pretty out of it for several days. We saw him Saturday afternoon and he was up and eating lunch in the dining room and being a joker and somewhat his normal self.

The whole "is he okay or are we planning a funeral" thing loomed heavy over us on Friday night and Saturday morning. On Friday night, in a stressed out situation, we went to the Chinese buffet to drown our sorrows. In the end, we didn't actually eat too badly. We both became full rather quickly and I didn't even have fruit for dessert. Looking at our plates, we realized that we both ate less (and had primarily non-fried stuff) than we had when we ordered in a couple of weeks ago. So now we know that we can go to a buffet, once in a while, and not overindulge. I'm glad about this because I really like the variety that a buffet offers. I now can be one of those folks who just has a little bit of what she wants and is happy with that.

Having said that, I did have a couple of things over the weekend that I probably shouldn't have: doritos and chocolates. I guess it was partly worry about LOG and TOM really fucking me up on Friday. I just stopped caring for an hour or so and ate some crispy crunches and nacho flavoured doritos. I also messed my back up yesterday so I've been moving really slowly. I think it's partly stress about LOG and partly being overtired. Last week was really busy for us and I didn't get nearly as much sleep as I should have. That was a mistake.

This week I'm going to take better care of myself. Eating today has been 100% on plan so far and tonight I plan to do some big time stretching to try to sort my back out. I'm going to get into the pool too. If I'm going to get ahead of it, I need to keep moving.

So that was my weekend. Not super good but not horrible either. Chocolate and doritos aside, anytime that I can get through the weekend without having to call a funeral home is okay in my books.

oh wow, it's Friday!!

Despite being a little tired from TOM and two late nights in a row, I've a couple of decently productive days at work. Things on my "to do" list aren't necessarily getting attention but I have been working on a massive clean-up/organize project that I've been wanting to get at for ages. I've been sorting through tonnes of old papers, tossing some, shredding others, putting the rest of it neatly into binders. It's looking good, much better than it did. Also, if I happen to get hit by a bus or win the lotto, someone would now be able to sit at my desk and actually find anything that they needed to.

on snacking

So last night, we had dinner very early. It was really yummy and satisfying but, I think because we ate quite early and we had eaten quite late the previous two nights, I was hungry by 6:30 p.m. Not the kind of hungry where you are actually bored, but actually super growling tummy hungry. I grabbed a granola bar, because the ones we get will actually, usually, fill me quite well. That was good for about 15 minutes. Eventually, after three cups of water, I broke down and microwaved some popcorn. Fortunately, that satisfied me. It is at times like that, when I'm really glad that we don't keep cookies or ice cream in the house anymore. I'd have been right into it last night ~shiver~

This weekend I should be better able to control myself. We've got a few things planned which will keep us busy. Also, TOM is almost over so the snacking thing usually subsides when it's gone. The past few days have been a bit of a struggle but I'm feeling much better about things now.

back on track today

Boy it's been a couple of busy days for us. We got our new van last night. Both Tuesday and Wednesday evenings were spent out and about, running around and getting the new vehicle stuff sorted out. I'm pretty exhausted actually, what with two late nights and TOM really really kicking my butt.

Fortunately, I've been able to stay totally 100% on plan with my eating since going back to work on Tuesday. Yesterday actually, I was way way under in what I ate, probably because I was so tired, I just ate enough to get rid of the hungry feeling and then moved on. I'm hoping that I can do that when I'm not tired. Eat a small amount of something "good" when I'm hungry and maybe eat more frequently throughout the day but ultimately end up eating less overall. We'll see.

So there's not much to report beyond that. happy thursday kiddos.

wednesday wrap-up - week 3

So the long weekend didn't go quite as well as the previous weekend had. I still recorded everything I ate but to be honest, there were a couple of less than stellar choices that I had to record. We had some pizza at one point and there was some mindless snacking in between floating around the pool on Saturday and Sunday. I was really really jonesing for some chocolate and rather than eat a giant bag of Mars bars, I had chocolate pop tarts instead. They didn't really do it for me but they were surely better than diving, headfirst into a big honking bulk-barn bag of chocolate bars.

Having said that, I know that the too much snacking and pizza lapse were both hormonally induced. My period finally started (properly) yesterday and I'm feeling better in some ways, worse in others. Obviously, I'm a little crampy and crabby but I'm glad that the crap cravings have ceased. I'm not too happy with myself but I'm not going to beat myself either. I'm working really hard at removing guilt from all of this. Feeling bad about doing "bad" things is just going to make me feel worse. If I get to feeling really shitty, I have a better shot at justifying more crap. It's a bad cycle, isn't it?

Anyway, it's a new week. Let's take a look at last week... here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending August 8

• I finally got around to doing my weeding, I also got a little bit of walking in last week. It's not the same as regular daily exercise but it's something.
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
  
• once again, this one was not a problem - I met my daily water intake goal all week!
  
• with pizza came some diet root beer so I wasn't exactly carbonation free this week, close but not quite.
  
• I gave into my chocolate cravings and indulged in some pop tarts on the weekend. not smart!
  
• continued to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday - good and bad.
  
• Fortunately, I maintained this week. When my period is out of the way, I'm hoping that I'll get back to losing again. I'm stuck at 7 pounds down in three weeks
  

what a day

It's getting really close to being past my bedtime. Sorry for the short post but work was quite busy today. I worked through lunch and then, after work, we went out to look for a new vehicle (ours is on it's last legs) and ended up buying one.

Yikes, what a long day!! TOM finally started properly today and I feel a little worse for wear. Eating over the weekend wasn't 100% on plan but it could have been much worse. I'm not sure what tomorrow's weigh-in will show, we'll just have to wait 'til tomorrow to see.

better than I thought I would

Yesterday was a good day. The weather was much nicer than it had been all day and I actually felt like I was productive at work. On Tuesday and Wednesday, when it was so hot, I had a difficult time concentrating, particularly in the afternoon when the air conditioning ceased to be effective.

At lunch yesterday (when I would normally post here), I sat outside with a friend, on a bench under a tree and enjoyed the breeze. All invigorated from a productive day and a pleasant lunch hour, on the ride home from work, I sort of decided that I would tackle some long overdue yard work before dinner. This morning, looking back on it, I'm very glad that I did because now, this morning, I don't have to worry about. I'm not sure what I was thinking though.

I started out on the shady side of the house, pulling weeds from the crack between where the driveway meets the house. That didn't go too badly so I moved around to the front of the house. I was getting pretty hot and feeling a little light headed around the time I was 1/2 done the front of the house. I took a little break, sat down in the shade in the backyard and decided to just suck it up and finish what I'd started. Somewhere between the lawn chair and the front of the house, I decided that I should prune this overgrown tree too. By the time I got that done and bagged everything up for the composting centre, I was literally loopy from the heat. My hands were shaking and I was really dizzy. Luckily, there was a gatorade in the back of the fridge so I sat down in the living room and slowly sipped on that.

I realize now that I was only working for about 45 minutes. My ass was kicked in an unbelievably harsh way. After a little while, I felt a bit better so I decided to go in the pool to cool down. What a difference that made, I felt a million times better. I got my appetite back, we had a late dinner and I felt pretty good. The heat must have caught up with me though because about 45 minutes after dinner, I was sick as a dog. Again I felt really weak and dizzy and ended up going to bed sort of early-ish.

For the first time in several days, I slept like the dead last night. When I woke up this morning, I felt so much better. I actually feel pretty normal and the front and side yards look terrific. There is still some weeding to do in the back but it's mostly shaded out there and if it doesn't get done, no one but us will know. Because of the weather lately, the weeds in the front of the house were growing like crazy and the place was looking pretty trashy. At least now, while not perfectly groomed and landscaped, it no longer looks like we're totally white trash anymore.

As far as the fitness stuff goes this weekend, I'm not too worried. We have several of our meals already planned out and have scheduled another trip to the produce market. We also have several activities planned which don't involve food so I'm not too worried about mindless snacking. I feel like we're back into a routine now with our healthy eating, in another couple of weeks it'll be like we've always been doing this. I'm feeling really positive about it all right now so that's something very good.

present!

I'm alive but really badly beaten from a stupid thing I did in the heat after work tonight...will write about it more tomorrow.

happy loooong weekend kids!!

mmmmmmm

You can almost breathe outside right now. It's been overcast all day today and the humidex is only 28 (down from 43 yesterday!). I just walked back to the office from a training session and by the time I got back to my desk I was all sweaty. It's a gross feeling, the heavy air and moisture. At least I didn't feel like passing out. The hot hot heat we'd been experiencing made me dizzy sometimes.

Dinner last night ended up being Chinese takeaway. We didn't get anything that was deep fried but it was still a little heavy. It was delicious, but I ate a little more than I should have. My appetite was crazy because we ended up eating so late. Here's what we had:



I'm glad that we took this route though. My hunny really wanted to go to a local buffet but I knew that given the day I'd had, and how late it was getting, it would be bad. I'd be tempted into "just one piece" of general tao's delicious chicken and then it'd be over. Oh and they have brownies there too. No, it was much safer to stay home and eat curried veggies and chicken lo mein. I think that it was a good compromise. If it hadn't have been so damned hot last night, I probably would have gone for a bowl of soup at my favourite noodle soup joint but I really didn't want to venture back outside once I got home.

Now today, back on track, 100%. Hopefully the weather is going to get better and it'll not be too hot to be outside. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more moderate weather and eagerly counting the hours until the weekend starts.

wednesday wrap-up - week 2

Wherever you are, I hope that you're not caught up in the heat wave that we are experiencing here. It's just gross outside. To make matters worse, my office is like a sauna. We have a couple of portable a/c units but they really just take part of the humidity out of the air. On a normal summer day, our office is quite cool but today, and yesterday, they just cannot keep up. At one point, I had to go visit some colleagues down the hall to catch my breath (they have a similar unit but they are in a much smaller office so it's more comfortable).

Tonight, my hunny was running late so he picked me up an hour later than normal from work. We still haven't had dinner (just got home about 20 minutes ago) and we're having that discussion. Have you had this one? The "hey it's too hot to cook and we've had salad for 6 nights in a row so let's go out..." discussion. At the moment, shock horror, I don't even feel like eating. In a half-hour or so, I will but right now, I don't want to think about it. We're also at the mercy of a friend right now who is dropping something off here.

To sum up, I'm tired. I did not sleep well last night and the heat today has just wrung me out. I also think that my period is just about ready to start. I'm glad about that but I'm also feeling a little fragile just at the moment. Oh well, "suck it up buttercup," right?

Anyway, what you've all been waiting for, here's my weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending August 1

• again with the fucking hot stuff, the only intentional exercise I have done (7 out of 7 days!) is in our new pool. While in the pool, I've done some resistance work. Last week, I'd hoped that this week would be better, that the humidity would break...uh yeah, that didn't happen! This weekend though, no matter what, I have major weeding and yard work to do and I'm going to do it, even if I have to be outside at 5:30 a.m. weeding with a flashlight.
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
  
• met daily water intake goal all week! The heat sure helps to motivate me to keep my liquids up.
  
• Except for one diet orange soda on Sunday, I avoided carbonated beverages all week!!
  
• When I splurged on a "treat" on Friday night, I indulged in whole grain granola bars and not chips or chocolate.
  
• continued to post here every work-day since my re-start
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday - good and bad.
  
• I am officially down 3 pounds from my last weigh-in. That's 7 pounds in two weeks for those of you keeping track
  

steamy stuff

This morning I had a meeting in the building next door. I took my guest over there because they have a public area (I couldn't find a meeting room in our building) and it's air conditioned. When I walked out of the building after the meeting, my glasses fogged up. It's insanely hot here right now, and I think my period is actually starting (last week was just sort of a false-alarm). I would really like it to start and be done with it before the long weekend starts.

Things continue to go well on the food front. I'm really pleased with myself actually, and with my hunny too. We have not been inside a restaurant since July 21. That's a massive feat for us as we usually eat out at least twice a week. I'm really proud of how he's adapted to his changed menu. I bought him a little notebook and he's recording everything he eats. I figure that this will be useful for his meeting with the nutritionist. He's lost 8 pounds already too so I'm sure that his sugar numbers will be improved when he goes back to see his GP later this month.

Anyway, this is just a quickie because I really should get back to work. Hope you're all keeping cool wherever you are!

foggy headed

I really didn't want it to be Monday this morning. The weekend was so much fun that I didn't want it to end. The humidity broke yesterday, briefly, and we had a gorgeous day. I can't remember the last time I spent so much time outside. Over the weekend I actually got a pretty yucky sunburn but it wasn't as horrible as some I'd had in the past. I just keep slathering on the moisturizer and hoping for the best. At the moment, my body is at work but my mind keep drifting. I'm getting stuff done but it's requiring that I concentrate a lot more than normal. The sunshine is hugely distracting. All I want is to be at home right now.

Foodwise, except for the extra granola bars on Friday night, I kept on plan all weekend. It wasn't easy and several times I found myself entertaining thoughts of bad things. Fortunately, I was able to push them out of my head. Recently, I watched a weight-loss program on Discovery Health and a nutritionist told her client to think before she ate. She said that if you ask yourself, "Am I hungry or am I just bored and want to eat?" you might stop yourself from eating unnecessarily. She was right, if I'm hungry, really hungry, I go get a piece of fruit but many times, I would ask myself and realize that I was just bored. Neat trick huh?

So, the weekend was full of outdoor activity and healthy food. Cool huh?? Here's a photo of my lunch from Saturday:

weakness

Last night, for the 3rd night this week I think (maybe 4th), we had salad for dinner. It was super delicious, and it had a gorgeous grilled salmon fillet on top. Yum.

About 45 minute after dinner though, we were both looking at each other and we knew we wanted something but didn't know what it was. My theory was that we were probably both craving something starchy because we haven't had any rice or pasta all week.

We both decided that a nice, whole grain granola bar would probably do the trick. I hadn't had one all week so the idea really appealed to me. When I opened the package, I thought, "hey too bad I don't have any chocolate to dip this in." Of course I was joking, partly, the other part of me is heading into serious PMS (I really didn't get my period the other day). The granola bar was good but not terrific. In the end, I had three (the first one and then two of a chewy variety that we had in the cupboard that I hadn't tried). It definitely put me over in the calorie department, having those other two bars, but not by too much. It also wasn't a bag of family-sized chips or a pound of chocolate. When I sat down to calculate it all out on Fitday, I realized that I'd been under by calorie goal by about 150 calories all week so an overage of 200 wasn't too bad.

What this does mean though, is that I'll have to keep myself busy today, and perhaps try to work more grains into my diet so that I don't get that "hey I need something" feeling in the evening.

big hurdle

Weekends are difficult for me when I'm trying to stay on track. I've said this time and time again and it might be true for you too, during the working week, when you're in a relatively strict schedule, it's much easier to plan meals and keep on plan. I'm looking forward to the weekend, to have two days off and just chill out and rest up but part of me dreads it too. The part of me that likes to mindlessly snack, loves the weekend. Fortunately, the kind of shitty stuff that I'd normally eat during mindless snacking is not in the house. That does make it tougher to indulge in, doesn't it?

I hope that given how perfectly on plan I have been all week, the good will I've established with myself will spill over into the weekend. If the weather cooperates, I plan to do very little except for some household and hanging out in the backyard. I have really enjoyed spending time in our little pool. One of the biggest benefits of it is that you can't eat while you're in it, well I can't anyway. I'm hoping to spend my weekend either floating around on the floaty thing we bought or on the deck, with a book in my lap. If the humidity actually breaks, I'll get some walking in. Wouldn't that be nice?? To walk outside without panting from the heavy air? Yeah, I sure hope it works out like that.

If I'm lucky, I'll just stay on course because I'm not craving junk and I won't have to white-knuckle my way through Saturday and Sunday. Wish me luck kids!!

it's not the heat

The air quality around here sucks right now, like really sucks. If the air were any thicker you'd be able to see it. No wonder I can't get my self together to walk outside for exercise. The air conditioning in the house makes it comfortable but not so much that I feel like exercising there either. Thank goodness for our little splashy pool or I wouldn't be moving anything at all. Tonight we're heading off to our favourite produce market again. After dinner is turning out to be a good time to do errands. We're refreshed and the sun has gone down a bit so it's not as hard to be out and about. Shopping every couple of days for fresh food instead of once a week is working out much better for us.

I haven't let the heat allow me to indulge on sugar filled popsicles or ice cream this week instead of eating real food. I can usually sway myself off path with the lamest of excuses but I'm holding strong this week. In all seriousness, going straight home after work, hopping in the pool to cool off and then eating has really curbed my evening appetite. Evening snacking has been a big issue for me in the past, I'm always happy when I can avoid temptation. So far, so good.

wednesday wrap-up - week 1 (again)

This morning I packed my lunch as normal. I didn't eat it in the long run though as I had an unexpected opportunity to go home for lunch. My hunny was supposed to work today but ended up not working so he picked me up at mid-day and we went home for lunch. I actually a lot less that my normal packed lunch but I wasn't hungry this afternoon. I'm guessing that this is probably because of the weather. I don't normally take a break either, I'm an eat-at-my-desk kind of girl so, when I got back to work, I really didn't want to be there, the break was too good.

My sleeping is off and I'm feeling off-kilter (not to mention stupid) from the humidity. The weird thing is that our house is air-conditioned and very comfortable. I'm not sure why my sleeping is so messed up this week. I'm guessing that it might be caused by the strange atmospheric pressure. Also, it seems like my period might have started early. When I got home at lunch, I was a little spotty. That sometimes happens to me towards the end of when I ovulate but later on the day, it was more like my period had started. It was a little late last month so maybe it's just sorting itself out. Either way, it was a little bit of a surprise and could possibly explain the weird sleeping thing.

Anyway, what you've all been waiting for (right!) ...Here it is again...My weekly wrap-up:

summary - week ending July 25

• because it's really fucking hot here right now, the only intentional exercise I have done (about 5 days out of 7) is in our new pool. While in the pool, I've done some resistance work. Also, not that I'm making excuses but this is a fact, my back was "out" for almost the entire week. Next week should be much better on the exercise front, especially if the humidity breaks and we can get to some outside walking
  
• I took my vitamins 7 out of 7 days this week - I even remembered on the weekend!
  
• met daily water intake goal all week! The heat sure helps to motivate me to keep my liquids up.
  
• I have successfully avoided carbonated beverages for the last 5 days!!
  
• I have not eaten any after-dinner snacks at all for the past 5 days.
  
• continued to post here every work-day since my re-start (I know it's only been three days but it's a start!)
  
• tracked every morsel of food I've eaten, at fitday - good and bad. Honesty is not always fun!
  
• I am officially down 4 pounds from my last weigh-in. I'm really pleased about this and I know I'll be able to keep the downward momentum when the exercise factor kicks in.
  

Oh, here's a photo of last night's dinner, bbq'd nut burgers and grilled veggies, yum!!

brutal honesty

One of the ways that I can allow myself to get thrown off track is by lying to myself. By not recording what I'm eating, or not thinking about it in general, I can eat extra slices of toast or binge on chocolate and not feel badly about it. For the past couple of days, I've been entering every morsel of food that I'm eating into Fitday. This works for me, record keeping, generating pie chart (mmmm...pie). If I have to think enough about what I eat to honestly record it there, I'll probably put good stuff into my mouth. So far so good, even when I think I'm over doing it a bit, it turns out okay. Thinking about it is what is important for me.

I'm actually quite proud of what we've accomplished over the past few days. We're both eating probably as much in volume as we were before but the content is much better. Last night, for dinner, we had massive salads for dinner. We split a tortilla to have with it and sprinkled a small amount of goat cheese on top. The meal was fresh, crunchy, delicious and, most importantly, satisfying. We ate a little later than we normally do and that worked out well because I didn't feel like snacking afterwards. At the end of the day, I didn't feel bloated or yucky for a change. It seems like my body is slowly detox-ing and I think that's down the fresh food we've been eating. Sorry if this is tmi but I've been in the bathroom a little more than normal over the past couple of days and I think that's good too.

Last night, I pulled out my weigh-in spreadsheet for the first time in a couple of weeks. At the beginning of the year, from January to mid-March, I lost 22 pounds. The week LOG went into the hospital, I started gaining again. By the time I started my holidays on July 7, I had gained back the whole 22. Rather than be totally disgusted with myself though, I'm hoping that tomorrow when I weigh-in (back to Wednesday weigh-ins again), I'll have dropped again. I did step on the scales during my vacation and I was down a little bit but I didn't record it so it doesn't count. Tomorrow will though and so will next Wednesday, and the Wednesday after that...you get the picture I'm sure.

There are 22 weeks left in 2006. If I can stick to my guns and lose 2 pounds a week, I'll be 44 pounds lighter by New Years. I like the feeling of working toward something, rather than just passively riding the sofa and filling my face. I also like the idea of feeling lighter and having more energy and just generally being healthier. Nothing bad can come of this, it's all good.

back, from outer space

I returned to work this morning after a two-week vacation. Part of the reason that I didn't post here during that time was that I just needed a break from this too. Now, it might seem a little cheeky to take a break when I really hadn't been posting much recently but I needed to do some work on my head and quite frankly, sometimes this blog is distracting to me.

While we were on holidays, my hunny was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. While this was upsetting to both of us, it was not a total shock. His mother and his fraternal grandfather were both diabetic. It's always surprising though, to hear it "officially" as it's not nice news. I've remained upbeat about it because, frankly, I think he's been "pre-diabetic" for a while now. His body has never processed large amounts of sugar well as long as I have known him (almost 7 years).

Over the past few days (he found out on Thursday and is awaiting an appointment with a nutritionist) we've both been reading up on it. I explained to him that if we follow the same eating plan that we were on back in 2003, it's pretty much perfect for what he needs: low fat and good carbs only. Yesterday, we hit the produce market and, in addition to picking up stuff for healthy meals, we stocked up on all kinds of stuff that we had let fall out of snacking situation: celery, carrots, apples, blueberries... Good stuff, yummy things that we both love and that are good for us.

So the past few days were transitional. We've been planning out our meals again and have reduced our portions significantly. The funny thing about this is that I haven't been feeling starved or deprived. I allowed myself one last "kick at the can" so to speak, over the weekend. I indulged in some really fresh bridge mixture. That should do my chocolate cravings in for a good long while. My hunny was good; he treated himself to some smoked almonds. He's adjusting to the new situation.

He's still feeling a little shell-shocked and numbed by the news. I keep telling him, and his doctor told him this too, that by this time next year, he could have it totally under control with diet and weight loss. We both have set a goal of 2 pounds loss per week for now. We know that this is realistic and achievable. The next step, now that we have our heads around the nutritional aspects of the plan, is to figure out a fitness regime. While we were on holidays, we purchased a small inflatable pool for our backyard. Last week, we were in a lot and while we did float around on an air mattress for part of it, we also did things like push-ups (the water is only 30" deep) in the water and other little exercises. Walking is something that we will do together and I am thinking about investing in an exercise ball. We still have our recumbent bike and that will definitely play a roll but I really think that we need to mix it up a bit and to figure out stuff that we can do together. Riding that bike can get boring but if we keep things fun, we'll have a better shot at sticking to things.

So yeah, I'm back here. Back for the long-haul. Back on plan again and planning to get back to my weekday posts right here.

housekeeping

I've been tidying up around here a little bit. It probably looks a little stark after the stripes but I just felt that I needed to change things for a little bit.

If you notice that anything isn't working properly or seems odd, please let me know and I'll sort it out. Also, I've added moderated comments (thanks blogger) because I've been getting a lot of spam in my archives.

blobbity blob blob

hello.

I'm feeling slightly less blobby than I did at this time last week.

At this time last week, just as our long weekend started, I was feeling really bad about myself, I felt fat (still do actually) and generally unhappy about the way things were going. Over the long weekend, I tried not to think about things too much. I knew I was PMSing and thinking about how ill-fitting some of my clothes were was just too upsetting.

Instead, I just enjoyed the weekend. The previous week had been exhausting, actually the previous month had been. Worn out, overtired, yucky. That's how I was feeling. Part of that was hormonal but part of that was the fat.

On Monday, we took a spin out to the country, to a local berry farm. We bought a big basket of fresh strawberries. Something about having fresh berries to eat all of this week helped me get my shit back together. Now, TOM came on this week, like a bitch. I've been feeling a little wonky but we've definitely been eating better. At one point, last weekend, I stepped onto the scale. I saw that I weighed exactly the same on July 1 that I did on January 1. That hard lost weight that was gone in mid-February was back. At least, I suppose, it didn't bring any friends with it.

As this week as gone by, and my period started, I dropped two pounds. I don't think that's too bad considering that I did no intentional exercise. It made me feel better, even without the exercise. Tonight, I started my two week vacation. I intend to get even more of my shit together while I'm off. I want to clean the house, clear my head, get my body moving again. Hopefully, when I go back to work in a couple of weeks, I'll have lost a few more pounds and will have re-established my exercise routine. I actually miss how I felt when I was taking better care of myself. I owe to myself to do it again.

fatty fat, fat fat

yeah, I'm here.

I am still fat.

somedays, I feel fatter than others.

somedays, I make better food choices than on others.

recently, I've been avoiding any kind of regular contact with my scale. I avoid it because I suck.

ever since I had bronchitis, I've allowed myself to just do whatever the hell I feel like. partyly this happened because the anti-biotics I started taking in early april didn't really get out of my system until about a week ago. yeah, that's right, a week! I've been taking huge amounts of acidofolus and eating craploads of "biobest" yogurt to try and get the good bacteria that was blasted out my system, back. almost three months is too long for this kind of crap to go on.

but I digress. I feel really horrible. yesterday, I wore a pair of pants to work that were "snug" in the waist when I put them on. by the end of the day, I was incredibly uncomfortable, almost in pain if I'm honest. I couldn't wait to get home. I don't think I made it much further than the front door before I had those suckers off. man, that's a rotten feeling.

so, renewed efforts are required. admittedly, exercise is non-existent right now. for the last few weeks, I've had to do a fair bit more walking than I normally would. I've tried to convince myself that this extra walking is actually exercise but it's not, not really.

I'm not going to sit here and make some big proclamation about what I'm going to do about this. I know what I need to do, I just have "get motivated." for the past week or so, I've been toying with the idea of re-reading dr. phil's weight-loss book. I need some inspiration and I need to get my head sorted out. I can't gain back anymore weight, I really can't.

I don't want to have another day like yesterday. I don't want my pants to hurt me anymore and I really hate feeling badly about myself, well about my weight anyway. life's too fucking short to keep doing this over and over again. I really want to do it, lose the weight and be done with this.

two things

1. cravings... last night, I really really really wanted a buster bar. I did not have one, which is good, but I really craved it. Fortunately, it was super stinking hot and I couldn't bring myself to drive to the DQ in that heat, and add to the pollution, for a "treat" that I didn't need and would later regret.

2. weigh-in... I totally forgot to do it this morning so I have no idea how I've done this week. I feel good though so maybe I'm doing well. We'll see.

the Monday after the weekend before

This weekend was not a total write-off. It's been a very long time since I could say that. We ate out once all weekend and that was breakfast so it was easy to control. I did snack a fair bit on the weekend but it was on fruit or licorice or baked thingys that I can count fairly well. We did not buy any chocolate or take any side-trips to the Dairy Queen. I'd say that was pretty good!

We also did a lot of stuff around the house, physical activity types of things like moving boxes, many many trips up and down the stairs, standing for a super long time doing ironing. Basically keeping off of my butt as much as possible.

Over and over I scream, baby steps but that is what works for me. Even though my pants feel ridiculously tight right now, I think I'm down 2 pounds this week. My official weigh-in day is Wednesday though so I'm not counting until then.

friday, I'm in love

Of course, I was in love last Friday too...and I'm lucky, and I know it.

Having said that, I've not been here all week, it's been a busy week. Short ones usually are. Mine was unusually busy though, due to an event on Wednesday night and then another one I have been preparing for on Monday afternoon. I've had a couple of late nights, a bit of sleeping in to try and make it up and lots and lots of coffee.

Exercise, in the traditional sense hasn't really happened this week. There were no early morning rides on my recumbent. I did, however, walk a fair bit, mostly at work, a chunk of it outside. Eating was kind of up and down. Not entirely horrible but not as structured as I'd like.

The good news is that I've survived the week and am looking forward to a restful weekend. The plan is to go grocery shopping tomorrow morning, primarily at our favourite produce market (somewhere we haven't been to in a while), do one or two other small errands and then spend the rest of the weekend at home. I'd like to just do a small amount of house cleaning, catch my laundry up, do some ironing and chill out with my hunny. We had a DVR full of movies to watch and we'd like to squeeze in some deck time, and maybe a walk or two.

So that was my week. I hope yours was good, hopefully not as hectic but I know that everyone's busy. Happy weekend folks, c-ya on Monday!!

good girls don't

...eat giant sized, amazing looking, delicious smelling chocolate chip cookies when they see them sitting next to the coffee maker at work. Especially when they get into the office at 7:30 a.m. and discover them while putting their healthy lunch in the fridge and making a cup of black coffee.

I guess I must be a good girl too, because I didn't. Goodness knows I wanted to but I didn't.

Let's hope I can keep that up all weekend, all long weekend...wish me luck, and have a very happy long weekend kiddos!

down a quart

Today, I'm still groggy. I'm not sure why because I've had two decent nights of sleep but it's true. Part of the problem could be that I'm still feeling dragged out from the anti-biotics. Recently, I've been taking pro-biotic supplements and eating lots of "bio best" yogurt but I still have mild symptoms. It's kind of crappy and I think that's why I'm feeling like I have had no energy over the past couple of days. I'm not sure how much longer it'll take to restore my good bacteria but given how potent the anti-biotics were, I'm guessing it'll be a while yet.

Work seems to be getting better. It's still all very busy and there are still a lot of things that I'm learning in the new job but I'm starting to feel a smidgen more organized. This morning, I took about 45 minutes and sorted through papers on my desk (only because I'd lost something - luckily, I found it and I got a lot of stuff sorted out). I think if I can find 45 minutes each week, I'll be able to get all of my old files cleaned out and my new ones set up by the middle of June. Optimistically, I've even booked some vacation time.

On the food front, things have been okay this week. I've definitely upped my water intake and I'm thinking about things before I put them in my mouth. Sometimes I still put them into my mouth but at least I think about it before hand. Like the other evening, I really wanted a salty crunchy snack. I found some baked crunchy snack food and munched on that. See, baby steps. Baked not fried is a baby step!

This morning, I could not get going and did not ride the bike. All week, by the end of the day, my legs have been really crampy and sore. I'm guessing it's partly from the reintroduction of exercise to my muscles and partly from the bacteria issue. Whichever the case, I gave myself permission to have a day off. Tomorrow, I shall ride again!

quick one

I rode again this morning.

I didn't feel like it, the lack of sunshine made it really hard to get going this morning. I did it anyway.

This week feels like a struggle. I'm not looking for sympathy or words of encouragement (or, friendly advice) I'm just saying: a - it's hard, b - I'm tired and c - I wish that I didn't have to do this.

The bottom line is that a - duh!, b - suck it up and c - no kidding.

riding...

So I was up early again this morning. Again, I dragged my sad butt down to the recumbent bike and again I rode. This time, I got a little further than I did yesterday but I kept to the same amount of time (15 minutes). All day yesterday, I was really aware of my hips and thighs. I mean, I always know that they are where they are supposed to be but yesterday they were telling me. This morning, they were hollering at me too. I know that this is good and that two days of intentional exercise, in a row, is good too. Slowly, I'll build myself back up as far as length of time goes, I'll also reintroduce weights into my regime. Right now though, I'm happy to report that I've done something good for myself, two days in a row.

just like starting over

This morning I was awake before the alarm. My alarm generally goes off at the crack of insanity.

I hopped out of bed, left my hunny snoring away. I pulled on my long over-looked workout clothes and dragged my fat ass down to the basement.

I climbed onto my somewhat dusty recumbent bike, found an episode of "Bromwell High" on the TV and started riding. I won't say that it was easy, it wasn't. I realized that it had been over 2 months since I'd had my butt in the saddle. I lasted for 15 minutes, rode 3.44 miles. I was a sweaty mess when I was done. I did some stretches, while Bromwell finished and was upstairs, making coffee by 5 a.m.

Sick or what?

I've now got my lunch packed for work, I've eaten my breakfast, showered, and am ready for work. Tough as that quick ride was, I feel good about it. It felt good to be doing it even though it was hard. I keep reminding myself that it takes hard work to lose this weight. I have to lose it, I'm sick of giving into the crap. Over the past couple of months, between LOG's illness and my bronchitis and family crap, we've just given ourselves permission to be pigs and it's over now. I tried on a bunch of stuff on the weekend, during a shopping trip to the states and I hated the way everything fit me. I felt gross, I don't think I looked good in anything really and I don't like that. It wasn't so long ago that I was feeling good about the progress I was making. I'd lost 22 pounds during the first couple of months of this year. I gained back 12 of them over the next two, I can't keep that up. I need to lose the 12 again and then get really serious about the rest.

Seriously serious.

missed it

I never did get around to posting yesterday. I'm not beating myself up about it though, I'm not beating myself up over anything anymore. It's not productive.

Tonight, we're going to see my folks and have dinner at their place. I'm not sure what's on the menu but I'm sure it'll be calorific and there will probably be birthday cake involved (my birthday is tomorrow).

Knowing us, the whole weekend will probably be an explosion of decadence but honestly, on Monday, new year, new start, no bullshit. I'll start tracking stuff again. I'll make an effort to exercise regularly again. I'll get my act in gear. I'll do it my way and it'll work.

hot

this is totally unrelated to health, or weight loss but it's hot here. Not springy and lovely, not breezy and warm like it's been. It's hot and humid and 30 minutes ago, we had to turn the air conditioning on.

To quote the Undertones, "here comes the summer!"

Yikes.

I forgot

...I'm also going to try to remember to post here every day, even if it's just something silly (like this).

I can't imagine that I'm going to get much done today, I have a bunch of meetings at work, and we have errands to fun after that...

I can report that I did squeeze a little walk in yesterday and I definitely increased my water intake yesterday. I'm also taking a mitt-ful of vitamins in the morning and am working really hard at feeling better. The sooner all of the after-effects of my bronchitis are gone, the happier I'll be.

Happy Tuesday kiddos!!

monday

Okay, I'm going to ease myself back into things this week.

Here are my goals:

1. Walk, at least 3 times this week
2. Water, drink lots of it, or at least more of it than I have been recently
3. Eat, better stuff, more fruit, less toasted bread products

These aren't going to kill me, as I said, easy, right? Next week, I'll set three more goals and hopefully, by the end of the second week, I'll feel really good about things, and be happy to get back on track.

Wish me luck!!

baby steps

I'm not yet at a point where I'm journaling food again, or planning out my exercise routine but we did eat at home this weekend, that's something huh? It might not seem like much but it really is. I want us to stop eating out so much for a couple of reasons. The first one is that it's really not good for us. As carefully as you might try to order, it's not the same as at home, is it? Also, it's quite expensive, or it can be. It doesn't take long to add up and I've got us starting on a serious financial diet so cutting back on dining out is good for both things.

I did pick up some pro-biotic supplements on Friday night and I'm feeling better for it, not totally normal but much improved. TOM is right around the corner too, could start any time now, so I've got that going on. Fun times huh? My back was on the fritz yesterday too. I woke up all doubled over. Ordinarily, when this happens, it's a result of stress (and last week was very stressful for me). My normal routine is to crawl back into bed and get onto the heating pad. Yesterday, I kept moving around, slowly, sitting when I had to, but I never took to the heating pad. I felt so much better for it today. I'm still a little fragile but greatly improved. I guess the heating pad thing was all wrong. Who knew huh?

On an up note, we had a couple of landscapers here today and they cleaned up our yard. There was some big stuff that needed to be dealt with, projects that we never got to last summer, after we moved in. We had a couple of young lads come over for a few hours and do what would have taken us 2 or 3 weekends to accomplish. It looks really nice and it feels good to scratch one thing off of my to-do list!

hey

I can't believe that it's been so long since I've posted here. In my old job, I'd actually take a break at lunch time and I'd use part of that break to write. I'm still doing some double-duty so I don't actually get a break right now. I mean, I could take one if I wanted to but I'd have to get right out of the office and I'd feel bad about it. That's my issue, I know.

It's been over 2 weeks since I stopped taking my anti-biotics and I'm still feeling the side-effects. I feel absolutely gross right now. I was okay for a while - as long I kept eating the pro-biotic yogurt. A few days after I stopped, I realized that I wasn't over the worst of it. I'm back on it but I think I'm going to go to the drugstore tomorrow and get some supplements or something. This has got to stop. So does the coughing. It's still there, bugging me. I'm a whiner, I know. Sorry.

So, other than work and feeling yucky, not much is happening. I'm definitely not losing any weight and I haven't dug my summer clothes out yet. That will be the big test I suppose, when I see how all that stuff fits. The truth of the matter is, it bugs me that I don't seem to care about it, so I guess I must care. I am just so busy with work, and then on top of that, really not feeling anywhere close to 100%, that I can't concentrate.

One of these days though, I'll wake up and kick myself in the ass, in the meantime, I'll just muddle through.

hello!

I'm still here, really.

In the end, I was off work for almost two weeks. I went back to the office last Monday (April 17) and have been busy busy busy ever since. I took the last of my anti-biotics on April 15 but still feel like they are in my system. I'm eating lots of pro-biotic enriched yogurt and slowly, am getting back to normal.

Every few days, I hop on the scale and am relieved to see that I'm maintaining through all of this. I wouldn't say that I've been paying much attention to my food intake and haven't had the energy or lung capacity to do any intentional exercise (does laundry count?). I still feel like I have a really bad cold but it's so much better to just feel lousy than completely crappy (like I did when I had bronchitis).

So this is just a "hey, I'm still alive" check in. I hope that you're all doing well. I've been missing out on my blog reading but hope to get caught up on it soon. Have a great week everyone!!

drugs are good, m'kay?

So today is day three of my anti-biotic course. Fortunately, so far, I'm not experiencing any of the side effects my doctor warned me about. I'm pretty sure that they have started to work because my chest feels a little looser sometimes. I have actually been able to get some sleep for the past two nights as well. This is a huge improvement after several nights of almost no sleep.

I had completely forgotten about how this thing just kicks the shit out of you. Just walking from the bedroom out to the living room can wind me, as can moving around in the kitchen, making tea or whatever. I also have these coughing fits that just take my air away. I can't imagine how difficult it is for someone who has to live with this kind of situation all of the time.

Basically, I'm resting all day, taking it extremely easy although trying not to sleep too much during the day as it just screws up my nights. I still feel like complete and total crap but I know that eventually, I'll get better. The waiting is hard, as is all the coughing. Sorry to be so whiney but when you're stuck in the house like this, it isn't exactly fun or exciting. Hope you're all having a good weekend so far though. Stay healthy!

stuffed update

Yesterday I was able to see my doctor and she confirmed that I do indeed have bronchitis. I'm going to be home until probably Wednesday, when the course of anti-biotics I'm on finish. She mentioned that I'm really contagious. I also feel really crappy. Last night though, for the first time in several days, I got a decent sleep. I was only up two or three times, instead of once an hour all night long (and then being up and out of bed, restless at 3 a.m.).

The only really halfway decent thing I can say about all of this is that my appetite has been affected and I think I've lost a couple of pounds this week. Of course, that could just be fluid from all of the coughing, nose blowing and peeing I've been doing this week.

So, just wanted to quickly update here, I'm heading back to bed. Hope you all have a nice springy weekend.

from dry to productive

All day yesterday I had a dry, painful cough. Today, I have the painful cough but it's productive, if you know what I mean. That's right, a chest cold. Fun times for me huh?

Right now, I should be at a "pity party" lunch for one of my coworkers (her husband was just deployed to Afghanistan last night)but I begged off. I barely dragged my butt into work this morning, they surely didn't need me barking all over them while they ate.

I know I'm sick because of the stress of everything. LOG is still in the hospital, I'm still swamped with work from my old job, still trying to find my groove with the new one. It's a lot and I'm not surprised that I'm sick. Last week, by the end of the week, I was totally exhausted. By Sunday though, I felt sort of normal again. Of course, the cough started yesterday so I guess that was the calm before the storm.

Of course, good sometimes comes with the bad, doesn't it? I have almost no appetite. I will get hungry but the thought of food makes me nauseous. I make myself eat but it's not a lot so that's good. Right now though, I'm not overly concerned with the scale, I just want to have clear lungs and a non-sore throat again.

it's a start

I can feel the beginnings of a cold right now. All morning, I have had a dry cough. It's annoying me and making me think that I'm getting a cold. It also means that if it keeps up, I may not be able to go see LOG in the hospital. This is not good.

On other hand, I have begun to journal my food again. My breakfast was a little larger than it should have been and, with the time change and all, I didn't get up in time to exercise this morning but, good or bad, I'm going to journal my food. It always helps and is, for me anyway, a kinder and gentler way to ease back into being good myself. Also, we spent some time outside yesterday, walking by the water and taking photos. I didn't break a sweat but it did feel good to get outside and into the fresh air for a change.

As always, when I restart, I take baby steps and hope for the best. I know that restarting is better than giving up, always...so, here I go again!

bad weird feeling

There are good weird feelings and bad weird feelings. Yesterday, I experienced some extreme weirdness.

Work was extraordinarily tiring yesterday. Our team had booked a spring cleaning day as our storage cupboards were a mess and we had a tonne of old printed material that needed chucking out. It was a lot of work, grimy and sweaty, but our storage areas all look terrific now, really, like a new office. We're planning to rearrange the furniture once we can book movers to help us. We all felt good about accomplishing so much but by the end of the day I was completely exhausted. I was really dehydrated, despite drinking lots of water all day. My ankle was still bothering me and I was really warm (it got up to 20 degrees here yesterday).

After work, we went over to the hospital to see LOG. When we got to his room, they were taking him for a procedure so we couldn't really visit. They told us that he'd be gone about 30 minutes and that we could wait if we wanted to. We both know that 30 minutes in a hospital, particularly on a Friday, could be 45 minutes or an hour. We told him that we'd go do some errands be back later. As we walked toward the elevator, I told my hunny that I didn't think there was any way that I could come back, I felt that lousy. As we waited for the elevator, I got really antsy. I was dying for a drink of water, felt overly warm and couldn't wait to get out of there. It didn't help that there was literally no air in the hospital, I suspect because it was so warm outside. My hunny suggested that we take the stairs and I practically ran down them, sore ankle and all.

Once I got outside, I immediately felt better. We went home and I drank two large cups of water. I still felt a little fuzzy but we had to go to the bank so we went back out again. After the bank, we had one other stop to make. I was feeling a little bit better but was really starving. We decided to stop off for something to eat and then we'd have the going-back-to-the-hospital discussion. Dinner took much longer than we'd anticipated so we never did make it back down there. We called LOG though so all was well in the end.

I don't remember a time when I was more happy to get home than last night. I think that I'm just overtired. Of course, this morning, I was wide awake at 5 a.m. so, so much for sleeping in. We both just have so much on our plates right now, it feels like too much. Between all of this business with LOG, both of us being really busy at work, and then all the regular day to day things that you have to do around the house, we're both running at full capacity. I'm not sure exactly how much longer we can keep up this pace.

For the past couple of weeks, I've made excuses about not having enough time to exercise, because of all of this stuff. I've made a vow to myself to start again on Monday. I know that if I can squeeze in, even 20 minutes in the morning, I'll have more energy and I'm sure I'll cope with this whole situation better. I'm just sorry that it took me having a real freak out in the hospital to inspire me to get my ass in gear again. I feel really tired and really fat right now and I don't like it. I much prefer to feel good about myself, rested and confident, and who wouldn't, right?